Just a personal story...

[The_Non-Mom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

This will probably get deleted, but I wanted to share this story in hopes that it will help parents understand what NOT to do to your kids.

Last night, my husband and I went to a friend's house to watch.....Wrestle Mania. Anyway, right before it started friend's wife (Mom) came in with a bunch of shopping bags from the mall and started showing off all the new stuff she had bought for herself. About an hour later, her oldest boy (Son) was dropped off by his dad from weekend visitation.

Mom immediately started grilling Son: what did you do, where did you go, who did you see. Son answered that he and his dad did some stuff including going to Game Stop to pick out a present for his upcoming birthday. Mom started doing the must-be-nice-to-have-money-for-that-crap thing. Then Son said that he had to help with yard work and got paid $20 for working all day Saturday. Mom asked where the money was and Son took it from his pocket. Mom snatched the money out of his hand and told Son it was her money now. Son started whining about why (which I would have done too ) and Mom said "Because you dad didn't pay your child support yet this week". My husband and I good-naturedly teased Mom about taking money from Son after she just came in with a bunch of shopping bags. Mom did give the money back to Son.

Then later Son asked if he could have a friend over for dinner for his birthday. Mom said sure but informed Son he probably wasn't going to have a birthday cake this year. She said she couldn't afford one since Son's dad was too busy handing out video games and cash to Son to pay child support. Son asked how the cake was, Mom said $20, and Son handed her back his $20.

My husband and I pretty much tried to stay out of it, but it was hard not to notice Son get torn to shreds by Mom. My heart broke for this kid. He'll be 13 years old this week. No 13 year old should have to be interrogated about his time with his dad, be made to feel guilty that is dad gave him a birthday present and paid him for work, or even have any idea whether or not his dad paid child support that week.

Please PLEASE, parents! Don't do this to your kids! Love them more than you hate your ex!

 

[Antigone*]

That is a very sad story. Poor excuse of a mother was lucky I wasn't in the room.

 

[purplegreen]

What was your friend's response when you told her she was being an ass?


:: appropriate version of the usual question - What did (CPS, the police, your attorney) say when reported the (fill in the blank)?

 

[The_Non-Mom]

DH and I were teasing Mom about taking the money from Son, but I didn't know what else to say. Mom's husband was there as well, and he finally told her to lay off. Honestly, she was being so beligerent (sp?) with Son that I know saying something confrontational would have started a fight, and I didn't want to do that in front of a bunch of DH's friends. Maybe I should have said more than I did but...

 

[LdiJ]

I hope that no one will delete the thread, because I doubt that the admin would object to it and its really good information to share with other posters, to see just how some of their actions might really appear.

That mom was a (delete bad word) in my opinion. Buying herself a bunch of stuff, showing it off, and THEN telling the child he wasn't going to get a birthday cake because his dad didn't pay his child support on time?

There is a special place in (delete bad word) for parents like that.

We all need to hope and remember that in a moment of anger or upset, we may take something out on our children that is NOT their fault and is not something that they should even be aware of.

My ex and I are literally best friends, but I once said something to my daughter, in a moment of great hurt and upset, that I regret to this day, 15 years later.

Its impossible to keep everything from our children (particularly teens) and this forum is sometimes a bit unfair to parents who cannot keep everything from an older/teenage child. However, the more we CAN keep from them, without flat out lying to them, the better.

That mother lied to her child. She said that they could not afford a birthday cake because his father didn't pay child support. It was a lie because she had just purchased a bunch of things for herself.

However, I do think that there is one benefit of children being aware that their ncp isn't paying child support, and the hardships that it causes. (in a gentle and appropriate manner) It makes them much less likely to grow up and not pay child support for their OWN children.

 

[purplegreen]

I don't think saying anything in front of a bunch of people would have been the thing to do. And if she is more of a husband's friend's wife than a true friend of your's it's probably not going to happen.

If she is a true friend I would for sure talk to her about it alone at a later time.

Bummer for the kiddo. He really shouldn't have to hear all that crud. Just think of how much worse it must be when she doesn't have a house full of friends...

 

[sam02135]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

This will probably get deleted, but I wanted to share this story in hopes that it will help parents understand what NOT to do to your kids.

Last night, my husband and I went to a friend's house to watch.....Wrestle Mania. Anyway, right before it started friend's wife (Mom) came in with a bunch of shopping bags from the mall and started showing off all the new stuff she had bought for herself. About an hour later, her oldest boy (Son) was dropped off by his dad from weekend visitation.

