Temporary Custody...?

[Isis1]

I was granted food stamps and medicaid both in Sept of this year; and because I refused to file for the child support and stated that he was about to start paying, they didn't see any reason to force the paperwork- guess that was dumb on my side. But I had been informed that if I EVER file for child support that my ex will no longer retain a civil relationship with me for our son. I was still trying to keep everything as civil as possible- which I'm still doing seeing as how I'm not limiting or forcing him to do anything.



The only he himself hasn't given me. His girlfriend has given me a total of $70 for our son. Not him. She authorized, paid out of her own pocket for it all-which since it was online transfers to a credit card- I have the acct #'s and such. That withen the past year doesnt really look like much to me... but I could be mistaken.

His father's capacity for custody- could that be determined by how much he has seen/time spent/talked to/checked up on his son? His work hours, who would be taking care of him when he is at work(which Ive stated is pretty much all day, and dad refuses to change sleeping schedule even for a couple hours when he has him). I'm just wondering what the different factors are that they will look at- I dont want to bring up anything that isnt relevant. I dont like tit-for-tat situations, lol.


Right now, I myself am my sons only stability. I'm the only thing that has remained the same since he was born. following his father for the first 1yr+ we moved around quite a bit. I've only been in my current residence since May, and Jan I will be going back to my parents (where I was for the last year) until my fiancee is back and our baby is born(all of my doctors are up there), then going to CA(maybe).

He brings up my lack of a "steady" residence, but each one is planned out. my son has his own room in each home- I know when we will be moving and how long we'd be there. He knows my parents home very well and loves being around them. Could be my upcoming moving around be a big factor? Even when he doesnt have a home yet?

My parents home is 3+ hours away and I'm able to bring my son down and back up every two weeks, or he knows he/or even his parents are welcome to come get him for the weekend, or longer. We've done this before, he just hasn't made much of an attempt. Honestly I dont understand why he is so adamant about me not being "fit"...

did HE tell you that? don't let him bully you like that. if HE choses not to be civil for being responsible, he can eat dirt. that is the most stupidest thing i have ever heard.

it wouldn't hurt to get a consult with an attorney. if you are uneasy about all the legal paperwork, it is best to hire an attorney.

 

[my life is mine]

Most court houses in VA have an in-take officer that can help you start things along.

You take ID, proof of residence, childs birth certificate and sometimes they will ask for childs SS card.

They will take all your information, they will ask you Dad's information.

Dad will be served to appear at court (depending on area) within a month or three. Usually by Sheriff or a deputy Sheriff, even in the larger city areas.

Now if it does take over a month or so- do I have to re-file if I get married in Jan b/c I will have a different last name as well as being able to include the military situation then?

No it will continue on even if you have a different last name than when filed. The military situation is going to be tricker for you because it is not something that has been an ongoing thing. If you all had been married at least a year then it normally can be used, but even then it is not a sure fire thing, the courts are looking at long term.



Quote:

You most likely will be inputed an income, as VA is a dual income state.

I'm kind of confused about this- what do you mean inputed an income?

They will take what your last earnings were before you stooped working and get an amount. Say you made 30,000.00 a year before your job ended and had been at that job over a year, then they will use that you are capable of making 30,000.00 a year, Dad makes (whatever he makes) and do child support from that. 99 perecent of unemployed parents are inputed an income in VA


Quote:

Since you at this time are not married to military that will not take effect with custody and visitation.

To move, I would ask that your court order reflect that you can move with child, and negotiate from there.

You will have to prove, since this is not in reality a military move, why a move would be better for the child.

This goes back to the question above; If I end up getting married before the actual hearing(or pre-trial) will it count then? Do I have to re-file with the new information Or just wait and add it when I go to court? No you will not have to refile and actually since your first filing is under one name that will name will be the name that is used on the rest of your filings even in 10 years

As far as the military move goes, it is still up in the air- all depends on his reenlistment. Then its mandatory. A complete home port change for their entire boat. I would ask that my court order reflect a move with him- does that also apply to moving in with my parents in jan- or just something big as a cross country move?
You will have to notify Dad of any and all moves 30 days prior to any move even across the street, Dad will have the option to contest any move, especially if it effects any visitation with your mutual child. I honestly if I were in your shoes at this time would not be pushing for your soon to be sent to a different home port, he can after marriage ask that he continue home port in VA for the next section of his enlistment. If he is eligible for shore rotation, I would ask for NOB, Little Creek or Oceana


ALSO.

