more issues with NCP

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If it were me with the antics your X has pulled, I would have all my bills and bank statements sent to a PO Box. Don't do a change of address for these; if the X were to send you mail that gets forwarded to your new PO box and the X puts on the envelope, "address corrected requested", they would then send YOUR PO Box information in it.

Change the address for each of your bills directly with your bank or the vendors.

With that said, he wouldn't have the "current" address of your bills. I realize he still has the address of the current home, but that should help. In addition, I would put a freeze on my credit that only YOU can unfreeze.

 

[mommyofmany27]

If it were me with the antics your X has pulled, I would have all my bills and bank statements sent to a PO Box. Don't do a change of address for these; if the X were to send you mail that gets forwarded to your new PO box and the X puts on the envelope, "address corrected requested", they would then send YOUR PO Box information in it.

Change the address for each of your bills directly with your bank or the vendors.

With that said, he wouldn't have the "current" address of your bills. I realize he still has the address of the current home, but that should help. In addition, I would put a freeze on my credit that only YOU can unfreeze.

I hadn't thought about doing that. Thank you for mentioning such a great idea. What I had done is change the electric,cable/internet into only my husband's name as the ex does not have his personal info (ss# or dob).

When/if I'm able to actually get my hands on the proof are there any criminal charges that could be pressed? My biggest concern is protecting the kiddos so this isn't an avenue that I've looked into.

 

[LdiJ]

I hadn't thought about doing that. Thank you for mentioning such a great idea. What I had done is change the electric,cable/internet into only my husband's name as the ex does not have his personal info (ss# or dob).

When/if I'm able to actually get my hands on the proof are there any criminal charges that could be pressed? My biggest concern is protecting the kiddos so this isn't an avenue that I've looked into.

I doubt that it would do you much good to pursue criminal charges on the messing around with your utilities/cable. If he is out of state the charges simply would not be pursued by the DA.

I see one of two things going on here. 1) either your ex has really gone off the deep end, or 2) your ex WANTS you to think that he has gone off the deep end so that you won't pursue him for the CPS issues or child support. I am inclined to think that he has really gone off the deep end, since this behavior isn't particularly new, but I thought I should mention it.

Again, I think that your focus should honestly be on protecting the children and yourself. Residing at an address that he doesn't know, and your children being in schools/daycare that he doesn't know about is one very clear way to do that.

That doesn't guarantee that he cannot track you or them down somehow, but it does guarantee that he cannot just show up on a delusional "whim".

If there is any way at all that you could verify that he is no longer in your home state, that would make the situation less "urgent".

 

[CJane]

Wouldn't hurt to ensure that his CO has copies of everything as well.

 

[mommyofmany27]

I doubt that it would do you much good to pursue criminal charges on the messing around with your utilities/cable. If he is out of state the charges simply would not be pursued by the DA.

I see one of two things going on here. 1) either your ex has really gone off the deep end, or 2) your ex WANTS you to think that he has gone off the deep end so that you won't pursue him for the CPS issues or child support. I am inclined to think that he has really gone off the deep end, since this behavior isn't particularly new, but I thought I should mention it.

Again, I think that your focus should honestly be on protecting the children and yourself. Residing at an address that he doesn't know, and your children being in schools/daycare that he doesn't know about is one very clear way to do that.

That doesn't guarantee that he cannot track you or them down somehow, but it does guarantee that he cannot just show up on a delusional "whim".

If there is any way at all that you could verify that he is no longer in your home state, that would make the situation less "urgent".

I would not be surprised if he is trying to get out of his CS obligation. I believe that he wants to push this far enough that I petition the courts to terminate his rights thus lifting any and all obligations. That is a hard decision for me to even begin thinking about. He is obviously not well right now and should have very limited contact, if any, at this point. However, I'm still holding out hope that he will do some soul searching, find a great therapist and work through whatever he needs to in order to be a positive daddy for them. I chose him, he's dad and that relationship is not one that can be replaced.

As far as his whereabouts, he is still being listed at the same duty station in Tx.

 

[mommyofmany27]

Wouldn't hurt to ensure that his CO has copies of everything as well.

