Please Help! Father in distress!

[LdiJ]

Of course it's about my child! I raised her for 5 years and in my opinion I should have never let her move in with her mom because now I am realizing that it was not in the best interest of my daughter.

I am sickened by the damage that has been caused mentally and I pray that there will be a divine intervention so that my daughter grows a loving, caring and respectable adult who is fully aware that all of her family loves and cares about her.

Don't beat yourself up for "letting" the child move in with her mother. You were moving 130 miles away and its likely that a judge would have allowed her to live with her mother if that is what she wanted. That is one time when most judges do tend to take an older child's wishes into consideration...when one parent is moving away. Also, judges often do change custody, even if its not necessarily what a child wants, when one parent moves away. So, all in all its likely that the child would have ended up with mom anyway.

However, if you want to accept responsibility for deciding to move 130 miles away in the first place, that's fair. It was probably a bad decision. Is there any way you could reverse that and move back to mom's community? It might help a great deal to undo some of the damage.

Joint counseling with your daughter might also help as well, but that will be a bit difficult with a 130 mile distance between the two of you...not impossible at all, but a bit difficult.

 

[txmom512]

Of course it's about my child! I raised her for 5 years and in my opinion I should have never let her move in with her mom because now I am realizing that it was not in the best interest of my daughter.

I am sickened by the damage that has been caused mentally and I pray that there will be a divine intervention so that my daughter grows a loving, caring and respectable adult who is fully aware that all of her family loves and cares about her.

I find it interesting that you raised her for 5 years, left her with her mother & moved 130 miles away, and yet somehow you think that all the bad feelings she has towards you are caused by her mother. You don't think maybe you leaving her and moving so far away didn't bother her just a little? I think maybe you need to own your own part in your child's bad feelings towards you as well.

 

[MichaCA]

Tidbit for April 19th. Ask that the receiving parent picks up...doesn't change anyone's advice...but at least that puts you at moms/childs doorstep when its your turn to pick up your child. (if you don't have that in your order already)

 

[proudfatherof4]

I find it interesting that you raised her for 5 years, left her with her mother & moved 130 miles away, and yet somehow you think that all the bad feelings she has towards you are caused by her mother. You don't think maybe you leaving her and moving so far away didn't bother her just a little? I think maybe you need to own your own part in your child's bad feelings towards you as well.

No, I am certain that she has a great deal of resentment (sp.) for me moving away, but there is much more to it than that.

Her mother is evil and the things that she has done to me are much more in depth than what I have posted. I just really didn't want to waste anyone's time with that. It is almost like a mother and daughter bash dad fest day in and day out.

Either way, I will keep on doing what is best and I think just as someone else has posted, I would like to see if the court would order counseling. I would definitely make the point to be there....just as I have for all of my visits and any time she has asked me to be there.

I spoke with my attorney today and he did give me all the same advice, so thanks again and I wish you all the best!

 

[mommyof4]

No, I am certain that she has a great deal of resentment (sp.) for me moving away, but there is much more to it than that.

Her mother is evil and the things that she has done to me are much more in depth than what I have posted. I just really didn't want to waste anyone's time with that. It is almost like a mother and daughter bash dad fest day in and day out.

Either way, I will keep on doing what is best and I think just as someone else has posted, I would like to see if the court would order counseling. I would definitely make the point to be there....just as I have for all of my visits and any time she has asked me to be there.

I spoke with my attorney today and he did give me all the same advice, so thanks again and I wish you all the best!

I'm going to give you a bit more advice.

STOP referring to and thinking of the mother of your child as 'evil'. You are essentially saying that your daughter is half evil and I can guarantee you that your daughter is picking up on your feelings for her mother. Knock it off.

 

[proudfatherof4]

Ok, so I drove two hours yesterday for my court ordered visitation with my daughter. Just as I expected, I was denied my visitation. I showed up and her mother answered the door and said "no she is not going with you, she doesn't want to and you are abusive". I couldn't believe what she said. I have never hurt my daughter or anyone else for that matter.
I did as my attorney attorney advised and contacted the local police to file a report. They came, viewed my court order, talked with me and then went inside and talked with my daughter and her mother. When they had finished they came out and said that they were sorry but they couldn't make her go. Apparently the one office took my daughter aside and asked her what she would do if he made her go because I had an order that said she had to. She told him that she would be kicking and screaming the entire way. He told me that he also asked her about our last visit. I had told him there was no problem the last time and that we had a great time; went roller skating and went to my mom's for the rest of our visit were we hung out and played together and I gave her the Christmas gifts we had been holding all that time. Well she told the officer that she had a horrible time and that she was afraid to go becasue my wife and I fought the entire time. This is a lie. My wife and I don't argue in front of the children. She also told the officer that she was afraid because she has seen me hit one of her brothers in the past. This is also a lie. My oldest son, which is who she was refering to is 9 and can testify to the fact that I never touch my kids. Sure I raise my voice when I am disciplining but I have never given my kids a reason to be afraid. He asked her if I have ever touched her and she did admit that I have never laid a hand on her. I am going to file the contempt papers but I am rather concerned that all my daughter has to do is go into the court and say these lies and she will not have to visit me ever again. I just don't know what to do. She has changed 100%, I have emails and other things from only a short time ago where she was talking about how much she missed us all and loved us and couldn't wait to see us and now she is acting this way. Am I wasting my time by fighting this situation? Any advice would be welcome as I don't know which way to turn anymoree. Also, I had left one of the gifts she forgot at my mom's house hanging on their door after her mom shut the door in my face and they wouldn't even allow her to have it. Her mother asked the officers to give it back to me. I am so hurt that my daughter would make up lies just to avoid me and I still don't understand why her attitude has changed toward me like this.

 

[MichaCA]

No, you are not wrong to fight for this...this is when you need to be active.

Just because she gave mixed stories to the police officer does NOT mean mom cannot be found in contempt...and what you really want is to have the visitation happening again.

I agree with a suggestion brought up earlier, when you file your motion, request that there is counseling for daughter, and/or family counseling. Courts generally appreciate those type of requests.

You can bring up that you think mom is alienating daughter from you, but you can't really prove it. So in that regard, focus on the change in x amt of months, I would even mention the present left outside, state that you really want to move beyond this and you its in your daughters best interest to have regular contact with you.