visitation transportation

[workinmom03]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My ex husband and I have joint custody of our 2 children (ages 19 and 13). I am the custodial or "residential parent" and he is the "non-residential parent". He lives in a neighboring town about 20-25 minutes away. The visitation schedule allows him to see our 13 yr old son every other weekend, in addition to set holiday schedule. (Since our daughter is now 19 and away at college it does not pertain to her. ) Our joint parenting agreement states visitation times for these weekends commencing at 6:00pm on Friday to Sunday evening 6:00pm, however it does not state who is responsible for transportation. He has always picked up and dropped off our son at my house. My ex husband is now starting to insist that I pick our son up from his house on Sunday evenings, as the driving is getting to be too much. I told him I would help with driving when there are additional activities on his weekend that our son is a part of, especially since he is getting older and more involved; however, I do not feel it is my responsibilty to pick him up regularly on his scheduled weekends. I don't want to sound petty here, but I can't seem to find what the norm is in this situation. He seems to feel I should be responsible for driving, and I feel it's his way of trying to control me and what my current husband are doing. Back in 2007 he tried to do this and when I consulted with an attorney about other matters, I asked about this as well. The attorney looked at our agreement, asked where he lived (back then it was 30 minutes away), laughed and said it was not my responsibility. "If he wants to see him he can pick him up and drop him off". Now that my ex is pushing this again, I feel as if I don't know what to say or how to handle this. Is it worth going to my attorney or to a mediator? I don't mind helping out, but yet I don't want to obligate myself unnecessarily. Please advise!!

 

[ecmst12]

I think dad transporting one way and mom transporting the other way sounds perfectly fair to me.

 

[Isis1]

I think dad transporting one way and mom transporting the other way sounds perfectly fair to me.

i fully agree!

OP, how long has dad been fulling providing transportation?

 

[workinmom03]

Dad has been providing transportation since our separation/divorce for almost 6 years.

 

[ecmst12]

I'd be a little annoyed about it too, if I were him.

 

[Isis1]

given it is status quo, it's really up to you to fight it in court.

i personally think it's petty of you, but that's my biased opinion. i want my kids, i go get them.

judge could order each parent to provide their own pick up, or keep status quo intact.

it's up to you to find out if this is a hill to die on.

 

[Ohiogal]

Quite frankly I can see the judge ordering her to provide half the transportation. She is being petty and controlling. Dad could very well refuse to return the child and FORCE mom to pick up.

 

[nextwife]

You asked what the "norm" usually is? The norm is the picking up parent provides the "from" transportation, and the receiving parent does the return transportation. It's ridiculous that you won't, on a regular basis, share such responsibilityt. It was awfully nice of him to bear the burden all this time of doing the drive BOTH ways!

 

[LdiJ]

Quite frankly I can see the judge ordering her to provide half the transportation. She is being petty and controlling. Dad could very well refuse to return the child and FORCE mom to pick up.

Ok, the "petty and controlling" bit is absolutely unfair in this case.

They have a six year status quo of dad picking up and dropping off for visitation, and nothing stated in the orders.

Yes, the "norm" is for the receiving parent to pick up the child. However any CP who knows nothing more than the status quo of the NCP providing transporation is going to have the same question. Calling that CP petty and controlling is an arrogant expectation that the CP would have any clue, after six years, what the "norm" would actually be.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Quite frankly I can see the judge ordering her to provide half the transportation. She is being petty and controlling. Dad could very well refuse to return the child and FORCE mom to pick up.

Would it matter who moved?

 

[ecmst12]

Nobody moved, and they don't live very far apart at all.

 

[stealth2]

What a shining example of cooperation and co-oparenting you'd be providing your son if you were to do half the transportation.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok, the "petty and controlling" bit is absolutely unfair in this case.

They have a six year status quo of dad picking up and dropping off for visitation, and nothing stated in the orders.

Yes, the "norm" is for the receiving parent to pick up the child. However any CP who knows nothing more than the status quo of the NCP providing transporation is going to have the same question. Calling that CP petty and controlling is an arrogant expectation that the CP would have any clue, after six years, what the "norm" would actually be.

No it is not. She stated the following:

. My ex husband is now starting to insist that I pick our son up from his house on Sunday evenings, as the driving is getting to be too much. I told him I would help with driving when there are additional activities on his weekend that our son is a part of, especially since he is getting older and more involved; however, I do not feel it is my responsibilty to pick him up regularly on his scheduled weekends.

She will only drive if it suits her or if SHE feels it is appropriate -- that is controlling and petty. She wants dad to continue doing everything because she doesn't feel she should have to. She wanted the norm -- the norm is parents should SHARE transportation and not be greedy and selfish.

 

[hobie-k]

I know about this all too well. I am the NCP. There is nothing in the divorce order that states who provides transportation for visits. Our child just turned 3. We split very shortly after she was born, and it took about a year before I could have court ordered visits. Which were supervised at first, then I began to take her out of her mothers home. So roughly for 2 years I have been providing all the transportation. I drive 53 miles from work one week night a week to take her out for dinner, then another 48 home. On weekends, 48 x2. This has put wear and tear on my vehicle, as well as has been unforgiving on my wallet. I have never missed a visit though. I love my daughter so much and would never let driving effect my chances to spend time with her. Although, I did bring it up to my attorney the other day and hopefully there will be some sharing of the transportation in the near future. Believe me, it is awful and it upsets me. But the most important thing is that I get time with my child.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

workinmom03, are you sure you’re not in MD?

I am an NCP who does ALL of the driving. Have since 2002. It’s not fun, especially since it usually a 2 hour round trip, and it was The Ex who moved, but it is what it is.

Having said that, Little Miss Pro Se sees the inequity there, and brings it up to me regularly, although I am pretty sure that she doesn’t to her mother. But it does have an impact on her opinion of who is, and who isn’t, trying to be a good co-parent and work together, although I’m sure she doesn’t think of it in quite those terms. Guess who get's the A+ and who get's the F?

Something to think about...