Worst Possible situation

[chiefsfan01]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

Please bear with me, as this is a long terrible story. I was engaged to a woman (lets call her B), about 7 years ago. We lived together, but not for long. We ended up breaking up, and she left to another state. She got married, but always remained in contact with me (off an on). For years, around 4, B has been asking me to come and get her out of her marriage. I kept all the emails she sent me, texts, etc. She begs and begs, so finally I did. For around a year, I've told her to go talk to a lawyer and file for divorce, but she never did. She has two kids with her Husband. She comes out to visit me couple months ago, we spent a couple days together. Where she again asked me to come get her, and that she only wanted a life with me. So Last month I fly out to her state, and ask her if she wants to leave, and she asks me to take her back to VA, where we'd file for divorce. She left without her two kids (abandonment). When we arrive in VA, instead of moving in with me, and going to talk to a lawyer, she moves into her parents house (same town). Then I found out last monday that she is pregnant with my child, and that her husband and her mom has been encouraging her to get an abortion. They found out about her carrying my kid prior to me. But she still does not move in with me, and continues to talk with her husband. I then find out that shes going to go back to her husband, with my kid. She says she doesnt want an abortion, but I truly believe that they will force her into it (she's really mentally emotionally weak). At this point my only concern is for the child, and I have major fears about the wellbeing of him/her, if they allow it to have a life. I think I have good grounds for a custody issue after the child is born, as shes demonstrated severally irrational behavior, but do I have any rights to ensure they dont have an abortion?

Furthermore, if they do have the baby, how I can ensure that the baby doesnt carry her husbands name? They would probably have him sign the birth certificate just to try and hurt me. Would I just have to fight for custody, and If/When I get custody then get the Name Changed, and Birth Certificate changed?

I have an appt with a lawyer this week, but as this will be a out of state thing I'm not sure what can be done. When I file for custody, do I file in my state? Or hers?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia
Please bear with me, as this is a long terrible story. I was engaged to a woman (lets call her B), about 7 years ago. We lived together, but not for long. We ended up breaking up, and she left to another state. She got married, but always remained in contact with me (off an on). For years, around 4, B has been asking me to come and get her out of her marriage. I kept all the emails she sent me, texts, etc. She begs and begs, so finally I did. For around a year, I've told her to go talk to a lawyer and file for divorce, but she never did. She has two kids with her Husband. She comes out to visit me couple months ago, we spent a couple days together. Where she again asked me to come get her, and that she only wanted a life with me. So Last month I fly out to her state, and ask her if she wants to leave, and she asks me to take her back to VA, where we'd file for divorce. She left without her two kids (abandonment). When we arrive in VA, instead of moving in with me, and going to talk to a lawyer, she moves into her parents house (same town). Then I found out last monday that she is pregnant with my child, and that her husband and her mom has been encouraging her to get an abortion. They found out about her carrying my kid prior to me. But she still does not move in with me, and continues to talk with her husband. I then find out that shes going to go back to her husband, with my kid. She says she doesnt want an abortion, but I truly believe that they will force her into it (she's really mentally emotionally weak). At this point my only concern is for the child, and I have major fears about the wellbeing of him/her, if they allow it to have a life. I think I have good grounds for a custody issue after the child is born, as shes demonstrated severally irrational behavior, but do I have any rights to ensure they dont have an abortion?

No, you don't.
Really. Even-if whatever.

Furthermore, if they do have the baby, how I can ensure that the baby doesnt carry her husbands name? They would probably have him sign the birth certificate just to try and hurt me.

No, you can't ensure any such thing.

Would I just have to fight for custody,

Yes, I guess so. No shot in heck at winning, but yes you could do that.

and If/When I get custody then get the Name Changed, and Birth Certificate changed?

That would be a process.

I have an appt with a lawyer this week, but as this will be a out of state thing I'm not sure what can be done. When I file for custody, do I file in my state? Or hers?

Your lawyer can disabuse you of these wild notions. But it would be the child's state for any legal actions.

 

[chiefsfan01]

Yes, I guess so. No shot in heck at winning, but yes you could do that.

I'm curious how you think I'd have no shot at winning? I'd love to hear how you can make a finite decision like that without any knowledge about it at all. I'm all ears!

 

[Silverplum]

I'm curious how you think I'd have no shot at winning? I'd love to hear how you can make a finite decision like that without any knowledge about it at all. I'm all ears!

Knowlege of the law. I'll amend my "finite decision" to something more appropriate, like, "a .000028% shot at winning custody."

 

[chiefsfan01]

We'll have to agree to disagree then.

