Mom got married

[Nicaho]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

The engagement lasted a week and they got married yesterday. They have been together for 7 months and my daughter turned 2 months the same day of the wedding.

I am still waiting to go to court (May 3rd) but my question is...will her now being married have any affect on anything? She gave our daughter her last name and has now taken his, so is it more likely they will just change to mine now without any hyphenation?

Hopefully this will be the guy that stays in my daughters life for a long time because I don't want to see her have to go through a bunch of different ones.

Any insight on anything would be greatly appreciated!!!

 

[CJane]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

The engagement lasted a week and they got married yesterday. They have been together for 7 months and my daughter turned 2 months the same day of the wedding.

I am still waiting to go to court (May 3rd) but my question is...will her now being married have any affect on anything? She gave our daughter her last name and has now taken his, so is it more likely they will just change to mine now without any hyphenation?

Hopefully this will be the guy that stays in my daughters life for a long time because I don't want to see her have to go through a bunch of different ones.

Any insight on anything would be greatly appreciated!!!

Her being married is legally irrelevant to any custody proceedings.

You have no control over how many people "your" child is exposed to on Mom's time. At all.

It's unlikely that the name would be changed to yours exclusively, but rather still hyphenated with Mom's last name.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

The engagement lasted a week and they got married yesterday. They have been together for 7 months and my daughter turned 2 months the same day of the wedding.

I am still waiting to go to court (May 3rd) but my question is...will her now being married have any affect on anything? She gave our daughter her last name and has now taken his, so is it more likely they will just change to mine now without any hyphenation?

Hopefully this will be the guy that stays in my daughters life for a long time because I don't want to see her have to go through a bunch of different ones.

Any insight on anything would be greatly appreciated!!!

Well...what did your ex say when you asked her?

 

[Nicaho]

Her being married is legally irrelevant to any custody proceedings.

You have no control over how many people "your" child is exposed to on Mom's time. At all.

It's unlikely that the name would be changed to yours exclusively, but rather still hyphenated with Mom's last name.

So would it be moms maiden name or can she change it to her married name now?

 

[Nicaho]

Well...what did your ex say when you asked her?

Ask her what? As long as I pay support I don't think mom would care if I was in our daughters life or not. She cares more about the bond between her new husband and our daughter than she does of her with me. I do think both are important. I just feel like I should be a little more important than I am at this point.

 

[CJane]

Ask her what? As long as I pay support I don't think mom would care if I was in our daughters life or not. She cares more about the bond between her new husband and our daughter than she does of her with me. I do think both are important. I just feel like I should be a little more important than I am at this point.

If you wanted to be the #1 man in Mom's and Daughter's life, you should have married Mom BEFORE knocking her up.

I know, I know. Hindsight and all that. But honestly - this man (or any man who lives with Mom) is going to ALWAYS have more access to "your" child than you will.

 

[Proserpina]

Ask her what? As long as I pay support I don't think mom would care if I was in our daughters life or not. She cares more about the bond between her new husband and our daughter than she does of her with me. I do think both are important. I just feel like I should be a little more important than I am at this point.

"Hi Mom, congratulations on your wedding - really happy for you! Was wondering if you had any intention of changing Kiddo's name now that you're married...."

If she says "yes...", that's when you discuss the matter with her as rationally as you can.

If she says "no...", that's when you discuss the matter with her as rationally as you can.


See where I'm going here?

 

[Nicaho]

If you wanted to be the #1 man in Mom's and Daughter's life, you should have married Mom BEFORE knocking her up.

I know, I know. Hindsight and all that. But honestly - this man (or any man who lives with Mom) is going to ALWAYS have more access to "your" child than you will.

True True! She would have just divorced me as soon as another guy came with more money so I don't think that really would have made much of a difference in that aspect.