A quick question about Jurisdiction.

My son and I both live in Hampton currently but our legal address is in Buena Vista. We moved to Hampton in May but went back to Buena Vista to help my grandmother in august and came back early oct- as well as visiting frequently to see his other family.

While in BV I filled out all the information regarding Food Stamps and Medicaid for us, so with that we are registered there.

I never thought to change the address when I came back b/c I already knew I would be going back in Jan to finish off my pregnancy as my fiancee will be on deployment.

Have you been in your county/city for 6 months? If not then you are going to have difficulties for filing in the county you live in, you will have to file in previous 6 month county.

Now his father has been a resident of Hampton all his life, as well as myself and it is where our son was born. Like I've stated before my son and myself went to BV for a year before coming back this May.

So if it takes about a month- 3 months to have him served, and I am back in BV how do I file? Do I have to re-file again now that we are in a different county? Or can I just file in Hampton- as thats where my son was born and where we resided for a majority of his life(and are currently in?) & will I be able to file in Hampton if my legal address is still BV?

Why all this moving, Dad will be able to use that against you? You need to stay put in whatever county you are receiving FS and medicaid, that will then show you are a resident of that county.

 

[MissLeapy]

did HE tell you that? don't let him bully you like that. if HE choses not to be civil for being responsible, he can eat dirt. that is the most stupidest thing i have ever heard.

it wouldn't hurt to get a consult with an attorney. if you are uneasy about all the legal paperwork, it is best to hire an attorney.

Yes, HE has told me as well as my mother that same thing. Which is why I never pushed the child support issue, b/c i thought it was more important for us to get along.

 

[MissLeapy]

No it will continue on even if you have a different last name than when filed. The military situation is going to be tricker for you because it is not something that has been an ongoing thing. If you all had been married at least a year then it normally can be used, but even then it is not a sure fire thing, the courts are looking at long term.

Ok. It's still up in the air like I've stated. If he doesnt get the chance to reenlist then he is out in August and there is no sense in up moving with him.

They will take what your last earnings were before you stooped working and get an amount. Say you made 30,000.00 a year before your job ended and had been at that job over a year, then they will use that you are capable of making 30,000.00 a year, Dad makes (whatever he makes) and do child support from that. 99 perecent of unemployed parents are inputed an income in VA

My problem with that has been very limited as far as my last job. My last job(officially, meaning on taxes and an actual paycheck) was received august of 2008. I havent been able to find a steady job(not sure why; even though I've steadily put in applications 5 times a week and call on them every other day since then) so I've been working odds and ends to take care of my son (paper routes or just helping family). which totally would barely equal $70-$140 every week. Not alot but I was able to provide for my son.

Before that my last job was very controlled by my ex; my hours cut to 4 a day, then to just weekends until he stopped me going altogether(refusal to watch our son, and no money to hire someone-as well as his vehicle being our only transportation). So i barely made $200 every other week. It doesnt add up to much at all in my case

You will have to notify Dad of any and all moves 30 days prior to any move even across the street, Dad will have the option to contest any move, especially if it effects any visitation with your mutual child. I honestly if I were in your shoes at this time would not be pushing for your soon to be sent to a different home port, he can after marriage ask that he continue home port in VA for the next section of his enlistment. If he is eligible for shore rotation, I would ask for NOB, Little Creek or Oceana

Yes I have already informed him(DAD) of the move to BV as well as the possible move to CA- which he absolutely refuses to let our son go(to CA). Even going so far as to say that even if he gets physical custody he will not let our son stay with me more than a week. Which our son being barely 3, its the only time i would be able to have him for long periods without interrupting school.

I'm definitely NOT pushing for him home port change. The entire boat is getting a home port change, not just the people. It will no longer be in VA at all. Would he have to change to a different boat? I dont know how that works- ive never been a military person, nor around it, so with that I'm still learning lol. He had mentioned the shore rotation but I dont believe he is eligible for a year or so more. Though I will see.

Have you been in your county/city for 6 months? If not then you are going to have difficulties for filing in the county you live in, you will have to file in previous 6 month county.

We have with the exception of 2 months. So I would have to file up there?