I have been in contact with his CO who said he would look into it and give me a call back. I waited and waited and heard nothing so I went further up and was told the same thing and again the same thing happened. I called IG and left a message on Fri and I'm positive they will not only get back to me but also get in touch with his chain of command and get something done. This will also hopefully get rid of the questions about his current location. If he's still reporting for duty then he's obviously here. But, his CoC has known about the situation from the beginning as I was in contact with them when the investigation started. How interested they truly are though is another story. I'm sure he's drug my name through the mud, but this is about the kiddos and not how daddy feels about mommy or vice versa for that matter.

 

[jenndun]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. I can answer on of your question from experience. We have moved twice since my divorce. Child support in texas is handled through the AG and is based on where the kids live. Both times we moved the office handling their cs has changed. When x requested a change in cs he had to come over to our county for the meetings but the court hearing was held where our divorce was done. Any time x requests a change you can refuse to agree to it and have it heard in front of a judge. I did not know that. X tried to get his lowered by 900 a month. Even had paystubs to back it up. AG held a meeting with us and told me they had to go on what x's paystubs were showing and my support would go down the 900 a month. Then handed me a paper saying sign this that you understand and agree. I look at him and said what if I don't agree. I do not agree. After going over it agian and saying he has to go based on his paystubs I still refused to sign anything. Finally he said I had a right to fight it in court. Even though it was me not agreeing X was responsible for the court fees because he requested the reduction. In the end it did go down but only 200 a month since I could prove he was still working and making good money. You have the right to fight it is all I am saying.

 

[mommyofmany27]

IG and CoC were both in contact with me today. Both have confirmed that he is still here. That does turn this into a more severe situation. All issues were discussed with both IG and CoC. IG is interested in immediate action from his unit, his unit is not as concerned. This does not come as a surprise. I am taking tomorrow off and meeting with his CoC to discuss what they don't see as a 'severe matter'.

My children, husband and myself are all staying with my mother who is about an hour away from the city we live in. Though, not ideal--I don't see any other options right now.

I am going to ask for a PO for myself and to have the children covered in it as well. Is this the right move? I feel that because there is already the current PO for the girls that this may be granted fairly easily. Just a guess and I know I shouldn't be guessing. This time there is no testimony needed because there is firm proof in black and white and he can try to deny it but I'm convinced a judge will see through it.

Though this seems trivial in comparison to what is going on, I want the gf to remove all pictures of our children from her online social sites. How do I go about getting this done? I know there was a recent posting where the consensus was that the mother was within her rights to have such pictures taken down from gf or sm's site, but do I just simply request this or is there any case law, etc that can be cited to back this up?

 

[AkersTile]

However, I'm still holding out hope that he will do some soul searching, find a great therapist and work through whatever he needs to in order to be a positive daddy for them. I chose him, he's dad and that relationship is not one that can be replaced.

I have to say, that was one of the best posts I've seen on here. Way to go MOM!

As far as the pics go, have you tried asking GF if she will take them off? I know on some sites, you can also report the pics. I'll check my FB and MySpace and let you know if you can on those.

 

[mommyofmany27]

I have to say, that was one of the best posts I've seen on here. Way to go MOM!

As far as the pics go, have you tried asking GF if she will take them off? I know on some sites, you can also report the pics. I'll check my FB and MySpace and let you know if you can on those.

Thank you. I certainly haven't always felt this way and it took a long time (and therapy) to get over the feelings left behind because of the events that took place during our marriage. But, at the end of the day, this is the hand I was dealt so I can either deal with it in a healthy way and help my girls form a relationship with him or I can spend my energy being an angry, living-in-the-past wench.

I asked him 4 or 5 months ago to ask her to make her page private if she was going to have pictures of the girls up there. I was trying to be an adult and not create drama. He said he would. If he did then she didn't listen. I checked on it again and made the same request again in December. That obviously fell upon deaf ears. They truly do not understand how much she is overstepping (this is not even the tip of the iceburg) and I have to admit that until I came to this site I didn't realize how much she was overstepping either. This is the same woman who stated that she "wishes murder were legal...at least under certain (or maybe it was special...I'd have to look) circumstances" making reference to his "baby mama" so I refuse to speak to the woman. But, if she's not going to respect my wishes as the mother of the children and just make the stupid page private, then I am not going to play her little game. And obviously right now I can't have a normal conversation with him because of his antics. I'm gonna shut up and just post this before my blood starts boiling because this whole overstepping situation erks me to no end.

