In ref. to topic "Rude Posters".....To those who feel they are being bashed...

[lkdhope]

In ref. to topic "Rude Posters".....To those who feel they are being bashed...

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I'm for the most part a lurker on this site and have been for the past year or so. The senior members and some not so-senior members do have a wealth of legal info. to provide. However, I do also feel, at times, some folks do get unjustly bashed and sometimes it develops into a gangbanging- bashing. (hold on folks, don't get riled yet-please keep reading) Again, at times, the comments from the "advisors" can lean toward the crude and unnecessary side, BUT the legal advice is good and typically spot-on. Even though, again, at times I feel some of the comments get out of hand by being far too aggressively crude, this approach WILL help a person prepare for court proceedings. Opposing counsel or a court official can get really down and dirty and hit a person hard with seemingly ridiculously abrasive comments, accusations and questions.... Gaining the experience here on this site as to how to handle yourself in court when under attack is the best boot camp/ preparation you could ever get----especially for FREE!!! The law is the law. Hearings are not about logic and reason or emotion or even morals--it's about the laws and what the laws of each particular court feel is in the best interest of child. You do not get an endless amount of time to explain the details of your case and the details need to be factual!!!----Facts are facts, the emotion and "your rationalization" of the events matter not. Hearings are strictly about facts and court officials get very irritated quite quickly with nonsense/non-facts. Take your beatings here and learn from it. Always remember what you are fighting for----it's not your sense of dignity, not your pride or anything else concerning you---it's ALL about your kids best interest . AND just maybe, maybe at times if you would stop fighting with your ex AND yourself, you might find things do not have to be so danggone difficult after all.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You can tell by the tone of the title and initial post if the OP is an overstepping whatever. It can be a controlling person too.

You do this long enough and you recognize it.

I would certainly rather find out HERE that there is a problem rather than get a reaming from the judge. The judge in my case has yelled at both of us because she is tired of seeing us. I can look at it now and see how I contributed to it and have worked hard at being a better person.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I'm for the most part a lurker on this site and have been for the past year or so. The senior members and some not so-senior members do have a wealth of legal info. to provide. However, I do also feel, at times, some folks do get unjustly bashed and sometimes it develops into a gangbanging- bashing. (hold on folks, don't get riled yet-please keep reading) Again, at times, the comments from the "advisors" can lean toward the crude and unnecessary side, BUT the legal advice is good and typically spot-on. Even though, again, at times I feel some of the comments get out of hand by being far too aggressively crude, this approach WILL help a person prepare for court proceedings. Opposing counsel or a court official can get really down and dirty and hit a person hard with seemingly ridiculously abrasive comments and questions.... Gaining the experience here on this site as to how to handle yourself in court when under attack is the best boot camp/ preparation you could ever get----especially for FREE!!! The law is the law. Hearings are not about logic and reason or emotion or even morals--it's about the laws and what the laws of each particular court feel is in the best interest of child. You do not get an endless amount of time to explain the details of your case and the details need to be factual!!!----Facts are facts, the emotion and "your rationalization" of the events matter not. Hearings are strictly about facts and court officials get very irritated quite quickly with nonsense/non-facts. Take your beatings here and learn from it. Always remember what you are fighting for----it's not your sense of dignity, not your pride or anything else concerning you---it's ALL about your kids best interest . AND just maybe, maybe at times if you would stop fighting with your ex AND yourself, you might find things do not have to be so danggone difficult after all.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

That was very well said. You made some really excellent points.

I do think that often though we go a little too far in the gang-bashing. If it needs to be said, once is probably enough and then we need to move on with advice.

 

[liandrajade]

i will have to agree on this, when you are involved in any type of court issue especially in family court, um sorry people no one is going to be nice, spare your feelings and act like everything is goody goody gum drops and rainbows....sorry not happening....

opposing counsel will be doing and saying ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING to make you look like the biggest most disreputable horrible evil person ever and I am saying this from my own experience I am going thru right now in family court with my GPV case.

If you cant take criticism here from random strangers on an internet forum, some who very much involved in the legal system and KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT then i dont know what to tell you, i may not like some things that were said to me like i shouldnt have relied on my mom to help me etc but the fact is that its true, its reality and im learning the hard way from my mistakes....take that with a grain of salt and move on....

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

There is something to be said

for being able to, in the comfort of your own home (away from the eager ears of children) cuss, cry or scream at a monitor. You may not like the delivery here, even if the advice is sound, but wouldn't you rather get used to the idea than walk into a court room expecting things to be sunshine and roses and get your a$$ handed to you by a judge whose been there, seen that?

Me personally? I'll sort through the sometimes crude (yes I am guilty of it as well) responses, figure out my own strategy based on my own research (I find that google does wonders!) and the LEGAL advice of complete strangers here on FA. No, there isn't a chance in Hades that anyone here could give a ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY correct answer without having seen the COMPLETE picture. Questions are asked because the answers will color the responses the poster receives. But based on the information provided, MOST of the people here ONLY have the childrens best interests at heart and will do WHATEVER they have to to make sure that the parent asking the question is as informed as they can be for the upcoming battle.

