help!!! 17 year old

[lovemygirls2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My 16 year old DD is determined that she will move out of my house as soon as she turns 17. I know for a fact that the police in Texas cannot/will not force a 17 year old to come back home if they refuse. (personal experience). My 17 year old knows this as well. It seems to be information that all of her friends know these days...

I will report her as a runaway if/when she leaves. This has been building for quite some time. She refuses to follow rules and I refuse to just allow her to do whatever she wishes, whenever she wishes. I am really worried about her and whether or not she will even go to school if she leaves my home. One of the things we disagree about all of the time is school and she has decided that all of her teachers are against her. She is extremely smart, but refuses to do the work she needs to do in order to succeed.

She has been in counseling for years and has been a problem child ;-( for most of her teen years. I think she is an amazing and talented person, but her self-esteem is in the gutter. According to her therapist that is mostly due to her relationship/lack of - with her father. While her sister seems to take it in stride, she takes it personally.

Anyway, I have tried everything I and her teachers and therapist can come up with throughout the years and am just at a loss. It is very likely that she will get her way and move out in a couple of months. I need any ideas for what I may legally be able to do to keep her at home. Please!!!!!!!!!

(Edited because I put that she is 17 now as well as that she is planning on moving when she is 17). She is actually 16 and will be 17 in January.

 

[PQN]

Rtc

Have you talked with her therapist about the possibility of a locked Residential Treatment Center? They could provide intensive therapy.

 

[lovemygirls2]

I was advised that no center will admit her against her will since she turned 15. I had put her in a treatment center for a short time when she was 14 and it actually made things worse. She didn't start getting better until she started seeing the therapist she sees now. And yes, this is better than some of the other things we have gone through.

I think that she will probably not stay gone long if she does actually leave, but I am worried about the damage she can cause herself during whatever time she is gone.

 

[Miranda79]

You might find this site helpful

Programs and Facilities

 

[Miranda79]

Call and find out what services are available to you

TYC HOTLINE
866-477-8354
Texas Youth Commission
P.O. Box 4260
Austin, TX 78765

Your daughter is not legally an adult until the age of 18. Get some one else involved to help you while she's still a minor. They can possibly get her a probation officer or case worker to help her think about the decisions she is making. You only have a year with her before you have no say at all.

If you suspect drug use, promiscuity, hanging with the wrong people, etc. Someone can help you. There are diversion programs out there for youth. I strongly suggest you utilize them and voice your concerns to help guide your daughter in the right direction.

Good luck to you.

 

[mommyof4]

Would this apply to your daughter?

FAMILY CODE** CHAPTER 51. GENERAL PROVISIONS

(2) "Child" means a person who is:

(A) ten years of age or older and under 17 years of age; or

(B) seventeen years of age or older and under 18 years of age who is alleged or found to have engaged in delinquent conduct or conduct indicating a need for supervision as a result of acts committed before becoming 17 years of age.

 

[lovemygirls2]

Thank you for the link Miranda. I was just looking through the information and it looks like the youth that are targeted in these programs are already in the system as offenders of some sort. I am going to keep looking.

Don't get me wrong. My daughter is a real problem for herself and a complete disruption at home because she refuses to follow basic rules that are put in place for her safety. She is not succeeding in school because she refuses to do the work required. She is not a discipline problem anywhere but at home. She never causes problems at school as for as discipline is concerned. She just has a problem with anyone telling her what she needs to do for herself and refuses to comply. More passive/aggressive behavior than anything else.

She has put herself in bad situations because of her defiance of my rules, which are really not that restrictive anyway. But because of this she has decided that she will do better if she isn't living with me and has even thrown that in my face when I make her go to/stay at school when she is trying not to be there. She just keeps telling me she can't wait until she is 17 and doesn't have to live with me anymore.

I don't know, I just feel frustrated and helpless to help her at this point.

 

[lovemygirls2]

Would this apply to your daughter?

FAMILY CODE** CHAPTER 51. GENERAL PROVISIONS

No. She hasn't committed any criminal acts. The problems she has had in the past have been self destructive but she has stopped doing those things. At one point she was cutting. (with her it was more of an attention getting behavior and became a habit). The cutting did get so bad that it was what caused me to have her hospitalized. She has always gotten lots of attention and love, but I don't know, she just seems to crave drama.

Thank you guys for your help. I am still looking as well.

 

[Miranda79]

I want you to call the Texas Youth Commission and ask them what your options are. Call the hotline. They know what resources/programs are available to juveniles in your state and can give you advice on what to do.

Just trust me on this one... there's a reason I'm saying this to you. Call them.

 

[Miranda79]

Btw... the juvenile justice system not only deals with juvenile delinquents, there are also diversion programs for juveniles at risk. There are programs and that's why you need to call. They can give you information that you need.

 

[lovemygirls2]

Thank you. I just called and was brushed off since she is not an offender. But I called back after thinking about it for a minute and asked for information regarding diversion programs and someone I may be able to contact.

They asked me to call back in 10 minutes while they try to get information for me. I really do appreciate your help. I have been feeling kind of helpless and alone with this lately. My family doesn't understand and what little contact she has with her father, he encourages her in her bad decisions. He doesn't care about what is best for her. She is very much like him and he is still that way at the age of 41. He is an addict/alcoholic who can't hold down a job and refuses to be under any kind of authority. I don't want that to be her in 20 years. I want better for her.

It's frustrating because it is harder to get help for her because she doesn't do drugs or break laws.

 

[Miranda79]

It sounds like he is trying to play the friend role instead of a father role. That is too bad. At least she has you, if she would only listen to you more! I know you want what is best for her.

I hope they have information for you and if not, keep looking. There has to be a program for juveniles at risk and you might have to call a few other places. Like look in the phone book, under local, city, county for juvenile programs.

Ask about PINS petition or if they have anything like that. A probation officer could require her to a curfew in your home. That might help.

Talk to your daughter and get involved. Has she even thought about college or what she would like to do for a career. Maybe getting her started on that path would help.

 

[Miranda79]

Also, I would not rule drinking and drugs out of the question. because that is not something she is going to tell you about if that's what she's doing. You can go to the pharmacy and buy a home drug test to be sure. You cannot help her unless you know what the problem is and even though you doubt it, it couldn't hurt to be sure.

 

[lovemygirls2]

I may try to see what I can do because of excessive absences. She has barely been at the line and the biggest problem other than refusing to do her work at school is keeping her there. She goes to the nurses office with complaints when there is nothing wrong with her and it has been almost impossible to keep her from doing that. She has figured out what it takes to get out of school.

She has no real ambitions and thinks that her talent (she is an amazingly talented singer who has come to the attention of the manager of a band that she spends time with). She thinks that because they have a great contract and spend a lot of time touring that she is going to be able to do that without worrying about an education. She is so completely unrealistic about what her future can hold if she doesn't get the education she needs.

I think it makes it worse that her younger sister is an over-achiever who was accepted to and is going to an early college high school and will be half-way to her bachelors degree by the time she graduates high school. She compares herself with her and in her eyes doesn't measure up. She doesn't see that she is just as intelligent as her sister. (Her sister is only 13 months younger than her).

I love both of my daughters and think that they are both amazing, but I am not the only one who believes that she is more than smart enough to do anything she sets her mind to. She has been tested so many times and tests show that she has no disabilities that would keep her from learning. Her teachers get really frustrated because they see how smart she is and she has such an amazing personality that everyone loves her, but she just will not apply herself. It seems like the more she is pushed the worse she does.

 

[Miranda79]

does she skip school? Because that is truancy.