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Disability info announced in class in 2004/05

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izzie01

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mn
I just recently found something my son wrote recently for a college class that brings to light why he will not register at college office (2 year community ) for accommodations for his disability, Aspergers, very high functioning.
My son was receiving direct services until about 8th grade. He did have some issues and was upset about being in "special ed" so I had him get indirect services until graduation. He did come home in tears one day and said he hated being in "special Ed" and how he was treated and it was ruining his life. I could never get any specifics out of him, and did not relay this story to me. I made serveral calls to the school the next day or two after he came home and could not find out anything that specifically happened that day. Now after all this time I finally know why.

He has not let me see any of his papers he has written for his college classes, has been very distrustful of people. Now I know why, I happened upon this in Word program. My son does not know I read this and probably would kill me if he finds out. He has been really flexing his I am an adult now muscles, 18 soon to be 19. But maturity wise he is behind his peers, but is catching up.

This is what he wrote, I am very sure it is what happened the day he can home upset when he was in 8th grade. (It is not the whole paper) Sorry this is hard to read.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
. In my case, my experience was closer to Gregory’s; I was singled out as having a disadvantage
I remember it happening during class time, sometime in the early half of my junior high career. Every so often a guest speaker would come in and preach tolerance and other such topics. They were usually uninteresting, but a break from the typical monotony of class. One Thursday, our homeroom teacher announced Friday we would have a guest speaker talking about respecting those with Asperger’s syndrome. That’s an interesting topic, I thought. I never knew Asperger’s syndrome was well known enough to generate discrimination, let alone a guest speaker regarding it.
I had been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome by the school several years ago, but I never believed I genuinely had it. I always felt as if my mind worked fairly normally. Of course it’s not possible for me to define “normal” considering I’ve never occupied another’s consciousness. In any case I felt as if I fit in well enough.
On that Friday the guest speaker entered the classroom. She was a short, stout woman who acted nervously, as if we wouldn’t believe her arguments. The first thing she did before speaking was announced that there was one person in the class who had been diagnosed with Asperger’s, then followed the statement with a pause. This was typical of guests, they would say that someone had it in the room, everyone looks around in curiosity, and the speaker would announce that it is in fact them who have it.
“Ís it Heather?” one student joked, followed by the laughter of her neighbors.
“No,” said the speaker “It’s David here”
My face flushed red. Amazing, I thought, the school collaborated with the speaker to announce my disability publically in front of everyone who I’d rather not know that fact.
“David, if you’re uncomfortable with this discussion, you could step out into the hall.”
I wasn’t going to have my peers consider me to both a coward and a disabled man in one day, so I opted to stay in the class. I didn’t see how they could possibly make me more humiliated than I was at that point in time. The speaker, obvious to how this could be considered embarrassing to me, described the symptoms of Asperger’s and asked me in front of the class if I experienced them. Difficulty in feeling empathy? I suppose. Social awkwardness? On occasion. Obsession with an unusual subject? Not that I could think of.
It continued for an hour, although it felt as if it were for several. Every one of my peers’ eyes were trained on me. They studied and classified my behavior; “So that’s what someone with Asperger’s looks like.” At one point in the lecture the guest speaker made us all put out notebooks on our heads and try writing our names. She said that this is what Aspergers felt like. I wondered if this activity was twice as hard for the others considering they’re normal.
“Aspergers isn’t necessarily a disability. Both Albert Einstein and Newton had it” she said as she smiled at me. If I wasn’t so mortified by the previous forty-five minutes of class I would have considered that encouragement, and pointed out Asperger’s was unheard of during both of their lifetimes. She wrapped up her speech, packed up her notes, and left the class as the final bell rung. I had never ran for the bus that fast in my life. Now these people I had known for years, who I had gone to grade school with, knew my most closely guarded secret.
I simply could not believe that the school would be okay with this lecture. Surely they were even less in tune with others emotions than myself if they could not foresee this further alienating me from the rest of my class. This is why Gregory’s narrative reminded me of my personal experience. The teacher in his story showed a complete indifference to the students feelings in order to prove a point. While the teacher in my story had good intentions, in his she did not. I empathize with his feeling of being shamed in front of his peers.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I want the school to pay!!!I know this is extremely illegal what they did to him. If I had been told about this when it happened you can bet you sweet *** I would have been on a warpath. I am livid about this and can't discuss this with my son, and probably shouldn't bother if I/my son can't sue them silly for this. We lost our insurance and have no way to pay for counseling or what ever it may take to get him help he needs. He may not even accept help at this point. If he fails his classes he will loose the Pell Grant he received to help pay for school, will go on academic suspension. Do I just wait for his world to fall apart. By the way, I don't have money for a lawyer either.