Why all this moving, Dad will be able to use that against you? You need to stay put in whatever county you are receiving FS and medicaid, that will then show you are a resident of that county.

The initial move was b/c his parents kicked me and our son out (to try and knock some sense into their son of what he needed to be doing for his family) which was back in August of '08, I stayed in BV from then until May of '09 when I moved in with a friend in Hampton so my son could be closer to his father, and I was hoping more job opportunities. In August my friend wasn't sure if she was renewing her lease so I went back to BV in order to take care of my grandmother(my parents home). Stayed there for two months(filing for food stamps and medicaid) and then came to stay with my fiancee in Hampton(same apartment as my friend actually). Now that he is being deployed for 3 months, his lease is up in Jan when he leaves and since I am closer to my due date I will be going back to my parents house in BV to finish my pregnancy- as a 3 hour drive to my docs doesnt seem smart.

If I had the income myself i would try and get the lease renewed in my name- but since I dont have a job they wont let me. The lease was still in our friends name and they wont renew it again just for me, even tho my fiancee would pay for it. No he cant b/c he is currently paying off an apartment that was in his name for his ex and their son(no longer living there but still on his credit, and the apartment people will not let him until the other is paid off).



It's alot to work around. Even though Its alot of things that i cant really help with at this time. But considering I could lose my son over this(even when his dad has no idea where hes going to be living) its a very scary thought. It almost seems like there is nothing I can do... even though Ive been the only one doing something for our son since he was born... It doesnt seem right or fair that his dad can just say "ok im ready for him" and literally take him away when hes wanted nothing to do with him/doesnt have time for him. It has me really feeling like I'm only seen as a long term babysitter "ok Im ready to pick him up now." type attitude.

Ive also been told by his parents that the reason hes doing it is b/c he doesnt want to pay any child support when hes taken to court. Which he has stated to me that if he has our son he wont make me pay anything. He's made that statement several times. Im beginning to believe it, it also goes along with him not being civil with me if i ever filed against him.

I'm very scared in this messed up situation of details and circumstances and im really beginning to think that there may be no hope to my side- i mean... do the past 2 years mean nothing?

 

[my life is mine]

The ship is doing a ship movement, he would then need to ask to be sent to another ship to stay in area. He is on sea duty which goes either 5 or 6 years depending on rate and rank. Shore Command duty is about 3 years also depending on rate and rank. That is his rotation schedule (this is for your FYI)

You will have to provide your tax returns and/or W-2's for past 3 years, they can work from there. So even if you made only 5000.00 for the year they will still input an income for you. If you are able to work (Physically capable), they most likely, if that amount does not average to minimum wages, they will input minimum wages for you. There are jobs in HR you just have to keep looking. You will have to check everywheres, even the NEX would have been hiring these last few months (for Xmas help). Busch Gardens hires all summer. The Judge will say something to that affect.

Dad needs to be notified not verbally but in letter form. Once in court and there is a court order, courts also will need to be notified in letter form. 30 days prior to a move.

Dad if receiving custody will like you have to go by a court order so if court order says Dad is to give you a month in summer then guess what Dad better do it or you should hold him in contempt. Simple do not take Dads threaths until court order is in hand, ignore, ignore ignore.

You will need to file in last location from what you are saying, if you intend to file before 6 months is up. You do realize that as long as Dad lives in VA the court order will stay in VA, they hate to give an inch on jursidiction.

If son has lived with you for the past 2 1/2 years that will hold a good amount of weight in court but definately not a sure shot since you have not had a stable residence.

My suggestions:

1. File for paternity, support and custody in last area.
check with intake officer for jursdiction issues

2. FIND A JOB even if it is at 7-11, NEX, BX at Langley (do not count on sailor man to support you and child).

3. Stay in area you are in for at least another year, build stabilty.

4. Consult local attornies in area to find out how much they will cost to represent you.

5. Go to court get everything done, do not accept vague court orders (you can talk to legal aide of HR, if they are handling CS/custody cases at this time).

6. Now after court talk to sailor man about possibly marrying. Do not do it before court just because you think it will help. Keep sailor man away from Dad, do not have him interject at anytime or place. Do not let son call sailor man Daddy or any form of Daddy.

