Travel Holiday Woes, AGAIN ...

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan/ Florida

When I went to court this summer, I really thought that I had put an end to the travel woes. The court order that was signed by the judge (in October) states that I am responsible for making and paying for the travel between our two states.


So, I gets this email today:

This Itinerary is unacceptable! I didn’t even find this until I went through my Junk mail. Sweetpea should leave on Friday, that’s when Christmas vacation starts. I don’t care if she doesn’t get her at 6 PM (which is what FOC said last court session), but as long as I get here on Friday, instead of Saturday, that is what’s important. You’ve done this before, trying to cut the Monday off another one of her vacations.

I’ve got NOTHING from your lawyer OR the FOC OR from xxxxxx County stating that the last court order was signed. If it has been, you and your lawyer are in contempt – the law states that if she files something under the 7 or 21 day rule, I’m supposed to get a copy of it , and I’m also supposed to get notice of when this goes before a judge. Those are my legal rights, especially since none of your lawyers ever have truthfully made an order to match what the Judge or Referee has said.

I’m tired of you and your lawyer’s games. I have a lawyer and file contempt of court charges just as well as you can, and thanks to your lawyer, I have tons of reasons to.

I expect this ticket to be corrected so that SweetPea flies out on Friday, not Saturday. If not, it’s contempt – very simple. I’m not playing your little mind games any more, nor Older Daughter's either. But I do expect to have my daughter land at (names airport) on Friday.

Short notice? Hmm, you stated in court that you should mail the travel Itinerary postal mail, certified is even better. I don’t know why it went into my junk mail folder, unless you sent it to more than just me (which I stated would send it there), thinking that SweetPea would fly down & I’d not be down to meet her, or me having to spend the money booking the correct ticket & time frames – whatever the reason, correct it.

Now, here is the response I would LIKE to send, but won't cuz I'm not a complete B****.

You stupid dumbsh**. Your unreasonableness is WHY the judge allowed ME to make the travel arrangements. Can't you get it thru your thick skull that you have to look beyond your narcissitic self and see that there are THREE people involved in these arrangements?

The judge made the decision for ME to make travel arrangements because you are stupid.

So, here is a draft of what I'm proposing to send. I rarely am wordy (four line email queen here), but I feel this is worthy of a more elaborate response. I'm looking for feedback. In addition, I don't think either my attorney, nor I, are in contempt of court over this. My order just states that dad gets EOY the Christmas break.

The attorney sent out a copy, for review of the order, with a seven day window that allowed for any corrections. This was sent to BOTH parties. After three weeks, with no response, the order was submitted to the judge for signature. I will resend you a copy of the one signed by the judge.

As for the tickets, I reviewed the airline flights from both Closer Airport City and Further Airport City before selecting the ticket that was purchased in October. In addition to that, I took into consideration that you work the afternoon shift in Friday, I work till 5 pm on Friday, and SweetPea doesn't get out of school until 3:55 PM on Friday.

As for Closer Airport City, the only flight that did NOT change planes on Friday, was at 7:30 AM on Friday, so that wasn't going to work. All the flights on Saturday changed planes, so I ruled out Closer Airport City.

I then looked at Further Airport City:
The last non-stop on Friday left at 5 pm, arriving in Northern Clime Airport City at 7:25 PM. This one would entail us leaving our area at 1 pm, which means that I would have to take half-day unpaid Friday, SweetPea is missing half-day school and YOU are also taking a vacation day. That wasn't reasonable without agreement from all parties – I would NOT be agreeing. Therefore, I looked for the FIRST non-stop on Saturday morning; that is the ticket I chose to purchase.

Even if I chose to purchase the 5:55 PM flight, it doesn't really buy much; that plane does stop 2 times. If that flight arrives on time, at 9:25, in Northern Clime Airport City time, which is 10:25 our time. Then, you have 30 minutes till you get luggage, and then a drive about 1.25-1.5 hours (if weather good). So, you get home at maybe 12:30 am. The judge did NOT like those travel times.

In addition, I would like to remind you of all the troubles we had two years ago with the inclement weather that caused SweetPea's flight to be delayed. I am not comfortable with her traveling on a last-flight-of-the-day when we are talking possible snow storms up there. If necessary, we can stay in Further Airport City more comfortably during the day until a flight can leave in the event of a snow storm.

