Questions on Paternity,visitation,support

[Nicaho]

The "woman friend" had access to the baby, and therefore the DNA that's required. YOU are going to have to get a court order, serve Mom, she'll have to go to the swabbing place, etc.



It's VERY likely she won't let you see the child until a court orders her to. EVEN AFTER child support is established. And she's under no obligation to do-so. At all.

Well her babys dad also had to get ordered to take the test. So maybe add a couple weeks there to get the letter in the mail to go to the testing place. I dunno for sure and that's why I am here. I anticipate it being months. 3-4 maybe longer. My biggest goal is to have the baby out on my own for a couple hours when visitation starts. And the guidelines state at 5-6 months so I'm hoping I will get that from the start. Maybe I can't take her on my own til much later but I can only hope for the best.

And I completely understand that she has every right not to let me see her until there is an order. Doesn't make me happy but I understand it's the law. Only time will tell and if she doesn't then I'm going to make the most of the time I have today and until then with my daughter.

 

[liandrajade]

kudos for being a good dad or trying to be, thats very respectable...also fyi....if you do buy anything for your child, keep the receipts to show you have been attempting to provide your child with the necessary items, clothes, pampers, formula etc....good luck with everything, know that the law is on your side, legally once paternity is established you will have every right to see your child and be part of her life...in the end thats all that matters**************..

 

[WittyUserName]

I wish you the best....and also that you & Mom are able to get to an amicable co-parenting relationship in the end. You'll be dealing with her for the next 18 years and beyond, so please keep that in mind as you navigate the next few months.

 

[Mamax2]

Also, wouldn't it help for him to keep track of his visits with baby for future use - showing the court that he has had visits, times and days - in showing that he was (or did contact her and try because mom may cut him out once she gets the notice)? I've always been told to keep a calendar and logbook and print off the emails and texts. Yes, she doesn't HAVE to let him visit, BUT, if he can show that he DID, and then she stopped it, would that not have some impact on the court? (just asking for reference)

Like dated photos - especially ones with him and baby, with date/time, and then mom and baby, and one of them together... Dunno - I might be stirring up the pot here, but curious about it.

 

[Nicaho]

Also, wouldn't it help for him to keep track of his visits with baby for future use - showing the court that he has had visits, times and days - in showing that he was (or did contact her and try because mom may cut him out once she gets the notice)? I've always been told to keep a calendar and logbook and print off the emails and texts. Yes, she doesn't HAVE to let him visit, BUT, if he can show that he DID, and then she stopped it, would that not have some impact on the court? (just asking for reference)

Like dated photos - especially ones with him and baby, with date/time, and then mom and baby, and one of them together... Dunno - I might be stirring up the pot here, but curious about it.

I myself dont know if it helps or not but I am going to keep track of as much as i can. I just got back from visiting the little princess Mom and I set up a visitation schedule for now. Tues and Thurs and Sat for 2hrs at a time. She says that we can only do the Sat every weekend for a couple months. Cause that would just make it too hard for her to plan anything for the weekend. Well the guidelines go up to 18months of 3 non-consec days so she might be in for a let down.

I asked about the birth certificate and she said my name was on it. I didnt sign anything so is this possible?? If so she could put Tiger Woods down and he would be responsible?? I think she is up to something. If the state sees my name on there she might not get some of the benefits she is receiving...I dunno?

She asked when I was gonna start paying support and I just told her soon. Then she went up to let her boyfriend know I guess. He probably mad cause he has to pay until.

Well I am getting to see her tomorrow as well (my day) so I will continue to keep up the fight and make the most of what I can. Thanks for the advice so far!!!

 

[Isis1]

I myself dont know if it helps or not but I am going to keep track of as much as i can. I just got back from visiting the little princess Mom and I set up a visitation schedule for now. Tues and Thurs and Sat for 2hrs at a time. She says that we can only do the Sat every weekend for a couple months. Cause that would just make it too hard for her to plan anything for the weekend. Well the guidelines go up to 18months of 3 non-consec days so she might be in for a let down.

I asked about the birth certificate and she said my name was on it. I didnt sign anything so is this possible?? If so she could put Tiger Woods down and he would be responsible?? I think she is up to something. If the state sees my name on there she might not get some of the benefits she is receiving...I dunno?

She asked when I was gonna start paying support and I just told her soon. Then she went up to let her boyfriend know I guess. He probably mad cause he has to pay until.

Well I am getting to see her tomorrow as well (my day) so I will continue to keep up the fight and make the most of what I can. Thanks for the advice so far!!!

he doesn't have to pay a darn thing! right now, it's ONLY mom's responsibility. whether or not she is receiving child support is none of his freaking business anyway!

dad, you can request a copy of the birth certificate from the department of vital records yourself as soon as the forms are submitted from the hospital. don't depend on mom to provide you with copies of anything.

 

[Zigner]

For the OP.

When the kids were younger, my daughter and my wife would often hear "You two look soooo much alike!".