7. After you have married and been married for over a year then talk about possible moving with military orders.

 

[MissLeapy]

The ship is doing a ship movement, he would then need to ask to be sent to another ship to stay in area. He is on sea duty which goes either 5 or 6 years depending on rate and rank. Shore Command duty is about 3 years also depending on rate and rank. That is his rotation schedule (this is for your FYI)

Thank you I think I'm getting that part now. Though i still don't know if he's eligible yet.

You will have to provide your tax returns and/or W-2's for past 3 years, they can work from there. So even if you made only 5000.00 for the year they will still input an income for you. If you are able to work (Physically capable), they most likely, if that amount does not average to minimum wages, they will input minimum wages for you. There are jobs in HR you just have to keep looking. You will have to check everywheres, even the NEX would have been hiring these last few months (for Xmas help). Busch Gardens hires all summer. The Judge will say something to that affect.

Can I request the W-2's? My last jobs that would fall into that 3 year category (? depending on when they start timing it...?) Would have been an X-mas store/Toy store from Dec '06- August '07(due to store relocation, as well as the birth of my son in between that.), then a Best Buy from November of '07- June '08. The Toys store was all under the table, so I never received a W-2 from them. So all I have is BB. (yes before the Toys store I did work at Busch Gardens fro 2-3 years straight.)

My biggest problem right now for finding a job(atleast it seems other then not receiving any calls regarding any of my previous applications) is that I am 5 months pregnant. Not many people want to hire a pregnant woman b/c i will be due in 4 months and have to either quit or take a leave. Which for most jobs require a 6 months full-time positions. Believe me i WANT to work. I've put int he apps at 7-11s and other gas stations and the like, as well as the places that will be hiring for xmas.

Second being that I have to work around my fiancee's schedule and rely on him to soley take care of my son while I'm at work. He doesnt mind, but I know DAD does. DAD cant b/c the only time he is at home is 3am-noon which is sleeping. And the nights that his parents have kept our son, DAD refuses to even get up to watch him in the morning. (this is how my son has gotten into cigarettes, broken a laptop, etc.) I cant even trust him to wake up and watch our son... I cant afford daycare, and DAD refuses to pay unless he has full custody.

Also being that I will be back in BV in Jan, finding one down here for just a month doesnt seem logical, nor trying to find one now up there right now when I'm still dont here...[/quote]

Dad needs to be notified not verbally but in letter form. Once in court and there is a court order, courts also will need to be notified in letter form. 30 days prior to a move.

So even though we arent in court now, knowing that I will be moving around the 12th of Jan- I have to write him a letter stating that before the 12th of this month? Also Seeing as how I have to file back in BV do I have to STAY in BV for this last month? I can go back up in one more week and file, but do I have to stay up there and miss the holidays down here with my new-other family? As well as my son missing xmas with his father? Or can I file and come back until Jan, since the hearings wouldnt be for atleast another month...? Does that count as a move?

You will need to file in last location from what you are saying, if you intend to file before 6 months is up. You do realize that as long as Dad lives in VA the court order will stay in VA, they hate to give an inch on jursidiction.

I have no problems with the court order staying in VA even if I move. None what-so-ever.

If son has lived with you for the past 2 1/2 years that will hold a good amount of weight in court but definately not a sure shot since you have not had a stable residence.

Me and his father have only been split up since May of '09 but I have had him completely to myself at my parents home since August of '08. Not including the month where our son stayed with him as he was "Trying to be a dad"

My suggestions:

1. File for paternity, support and custody in last area.
check with intake officer for jursdiction issues

2. FIND A JOB even if it is at 7-11, NEX, BX at Langley (do not count on sailor man to support you and child).

3. Stay in area you are in for at least another year, build stabilty.

4. Consult local attornies in area to find out how much they will cost to represent you.

5. Go to court get everything done, do not accept vague court orders (you can talk to legal aide of HR, if they are handling CS/custody cases at this time).

6. Now after court talk to sailor man about possibly marrying. Do not do it before court just because you think it will help. Keep sailor man away from Dad, do not have him interject at anytime or place. Do not let son call sailor man Daddy or any form of Daddy.

7. After you have married and been married for over a year then talk about possible moving with military orders.

1. No problems with that.

2. I'm not relying on his support, but at the moment its all I have. Which is why Ive even looked back into school to help me somehow in getting a job, since my job history doesnt seem to be doing much for me.

