Visitation for this coming weekend

[mdmother]

Ok, since you've moved beyond the legal questions...


Would it kill you to let him have her in the morning? Of course, you're not legally obligated to, but look at it as a New Year goodwill gesture!

lol....nope, it wouldn't kill me, however, my aunt, uncle, and cousins are coming over to my parents house so that we can do Christmas with the little ones. She has not seen the cousins in over six months. Because he has had her the majority of her break, I did not feel that it was a big deal to keep her those extra hours, even though he has off (and legally, he doesn't have her that morning).

I guess it depends on what we can come up with as a compromise! I will see how he takes it this evening and go from there. If he throws a hiss-fit, then I will try and come up with a compromise that both of us feel is fair.

 

[LdiJ]

lol....nope, it wouldn't kill me, however, my aunt, uncle, and cousins are coming over to my parents house so that we can do Christmas with the little ones. She has not seen the cousins in over six months. Because he has had her the majority of her break, I did not feel that it was a big deal to keep her those extra hours, even though he has off (and legally, he doesn't have her that morning).

I guess it depends on what we can come up with as a compromise! I will see how he takes it this evening and go from there. If he throws a hiss-fit, then I will try and come up with a compromise that both of us feel is fair.

I honestly don't feel that this is something that you need to compromise on. Your orders are clear, its clearly your time, and you have a family reason for exercising your time.

Yes, bending and compromising are always good when its reasonable to do so. That absolutely promotes good coparenting. However, giving up your time, when you have good reason not to promotes bad coparenting as well.

Neither of you should be able to throw a hiss-fit to get something that you are not entitled to get. Each of you needs to recognize when you are asking for something you are not "entitled" to and realize that when the other parent lets you have it that they are doing you a favor. That is one of the biggest ways to promote good coparenting.

Some of the posters here have a tendency to encourage parents to "give in" to the other parent in the spirit of coparenting, but I am actually against that if its the result of a "hiss-fit". Giving into the other parent when they throw a "hiss-fit" when they are clearly in the wrong, just encourages them to continue to throw "hiss-fits" to get their way.

I don't care if the person throwing the hiss fit is the mother or the father...the custodial parent or the non custodial parent. I don't believe that either parent should give in to a hiss-fit.

However, I absolutely believe that both parents should "give in" when its something important to the other parent. Weddings, funerals, family reunions, other important family events such as yours, etc.

If your ex starts to throw a hiss-fit, my response would be..."its my time under the court order. I have an important family gathering. I am willing to let you have our child 3 hours early anyway. I am sorry if that disappoints you, but you wouldn't be happy if I tried to take some of your time when you had an important family event either."

 

[CJane]

Personally? I wouldn't wait for him to say anything. I'd strap kiddo in and then say "Hey, would you like a couple extra hours on Friday? If you want to pick her up at Mom's at 3, that'd be awesome!

 

[mdmother]

Update

I honestly don't feel that this is something that you need to compromise on. Your orders are clear, its clearly your time, and you have a family reason for exercising your time.

Yes, bending and compromising are always good when its reasonable to do so. That absolutely promotes good coparenting. However, giving up your time, when you have good reason not to promotes bad coparenting as well.

Neither of you should be able to throw a hiss-fit to get something that you are not entitled to get. Each of you needs to recognize when you are asking for something you are not "entitled" to and realize that when the other parent lets you have it that they are doing you a favor. That is one of the biggest ways to promote good coparenting.

Some of the posters here have a tendency to encourage parents to "give in" to the other parent in the spirit of coparenting, but I am actually against that if its the result of a "hiss-fit". Giving into the other parent when they throw a "hiss-fit" when they are clearly in the wrong, just encourages them to continue to throw "hiss-fits" to get their way.

I don't care if the person throwing the hiss fit is the mother or the father...the custodial parent or the non custodial parent. I don't believe that either parent should give in to a hiss-fit.

However, I absolutely believe that both parents should "give in" when its something important to the other parent. Weddings, funerals, family reunions, other important family events such as yours, etc.

If your ex starts to throw a hiss-fit, my response would be..."its my time under the court order. I have an important family gathering. I am willing to let you have our child 3 hours early anyway. I am sorry if that disappoints you, but you wouldn't be happy if I tried to take some of your time when you had an important family event either."

I received a call around 615 that they were back from New Jersey early and wanted to meet me earlier than 8. I agreed happily.

When I got to our meeting point, I was completely prepared to say, we will see you on Friday afternoon, get in the car and go. However, I must say he impressed me tremendously. He said, where do you want to meet on Friday. I said we will be at my mom's. He then said what time. I said, we will be there all day, you are more than welcome to pick her up anytime from 3 on. He said , kiddo is that alright with you I (which drives me crazy because it's not up to her and I don't want her to feel like she has to choose which parent she wants to be with). She says yup, and he says I will see you then.

Everything worked out well and everyone is happy. He has expected her on other holidays that aren't outlined in our agreement when it clearly wasn't his day and there was him throwing a fit. I don't usually give in to him, and he knows this. Maybe this was why he didn't get all upset because he knew it is my time and I wasn't going to back down on this.

 

[LdiJ]

I received a call around 615 that they were back from New Jersey early and wanted to meet me earlier than 8. I agreed happily.

When I got to our meeting point, I was completely prepared to say, we will see you on Friday afternoon, get in the car and go. However, I must say he impressed me tremendously. He said, where do you want to meet on Friday. I said we will be at my mom's. He then said what time. I said, we will be there all day, you are more than welcome to pick her up anytime from 3 on. He said , kiddo is that alright with you I (which drives me crazy because it's not up to her and I don't want her to feel like she has to choose which parent she wants to be with). She says yup, and he says I will see you then.

Everything worked out well and everyone is happy. He has expected her on other holidays that aren't outlined in our agreement when it clearly wasn't his day and there was him throwing a fit. I don't usually give in to him, and he knows this. Maybe this was why he didn't get all upset because he knew it is my time and I wasn't going to back down on this.

Wonderful...it all worked out.