They didn't meet until my daughter was 6 years old. Generally, "looks" do NOT mean squat

 

[Nicaho]

For the OP.

When the kids were younger, my daughter and my wife would often hear "You two look soooo much alike!".

They didn't meet until my daughter was 6 years old. Generally, "looks" do NOT mean squat

That's other people saying that and I agree. People said the same about me and her son looking alike. Far from it. I think people just say it to say it sometimes. I looked nothing like her son at all. It's different with your own maybe. I can not deny my ears though! I see me in her but maybe I am wrong. I will find out

 

[Nicaho]

he doesn't have to pay a darn thing! right now, it's ONLY mom's responsibility. whether or not she is receiving child support is none of his freaking business anyway!

dad, you can request a copy of the birth certificate from the department of vital records yourself as soon as the forms are submitted from the hospital. don't depend on mom to provide you with copies of anything.

Can I request even if my name is not on there? I guess if they tell me no then I know it is not huh?!?

 

[Isis1]

Can I request even if my name is not on there? I guess if they tell me no then I know it is not huh?!?

exactly

 

[Rushia]

That's other people saying that and I agree. People said the same about me and her son looking alike. Far from it. I think people just say it to say it sometimes. I looked nothing like her son at all. It's different with your own maybe. I can not deny my ears though! I see me in her but maybe I am wrong. I will find out

Oh they do say it! My oldest son with my ex was with me when I went to sign the paperwork for our new car. The salesman told me that my son looked just like his father! I had to laugh as DH is NOT his father (brown hair and eyes) and my son is blonde and blue eyed and is a carbon copy of me (he looks nothing like his actual father either). LOL, told the guy that was nice of him, but he'd already made the sale and had no further need to suck up. It was great watching him turn red.

 

[mommyofmany27]

Glad you're getting a DNA test, very smart of you. Also very smart to put away child support in a separate account. You seem to be showing a huge amount of initiative and maturity. These are qualities that every parent hopes the other parent has so that co-parenting is easier. But it's honestly very hard to find. Hopefully Mom will put aside whatever personal feelings she has towards you long enough to see that you are trying to step up to the plate. Good luck and congrats on the little one!!

 

[Hoosyermom]

I asked about the birth certificate and she said my name was on it. I didnt sign anything so is this possible?? If so she could put Tiger Woods down and he would be responsible?? I think she is up to something. If the state sees my name on there she might not get some of the benefits she is receiving...I dunno?

In the state of Indiana in an unmarried situation the mother cannot put anyone on the birth certificate as the father unless the father signs the AOP and the only last name that can be put down for the baby is the mothers legal last name. Definitely get a DNA test, in this day and age every man should get one.

 

[Nicaho]

In the state of Indiana in an unmarried situation the mother cannot put anyone on the birth certificate as the father unless the father signs the AOP and the only last name that can be put down for the baby is the mothers legal last name. Definitely get a DNA test, in this day and age every man should get one.

Once paternity is established and I go to court I can petition for a name change right? I would like for mine to be included even if hyphenated. Or should I not even bother. I will love her the same no matter what. I know we weren't married and I lost that right but as far as advice goes...what is best for the child? Her son has his fathers last name and they were not married. If she gets married then she will probably take new guys last name. At any point can she change either or both child's last name to a new husbands? The answers are never easy.

 

[LdiJ]

In the state of Indiana in an unmarried situation the mother cannot put anyone on the birth certificate as the father unless the father signs the AOP and the only last name that can be put down for the baby is the mothers legal last name. Definitely get a DNA test, in this day and age every man should get one.

The bolded is absolutely NOT correct for Indiana. The mother can give the baby any last name at all that she likes in an unwed situation. It can be hers, it can be the alledged father's or it could be any other last name in the world that has nothing to do with either one of them. The hospital won't necessarily tell mom that, but nevertheless its true.

However its 100% true that dad cannot be listed on the BC unless dad either signs the AOP at the hospital or dad establishes paternity through court. Those are the only two options in Indiana...and many judges in Indiana will order a DNA test even IF dad signed the AOP at the hospital and even if both parents agree that dad is dad. Indiana judges tend to want to make sure that dad is really dad.

My guess in this scenario is that mom is a little uncomfortable about dad (come on guys we all know that his initial request to spend the night at the hospital without her support system being around was over the top) and therefore mom chose to give the child her last name and chose not to press the issue of the AOP. That turned out to be the best for dad as well because its in his best interest for there to be a court ordered paternity test.

Bottom line, what is going to happen in Indiana is that dad needs to establish paternity/custody/parenting time/child support. That will result in dad getting joint legal custody (joint decision making) and that they will be ordered to following the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines.

How fast that will happen depends on the county and the county court's backlog.

I appreciate that dad wants to get paternity and child support established ASAP...but dad would be better off combining that in a court case to establish joint legal custody and parenting time.

I agree that dad should not pay child support until a court orders it. However I agree with the idea of dad putting money aside for support so that he can pay off any initial arrearages from the get go.