Grandparent's behavior

[7kids2parents]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

I have another thread on here but this is a different issue so please don't be mad

The mother of my 3 year old daughter and I are in a custody battle right now. My ex sent our daughter to live with her parents. She doesn't want to give me custody because she gets welfare benefits for my daughter, plus her parents give her money every month in exchange for her letting my daughter stay with them. If you want the whole story the other thread is called "can she do this."

I had my daughter for visitation this weekend. She told me that her Nanny told her that Nanny and Papa were her Mommy and Daddy now and that she needs to call them mommy and daddy. She said that she calls my ex by her first name, Deana, when she's not around. She's very confused. She actually thinks that Deana is no longer her mommy and that her grandma is. She only sees her mom every once in a while but I see her every other weekend and never miss.

My first question is: Is there anything legally I can do about them making her call them mommy and daddy? Isn't is some kind of brainwashing or something?

Next, my ex's live in boyfriend is very violent (he has 4 orders of protection out against him right now). A lady I go to church with saw Deana in Walmart yesterday. She said my ex had 2 black eyes. She also said that Deana told her she had been suspended from work for a week without pay, but wouldn't tell her why.

My second question is: Since the court still believes that my daughter is living with my ex can I use this information to get an immediate custody hearing (mediation has been ordered)?

 

[CJane]

So, without looking up your previous thread... I'm guessing you filed a motion to modify the current custody?

What was THAT based on?

I'm not seeing an emergency.

 

[Ohiogal]

I think since your daughter is referring to grandma and grandpa AS mommy and daddy that you should let her continue to do so. That is your job as a parent. She is voluntarily referring to them as such. She is not being forced to do so at your house and therefore it is something she wants to do. Hence you should definitely allow her to do so AND you should definitely encourage it. You should also refer to grandma and grandpa as mom and dad because that is something your child wants to do. We wouldn't want to let you as an NCP off the hook.

After all you were the one who stated:

Being a parent means doing things that your child wants to do. Do I like going to baseball practice all the time...no but I do it because as a parent I'm supposed to. It seems to me that all NCPs are let off the hook of any parental obligation that may not fit into their now mostly childless world.

See how stupid that advice is now that it is coming back at you?

 

[7kids2parents]

Well I didn't want to go thru all the other link cause you all get so mad when that happens but since you asked. In the beginning of October 2009 my ex moved out of her parents home. She moved in with her boyfriend and didn't tell the court or me. When I picked my daughter up for visitation on 10/16/09 her grandparents told me that Deana had left and they hadn't seen or heard from her.

Then on 10/21/09 my ex had the sheriff physically remove my daughter from her parent's home and took her to live with her.

On 10/30/09 when I had visitation, my daughter told me that Michael (the new boyfriend) had been watching her while Deana went to work and that he had spanked her for not wanting to eat her noodles. I called Deana she said it was none of my business what went on in their home. I called DCFS but since there were no bruises there was nothing I could do.

11/13/09, my next visitation, Deana didn't bring my daughter. They wouldn't let me or her grandparents talk to her. She was ticketed by the police for violating visitation order.

11/16/09 Deana sent my daughter to live with her parents because Michael had slapped my daughter in the mouth and bruised her legs with a belt. I was not informed of this until much later.

Visitations went fine for a while.

12/10/09 Deana and her mother got into an arguement and Deana once again had the sheriff physically remove the child. This is whenthe grandparents told me about the bruises and stuff from 11/16/09. They had taken pictures. I called DCFS and an investigation was started on 12/11/09.

Sometime the week of Christmas DCFS visited Deana and Michael's home.

12/24/09 Deana missed visitation again and was ticketed.

On 12/26/09 Deana took my daughter back to her mother and father's home to stay because Michael said they needed time alone.

12/31/09 DCFS came to my home to interview Riley because Deana and Michael would not allow them to speak to her. Riley told them what happened but since it was reported so long after it occured they didn't think there was much they could do. The DCFS agent did tell me though that this Michael guy has a criminal history a mile long. He currently has 4 orders of protection out against him right now. He was convicted last year of beating up the mother of one of his children and can not have visitation with his own child because the child is listed on the protection order. The other OPs are family members, grandmother, mother and I think sister.

When this all began in October I filed for a change in custody because at first her mother had abandoned her with her grandparents and no one had heard from her. Now I have found out a whole lot more about the situation that is going on with Deana and Michael.

Right now my daughter is staying with her grandparents but when Deana finds out that she is calling her Nanny mommy she will pull her away again to live with Michael.