If you can convince the Friend of the Court that Friday is reasonable, then I'll reconsider my choice. Until then, my ticket stands. Since you have replied to me from the eticket sent by Favorite Airlines, you have all the necessary information for pickup.
Signed,
me
Oh Most Reasonable One (just kidding on this line)

 

[Antigone*]

I personally like the first version better

Just stay calm, cool and collected

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I personally like the first version better

Ditto, and I've wanted to send pretty much that exact same email myself.

But I'm a coward, shhhhhh...

And there's nothing at all wrong with the second email. Kinda sad when you actually have to spell it out in writing to that degree, but I've been there, and no doubt will be again.

 

[frylover]

And there's nothing at all wrong with the second email. Kinda sad when you actually have to spell it out in writing to that degree, but I've been there, and no doubt will be again.

I'm wondering if maybe the words in the second email aren't too big for Tink's ex to understand!

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I'm wondering if maybe the words in the second email aren't too big for Tink's ex to understand!

I have to admit that I do try to break it down to the "lowest common denominator", ... kinda like fractions...

 

[frylover]

I have to admit that I do try to break it down to the "lowest common denominator", ... kinda like fractions...

"See court order."

"See where judge signed court order."

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

"See court order."

"See where judge signed court order."

I usually say that AND "cut and paste"...

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Technically, he has a higher IQ than mine, and mine's quite nice, thank you. But, when it comes to intelligences, he completely lost it in the common sense department.

I'm still thinking I can figure out how to use obfuscate in there somewhere.

Trust me, I RARELY ever put that many words together in an email to him. I've received 4 to 5 page diatribes from him that I have NOT replied to. I just figure that if no one really finds anything wrong with it, I'm going to send it to him. I will then put all of it together for Friend of the Court and my attorney on Monday.

Really, if FOC says I'm wrong, then I'll change the ticket. But, I was the one in that court room and neither our FOC worker or the judge was happy with the circumstances. The judge said that those arrival times were unacceptable. So, I figure that if SHE agreed with me, then I'm probably safe.

From the Michigan guidelines:

2. Winter (Christmas Break)
In years ending in an odd number, the father shall have parenting time
from 6:00 p.m. on the date that the school district in which the child(ren)
resides recesses for winter break (Christmas break) until 9:00 p.m. December
24 and the mother shall have parenting time from 9:00 p.m.
December 24 until 6:00 p.m. the day before school resumes again in the
school district in which the child(ren) resides. Thereafter the normal
parenting time schedule shall resume.

Further down on long-distance parenting plans:

Transportation arrangements should be made well in advance
(at least 30 days) of the parenting time. If air travel is considered, the
airline rules for child(ren) traveling unaccompanied must be followed.

Winter Breaks shall be alternated in their entirety with no split
occurring.

http://courts.michigan.gov/SCAO/resources/publications/manuals/focb/pt_gdlns.pdf

 

[stealth2]

So BTDT, except my ex is the one who - has decided he gets to - make the reservations. I can guarantee that he will find the one flight that is most inconvenient for myself and the kids. Smack in the middle of the day - so they may as well just skip school {one thing in elementary school, quite another in high school}. And I can either take the day off - not easy in retail this time of year - or I have to find someone else to take them. Or, coming back? Again, the most inconvenient time. Elder is going straight from seeing Dad to seeing a friend in another state. Needless to say, his incoming flight matches nothing helpful via plane, train or bus. SO he can either sit in airport town until the wee hours, or I can go get him, several hours away, and then turn around and bring him back. Nice. Younger comes back New Year's Eve. To an airport several hours away.... at 9 pm. Happy New Year to us. Glad she decided against having a party this year.

I just shake my head and count my blessings that I'm no longer married to him.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I really figured that the court order would help. I know - I was the idiot to have such wishful thinking.

The guy works afternoons. Because of his schedule, I have made sure that I didn't schedule early flights so as not to inconvenience him.

I've made an effort for her NOT to miss school if it is AVOIDABLE. Now, he'll scream because she is going to miss an hour of school next week to go to the dentist. We took their schedule every which way to Sunday and it was the best that I could do. It was either that, or come summer, she would have to wait another two month before another teeth cleaning (to put it 8 months between.) Since daddy has refused to send me HIS insurance information, I have no idea if there are better options with a different dentist. (mine is an HMO plan.)