I feel like I don't have any strength left to fight for him.
What do I do, if anything. It just makes me want to cry.
 
Last edited:


Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I suggest you stop poking around in your adult-son's affairs...


What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mn
I just recently found something my son wrote recently for a college class that brings to light why he will not register at college office (2 year community ) for accommodations for his disability, Aspergers, very high functioning.
My son was receiving direct services until about 8th grade. He did have some issues and was upset about being in "special ed" so I had him get indirect services until graduation. He did come home in tears one day and said he hated being in "special Ed" and how he was treated and it was ruining his life. I could never get any specifics out of him, and did not relay this story to me. I made serveral calls to the school the next day or two after he came home and could not find out anything that specifically happened that day. Now after all this time I finally know why.

He has not let me see any of his papers he has written for his college classes, has been very distrustful of people. Now I know why, I happened upon this in Word program. My son does not know I read this and probably would kill me if he finds out. He has been really flexing his I am an adult now muscles, 18 soon to be 19. But maturity wise he is behind his peers, but is catching up.

This is what he wrote, I am very sure it is what happened the day he can home upset when he was in 8th grade. (It is not the whole paper) Sorry this is hard to read.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
. In my case, my experience was closer to Gregory’s; I was singled out as having a disadvantage
I remember it happening during class time, sometime in the early half of my junior high career. Every so often a guest speaker would come in and preach tolerance and other such topics. They were usually uninteresting, but a break from the typical monotony of class. One Thursday, our homeroom teacher announced Friday we would have a guest speaker talking about respecting those with Asperger’s syndrome. That’s an interesting topic, I thought. I never knew Asperger’s syndrome was well known enough to generate discrimination, let alone a guest speaker regarding it.
I had been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome by the school several years ago, but I never believed I genuinely had it. I always felt as if my mind worked fairly normally. Of course it’s not possible for me to define “normal” considering I’ve never occupied another’s consciousness. In any case I felt as if I fit in well enough.
On that Friday the guest speaker entered the classroom. She was a short, stout woman who acted nervously, as if we wouldn’t believe her arguments. The first thing she did before speaking was announced that there was one person in the class who had been diagnosed with Asperger’s, then followed the statement with a pause. This was typical of guests, they would say that someone had it in the room, everyone looks around in curiosity, and the speaker would announce that it is in fact them who have it.
“Ís it Heather?” one student joked, followed by the laughter of her neighbors.
“No,” said the speaker “It’s David here”
My face flushed red. Amazing, I thought, the school collaborated with the speaker to announce my disability publically in front of everyone who I’d rather not know that fact.
“David, if you’re uncomfortable with this discussion, you could step out into the hall.”
I wasn’t going to have my peers consider me to both a coward and a disabled man in one day, so I opted to stay in the class. I didn’t see how they could possibly make me more humiliated than I was at that point in time. The speaker, obvious to how this could be considered embarrassing to me, described the symptoms of Asperger’s and asked me in front of the class if I experienced them. Difficulty in feeling empathy? I suppose. Social awkwardness? On occasion. Obsession with an unusual subject? Not that I could think of.
It continued for an hour, although it felt as if it were for several. Every one of my peers’ eyes were trained on me. They studied and classified my behavior; “So that’s what someone with Asperger’s looks like.” At one point in the lecture the guest speaker made us all put out notebooks on our heads and try writing our names. She said that this is what Aspergers felt like. I wondered if this activity was twice as hard for the others considering they’re normal.
“Aspergers isn’t necessarily a disability. Both Albert Einstein and Newton had it” she said as she smiled at me. If I wasn’t so mortified by the previous forty-five minutes of class I would have considered that encouragement, and pointed out Asperger’s was unheard of during both of their lifetimes. She wrapped up her speech, packed up her notes, and left the class as the final bell rung. I had never ran for the bus that fast in my life. Now these people I had known for years, who I had gone to grade school with, knew my most closely guarded secret.
I simply could not believe that the school would be okay with this lecture. Surely they were even less in tune with others emotions than myself if they could not foresee this further alienating me from the rest of my class. This is why Gregory’s narrative reminded me of my personal experience. The teacher in his story showed a complete indifference to the students feelings in order to prove a point. While the teacher in my story had good intentions, in his she did not. I empathize with his feeling of being shamed in front of his peers.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I want the school to pay!!!I know this is extremely illegal what they did to him. If I had been told about this when it happened you can bet you sweet *** I would have been on a warpath. I am livid about this and can't discuss this with my son, and probably shouldn't bother if I/my son can't sue them silly for this. We lost our insurance and have no way to pay for counseling or what ever it may take to get him help he needs. He may not even accept help at this point. If he fails his classes he will loose the Pell Grant he received to help pay for school, will go on academic suspension. Do I just wait for his world to fall apart. By the way, I don't have money for a lawyer either.