My daughter told me that her Nanny told her to call them mommy and daddy. She also said that I am her only Daddy. I don't think that she came up with this all on her own. She refers to them as Nanny and Papa at my house and this just started this last week. Deana may not want to be her mom but I want to be her dad and I truly believe that when the custody suit is over I will have her living with me.

 

[7kids2parents]

So, without looking up your previous thread... I'm guessing you filed a motion to modify the current custody?

What was THAT based on?

I'm not seeing an emergency.

She has sent my daughter out of her house 50 miles away in another county to live with her parents.

 

[7kids2parents]

I think since your daughter is referring to grandma and grandpa AS mommy and daddy that you should let her continue to do so. That is your job as a parent. She is voluntarily referring to them as such. She is not being forced to do so at your house and therefore it is something she wants to do. Hence you should definitely allow her to do so AND you should definitely encourage it. You should also refer to grandma and grandpa as mom and dad because that is something your child wants to do. We wouldn't want to let you as an NCP off the hook.

After all you were the one who stated:


See how stupid that advice is now that it is coming back at you?

It's obviously not something she started herself because it just started this last week. She came to me and asked me about it. She doesn't understand why they want her to call them mommy and daddy.

I stand by my advice because I take her to any activity she may want to attend. It is my job as a parent. I am the one who took her trick or treating cause they wouldn't. I took her to VBS every night because her grandpa was too drunk too drive. I take her to at least half of her doctor's appointments. The only reason Deana had custody in the first place is because in Illinois when a child is born out of wedlock then custody automatically goes to the mother.

 

[Isis1]

It's obviously not something she started herself because it just started this last week. She came to me and asked me about it. She doesn't understand why they want her to call them mommy and daddy.

I stand by my advice because I take her to any activity she may want to attend. It is my job as a parent. I am the one who took her trick or treating cause they wouldn't. I took her to VBS every night because her grandpa was too drunk too drive. I take her to at least half of her doctor's appointments. The only reason Deana had custody in the first place is because in Illinois when a child is born out of wedlock then custody automatically goes to the mother.

when a child is born out of wedlock, the child automatically has no father. so of COURSE the child goes with the ONLY parent they have. unless there is proof the mom is unfit at the hospital.

 

[LdiJ]

Grandma and Grandpa wanting the child to call them mommy and daddy is disturbing....very disturbing at this stage in the game.

The child has only been with the grandparents for a few weeks at a time (without mom), twice in the last 3 months or so...maybe a bit longer the second time.

That is absolutely not a point where the grandparents should even have an inkling of an idea that the child should be calling them mommy and daddy, particularly when the child has an active father. The grandparents should realize that dad is next in line for custody if it gets taken away from their daughter.

That is an indication that the grandparents are unnaturally attached to the child and have unrealistic expectations for the future.

Do the grandparents realize that you have filed for custody?

 

[Ilinfoplz]

when a child is born out of wedlock, the child automatically has no father. so of COURSE the child goes with the ONLY parent they have. unless there is proof the mom is unfit at the hospital.

We were together when the child was born and I signed a voluntary paternity agreement and am on the birth certificate. We all lived together for 2 years after the child was born but when we broke up my ex moved back in with her parents. So your statement that the child automatically has no father is FALSE I have always legally been her father

I'm sorry this under a different user name I was unaware that my wife opened an account on here. I will log out of hers and log into mine.

 

[Isis1]

We were together when the child was born and I signed a voluntary paternity agreement and am on the birth certificate. We all lived together for 2 years after the child was born but when we broke up my ex moved back in with her parents. So your statement that the child automatically has no father is FALSE I have always legally been her father

so you filed that document with the court right after you signed it right? how did the courts know you were the LEGAL father at the time of the child's birth?

 

[Ilinfoplz]

In Illinois if you sign the voluntary paternity paper then you are legally the father. If you sign it you can't fight child support or even ask for a paternity test because you have admitted to being the child's father.

 

[7kids2parents]

It is filed along with the birth certificate. I was given a copy by the attorney general's office when I went to get my visitation order.

 

[Ohiogal]

It is filed along with the birth certificate. I was given a copy by the attorney general's office when I went to get my visitation order.

And until the court gives you rights YOU HAVE NONE that are enforceable. You screwed up by not getting a court order so that you could enforce your rights. So don't blame everyone else for your ignorance.

 

[LdiJ]

And until the court gives you rights YOU HAVE NONE that are enforceable. You screwed up by not getting a court order so that you could enforce your rights. So don't blame everyone else for your ignorance.

OG, he DOES have visitation rights. He is trying to modify CUSTODY because the child is living with the grandparents instead of mom.

 

[CJane]

Are you the same guy that was wondering if he should agree for the grandparents to have custody?