3. So even if I am married I have to stay in BV for another year even if my fiancee cant get his shore duty, forcing him to be cross country from his newly born child(due in April)? I will do what needs to be done all that I can for my son, it just doesnt seem right or fair to punish the new man in my life and our new child...

4. Will do.

5. Ok.

6. We have been planning our marriage since the summer, it is not just to get it done before court. Havent even thought of court since this last month due to DAD's insistence of getting full custody. (he actually told his entire family and friends I was going to do it AND sign my parental rights away with no problem.) Yes how everything comes together it seems to be a better thing to have it done before court- but thats not what I'm trying to do. It was already planned for Jan if we could do it before he leaves.

And I have kept my fiancee and DAD separate from any and all talks concerning my son. I have made sure my son has never called him daddy and will not. I'm not trying to replace his father in any way, shape or form. although DAD has made sure our son calls his girlfriend 'Mommy' Even infront of me. Numerous talks from myself, his parents and everyone has not gotten this to stop. When my son can learn someones name in less than a day- its possible, DAD just doesnt want to do it.

7. But if we cant get his shore duty or a transfer, then he just goes and I still have to remain here? Taking care of two kids on my own when I could have help from my husband- just because I havent been in one county for a year/married for over a year? When DAD doesnt even have an address at all, he could still get our son b/c mine isnt considered "Stable"?

 

[MissLeapy]

Father's Jurisdiction?

OH. one more thing about jurisdiction. I know i have to file in BV. I cant do that until next weekend, (the 14th actually). I was hoping to have all of this done this week(thinking I could do it in Hampton) as DAD is pressuring for a "4-way" talk between him and his new girlfriend and me and my fiancee. I want to avoid this talk all together. as I still do not see any reason our new significant others have much of a say in OUR son, which even my fiancee agrees. my problem with having to wait now is because he is pressuring so much I feel like I cant keep dodging him without saying that I am filing.

I didnt want to tell him until I was able to get the Temp custody. B/c he is a easily angered person and would go to get the Temp custody before i could.

Now if the jurisdiction is in BV, can DAD go to the Hampton court and file for everything- including the Temp custody here before I can in BV? Even though our son hasnt been with him, and hasnt been in Hampton for 6 months. Does that rule apply to DAD filing as well- even if DAD never lived in BV?

I appreciate all this help, it seems like I come up with 3 or more questions once i get one answer...lol. I'm honestly trying to cover all my bases before take one step, just so I know all the ins and outs and dont do something wrong. Hell I'm so stressed over this I cant even sleep

 

[TheGeekess]

In most states, any kind of CS/Custody/Visitation must be filed in the county/parrish the child resides in/is a resident of.

 

[my life is mine]

Miss L you are making this more difficult on yourself.

File in the county that you are considered a resident of and go from there. If Dad files first then it will be in his county (perhaps), the reason I say perhaps is because of your moving so often.

You will not get temp custody until Dad is notified and you go to court, plain and simple.

Sorry I am going to be really abrupt with you right now. What is more important you child or your bed buddy?

I am also going to talk to you as a soon to be military spouse from a spouse who has done this for over 20 years. SUCK it up if your soon to be is 300 miles away to 6000 miles away, it is going to happen and it will happen often. You will have babies without him there, he will miss birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, holidays because he chose to serve and you are choosing to marry a military member. He wont be there to fix the water pipes when they break, or when the car dies, or when the lawn looks like crap and the landlord or military housing is harassing you to take care of it. If you cannot handle him being in CA while you are in VA for 6-9 months then you are not cut out to be a military spouse.

You do not have to meet with Dad, you dont have to meet with his bed buddy, you dont even have to communicate with Dad, but if you do communicate keep it simple unemotional.

Set up a schedule, say Dad Junior will be available from this time to this time, come get him, if he doesnt then that is on him. If he does great, then when time is up go get Junior from him. Junior should spend at least every other weekend with Dad. Do it in an email and document it. Keep a paper trail. If no email send it certified mail, return receipt, where only Dad can sign for it.
If Dad does not pick up the mail then it will return to you, do not open it, take it to court with you.

Dad may not be perfect but honestly I do not think any parent is.

 

[MissLeapy]

In most states, any kind of CS/Custody/Visitation must be filed in the county/parrish the child resides in/is a resident of.

Ok, so it would still be BV since the legal address for myself and my son is in BV and we havent been in Hampton for 6 months in order to have legal residence here, correct?