I feel like I don't have any strength left to fight for him.
What do I do, if anything. It just makes me want to cry.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
I'm sure it was very helpful for him to write that out. It would be even more helpful for him to talk about it.

At this point, there is NOTHING that you can do to the school. If you'd known about it at the time, you could have had a stern talk with them. But that's about all you could have ever done, and now 5 years later, there would be no point at all.
 

lealea1005

Senior Member
I want the school to pay!!!I know this is extremely illegal what they did to him. If I had been told about this when it happened you can bet you sweet *** I would have been on a warpath. I am livid about this and can't discuss this with my son, and probably shouldn't bother if I/my son can't sue them silly for this. We lost our insurance and have no way to pay for counseling or what ever it may take to get him help he needs. He may not even accept help at this point. If he fails his classes he will loose the Pell Grant he received to help pay for school, will go on academic suspension. Do I just wait for his world to fall apart. By the way, I don't have money for a lawyer either.

I feel like I don't have any strength left to fight for him.
What do I do, if anything. It just makes me want to cry.
Ya know...here's the thing....as "mama lion" we'd all go through great lengths to protect our children from being hurt, and that's totally understandable. Perhaps writing it all down was cathartic for him and helped HIM move past what could have been a disaster. Now it's your turn to let it go, or it will continue to eat you alive. Have you considered having a constructive discussion with your son, including some possible role play, about how he currently handles an embarrassing situation? It may help both of you.

As for the legality of having his former school "pay", it's been way too long.
 

Mass_Shyster

Senior Member
As others have said, it's probably too late to take any legal action. That certainly doesn't mean that nothing can be done.

If there is a local autism/asperger's support group, go talk to them. If nothing more, maybe they can identify the guest speaker and let her know what damage she has caused.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
Also, there is almost certainly a counseling center at his school that he can make use of for no additional charge. It would be included in his school fees.

You should definitely also talk to him. If he left it on a computer that he knows you use, then part of him probably WANTED you to see it.
 

izzie01

Member
I know there is nothing that could legally be done, too long. I guess I am venting. If you don't know, Aspergers is a developmental disability in the Autism Spectrum Disorder. He probably did not understand what was done to him was against the law, and common sense. Although I always tried to get him to be an advocate for himself, I did sometimes have to intervene for his benefit to get accommodations when needed. Also, I usually spoke with some of his teachers at the begin of each semester to make sure they understood his "quirks", very rigid in thinking and takes most things very literally, sometimes leading to mis- understandings. He is pretty intelligent you can tell by his writing, that's always been his strength. But recognizing when he needed help was always a struggle. So they took advantage of someone with a disability who did not recognize what was done was extremely against the law to do and has made it impossible for him to trust his "secret" will be safe. Shame on them.

When he came home on that fateful day he wouldn't tell me what happened, just hates being in the Special Ed program. He locked himself in his room for almost a whole day in tears. I called and spoke with all of his teachers and Special Ed staff to find out if anything specific happened. I think now they closed ranks and lied to me. Shortly after this, at my sons request I had him switched from direct service to indirect during an IEP meeting I called. I do remember bringing up trying to find out if something specific happened to upset my son so much, they all said no.

