unwed mother father of child wants child to have his name

[linda richardso]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? va.
My granddaughter just found out she was expecting and really doesn't want to marry the father of the child.
He is really giving her a rough time,treatening to take her to court for visitation and so the child will have his name.
she doesn't want the child to have his name but wants him to have supervised visitation.
do we need to get a lawyer to represent her in this case, or what do you suggest.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? va.
My granddaughter just found out she was expecting and really doesn't want to marry the father of the child.
He is really giving her a rough time,treatening to take her to court for visitation and so the child will have his name.
she doesn't want the child to have his name but wants him to have supervised visitation.
do we need to get a lawyer to represent her in this case, or what do you suggest.

Why shouldn't he be able to establish his parental rights in court and have visitation with his child?

Why would supervised visitation be required?

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? va.
My granddaughter just found out she was expecting and really doesn't want to marry the father of the child.
He is really giving her a rough time,treatening to take her to court for visitation and so the child will have his name.
she doesn't want the child to have his name but wants him to have supervised visitation.
do we need to get a lawyer to represent her in this case, or what do you suggest.

Darn those men who want to actually be a PARENT to their child!

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? va.
My granddaughter just found out she was expecting and really doesn't want to marry the father of the child.
He is really giving her a rough time,treatening to take her to court for visitation and so the child will have his name.
she doesn't want the child to have his name but wants him to have supervised visitation.
do we need to get a lawyer to represent her in this case, or what do you suggest.

So why did your granddaughter think he was enough of the bee's knees to have sex with him? Why should he have to be supervised when he spends time with his (once he proves paternity) child? What's so horrid about him? What's so special about your granddaughter?

 

[justalayman]

if you haven't figure it out by the previous posts:

dad has a right to seek proof of paternity

dad has a right to seek not only visitation but even custody once paternity is established

g-daughter can name the child anything she wants at birth

based on a lot of folks here that are more knowledgeable than I on these matters; dad will likely be able to have the last name hyphenated once paternity is established.

unless the mother can prove a need, supervised visitation for dad is unlikely

 

[joycrick]

I just went through this myself. (I am the father) In Virginia, there's no legal recourse for the father if the mother doesn't want baby to have his last name. No hyphenation, no nothing.

 

[Proserpina]

I just went through this myself. (I am the father) In Virginia, there's no legal recourse for the father if the mother doesn't want baby to have his last name. No hyphenation, no nothing.

Um..you can always petition the court to have the child's name changed regardless of Mom's wishes...

 

[Zigner]

Um..you can always petition the court to have the child's name changed regardless of Mom's wishes...

I believe that the poster feels that since HE didn't have the legal acumen for this, it must not be possible in his state.

 

[joycrick]

I could petition, but there would be no point. If mom doesn't agree, my lawyer says there's no statute/law in Virginia to make mom change or even hyphenate baby's last name.

She was an excellent lawyer too. Judge gave me joint legal and shared physical custody of baby (3 months old at the time). I get baby EVERY Thursday @ 6:30pm till Sunday @ 6:30pm. It so happened that court was on a Thursday, so I got baby that very day.

And this after not being allowed to see baby at all. Here's the history if you're interested:

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/babys-name-489932.html

 

[candg918]

Granny,

Rather than appearing to support her unreasonable suggestions, you should be talking to her about being a good co-parent. Since she chose to put the baby before the marriage, she needs to realize that the child will have to live in two households/families for a very long time.Shame on you for not putting her in her place!

If you thinks she needs an attorney, by all means engage one. There are websites with sample parenting plans; she (and you) should check them out before she meets with the attorney so she understands what is reasonable.

 

[DAD10]

Just Do It......

I could petition, but there would be no point. If mom doesn't agree, my lawyer says there's no statute/law in Virginia to make mom change or even hyphenate baby's last name.

Get a new lawyer.
Take it to court-its very possible that it can be done-at least hyphenated.
I'm in CA so I understand the laws are different-thats what I intend to do.
I wish you the best of Luck

 

[justalayman]

I am sorry but you guys with your testosterone fueled egos need to give up the "the kid is going to get my name no matter how difficult it makes it for the kid"

If you have to have something that has your last name, marry a woman. Then when you have kids, they will get your last name.

or get a dog and name him after your family.

You guys really need to get over yourselves.

as Shakespeare wrote:

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

 

[DAD10]

Its just as much a LEGAL right for the father- as it is the for the mother.
There is nothing wrong with wanting your (as in mom/dads) child to carry your name.
Its not ego, and if done now while the child is an infant-the better.
Although I agree 100% with you about the marriage concept-
however that is not always the case.

And I do not believe Shakespeare had children -he was to busy writing.

 

[justalayman]

sure but there are a lot of legal rights we don't express simply because we can. I can walk down the street speaking the f word but I don't simply because I can.

There is nothing wrong with wanting your (as in mom/dads) child to carry your name.

In itself, no, it is not wrong but when it complicates a child life, then yes, there is something wrong with it. I have always thought hyphenated names are an encumbrance a child should not have to deal with.

Its not ego,

It's not? Why else would one be so concerned their child carry on their family name?

It is the label on the trophy. It says "look at me. I am the prodigy of dad10"

that is ego. It serves no functional purpose. It is merely stroking the ego, nothing more.

a child is going to know who it's parents are by their interaction with the child, not what it's surname is.

 

[stealth2]

It is the label on the trophy. It says "look at me. I am the prodigy of dad10"

Carrying Dad's name says nothing about the child's intelligence. The word you are looking for is "progeny".