Sorry if I seem to be repeating questions in a different order, just trying to wrap my head around it. i dont want any surprises.

 

[my life is mine]

In most states, any kind of CS/Custody/Visitation must be filed in the county/parrish the child resides in/is a resident of.

Same as VA but unfortunately MissL sees it fit to move from area to area, so now it will be up to courts to see which county has jursidiction...

 

[MissLeapy]

Miss L you are making this more difficult on yourself.

File in the county that you are considered a resident of and go from there. If Dad files first then it will be in his county (perhaps), the reason I say perhaps is because of your moving so often.

You will not get temp custody until Dad is notified and you go to court, plain and simple.

I know am I. I worry. Cant really help that, especially not right now when it's a matter of losing my son. I want to know every little nook and cranny. I'm going to file on the 14th (earliest time I can get up there). As far as Dad filing in his county- why is that so easy for him to do even though our son hasn't been there for more than 4 months? Yet i cant and its the same county I'm currently in and have been in for 4 months- but I have to file miles away b/c that was the last residence for over a 6 months period for our son?

Sorry I am going to be really abrupt with you right now. What is more important you child or your bed buddy?

I am also going to talk to you as a soon to be military spouse from a spouse who has done this for over 20 years. SUCK it up if your soon to be is 300 miles away to 6000 miles away, it is going to happen and it will happen often. You will have babies without him there, he will miss birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, holidays because he chose to serve and you are choosing to marry a military member. He wont be there to fix the water pipes when they break, or when the car dies, or when the lawn looks like crap and the landlord or military housing is harassing you to take care of it. If you cannot handle him being in CA while you are in VA for 6-9 months then you are not cut out to be a military spouse.

No, I knew this was going to come up. My son is more important to me. As well as the child I'm about to have, and the family I'm about to have. I already am very aware of the time that we will be apart and I'm prepared for that. My concerns were that it seems I have to force that distance and time apart with his new child when he is actually ABLE to spend time with them and not on deployment. Especially when it's pretty much only to establish that I have a residence for over a year, when sons Dad doesnt have any to speak of- yet mine will be a problem? It just doesnt seem very justified is all.

You do not have to meet with Dad, you dont have to meet with his bed buddy, you dont even have to communicate with Dad, but if you do communicate keep it simple unemotional.

Set up a schedule, say Dad Junior will be available from this time to this time, come get him, if he doesnt then that is on him. If he does great, then when time is up go get Junior from him. Junior should spend at least every other weekend with Dad. Do it in an email and document it. Keep a paper trail. If no email send it certified mail, return receipt, where only Dad can sign for it.
If Dad does not pick up the mail then it will return to you, do not open it, take it to court with you.

Dad may not be perfect but honestly I do not think any parent is.

I have no problems with Dad getting our son at all, i would document it- if he ever did it. The only time he himself has picked our son up was to drive him 45 mins to drop him off with his mother. Then bring him back at midnight or after (which has been a huge issue- I get no phone calls if the set time on return is passed, nothing until almost 2 hours later. And honestly 1am is too late for a 2 1/2 year old to be out). Those occasions were well over a month ago. He doesnt call to see how his son is- infact in the past 2 weeks alone I've received 2 texts only asking if we were going to have the "sit down" this weekend. no calls nothing. I literally live right down the street from him.

And if I were to send a letter stating he could get him every other weekend- he would take it as an insult and immediately file against me, all civil-ness gone.

I would love to paper trail something, if I had anything.

 

[MissLeapy]

Same as VA but unfortunately MissL sees it fit to move from area to area, so now it will be up to courts to see which county has jursidiction...

I've moved to TWO areas. Hell almost same street. The initial move I could not control- I was kicked out of his parents b/c THEY wanted to teach HIM a lesson. I have no place to go since he made me quit my job- I HAD to leave, no relatives int he area, no friends, nothing. Next was a move was so my son could be closer to his father- that was 4 months. My family had an emergency and I went back to stay with them to help my ill grandmother- 2 months. Lastly was back to the SAME residence that I moved to to be closer to EX.

If I had known this would be such a great huge thing to help out family and trying to give dad a break in distance- god I wouldnt have done it.

