Grandparent's behavior

[7kids2parents]

I have court ordered visitation rights along with joint legal custody of my daughter. The moment we broke up I fought to get these rights.

I did ask a question a few months ago asking if my ex had the right to give custody to her parents because that is what they said that she did. They tell me that they now have custody of my daughter because Deana has sent her to live with them. The court did not order this. Deana signed a paper and gave it to her mother that states "Della (last name) is the my agent. She is allowed to pick up and drop off Riley (last name) for visitation." The states' attorney said that this paper essentially makes Della (the grandmother) and Deana (the mother) the same person in the eyes of the court. I found out through an attorney that this is a load of crap and custody can not be legally transfered like that. It has to be signed by a judge.

I asked under the grandparents rights section if her parents can sue for custody or visitation and win. They initially said they would sue Deana for custody but then they spoke to an attorney who told them if I wanted custody it would go to me before them.

I hope this has cleared some things up.

 

[nextwife]

Mom cannot OVERRIDE a court ordered custody arrangment. The only thing that changes a court order is a subsequent court order.

 

[7kids2parents]

I spoke to an attorney about everything going on. Right now, he says, I can't make them stop calling themselves mommy and daddy to my daughter. However it does not look good on them to the court.

Secondly, I do not have to give my daughter over to them at the end of visitation unless Deana calls me and tells me they are going to pick her up. She never calls me and I don't have a phone number for her, I don't even know where she lives. I haven't spoken to Deana since she missed visitation on Christmas Eve.

Just wanted to give an update.

 

[7kids2parents]

Update

I had visitation with my daughter this weekend. When I picked her up from her grandparents I told them, as per my attorney, that would not be bringing her back to them unless I heard from Deana on the issue. Drunk grandpa got in my face and started yelling. He said that MY daughter had to live with him until she was 5. He is actually a step grandfather. He started pushing me, I told him to back off. Our drop off place is the sheriff's department so when they heard him yelling the police came outside.

Grandpa then said that he has a $700 dentist bill for me to pay. He said that he is going to file something at the courthouse to get me to pay it. First of all, there is nothing in our visitation papers that state I have to pay anything toward medical expenses. My daughter is on the medical card but they refused to take her to a dentist who accepted it (Grandma's cousin is a dentist, they went to him). I know for a fact that he doesn't accept medical card.

Question #1: Can I be held responsible for this bill? The bill was sent to them at their home address. They took her to the dentist without consulting Deana or me. If anyone other that grandma and grandpa is responsible for the bill it should be Deana, she left our daughter in their care.

Question #2: Grandpa said that he was going to sue me for daycare charges. He said that he was providing my daughter daycare in his home but then said that he was paying a licensed daycare to keep her. Either way he said he was going to sue me for these costs. Can I be held responsible for a) babysitting charges by the grandpa? b) for daycare charges that were never discussed with me?

I figure he is just blowing but he will probably file something cause that's how he is, sue crazy. I just want to know if I have anything to worry about.

Thanks!

 

[rbw5147]

Without a doubt, he's blowing hot air.


As for your daughter calling her grandparents "Mommy and Daddy," I thought that I would share my experiences with something similiar. When my children were 3 and 5, my ex-husband remarried. Yes, within a couple of months, they told my kids that their stepmom was their "new Mommy." It was heartbreaking to hear my 3 old son explain his 3 year old rational for this. What I finally decided was that this wasn't about me or my ego. I explained as best that I thought they could understand who their "Mommy and Daddy was and always would be," and then I told them that they could call their SM whatever THEY wanted to. I decided that if it made THEIR lives easier and less conflicting when they were with their Dad and SM (Dad was the CP), that was the most important thing.


They are now 13 & 15 and wouldn't DREAM of calling her, "Mom." I honestly think that they have a little resentment towards their Dad and SM for telling them to do what they did. They've come to that conclusion on their own... not by any influence by me.

 

[LdiJ]

I had visitation with my daughter this weekend. When I picked her up from her grandparents I told them, as per my attorney, that would not be bringing her back to them unless I heard from Deana on the issue. Drunk grandpa got in my face and started yelling. He said that MY daughter had to live with him until she was 5. He is actually a step grandfather. He started pushing me, I told him to back off. Our drop off place is the sheriff's department so when they heard him yelling the police came outside.

Grandpa then said that he has a $700 dentist bill for me to pay. He said that he is going to file something at the courthouse to get me to pay it. First of all, there is nothing in our visitation papers that state I have to pay anything toward medical expenses. My daughter is on the medical card but they refused to take her to a dentist who accepted it (Grandma's cousin is a dentist, they went to him). I know for a fact that he doesn't accept medical card.

Question #1: Can I be held responsible for this bill? The bill was sent to them at their home address. They took her to the dentist without consulting Deana or me. If anyone other that grandma and grandpa is responsible for the bill it should be Deana, she left our daughter in their care.

Question #2: Grandpa said that he was going to sue me for daycare charges. He said that he was providing my daughter daycare in his home but then said that he was paying a licensed daycare to keep her. Either way he said he was going to sue me for these costs. Can I be held responsible for a) babysitting charges by the grandpa? b) for daycare charges that were never discussed with me?

I figure he is just blowing but he will probably file something cause that's how he is, sue crazy. I just want to know if I have anything to worry about.

Thanks!

He is blowing smoke. He is simply upset because you are not rolling over and allowing the grandparents to raise the child.

 

[CJane]

He is blowing smoke. He is simply upset because you are not rolling over and allowing the grandparents to raise the child.