A few days ago I contacted the school district regarding this, the head of Special Ed of a very large school district. She said they doubt if they have any record anymore of this speaker or which teacher had such a speaker. I know from past experience teachers sometimes just invite someone into the classroom on their own, not through school channels so there is probably no record. She was very apologetic of course, said she would "check into it". I doubt very much if I will ever hear from her again. I could tell she was really upset and shook up about this situation..I remember her, she used to be in the Jr High as the head of Spec. Ed in the school my son attended. I was almost under the impression she knew about this, I spoke with her for nearly an hour and I had to actually cut our conversation short.

Sorry, venting. But if you have someone in Special Ed/services do not rest if you think something is wrong, get to the bottom of it. I just feel I failed.
 

quincy

Senior Member
Izzie01, I received your Private Message. Much of my response to it is also included here.

It may be possible to take action against the school district, even at this late date. But you should consult with an attorney in your area to see what legal remedies are available at this point in time, and to see if any legal action would be limited to one taken by your son and not you.

I know you say that money is scarce, but perhaps you can take advantage of an attorney's "free initial consultation" or a free legal aid clinic or, if one is near you, a law school. Or you can contact the Minnesota State Bar Association for guidance (www.mnbar.org).

Minnesota has a "discovery rule," which can allow for a person to bring legal action over an injury that is "discovered" at a later date (as in cases of sexual abuse or domestic abuse), and this can also allow for a parent to bring suit for an injury suffered by their child when their child was a minor.

Minnesota also has a "Minor's Tolling Statute," which extends for minors the statute of limitations (the time within which a suit must be brought), starting at age 18 and for 7 years after that. This allows adults ages 18 to 25 to seek legal recourse for injuries sustained when they were minors.

From what you have posted, it sounds as if the school violated FERPA, IDEA, Minnesota's Government Data Practices Act, and a Minnesota privacy tort (publication of private facts). The school appears to have violated your son's rights by disclosing his private medical information to the speaker, and the speaker violated your son's rights by revealing to the students in the school your son's private medical information.

There are some difficulties I see, however. One major one could be if a legal action needs to be taken by your son and not you. Your son has never discussed this issue with you, and you just happened to stumble across his papers, so you would need to start a discussion. He may be reluctant to speak of it, or he may be reluctant to do anything about it.

It is also possible that your son's "essay" was not based on a true incident but was a piece of fictional writing (well written, by the way).

And another problem could be in demonstrating injury enough to be compensated.

Because there are still time limits you must consider (I believe you must report a FERPA violation within 180 days from the date you learn of the violation, for instance), I suggest you speak with an attorney (one specializing in special education would probably be best), and go over with him all of the facts of your situation. It may also be a good time to broach the subject of the paper with your son.

I wish you good luck.

Further information can be found at the following:

www.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/students.htm
or at 20 USC 123.2g
and the Minnesota Government Data Practices Act: Mn Statute §13.04 (2)
 
Last edited:

izzie01

Member
Thank you Quincy. I do plan on bringing this up soon, maybe over winter break. I don't want to upset him before finals.
 

quincy

Senior Member
You're welcome, Izzio.

Because a FERPA violation can affect the school's federal funding, the school district may be willing to work with you to come to a satisfactory resolution outside a courtroom. FERPA violations have, in the past, spawned civil lawsuits for tortious wrongdoing (invasion of privacy, defamation, civil rights actions under 42 USC §1983).

The attorney you speak to, if you and/or your son choose to pursue this, will be able to tell you whether any of the above could apply, and what can and cannot be realistically done in your situation.

And I encourage you to encourage your son to continue writing. His essay was well-composed, beautifully written.

Again, I wish you good luck.
 

izzie01

Member
Finally asked my son about this. Yes, it really did happen. I explained to him that he has the option to file a case against him for this violation. He said he didn't want to. It was so long ago, he is over it, and the school district is hurting for money. I told him it might pay for a year of college or more, but he has no interest in this. I guess I am proud of him, he got over it.
 