Hopefully everyone learns something everyday and counts what blessings they have that there is someone in their lives that makes it all worthwhile. Your job as a parent is to facilitate the relationship with the other parent who you CHOSE to be the other half of the gene pool of your offspring. I love OG's signature line about remembering to treat your children with care, they choose your retirement home....

Happy Holidays everyone!

 

[Just Blue]

That was very well said. You made some really excellent points.

I do think that often though we go a little too far in the gang-bashing. If it needs to be said, once is probably enough and then we need to move on with advice.

I don't agree...With many of the posters it needs to be said over and over by different members to stress the importance of the advice. There have been many poster that have come back AFTER court apologizing that they didn't regard the advice of EVERYONE who posted to their thread.

Better to get bashed here than in court.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't agree...With many of the posters it needs to be said over and over by different members to stress the importance of the advice. There have been many poster that have come back AFTER court apologizing that they didn't regard the advice of EVERYONE who posted to their thread.

Better to get bashed here than in court.

I will admit that with SOME posters, and I can think of one of two specific ones that come to mind, there is no such thing as overkill.

However, with some, we have definitely taken it way too far.

 

[enjay]

That was very well said. You made some really excellent points.

I do think that often though we go a little too far in the gang-bashing. If it needs to be said, once is probably enough and then we need to move on with advice.

I agree. I cringe sometimes at the piling on. I think that some of the people who are here day in and day out forget that other people aren't as well versed or don't phrase things in exactly the right way all of the time. A little slack would be nice.

 

[Just Blue]

I agree. I cringe sometimes at the piling on. I think that some of the people who are here day in and day out forget that other people aren't as well versed or don't phrase things in exactly the right way all of the time. A little slack would be nice.

Every time someone here points to the sticky and the OP comes back with nasty comments...urgh! We can be "nice"...We can be direct...We can be "nasty"...People will be how they are "hardwired" to be. Period.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree. I cringe sometimes at the piling on. I think that some of the people who are here day in and day out forget that other people aren't as well versed or don't phrase things in exactly the right way all of the time. A little slack would be nice.

People get a LITTLE slack. They do not get a LOT of slack. Because quite frankly they will not get that in front of a judge. A little versus a lot can be a difference in keeping or losing custody.

You know what -- I am tired of whiners. I have helped MANY people in my office PRO BONO. Some who were posters on here (no, I do NOT troll for clients here but they have mentioned that they were told on this forum that they needed counsel). They have WON their court cases because of what I have told them and what they have been told on here. You don't like the delivery? You will NOT survive opposing counsel. You think I am tough? Heck I am a pussy cat compared to some opposing counsel because first and foremost I THINK OF THE CHILDREN. Seriously. I am a bit biased and will admit that. My GAL training kicks in and I think of the children I have encountered and what they have told me and how that correlates with the law.

That is my where I come from when it comes to advice. You think I am harsh? Oh well. I don't care.

 

[liandrajade]

people get a little slack. They do not get a lot of slack. Because quite frankly they will not get that in front of a judge. A little versus a lot can be a difference in keeping or losing custody.

You know what -- i am tired of whiners. I have helped many people in my office pro bono. Some who were posters on here (no, i do not troll for clients here but they have mentioned that they were told on this forum that they needed counsel). They have won their court cases because of what i have told them and what they have been told on here. You don't like the delivery? You will not survive opposing counsel. You think i am tough? Heck i am a pussy cat compared to some opposing counsel because first and foremost i think of the children. Seriously. I am a bit biased and will admit that. My gal training kicks in and i think of the children i have encountered and what they have told me and how that correlates with the law.

That is my where i come from when it comes to advice. You think i am harsh? Oh well. I don't care.

agree 100 percent!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

There was a thread here today that talked about how the children "smelled" when coming from their other parent.

I guess I'm guilty of the "go wash everything". In my case, it's the cigarette smoke that reeked from the clothing. You see - I'm highly sensitive to it all and having severe asthma issues these days. I absolutely cannot be around it. But, in looking at my reaction to all of it, I can now realize how I may have made my children feel about it. These days, my daughter understands it. But I can guarantee that when she was 5 and 6, she didn't understand. She was always puzzled by it all and thought that I was terrible.

I certainly could have addressed it much differently if I would have thought about my DAUGHTER'S needs. I should have just sent clothes to dad's that he left there, and just quietly taken the coat and tucked it away until that night.

 

[cyjeff]

I will also state that I have found being frank and blunt to be a far better way of delivering a legal message.

Too often, if we say something like, "I know that you feel you are right and have a good chance and, if I were on the jury, I would say you were justified when you pistol whipped that nun that flipped you off... however, the law says you are heading to the gray bar Hilton... and Paris ain't there", all the poster reads is that they have a chance against a jury.

There is justice and there is the law. Usually they join... sometimes they don't.

Our job here is to present the law. The law is black and white on most points.

Unfortunately, the people that post see in shades of gray... and to give them false hope is not just bad advice... it is cruel.

 

[enjay]

Being blunt is fine. Not sugar coating is fine.

Generally, though, the first one or two posters give the correct advice. It doesn't need to be followed by 10 other people saying the same thing in a ruder and ruder manner.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

there are times when the poster just doesn't get "it" - they are really looking just for someone to agree with their skewed way of looking at it instead of really looking for a correct answer.