Actually there are alot of details I didnt disclose about the situation. I'll provide a few of them. She is 99.99 % sure that she would not get custody of her kids during her divorce (I disagreed, and why I told her to talk to a lawyer), because she abandoned them when she left her state. That is the reason she is now going back to her husband. Everything that she thought would make it clear that she wasnt going to get custody of her kids, I can use as well. Medications(depression/sleep/etc), Criminal past, Abandoning her own kids, irrational behavior, lack of job, suicidal (with police report) husband, husband making death threats to me (on voicemail), etc. Everything I have I have documented, via text/email/voicemail/letter/police report.

But I'm glad that you can cast judgement on something when you dont know the paticulars, and if you knew as much you claim you did, perhaps you'd withhold your limited and incorrect judgements on a situation that you know nothing about.

Enough bickering though, I'm here looking for advice on how to proceed, not "You dont have a chance" etc.

 

[Silverplum]

We'll have to agree to disagree then.

Okey-dokey.

Actually there are alot of details I didnt disclose about the situation.

Your choice. You had your chance.

I'll provide a few of them. She is 99.99 % sure that she would not get custody of her kids during her divorce (I disagreed, and why I told her to talk to a lawyer), because she abandoned them when she left her state. That is the reason she is now going back to her husband. Everything that she thought would make it clear that she wasnt going to get custody of her kids, I can use as well. Medications(depression/sleep/etc), Criminal past, Abandoning her own kids, irrational behavior, lack of job, suicidal (with police report) husband, husband making death threats to me (on voicemail), etc. Everything I have I have documented, via text/email/voicemail/letter/police report.

I'm sure your attorney, who is charging by the minute, will be exceedingly interested in going over each and every one of these "proofs" in individual detail. It'll be great. You'll enjoy it. S/He will be your new bestie, and you can talk for hours about your fling.

But I'm glad that you can cast judgement on something when you dont know the paticulars, and if you knew as much you claim you did, perhaps you'd withhold your limited and incorrect judgements on a situation that you know nothing about.

That's what you think. You're probably right. I mean, you've shown how much you know about law and protecting yourself from legal consequences. You've hired an attorney. You must be right.

Enough bickering though, I'm here looking for advice on how to proceed, not "You dont have a chance" etc.

*pops popcorn*

 

[Proserpina]

We'll have to agree to disagree then.

Actually there are alot of details I didnt disclose about the situation. I'll provide a few of them. She is 99.99 % sure that she would not get custody of her kids during her divorce (I disagreed, and why I told her to talk to a lawyer), because she abandoned them when she left her state. That is the reason she is now going back to her husband. Everything that she thought would make it clear that she wasnt going to get custody of her kids, I can use as well. Medications(depression/sleep/etc), Criminal past, Abandoning her own kids, irrational behavior, lack of job, suicidal (with police report) husband, husband making death threats to me (on voicemail), etc. Everything I have I have documented, via text/email/voicemail/letter/police report.

But I'm glad that you can cast judgement on something when you dont know the paticulars, and if you knew as much you claim you did, perhaps you'd withhold your limited and incorrect judgements on a situation that you know nothing about.

Enough bickering though, I'm here looking for advice on how to proceed, not "You dont have a chance" etc.

You have NO reason to be so rude. You received a response based upon what YOU posted - if you neglected to include important information, don't get pissy with the responders.

I'm sure your attorney just loves you.

 

[LdiJ]

Here is the deal....

If she returns to her husband, rather than initiating a divorce, then her husband will be the legal father of the child she is carrying now. Its not even necessary for her husband to sign anything when the child is born, the law says that any child born within a marriage is the legal child of the husband. In fact, even if she initiates a divorce at this time, her husband will still be the legal father, because conception took place while they were married. You, she and the husband could stipulate that the child is not his, but legal procedures would have to take place.

You have no standing whatsoever to keep her from aborting the cihld.

If she carries the child to term then you would have the option of filing a case to determine paternity, and you would also be able to file for custody and visitation at that time. However, all of that will take time, and the child will be bonded with the mother during that period of time, which is why you honestly have little chance of primary custody.

What you will have however, if the child is yours, is the right to be a part of the child's life and to have joint decision making regarding the child.

 

[chiefsfan01]

I appreciate the information, and what you describe is what I'm afraid of. Such a messy situation, I appreciate your response though.

Thanks

 

[goddessoflubboc]

This lady (if what you say is true) has serious problems. You have not helped her at all. You have enabled her, and helped make her problems worse. One could almost make a case that you took advantage of her.

When she calls again, and she will call again if she doesn't get help, you need to say I'm sorry I can't help you, goodbye, and hang up.

If you are hellbent on proving that your DNA created this child, that's your right.

But that right (if you are biodad) brings with it responsibilities. Financial support for your child. Being a part of your child's life (which puts you in mom's life, unavoidable).

And ignore the advice you have been given by the above posters at your own peril.

For your future edification, no one but the pregnant woman (not her bf, fiancee or even husband) gets to decide whether or not she has an abortion or gives birth.