But, thank you so much for looking!

 

[mommyofmany27]

The update:
Met with CoC 2-23 and it was very eventful. The advocate for the girls provided by the military went with me. Ex was at this meeting as well which I had no prior knowledge would happen. The meeting was calm at first and then I apparently said some things ex didn't like and the insanity ensued. Ex threatened to take the children and run, spewed more crap and then admitted to changing my utilities. CO was less than pleased and informed ex that his right to live off-post was terminated and he will now reside in the barracks being monitored at all times due to his threats to kidnap the kids. CO let ex know that if there were any more threats of any kind he would have him arrested. Ex flew off the handle at his CO and is now dealing with the consequences of those actions. Ex was asked to leave the meeting and as he was leaving the room he threatened to "get rid" of me. Ex was arrested and charged at the time for making terroristic threats. BUT, I have since been told that the charge may not stick because of the term he used?????!!! CO stated that he is ordering a full psych eval of ex.

Not over yet! Ex's gf showed up at my house that night while I was there getting more clothes for the kiddos. Luckily, the girls were with my mother and did not witness her rant. I immediately called the police. The police simply asked her to leave which she did, but I was given a report so that I have proof of the event.

I have been granted an ex parte for myself. The girls are covered in both (got one against the ex and the other on gf) orders. His attorney is withdrawing from the case and the date for that is well past our court date. So technically she has to represent him for that appearance, correct? I have court this coming Friday (5th) for the PO. The advocate and his CO will be appearing on my behalf and I will be representing myself. I have taken time off from work to prepare myself.

On to the minor problem. I reported the images of the girls on gf's myspace. This was their response:
"Hello,

Thank you for contacting MySpace ParentCare. You are receiving this email because you requested further assistance with your child’s MySpace profile. If this is an emergency or you feel your child’s safety is at risk, please contact your local law enforcement agency immediately. MySpace will cooperate fully with any lawful investigation.

If you are a parent or legal guardian trying to resolve an issue for your child, please note that MySpace cannot mediate personal disputes of fact or opinion. We ask that you try to resolve this issue privately. We will only get involved if the conduct violates our Terms of Use (Terms & Conditions - MySpace.com).

If you have any questions, please reply to this email, leaving the subject line intact. Be sure to check out our Safety Tips (MySpace) for helpful resources on how to protect your children's safety on MySpace.

Sincerely,
The MySpace Support team"

Clearly they misunderstood my email because I never stated that it was the child's myspace. Anyway, this is their policy that I feel the images violate:

"6.3 You represent and warrant that: (i) you own the Content posted by you on, through or in connection with the MySpace Services, or otherwise have the right to grant the license set forth in this Section 6, and (ii) the posting of your Content on, through or in connection with the MySpace Services and/or Linked Services does not violate the privacy rights, publicity rights, copyrights, contract rights or any other rights of any person or entity. You agree to pay for all royalties, fees, and any other monies owing any person or entity by reason of the use of any Content posted by you on or through the MySpace Services and/or Linked Services. "
The link to that page is: Terms & Conditions - MySpace.com

If wrong or if someone can point me in the right direction please help me!

 

[CJane]

The update:
Met with CoC 2-23 and it was very eventful. The advocate for the girls provided by the military went with me. Ex was at this meeting as well which I had no prior knowledge would happen. The meeting was calm at first and then I apparently said some things ex didn't like and the insanity ensued. Ex threatened to take the children and run, spewed more crap and then admitted to changing my utilities. CO was less than pleased and informed ex that his right to live off-post was terminated and he will now reside in the barracks being monitored at all times due to his threats to kidnap the kids. CO let ex know that if there were any more threats of any kind he would have him arrested. Ex flew off the handle at his CO and is now dealing with the consequences of those actions. Ex was asked to leave the meeting and as he was leaving the room he threatened to "get rid" of me. Ex was arrested and charged at the time for making terroristic threats. BUT, I have since been told that the charge may not stick because of the term he used?????!!! CO stated that he is ordering a full psych eval of ex.