I really figure the issue is that HE doesn't have control over the schedule.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Wow, Tink. It makes me wonder what the point of a decree or modification even is, you know? Toilet paper, perhaps? People can go to court til the cows come home.
How frustrating. And you ex is definitely a dumba**. Personally I like the way you handled it. I need lessons from you.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Since I'm in a researching kind of mood tonight, I found several things that is probably NOT helping my cause. Since my X continues to go without an attorney (yeah, he's threatening one as usual), he really does NOT know the rules.

What I found was this:

Custody Order

If the hearing was held before a referee, a recommended order will be prepared by the referee within 21 days after the hearing. This recommendation will be served on the parties. If you do not agree with the referee's recommendation, you have 21 days after being served with the recommendation to file an objection and to request a de novo hearing before the judge. Use the Objection to Referee's Recommended Order, form FOC 68. See MCR 3.215 for information about domestic relations referees >>.

If the hearing was held before a judge, the judge will ask one of the parties to prepare the order. This is usually the person who was successful in arguing the motion. This person is called the "prevailing party." The prevailing party prepares the order after the hearing (form FOC 89, which includes FOC 10/52 for any support changes ordered at the same time). The order must then be signed by the judge. Some courts may require the order to be approved by the friend of the court before the judge will sign it. Call the friend of the court office and ask them if they must approve the order before the court will enter it. Once the order is completed, approved as necessary, and signed by the judge, the moving party must file it with the clerk of the court. It will cost $80.00 to have the custody order processed by the clerk of the court. If the order is not filed, it does not become effective.

Both parties are required to obey the order. If you do not obey the order, the other party can file a motion to order you into court to explain why you shouldn't be held in contempt for violating the order.

http://courts.michigan.gov/scao/selfhelp/family/custody_help.htm#attend

The key here is that we were heard in front of the JUDGE, not a referee. Therefore, this 21 day rule he is harping about does NOT exist for us. Now, it doesn't help that my attorney was not johnny on the spot about getting this typed and signed, but it is what it is.

Serving the Order
Unless the hearing was held before a referee, the prevailing party must serve the signed order on the other party after it is filed with the clerk of the court. If you do not serve the other party with a copy of the order, you may have trouble getting the order enforced. Serve the order by first-class mail to the last known address of the other party. Follow the instructions on the forms to make sure you serve the court papers as required.

Now, I know that the paperwork was sent out. My attorney wouldn't lose her livelihood over something like this - since she KNOWS he's a royal pain in the arse.

As for the seven day rule, it's seven physical days from when the proposed order was sent out back in September. He didn't send anything back, therefore he lost out.

 

[wileybunch]

Tink, with regard to the flight SweatPea will be on, isn't it sufficient to let him know this was the first available flight for her to take after she gets out of school on 12/18 (or whenever it is) and just leave it at that?

 

[CJane]

I know it's late, and you've maybe already sent your email, but here's my .02.

Explaining yourself so thoroughly only makes it sound like you feel the need to explain yourself... which only happens when you know you're in the wrong. Right?

So why not do as Wiley said and leave it at:

It is my job to arrange flights. Judge XXXX was exceedingly unhappy with kiddo flying to either of our homes very late at night, and so there are no options other than first flight on Saturday, as it's important that she miss no more school than is absolutely necessary.

End of story.

 

[Proserpina]

I really figured that the court order would help. I know - I was the idiot to have such wishful thinking.

The guy works afternoons. Because of his schedule, I have made sure that I didn't schedule early flights so as not to inconvenience him.

I've made an effort for her NOT to miss school if it is AVOIDABLE. Now, he'll scream because she is going to miss an hour of school next week to go to the dentist. We took their schedule every which way to Sunday and it was the best that I could do. It was either that, or come summer, she would have to wait another two month before another teeth cleaning (to put it 8 months between.) Since daddy has refused to send me HIS insurance information, I have no idea if there are better options with a different dentist. (mine is an HMO plan.)

I really figure the issue is that HE doesn't have control over the schedule.

Y'know, Tink, my hat goes off to you. The patience you've shown is frankly mind-boggling!

With that said...I don't think you need to explain yourself to that degree. You're not in the wrong here and I honestly don't think you need to justify anything. Keep it short and sweet, straight and to the point.