Can school give student cleaning detention?

[Country Living]

My daughter phone went off again....

I'm not sure her mom was having a bad day. It's more of mom understanding a child's need for structure so mom did the right thing. This never should have gotten this far. The daughter should have had her punishment, learned from it, and become a better student/daughter/friend as a result. Instead she turned out to be a pretentious brat who continued to flaunt the rules.

Don't think for one minute she's not having a good laugh with her friends that her daddy bails her out (read that to be: "Daddy does what I want").

Thank goodness for mom!

 

[msmom22000]

I've been reading this thread and all I can say is WOW. Seriously, how do you expect your precious princess to make it through life? How will she ever learn to respect, not only the rules of society, but others? We all have to do things we don't like, or want to do. That's part of life. Deal with it and teach princess to deal with it or she's going to end up either in therapy for a good portion of her life, or in an abusive relationship just so she can continue to live in the lifestyle you've made her feel she's entitled to.

My boyfriends son (12yo) has a problem with following rules at school. Not only did he have in school suspension this year, but he got to clean the girls bathrooms. He may learn one day, he may not...lol. I do know he thinks a girls bathroom is the grossest thing in the world. (can't say I disagree with him much there...lol) Bottom line....he's not getting away with getting into trouble. His dad would never even think to tell the school they have no right to make him clean. Our house is never as clean as when he's in trouble Unfortunately, he's hard-headed, but he will definitely never be allowed to think he doesn't have to follow the rules of society like your precious princess.

 

[stealth2]

Here's the question, though - does princess STILL have her cell phone? I might be moved to allow the kiddo to keep it after one mistake. But the second time? I'd get to keep it for a week, then s/he could have it back off school hours only. This situation would not be permitted to repeat itself.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Randomguy,

My princess decided to get in trouble in school yesterday. When I went to school to pick her up, I spoke with the Principal.

Because I need to put the breaks on her behaviour, I actually suggest to the Principal that my daughter do two weeks of detention AND scrub tables and floors.

Princess got to spend the afternoon with a babysitter, who managed to read to her from Proverbs AND a book of manners.

You see, NOW is the time to rein in this type of behaviour. YOU cannot save Princess from herself after she's 18. Better to learn life lessons NOW instead of in front of a sherriff.

 

[randomguy]

Thanks for everyone insight....my daughter is finding out what it's like when you really piss off a parent. Daughter got in to argument with mom after she got home that day from school about why she was so mean to her. She decide to show her frustration by throwing phone at mom...a big no, no, no,no(can you say time to call cops, it's a battery right?). Anyway, no more phone for sure till end of this school year. That should keep mom happy, no more phone calls from school about cell going off. Now that mom is in charge, daughter been given cleaning chores at mom company every Saturday , for as long as mom decides to(as result of her throwing phone at mom and screaming at her) otherwise daughter is grounded for 3 month if she refuses to do it. Daughter said it's not fair to me, only thing i could say, life is not fair deal with it.
Ugh, teens they could be so nice one day and turn monsters the next. Thx everyone legal advice.

 

[CdwJava]

Thanks for everyone insight....my daughter is finding out what it's like when you really piss off a parent. Daughter got in to argument with mom after she got home that day from school about why she was so mean to her. She decide to show her frustration by throwing phone at mom...a big no, no, no,no(can you say time to call cops, it's a battery right?). Anyway, no more phone for sure till end of this school year. That should keep mom happy, no more phone calls from school about cell going off. Now that mom is in charge, daughter been given cleaning chores at mom company every Saturday , for as long as mom decides to(as result of her throwing phone at mom and screaming at her) otherwise daughter is grounded for 3 month if she refuses to do it. Daughter said it's not fair to me, only thing i could say, life is not fair deal with it.
Ugh, teens they could be so nice one day and turn monsters the next. Thx everyone legal advice.

I think it was less "legal" advice than it was the collected experience of those of us who have children or work around them frequently.

In the end, I believe your daughter will be stronger and wiser for the experience and she will come to understand that some actions DO have consequences ... consequences she might not appreciate.