I know they will have more access than me. That's not my issue. I read of some moms who really want the child to be a part of the non-custodial parents life. I guess she will never think like that or as long as she has another man to be "dad." It's not like I'm a dead beat or want nothing to do with my daughter. I guess just if the tables were turned I would want my daughter to have a great relationship and bond with her mother.

btw her son has his fathers last name only. Does that have any affect on our daughters not being hyphenated. Every one in that house hold is going to have a different last name anyways so why not just give mine. I'm half joking. As long as mine is included in some form I will be happy. It just means a lot to me if she has it. That's not so wrong is it?

 

[CJane]

True True! She would have just divorced me as soon as another guy came with more money so I don't think that really would have made much of a difference in that aspect.

Ugh. Get over the money issue already.

btw her son has his fathers last name only. Does that have any affect on our daughters not being hyphenated.

No.

Every one in that house hold is going to have a different last name anyways so why not just give mine. I'm half joking. As long as mine is included in some form I will be happy. It just means a lot to me if she has it. That's not so wrong is it?

It's not WRONG, but it's also not something I understand. My son has his father's last name - and would no matter what because it goes so well with his first name. My daughters and I have my ex-husband's last name. If I were to get married, I'd likely take my new husband's name. Eventually I assume my daughters will take THEIR husband's names. Even if my son was eventually adopted by a spouse of mine, I wouldn't think to change his name.

It's just such a SILLY issue to fight about IMO.

 

[Nicaho]

"Hi Mom, congratulations on your wedding - really happy for you! Was wondering if you had any intention of changing Kiddo's name now that you're married...."

If she says "yes...", that's when you discuss the matter with her as rationally as you can.

If she says "no...", that's when you discuss the matter with her as rationally as you can.


See where I'm going here?

I did tell her I was happy for her. I'm glad she has stability in her life right now. That is good for everyone. I didn't know if she could legally change the last name to his. I didn't research or anything just figured I would ask here because you are all so knowledgeable. I guess she can do whatever she wants right now until we go to court. I thought that in order for the child to get his last name that he would have to adopt and I would have to sign off rights. All so confusing!! I will ask her and we do talk rationally. I'm not in this for an argument but to do what is right by our daughter.

 

[Proserpina]

I did tell her I was happy for her. I'm glad she has stability in her life right now. That is good for everyone. I didn't know if she could legally change the last name to his. I didn't research or anything just figured I would ask here because you are all so knowledgeable. I guess she can do whatever she wants right now until we go to court. I thought that in order for the child to get his last name that he would have to adopt and I would have to sign off rights. All so confusing!! I will ask her and we do talk rationally. I'm not in this for an argument but to do what is right by our daughter.

Nope, you misunderstood a little. Mom can actually petition the courts to request a name change, and if it's in the best interest of the child, it can be granted.

This would NOT mean that you'd lose your parental rights, or that New Hubby needs to adopt.

 

[Nicaho]

It's just such a SILLY issue to fight about IMO.

I haven't even brought it up to her so there is no fighting about it. The only talk we had about it is after she didn't put my name on the BC. I dropped it after that. Nothing I could do anyways. I'm just trying to get as much input on topics as I can so i am prepared when I get an Atty and go to court. I know they will be able to help but I'm sure I'd be better off going in knowing what questions to ask and what to do.

 

[Nicaho]

Nope, you misunderstood a little. Mom can actually petition the courts to request a name change, and if it's in the best interest of the child, it can be granted.

This would NOT mean that you'd lose your parental rights, or that New Hubby needs to adopt.

Got it! She will still be my daughter and loved the same no matter what the name so it doesn't really matter. I guess as a man, you just want your child to have yours. She did tell me that if it was a boy that she would have gave him mine.

 

[frylover]

You sound like you really want to be a great dad to this little girl. And that's way more important, and will always be more important to HER than what her last name is! Ask Cjane.....a child having his/her father's last name has nothing to do with what kind of a parent that person is!

 

[Proserpina]

Got it! She will still be my daughter and loved the same no matter what the name so it doesn't really matter. I guess as a man, you just want your child to have yours. She did tell me that if it was a boy that she would have gave him mine.

Concentrate on being the absolute best Dad that you can be, and coparenting with Mom to the best you're able.