Overnights with newborn

[happybug]

OP, I do think it is nice that you want to spend time with your newborn. If your EX agrees to you spending the night you need to be flexible about it. Childbirth is far from pretty and your EX may not realize what she is agreeing to until she actually gives birth. If she is nursing, she is going to be topless at least 30% of her hospital stay. Newborns nurse often and they usually take a long time to nurse. She will be bleeding A LOT, and there may be clots. Not nice little clots but clots the size and shape of a lemon. When she gets up to go to the restroom, it is more than possible that she will be leaving a trail of blood. Even with the huge pad she will be wearing. I don't mean to gross anyone out but she may not be comfortable with an audience during this time. However, she may not realize she is not comfortable until she is in the moment. If she agrees and you decide to spend the night, look for cues that she is not OK with you there and excuse yourself for the night if she seems uncomfortable. If the birth experience, between the 2 of you is positive it will go a long way toward your future relationship. If she looks back on her hospital stay as a miserable experience, it will be very hard for her to get over the negative feelings.

 

[Isis1]

OP, I do think it is nice that you want to spend time with your newborn. If your EX agrees to you spending the night you need to be flexible about it. Childbirth is far from pretty and your EX may not realize what she is agreeing to until she actually gives birth. If she is nursing, she is going to be topless at least 30% of her hospital stay. Newborns nurse often and they usually take a long time to nurse. She will be bleeding A LOT, and there may be clots. Not nice little clots but clots the size and shape of a lemon. When she gets up to go to the restroom, it is more than possible that she will be leaving a trail of blood. Even with the huge pad she will be wearing. I don't mean to gross anyone out but she may not be comfortable with an audience during this time. However, she may not realize she is not comfortable until she is in the moment. If she agrees and you decide to spend the night, look for cues that she is not OK with you there and excuse yourself for the night if she seems uncomfortable. If the birth experience, between the 2 of you is positive it will go a long way toward your future relationship. If she looks back on her hospital stay as a miserable experience, it will be very hard for her to get over the negative feelings.

ahem. ew. i didn't need any flashbacks while i'm eating my lunch!!!

 

[happybug]

ahem. ew. i didn't need any flashbacks while i'm eating my lunch!!!

Forgive me, I didn't mean to ruin your lunch. I just wanted to make sure OP knew the realities of the situation because most women would only want someone they truly have an intimate relationship with to witness them in like that, husband, mom etc. It is not the pretty T.V. image of a woman lying in a hospital bed looking stunning while cuddling her newborn.

 

[mommyof4]

Forgive me, I didn't mean to ruin your lunch. I just wanted to make sure OP knew the realities of the situation because most women would only want someone they truly have an intimate relationship with to witness them in like that, husband, mom etc. It is not the pretty T.V. image of a woman lying in a hospital bed looking stunning while cuddling her newborn.

Ahem.... (((waving hands in the air)))

Excuse me, but I was the picture of radiance, thankyouverymuch!

 

[Isis1]

Ahem.... (((waving hands in the air)))

Excuse me, but I was the picture of radiance, thankyouverymuch!

oh you hush up over there!!!!

 

[Proserpina]

Ahem.... (((waving hands in the air)))

Excuse me, but I was the picture of radiance, thankyouverymuch!

Dang, I could easily have doubled for Linda Blair in The Exorcist

(minus the rotating head, but with extra projectile vomiting)

(and also minus the climbing-across-the-ceiling thing)

 

[Nicaho]

I think we are talking about two different things. I think that mom has expressed approval for dad being present for the birth, but has not yet given him an answer as to whether or not she is ok with him spending the night in the hospital after the baby is born.

Two separate things.

Exactly!

She has had a child before so she knows what it like in the delivery room. She even told me that the baby would be sleeping or feeding most of the time. I told her I understood and it was about being in that room and close to my daughter. I don't think she has a problem with me being there as much as her new boyfriend not being there. He gets every night after that so why can't I have that one? The ex and I are still friendly for the most part. I treated her good while we were together and someone with more money came and stole her away. She cares more about money and being able to go out all the time. In her eyes I will be a great dad and support my child but not good enough to support her financially.

And about what mommyof4 said...that it was more creepy that both the new boyfriend and I both being in the delivery room...I agree! As much as I don't want him there I know it is out of my control but I wouldn't miss it for anything! It IS my daughter...regardless of what the law says for the time being...she will be my blood. I have no doubt in my mind but I do know that I have to get the DNA test regardless.

 

[LdiJ]

Exactly!

She has had a child before so she knows what it like in the delivery room. She even told me that the baby would be sleeping or feeding most of the time. I told her I understood and it was about being in that room and close to my daughter. I don't think she has a problem with me being there as much as her new boyfriend not being there. He gets every night after that so why can't I have that one? The ex and I are still friendly for the most part. I treated her good while we were together and someone with more money came and stole her away. She cares more about money and being able to go out all the time. In her eyes I will be a great dad and support my child but not good enough to support her financially.

And about what mommyof4 said...that it was more creepy that both the new boyfriend and I both being in the delivery room...I agree! As much as I don't want him there I know it is out of my control but I wouldn't miss it for anything! It IS my daughter...regardless of what the law says for the time being...she will be my blood. I have no doubt in my mind but I do know that I have to get the DNA test regardless.

See, the bolded is what comes across as a bit creepy to me. It comes across as not you just wanting to spend time with your child, it comes across as you wanting alone time with mom as well...like pretending you are a family when you are not and never will be.

Spend as much time at the hospital as you can, but if mom stays overnight, go home and leave her be. She will need the privacy and the rest.

 

[ecmst12]

That "her" was the baby, it's a girl!

 

[mommyof4]

That "her" was the baby, it's a girl!

Yep...that's exactly how I read it, even on the 3rd and 4th time just to make sure I hadn't misunderstood.

 

[Nicaho]

See, the bolded is what comes across as a bit creepy to me. It comes across as not you just wanting to spend time with your child, it comes across as you wanting alone time with mom as well...like pretending you are a family when you are not and never will be.

Spend as much time at the hospital as you can, but if mom stays overnight, go home and leave her be. She will need the privacy and the rest.

Sorry if I came across that way. I was trying to make it clear that it IS about seeing and being with my daughter only. Having that time with HER. Well in the first four months per the guidelines I will see my daughter for 6 hours a week. Wow...six whole hours! I will be thankful for the time I do get to spend with her, don't get me wrong, but I'm sorry that it would be great to have more. I know it is in the child's best interest to not have her routine changed and all the other reasons why it is best. I get that. Doesn't make it any easier knowing all the time I wont have.

Now come back and hit me where it hurts....I can take it

 

[Proserpina]

Sorry if I came across that way. I was trying to make it clear that it IS about seeing and being with my daughter only. Having that time with HER. Well in the first four months per the guidelines I will see my daughter for 6 hours a week. Wow...six whole hours! I will be thankful for the time I do get to spend with her, don't get me wrong, but I'm sorry that it would be great to have more. I know it is in the child's best interest to not have her routine changed and all the other reasons why it is best. I get that. Doesn't make it any easier knowing all the time I wont have.

Now come back and hit me where it hurts....I can take it

Oh honey, this is painfully simple.

If you wanted the exact same rights as Mom to see your child, you should have married Mom.

It's painful, and it hurts, but it's also the truth...y'know?

 

[ecmst12]

Getting married before having a baby, what a novel concept...

 

[mommyof4]

Getting married before having a baby, what a novel concept...

Wait....one can do that? It's still legal?

 

[ecmst12]

Gosh I hope so, I'm in trouble if it's not....wedding is next fall and still no babies!