Not over yet! Ex's gf showed up at my house that night while I was there getting more clothes for the kiddos. Luckily, the girls were with my mother and did not witness her rant. I immediately called the police. The police simply asked her to leave which she did, but I was given a report so that I have proof of the event.

I have been granted an ex parte for myself. The girls are covered in both (got one against the ex and the other on gf) orders. His attorney is withdrawing from the case and the date for that is well past our court date. So technically she has to represent him for that appearance, correct? I have court this coming Friday (5th) for the PO. The advocate and his CO will be appearing on my behalf and I will be representing myself. I have taken time off from work to prepare myself.

On to the minor problem. I reported the images of the girls on gf's myspace. This was their response:
"Hello,

Thank you for contacting MySpace ParentCare. You are receiving this email because you requested further assistance with your child’s MySpace profile. If this is an emergency or you feel your child’s safety is at risk, please contact your local law enforcement agency immediately. MySpace will cooperate fully with any lawful investigation.

If you are a parent or legal guardian trying to resolve an issue for your child, please note that MySpace cannot mediate personal disputes of fact or opinion. We ask that you try to resolve this issue privately. We will only get involved if the conduct violates our Terms of Use (Terms & Conditions - MySpace.com).

If you have any questions, please reply to this email, leaving the subject line intact. Be sure to check out our Safety Tips (MySpace) for helpful resources on how to protect your children's safety on MySpace.

Sincerely,
The MySpace Support team"

Clearly they misunderstood my email because I never stated that it was the child's myspace. Anyway, this is their policy that I feel the images violate:

"6.3 You represent and warrant that: (i) you own the Content posted by you on, through or in connection with the MySpace Services, or otherwise have the right to grant the license set forth in this Section 6, and (ii) the posting of your Content on, through or in connection with the MySpace Services and/or Linked Services does not violate the privacy rights, publicity rights, copyrights, contract rights or any other rights of any person or entity. You agree to pay for all royalties, fees, and any other monies owing any person or entity by reason of the use of any Content posted by you on or through the MySpace Services and/or Linked Services. "
The link to that page is: Terms & Conditions - MySpace.com

If wrong or if someone can point me in the right direction please help me!

WOW. Couldn't ask for a better place for him to lose his mind, huh?

re: Myspace - if she took the photos, she owns them. So I dunno how far you're going to get with that.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If you land up in court again, you can always ask the judge to give a court order for her to remove the pictures.

 

[mommyofmany27]

WOW. Couldn't ask for a better place for him to lose his mind, huh?

re: Myspace - if she took the photos, she owns them. So I dunno how far you're going to get with that.

Absolutely. I am glad that his CO finally was able to see him for who he really is. He has drug my name through the mud to his CO and finally look who really isn't the crazy one after all!

She does own the pictures technically speaking. BUT, the catch is that because she is legally no one and because Myspace has the right to use pictures at their discretion she can not consent. They sent me another reply, I responded back and I'm just waiting to see what the final outcome is.

Court is tomorrow. Dad is in jail as he violated the temporary PO today. I am trying not to crack and have an emotional breakdown but it seems like nothing will stop him. So much for the military watching him at all times!!!! (Not that I put a lot of faith in that as he constantly violated the military PO that was placed on him while we were divorcing after he threatened to shoot me) And honestly I have no idea how he tracked me down...talk about things getting extra creepy. But, I am still so thankful that the craziness lately has not been in front of the girls. My question is, if dad is not out by the time for court, is it an automatic continuance or can I argue that he is not in court because of his own actions? I've been looking and looking and I just can't find anything. I'm just at my wits end!! I feel like he violated the order today thinking that he could get out of court tomorrow. But, doesn't it just further my argument?

If you land up in court again, you can always ask the judge to give a court order for her to remove the pictures.

I am positive we will be back in court and I will surely ask for this because this is just ridiculous. It just irritates me to no end that she actually thinks that it's perfectly acceptable to do what she wants with pictures of children that are not hers.

 

[CJane]

Can you relocate?