Mom immediately started grilling Son: what did you do, where did you go, who did you see. Son answered that he and his dad did some stuff including going to Game Stop to pick out a present for his upcoming birthday. Mom started doing the must-be-nice-to-have-money-for-that-crap thing. Then Son said that he had to help with yard work and got paid $20 for working all day Saturday. Mom asked where the money was and Son took it from his pocket. Mom snatched the money out of his hand and told Son it was her money now. Son started whining about why (which I would have done too ) and Mom said "Because you dad didn't pay your child support yet this week". My husband and I good-naturedly teased Mom about taking money from Son after she just came in with a bunch of shopping bags. Mom did give the money back to Son.

Then later Son asked if he could have a friend over for dinner for his birthday. Mom said sure but informed Son he probably wasn't going to have a birthday cake this year. She said she couldn't afford one since Son's dad was too busy handing out video games and cash to Son to pay child support. Son asked how the cake was, Mom said $20, and Son handed her back his $20.

My husband and I pretty much tried to stay out of it, but it was hard not to notice Son get torn to shreds by Mom. My heart broke for this kid. He'll be 13 years old this week. No 13 year old should have to be interrogated about his time with his dad, be made to feel guilty that is dad gave him a birthday present and paid him for work, or even have any idea whether or not his dad paid child support that week.

Please PLEASE, parents! Don't do this to your kids! Love them more than you hate your ex!

This is a very good post that shows an outsider (non bias) witnessing what really goes on in "divorce" cases and beyond. I am also sad for the children. It's heartbreaking... the child needs and deserves so much love in their lives and it is all about MOM.

I just got on this post doing a search for some informational help in visitations as an uncle. And as I stated the truth of the situation on here asking what people know of organizations that supports visitations of uncles, aunts and grandmothers even though I've paid enough to lawyers to know the answer, I still reached out to people to see if they know something more that may help me.

After having divulge some FACTUAL information, I was accused of being bias, one sided (as I guess I'm the one that logged on to this site and stating what I know... go figure), that my facts are full of holes, that I'm arrogant, snotty, blah blah blah. Of course .. nothing I said about the mother was a true in the responders here on this forum. But all I was saying is that I as an uncle love my niece and nephew like my own and we're trying to get visitations. And with the incidents with the family, I pointed out that children deserves the love from everyone and while the mother/mom/natural mother (SJC term) thinks about is themselves and how to get back at the opposing family to hurt them.

Children needs the love and they deserve it. $20 for a birthday cake and she took it from her and eventually gave it back to the child? That showed intent .. but she remembered neighbors were there to witness.

People, you can hate each other for the rest of your lives in Family Court, but the children (no matter who they belong to) should have every opportunity to be loved and show love, by both sides of the family.

Good story... and factual that MOMs can be arses!!! not just "DADS"...

 

[sam02135]

I don't think saying anything in front of a bunch of people would have been the thing to do. And if she is more of a husband's friend's wife than a true friend of your's it's probably not going to happen.

If she is a true friend I would for sure talk to her about it alone at a later time.

Bummer for the kiddo. He really shouldn't have to hear all that crud. Just think of how much worse it must be when she doesn't have a house full of friends...

I don't want to imagine because I would cry! Children deserve more!!

 

[LdiJ]

sam, please take your agenda elsewhere.

Thanks.

I am confused, who is sam?

 

[Ohiogal]

I am confused, who is sam?

Sam is the poster who has bashed mothers all over the forums and has posted various insulting diatribes to senior members.

 

[cheesecake46580]

I know a lot of people in my state complain because of the transparenting classes that are required in any divorice or custody/parenting time case. They are to try and prevent just this type of behavior. Not that every one listens but it is still good.

 

[sam02135]

Thanks for sharing this story and children deserve more then sometimes the custodial parent.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thanks for sharing this story and children deserve more then sometimes the custodial parent.

Children ALWAYS deserve more than just one custodial parent --they deserve TWO parents.

 

[FinnSW]

My parents divorced when I was older but I remember well being caught in the crossfire of two warring parents. That was what stressed me out more than anything. Kids love both parents even though they may well be aware of the marital issues and who was to blame for whatever. In the end it only hurts the child.

I think it would be helpful if you would take this mother aside and speak with her about this. She may or may not take your advice but at least you said something. Some parents are so caught up in their anger that they don't stop to think. Who knows how she'll take it but if she speaks that way in public maybe she will think twice next time. At least you are advocating a bit for the child.