Hopefully you understand that protecting her from even "yecchy" consequences is not always the best thing. And while the school cannot force a child to do things such as cleaning, it is often one of those tasks that they do NOT want to do and can often be a great deterrent to future activity ... if they don't like scrubbing the tables after lunch, they may seek to avoid any behavior that will get them there again!

Good luck!

 

[cyjeff]

The only time anything was thrown at me by one of my kids, that kid watched me pull out a pair of scissors and destroy it in front of them.

It was a book... by the way.

I haven't had anything thrown at me since.

I really think your wife is on the right track, here. I know it seems terrible... but it isn't like she is pushing a stone block up a ramp to finish a pyramid.

She has to clean. Wow. Does CPS know?

This is NOTHING. I make my kids clean because it is Saturday.

 

[Country Living]

The only time anything was thrown at me by one of my kids, that kid watched me pull out a pair of scissors and destroy it in front of them.

It was a book... by the way.

I haven't had anything thrown at me since.

I really think your wife is on the right track, here. I know it seems terrible... but it isn't like she is pushing a stone block up a ramp to finish a pyramid.

She has to clean. Wow. Does CPS know?

This is NOTHING. I make my kids clean because it is Saturday.

Jeff - share your "hole moving" story with randomguy. Ah, heck - share it with the mom.

 

[cyjeff]

Sure....

Random... my dad was an Army DI. He also decided to have seven children.

We all ate regularly and had clothes that (mostly) fit, but dad didn't put up with much.

For truly terrible things, dad would walk to the back yard with the offender and an idiot stick.

An idiot stick is a stick with a shovel blade on one end and an idiot on the other.

Dad would point to a hole... it was roughly 3 feet deep and 3 feet wide. He would then say, "Move that hole over there...." and would point across the yard.

Moving 9 cubic feet of dirt focuses the mind wonderfully.... and leaves you far too tired to get into trouble.

Physical labor is a wonderful teaching tool... dad would call it his "attention getter".

 

[Country Living]

The minute that cell phone went in the air "Cyjeff's Rule for Unruly Teenagers" would go into effect. (I'm paraphrasing - I really need to find that original post!)

She loses all privileges. No phone in the bedroom (includes cordless). The computer, TV, stereo, Ipod, anything else that's electronic gets confiscated and stored somewhere. The door is taken off her bedroom and is stored in the garage. Her car is parked and locked and mileage documented. There is no need for a curfew because she can't go anywhere. She does all of her assigned chores without whining.

The door can go back on her bedroom once she finishes her original punishment and is truly contrite. She has to earn back the other privileges. A slow boat will be faster - she has to know this is punishment. Do not make it easy on her.

As soon as that cell phone went airborne that would be the last she would see of it. She can get her own cell phone when she graduates and can pay for it herself. Don't give me that "safety issue" - she calls and texts her friends. A cell phone is a privilege!!!!

 

[cyjeff]

The minute that cell phone went in the air "Cyjeff's Rule for Unruly Teenagers" would go into effect. (I'm paraphrasing - I really need to find that original post!)

She loses all privileges. No phone in the bedroom (includes cordless). The computer, TV, stereo, Ipod, anything else that's electronic gets confiscated and stored somewhere. The door is taken off her bedroom and is stored in the garage. Her car is parked and locked and mileage documented. There is no need for a curfew because she can't go anywhere. She does all of her assigned chores without whining.

The door can go back on her bedroom once she finishes her original punishment and is truly contrite. She has to earn back the other privileges. A slow boat will be faster - she has to know this is punishment. Do not make it easy on her.

As soon as that cell phone went airborne that would be the last she would see of it. She can get her own cell phone when she graduates and can pay for it herself. Don't give me that "safety issue" - she calls and texts her friends. A cell phone is a privilege!!!!

That phone's next stop would have been to the garbage disposal. If she wanted a new one, she can pay for it.

Maybe she could take over for the maid.

And when the child says, "Your punishment is too strict!!! I hate you!!!", you know the punishment is working.

When a child falls back to playing emotional games, you know you are hitting them where they live.

one last piece of advice... if your kids don't hate you occasionally, you aren't being a parent... you are being a friend.

The Gilmore Girls was a TV show. Kids have tons of friends... but only two parents.

