Recourse in inability to agree in health care

[bridgemom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

My ex and I have joint legal and physical custody of our 11 year old daughter. I believe and her pediatrician believes that she should be in therapy-she has had a lot of stressful things happen in the last few years and is clearly depressed. Moreover, my daughter wants to 'talk' with someone and is perfectly ok with counselling.

Her dad pays for her health insurance and, according to the company, they cannot give me any specifics regarding what is covered/out of network/etc. unless he signs something stating that I can have access to that information. He still hasn't done that.

So I think...fine. I'll pay for it myself. But he does not agree with her going.

So what does 'agreeing' on health care actually mean? Am I violating anything if I take her to counselling without his consent?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

My ex and I have joint legal and physical custody of our 11 year old daughter. I believe and her pediatrician believes that she should be in therapy-she has had a lot of stressful things happen in the last few years and is clearly depressed. Moreover, my daughter wants to 'talk' with someone and is perfectly ok with counselling.

Her dad pays for her health insurance and, according to the company, they cannot give me any specifics regarding what is covered/out of network/etc. unless he signs something stating that I can have access to that information. He still hasn't done that.

So I think...fine. I'll pay for it myself. But he does not agree with her going.

So what does 'agreeing' on health care actually mean? Am I violating anything if I take her to counselling without his consent?

RE: the bolded above -- yes, you would be violating joint legal custody if you took her without his consent/agreement.

Your remedy is mediation. File to clarify this issue.

 

[bridgemom]

RE: the bolded above -- yes, you would be violating joint legal custody if you took her without his consent/agreement.

Your remedy is mediation. File to clarify this issue.

Thank you for the legal advice...that is what I was afraid of-that I would need his consent.

What gets me is that I know why he's afraid for her to go-he's afraid for himself and not for her.

Her pediatrician wants me to bring her back in in two months to see how she is. What do I file and how long does it take?

Thank you for the response, SP.

 

[imagineering101]

Sad that you would need court for this matter (well being of your daughter).
-Just sayin

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you for the legal advice...that is what I was afraid of-that I would need his consent.

What gets me is that I know why he's afraid for her to go-he's afraid for himself and not for her.

Her pediatrician wants me to bring her back in in two months to see how she is. What do I file and how long does it take?

Thank you for the response, SP.

You're totally welcome.

I found this, and it seems to be what you are to file:
http://www.washingtonlawhelp.org/documents/2900513260EN.pdf?stateabbrev=/WA/

This is the whole excellent WA Self-Help site, with the giant URL:
http://www.washingtonlawhelp.org/WA/StateSubTopics.cfm/County/%20/City/%20/demoMode/%3D%201/Language/1/State/WA/TextOnly/N/ZipCode/%20/LoggedIn/0/iTopicID/862/sTopicImage/familyjuvenile%2Egif/bAllState/0

Proserpina once put that into a "tiny url" for me, but I've lost it!

I don't know how long it takes. Maybe Proserpina can help with that stuff -- she's in WA.

 

[xylene]

Is she in school?

If so, Does she have any behavior problems is school?

Have you talked with her school counselor?


Also - clarify this A LOT:

What gets me is that I know why he's afraid for her to go-he's afraid for himself and not for her.

Are you alleging abuse of some kind?

 

[cheesecake46580]

I am from indiana but I had a simular situation happen. I was told if it was joint legal each had the same say and if you have the doctor on your side then I would take her. I would send dad a certified letter letting him know what the doc has said and let him know that you would like to take her. ALso let him know you will give him 2 weeks to go and talk to the doc or get a seconed opnion and if he don't then go for it. The burdden will be on him that you are not doing what needs to be done for the child. Has he even been to one doctors appt? You could also sit up a consult with you dad and the doc. I did this as well. This will show that you have done everything you can in attempt to go along with the Joint legal in good faith. If dad fails to get off of his boodie and do anything he would not have much of a case for contempt if any @ all.

 

[bridgemom]

Thank you SP for the links, I need all the help I can get here.

My daughter has had a very stressful past few years for many reasons:
Drowning death of her close 14 year old cousin
Death of one grandmother
Breast cancer of the other grandmother
Loss of close stepsister/best friend due to my divorce.
She is in Special Ed with specific learning disabilities and gets teased from some students.

She broke down at the drs. office today relating all this. The pediatrician says she has gone through more than a lot of adults have.



Things have calmed down a lot in my house, but she recently found marijuana in her dad's house. That is what he is afraid she will divulge. My mom and I threatened that if he ever did that while she was with him that we would call the cops.

I just got off the phone with him and he says she is just doing this to get attention and she is going through what every kid her age goes through. He refuses to agree that she should go.

 

[bridgemom]

No cheesecake-not one dr or IEP meeting. Even the special ed he doesn't agree...he thinks she is an indigo child. ???

 

[txmom512]

No cheesecake-not one dr or IEP meeting. Even the special ed he doesn't agree...he thinks she is an indigo child. ???

What an idiot. I love the definition Wikipedia gives for Indigo Children:

"Although there are no scientific studies to give credibility to the existence of any indigo children, or their traits, the phenomenon appeals to parents whose children have been diagnosed with learning disabilities and parents seeking to believe that their children are special. This is viewed by skeptics as a way for parents to avoid proper pediatric pharmaceutical treatment or a psychiatric diagnosis which implies imperfection. The list of traits used to describe the children has also been criticized for being vague enough to be applied to almost anyone..."

 

[cheesecake46580]

Then go to the proper steps to invite him for a conference with the doc. Notify him by certified mail. Also give him 2 weeks after recipt of the letter to take her and get a seconed opnion. If he don't then take her to the counsler. They can get the info from the insurance for you. More than likely he is crying wolf. You are going to need the deposition from the doc for a contempt hearing or a hearing to allow the treatment the doc recomends. I would recomend the free stuff you can do your self then get an attorney if you have to. Your daughters health is more important than his bs. Make sure you invite him to every appt and have proof of it he won't have a leg to stand on.

 

[bridgemom]

Actually, his statement that she is an indigo child was documented when we had to meet with her schools social worker prior to her final assessment if she qualified for special ed. But that was 6 years ago.

He then (or when I last talked to him) asked if I ever had her tested for ADHD (which she was-that and aspergers due to flapping, but she is extremely sociable and now gets b's and c's-although some tests are modified). Then he states that he is against her being on drugs to modify behavior and that all the psychiatrist will do is put her on them (even after I stated that it was a psychologist). He's all over the place and grasping at an excuse for her not to go.

 

[bridgemom]

Thank you everyone for all the great advice and links. I really appreciate it.

 

[Proserpina]

(Indigo children aside...)

I shortened the link

http://tinyurl.com/WA-family-law-help

OP, how long it takes depends entirely on where you're filing; in King County (for example) it can take months to even get a hearing date, but in Whatcom County it can be as little as a few weeks!

Go ahead and file anyway, as SP advised. Hopefully this will be resolved soon, and kiddo can get the necessary help.