 

[my life is mine]

I know am I. I worry. Cant really help that, especially not right now when it's a matter of losing my son. I want to know every little nook and cranny. I'm going to file on the 14th (earliest time I can get up there). As far as Dad filing in his county- why is that so easy for him to do even though our son hasn't been there for more than 4 months? Yet i cant and its the same county I'm currently in and have been in for 4 months- but I have to file miles away b/c that was the last residence for over a 6 months period for our son?

Because you still have BV as your legal residence instead of Hampton, so courts assume that child is living in BV with his Mother.

Dad has not moved out of Hampton.

If no one fights Hampton having jursidiction then you may be able to get away with it, go to intake officer in Hampton today or tomorrow and see if there is any difficulty with you filing there.

No, I knew this was going to come up. My son is more important to me. As well as the child I'm about to have, and the family I'm about to have. I already am very aware of the time that we will be apart and I'm prepared for that. My concerns were that it seems I have to force that distance and time apart with his new child when he is actually ABLE to spend time with them and not on deployment. Especially when it's pretty much only to establish that I have a residence for over a year, when sons Dad doesnt have any to speak of- yet mine will be a problem? It just doesnt seem very justified is all.

If Hampton gives you jursidiction, then fine, try for a moveaway clause. I doubt seriously you will get it. Reason being you are not a military spouse, which the courts tend to give leeway. These concerns you have with new babys Daddy are thins that should have been thought of before you became pregnant with another child. You and new baby Daddy are not married, and when you do marry you will have been with him less than a year. Most of those situations do not fair well unfortunately. Hopefully yours will be fine.

I have no problems with Dad getting our son at all, i would document it- if he ever did it. The only time he himself has picked our son up was to drive him 45 mins to drop him off with his mother. Then bring him back at midnight or after (which has been a huge issue- I get no phone calls if the set time on return is passed, nothing until almost 2 hours later. And honestly 1am is too late for a 2 1/2 year old to be out). Those occasions were well over a month ago. He doesnt call to see how his son is- infact in the past 2 weeks alone I've received 2 texts only asking if we were going to have the "sit down" this weekend. no calls nothing. I literally live right down the street from him.

And if I were to send a letter stating he could get him every other weekend- he would take it as an insult and immediately file against me, all civil-ness gone.

I would love to paper trail something, if I had anything.

First you are somewhat contradicting yourself with the bolded areas. When was the last time Dad got Junior? Dad can let his parents have Junior on his time if he so wishes to unless there is ROFR, and if there is an ROFR you will be held to the same standards as Dad, so if you go to work and Dad is home, guess what Dad will be able to have Junior. I am one person personally that when it came time for pick up and drop off times that wanted a somewhat decent time schedule. Guess what Judge ordered that stood up in court in VA for over 4 years? Dad could pick up anytime even as late as 2 am and also drop off that late or later if he so chose. You never know what Judge will allow or wont allow. To combat that order for myself I took kids to Dad at a decent time and picked up at a decent time, even though Dad in my situation moved hours away.

You have to get this straightened out anyways with court, so will it matter if Dad is uncivil about court or about a letter that may help you in court?

Start thinking this way, what can I do to promote a relationship between child and Dad?

Call Dad up today and say hey Junior will be available Friday to come for the weekend would you like me to drop him off and pick him up on Sunday?

Let Dad know you are going to send him mail, with a schedule of when Junior is available because you want him and Junior to build a relationship.

Then keep mail sweet and short.

Hi Dad, these are the dates Junior is available for me to drop off and pick up.

Call me or write me back if you have any difficulties with these dates or times.

Communication should not be between anyone besides parents (not stepparents either)

If granted moveaway you do know you will be responsible for all transportation? So if you get to go to CA for ships movement,you will need to make sure Junior is at Dads when court says he is to be at Dads.

Dad will most likely get, if you are granted a moveaway, Every other major holiday, for the entire holiday time except Xmas which will be split. Dad will most likely get most of the summer. So make sure any CS you get you bank for these flights that will be paid for by you and since your child is so young for yourself also or another adult, because the airlines will not let a child this young fly unaccompanied. Be prepared that you will not be able to take child to soon to be parents home for major holidays with his family because of obligations to Dad in VA.

I know this all comes off as harsg but these are things to think about before you leap.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You do NOT have to include the significant others in conversations about kiddo. Now, it can be nice to do so only because the kiddo spends time with them, but LEGALLY, they have NO standing.