Humusluvr

Senior Member
Finally asked my son about this. Yes, it really did happen. I explained to him that he has the option to file a case against him for this violation. He said he didn't want to. It was so long ago, he is over it, and the school district is hurting for money. I told him it might pay for a year of college or more, but he has no interest in this. I guess I am proud of him, he got over it.
I had similar "calling-out" issues in school. I am diabetic, and was often singled out by well-meaning :rolleyes: people. Imagine how horrifying it was for people to say "Oh, is it her?" and then insisting I had to have special food restrictions. Being singled out repeatedly led to me being an overweight teen, on anti-depressants, angry at the world, have an eating disorder - but eventually coming to terms with it.

All the life challenges I faced constructed me into the thoughtful adult I am today. I have taken an approach that "no one can stop me from doing what I aim for" attitude, and have gone on to become a successful adult. Those horrible moments of being called "diseased" and "different" have made me strong.

I wouldn't advise you to keep telling your son that you could benefit financially from this mishap, though. That is irresponsible on your part, because you never know if you can, and you shouldn't put that in his head, that he is due payment for that moment.

Work this into a positive moment, a life-changing moment, but not a lawsuit.
 

hermes77

Member
Finally asked my son about this. Yes, it really did happen. I explained to him that he has the option to file a case against him for this violation. He said he didn't want to. It was so long ago, he is over it, and the school district is hurting for money. I told him it might pay for a year of college or more, but he has no interest in this. I guess I am proud of him, he got over it.
In a word WOW. He's over it, let him be over it. Instead of turning your momma lion energies to making them pay, I submit that they did him a service. They helped him grow. They did it the wrong way, but none the less they did help him grow. I can tell that you have been a good and supportive parent, and I urge you to continue on that path. I also urge you to allow him to be the man he is trying to be. You should appologize for reading his papers and explain why you did it. Presumably it was because youw ere concerned that he rarely or never let's you see his work. You should tell him how proud you are that he was able to write that paper. Quite frankly I don't know that I could have if I were in his position. You could ask him to show you some of his papers that he writes in the future because it makes you feel good about him and about the job you have done raising him.

As I think about it, I realize that to some extent you also did what the school did. You took something private and made it no longer private. It would be a good thing if you made an effort to make that right. Your motivation was in the right place, but so was the schools. It was an overall good thing to do, but so was what the school did. You both used the wrong methodology. I', not chastising you so much as pointing out that there are at lease three sides. Yours, the schools, and his. In this case, I think his side has the most weight. He's over what the school did, and I urge you to do what you can to help him get over what you did. Even if it was for all the right reasons, from his point of view (flexing his I'm my own man muscles), you too were wrong. Encourage him to be his own man, and try and teach him that being a man isn't always about being a man alone on an island. It's about doing what's right. It's about doing what you can, getting help when you need it, and knowing when that is. I am genuinely impressed with the lengths you have gone to in an effort to support him, but it's getting time for him to be on his own. Let him be on his own with you as a fallback plan. Teach him to plan things in his life.

For example: Lots of parents teach their children to count money. Many teach them to save. Few teach them how and when to spend. Even fewer teach them how to invest. Those are skills he will need. There are other skills, those were just an example. If he wants to be his own man, he'll need to pick those up BEFORE he's on his own. The real skill in there is how to plan. What is his plan to pay for college? What is the likely outcome? What's plan b? Plan c? What's his plan for when college is done? What are the steps in these and the other plans? Are there any spots where the plans come together and you can get a lot for a little effort? Does he have a written list of life goals WITH DATES to get them done by? That last one is the key to success listed by an awful lot of fortune 100 CEO's. In other words it's what real men do. Real men plan before they act. There is a time for reaction, but plans can even be made for that.

If you help him get on track with these things, he'll likely be more open to sharing other things with you. It will take time, but you have that. He likely didn't share his papers with you because it's a kid thing to get the A and put it on the refrigerator. Help him understand that even though it's a kid thing it's important to you (and it doesn't have to go on the refrigerator anymore).
 

quincy

Senior Member
izzie01, I think you have every reason to be proud of your son. He sounds like a fine man.

Thanks for posting back with the update. :)
 

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