That said, you CHOSE to have that confrontation with Grandpa IN FRONT OF THE CHILD.

That's pretty crappy, IMO.

It would have been much simpler if you had just participated in the exchange, and then kept the child if that was your intent. But no, you had to heighten the drama.

Poor baby.

 

[7kids2parents]

That said, you CHOSE to have that confrontation with Grandpa IN FRONT OF THE CHILD.

That's pretty crappy, IMO.

It would have been much simpler if you had just participated in the exchange, and then kept the child if that was your intent. But no, you had to heighten the drama.

Poor baby.

The following is an email from my attorney:

"What I need to know is this: is [your daughter] presently with you or with her grandparents? If she is with you, then you need to call Della and Tony and tell them that, per your attorney’s instructions, you will not be giving her to them unless Deana calls you and asks you to and tells you when and where she will be picking [your daughter] up from them. If she is with them, then you need to pick her up at the next exchange and tell them then that you won’t be returning her to them unless Deana makes specific arrangements for them to pick [your daughter] up for her.



We need to make sure that we are giving them as much notice about this as possible so they don’t cry foul and we end up having to defend against a visitation interference citation as well."

This is the only reason I said anything at all to them. I was following the advice given to the T. I put my daughter in the car before I told them anything. I didn't start anything. I wasn't trying to start anything.

The only thing I said to drunk grandpa in response was "Don't touch me." I walked away while he was screaming at my back. He then started texting and calling me. I did not answer the calls they went to voicemail.

I do not feel that I was in the wrong at all I was just following the instructions given to me by the man I paid $4000 to advice me in this matter.

 

[LdiJ]

The following is an email from my attorney:

"What I need to know is this: is [your daughter] presently with you or with her grandparents? If she is with you, then you need to call Della and Tony and tell them that, per your attorney’s instructions, you will not be giving her to them unless Deana calls you and asks you to and tells you when and where she will be picking [your daughter] up from them. If she is with them, then you need to pick her up at the next exchange and tell them then that you won’t be returning her to them unless Deana makes specific arrangements for them to pick [your daughter] up for her.



We need to make sure that we are giving them as much notice about this as possible so they don’t cry foul and we end up having to defend against a visitation interference citation as well."

This is the only reason I said anything at all to them. I was following the advice given to the T. I put my daughter in the car before I told them anything. I didn't start anything. I wasn't trying to start anything.

The only thing I said to drunk grandpa in response was "Don't touch me." I walked away while he was screaming at my back. He then started texting and calling me. I did not answer the calls they went to voicemail.

I do not feel that I was in the wrong at all I was just following the instructions given to me by the man I paid $4000 to advice me in this matter.

It honestly would have been better if you had notifed them after the fact, rather than at the exchange. Your child didn't need to witness that.

 

[stealth2]

I agree with CJane and LDi - that was terrible advice from your attorney, and a terrible decision on your part. Your child may have been in the car, but you can bet she was aware of the confrontation.

 

[CJane]

I do not feel that I was in the wrong at all I was just following the instructions given to me by the man I paid $4000 to advice me in this matter.

Well then, keep on following his advice when you're in and out of court with Mom for the next decade or so and your kid hates you both and is in therapy. Because HE most assuredly has your child's best interests at heart.

 

[7kids2parents]

You all seem to think this is behavior that is out of the ordinary for her grandpa. My daughter LIVES with him and sees this kind of behavior all the time. He is one of the main reasons that we do all pick ups and drop offs at the sheriff's department. He is drunk everyday. My daughter says, "My papa is drunk everyday. He drinks whiskey all the time." He has pulled a shot gun out on Deana (my daughter's mother) when she came to pick our daughter up and said he was going to blow her head off. My daughter's Uncle Bud also lives with them and she has told me about him choking Deana and slapping her in the face. Everytime grandpa shows up to a pick up for visitation he is yelling. One time about 2 months ago we were inside the sheriff's department to exchange my daughter and he got so loud and was cursing so much that the sheriff told Tony that he would have to leave if he was going to continue acting like that. Him yelling at my back was nothing compared to the things he does on a normal day.

 

[>Charlotte<]

Wow. Grandpa sounds like a real piece of work. And the mother, and the uncle, etc. It's a shame they conduct themselves like that in front of your daughter, I can't imagine how that makes her feel. It sounds like the child could use an adult in her life that doesn't add to her stress. Shouldn't that be you?

 

[CJane]

You all seem to think this is behavior that is out of the ordinary for her grandpa. My daughter LIVES with him and sees this kind of behavior all the time. He is one of the main reasons that we do all pick ups and drop offs at the sheriff's department. He is drunk everyday. My daughter says, "My papa is drunk everyday. He drinks whiskey all the time." He has pulled a shot gun out on Deana (my daughter's mother) when she came to pick our daughter up and said he was going to blow her head off. My daughter's Uncle Bud also lives with them and she has told me about him choking Deana and slapping her in the face. Everytime grandpa shows up to a pick up for visitation he is yelling. One time about 2 months ago we were inside the sheriff's department to exchange my daughter and he got so loud and was cursing so much that the sheriff told Tony that he would have to leave if he was going to continue acting like that. Him yelling at my back was nothing compared to the things he does on a normal day.

And knowing that, you still CHOSE to have a confrontation with him in the parking lot.

You're not winning points.

 

[frylover]

I just want to add that if all these names in your posts are real, you are making it WAY to easy for them to find you here if they were to go looking.