If you aren't willing to step up and be a parent, you aren't doing your job.

 

[stealth2]

Thanks for everyone insight....my daughter is finding out what it's like when you really piss off a parent. Daughter got in to argument with mom after she got home that day from school about why she was so mean to her. She decide to show her frustration by throwing phone at mom...a big no, no, no,no(can you say time to call cops, it's a battery right?). Anyway, no more phone for sure till end of this school year. That should keep mom happy, no more phone calls from school about cell going off. Now that mom is in charge, daughter been given cleaning chores at mom company every Saturday , for as long as mom decides to(as result of her throwing phone at mom and screaming at her) otherwise daughter is grounded for 3 month if she refuses to do it. Daughter said it's not fair to me, only thing i could say, life is not fair deal with it.
Ugh, teens they could be so nice one day and turn monsters the next. Thx everyone legal advice.

You REALLY do not get it, dude. That's the ONLY thing you could come up with to say? How about something like...

"Well, princess... I tried to help you out the first time, but you completely disrespected me by having your phone on and ringing again within days of that time. Now, you have completely disrespected your mother by not only yelling at her, but also by throwing your phone at her. The punishment Mom AND I have agreed to for you is not unreasonable and is a direct result of your disrespect and inability to follow rules. It's time for you to grow up and learn how to be a civilized person. Continue behaving as you have, and there will be further consequences. Your mother and I support each other completely in correcting the mistakes we've made with you. You will no longer be allowed to play us against each other."

Seriously - you need to start acting like a parent.

 

[Country Living]

You REALLY do not get it, dude. That's the ONLY thing you could come up with to say? How about something like...

"Well, princess... I tried to help you out the first time, but you completely disrespected me by having your phone on and ringing again within days of that time. Now, you have completely disrespected your mother by not only yelling at her, but also by throwing your phone at her. The punishment Mom AND I have agreed to for you is not unreasonable and is a direct result of your disrespect and inability to follow rules. It's time for you to grow up and learn how to be a civilized person. Continue behaving as you have, and there will be further consequences. Your mother and I support each other completely in correcting the mistakes we've made with you. You will no longer be allowed to play us against each other."

Seriously - you need to start acting like a parent.

Excellent!

 

[stealth2]

one last piece of advice... if your kids don't hate you occasionally, you aren't being a parent... you are being a friend.

I am going to disagree slightly. It is possible to be both a parent AND a friend to your children. And your kids don't necessarily have to hate you to see you as a parent.

My kids have never (and they are nearly 16 and 18) said that they hate me. Never. That's a word that is simply not allowed in this home. We can be angry at one another, we can dislike one another at the moment, we can wish the other would go away for a while. But we never, ever *hate* one another. That is a seriously strong emotion that can cause a great deal of damage to a relationship and should never be used lightly.

As for being parents vs friends... I believe my kids see me as both. They know that I rule the roost. But I'm usually the first or second one who knows about the stuff going on in their lives. (The other is their sibling.) It's only after that, that they tell their other friends stuff.

And I find it difficult to find anything wrong with that. It is possible to juggle those two roles w/o blurring the lines.

If you aren't willing to step up and be a parent, you aren't doing your job.

This, I will agree with.

 

[cyjeff]

You can get away with it because the lines aren't blurred.

Parent first, friend second.

You, yourself, said that you "rule the roost". Therefore, there is a hierarchy in place... with you at the tippy top of the pyramid.

Don't get me wrong... my kids don't have to fall out for inspection or anything... we laugh, we cry, we share.... in fact, mostly we laugh and share.

Kids LIKE knowing that there is someone there that makes sure the lines are clearly defined.

In that way, kids are like dogs. If there isn't someone clearly defined as the alpha, the CHILD will try to become the alpha and control the situation.

Random, you are not the alpha in your own home. It is not being "mean" to show a child that actions have results.

Mean. Please.

Stealth, I understand your point about the word "hate". However, very few words in my house are outlawed... in an attempt to remove their power. I understand why it is an ugly word... but to see her face the first time she shouted it at me and I just said, "well, I love you... and like you. but I can't let that behavior go unpunished."