blairbushprojec
Junior Member
Arizona - Navajo Nation
I am a non-indian with an enrolled Navajo child. I moved to the Navajo Reservation when I filed a Paternity Action, and was granted physical custody of my son after his father discontinued any communications with me and prevented me from seeing my son. Communications with the father in order to arrange to see the child was labeled harassment.
My intent for my son to live with his father was not to prevent the child from accessing his family, and to share in the raising of the child. The benefits of that include insuring my son has access to his language and traditions from his father's side, as well as growing up around other full and mixed race children.
The father filed in court that he felt he needed a DNA test, which his family states is because he doesn't want to be responsible for the child support. I am not opposed to it. If the child isn't his, it would be a blessing in my life. There is nothing I want more than the child not to be his, because I made a serious mistake in my life and found out through domestic violence.
Now, the perpetrator of Domestic Violence is claiming that I am harassing him. I was invited by his family, both me and my son were invited to his sisters house. While there, they asked if the child could see his grandparents, well of course I'm okay with that. They asked if the child could visit with his father, and I said I don't want any problems, but I want to show that I'm willing to arrange visitation, that I'm not actively preventing my son from seeing his dad.
He came, he saw the child, and the child asked him why was he getting the DNA test aren't you my dad? So his advocate (not attorney) is claiming I am speaking about the situation with the child. Which I can't deny, if he isn't the father, the conversation needs to be developed with the child. It is unfair to make me a villain over it. I didn't ask for the DNA test, he did. But, I'm not punishing the father and saying he's bad for asking for it. It is his right.
But it is my responsibility to inform the child, that DNA tests have shown that people mother's thought were the father, sometimes aren't. And if that happens, then really, I made a mistake. That is the reality for women, we can't get prenatal DNA, but it is unfair to say that this is harassment because the child is old enough to have the conversation, and wants to know.
He doesn't get all the details, but there are overlaying social issues that I HAVE to discuss with my child as a mother. I've had to explain to him racism, I've had to deal with quantum, I've had to deal with his questions regarding why the situation is what it is, and I don't believe I've transgressed. I'm not giving him fairy tails, but I'm not shunting the blame on the dad. But the dad made his choice in denying his parentage, when he has signed Paternity Acknowledgement and has made himself the "PSYCHOLOGICAL FATHER" of the child and had alienated me as a parent. This guy had the child calling his sister mom, and said I was a stranger and the family didn't know who I was. I might add, that I am an activist, and for many years involved in high profile direct action. I chained myself to a building and SWAT team unleashed me. I've done more than that, and have quite an arrest record, but no jail time. Of course the father is stating that I am a danger to the child. The father's jail record is violence and criminal activity like burglary, which will be compared to trespassing, which is what I got for the SWAT team episode.
They of course, are now filing for a Temporary Protection Order, claiming that I am abusing the child, by bringing him there and shaming the family, and here is my problem....
The family claims they have not seen dad's protection order whose subject was the last family invitation. They claim they are not in agreement with Kerry, and one is willing to testify (the primary subject of the claim) to court that she does want to have a relationship with me, and did call the father and the grandparents for the visit. But they are insisting that I come for mother's day gathering at their house.
The TPO hearing was postponed because my attorney is unreachable due to a possible family crisis. (He too is native and lives on the reservation). My first impression is not to go, and I told that to the sister. I would go further to say, i would even not want to go, and drop off the child. The family however is insisting that all mothers in the family are invited and are insisting that I attend regardless of the TPO pending. I don't want to seem like I'm generalizing Navajo's, but I'm pretty sure many have problems with family members, and go on with their lives. Their main focus is the child, and I am the child's mother, and they respect me as such, and that is beyond reasoning in my opinion! They don't have to be like that or express this. The child desperately wants to go and misses his family tremendously. He doesn't understand what is going on, and feels sad that he would have to delete his families number from his phone, to prove that we don't want to harass them.
I understand that harassment is in the mind of the victim. Having endured drunken rages at my employment, sudden attacks of male friends by him as having "interest" in me, and I know what it is like to not want to be around someone. I personally don't want to deal with him at all, ever. The man attempted to kill me. But I had a child. I'm confused on how to negotiate any form of custody with the father if any contact is harassment, and I am confused on how to proceed with the family if contact with them is perceived as harassment by the father.
I am completely confused in how to deal with my son, who has wants and love in his little heart. He didn't do any of this.
Any advice any of you may have for me might help. If you've had experience with the tangle of DV and custody, please say something, it might inspire. If the family writes a note, or has an invitation with my name sufficient to continue a visit before the TPO hearing, and would that visit, cause me to be restrained? I feel so guilty for saying I can't come, and sad. But I live with a family now on the other side of the rez, and I can make fry bread with them. Its my son that wants his family.
I am a non-indian with an enrolled Navajo child. I moved to the Navajo Reservation when I filed a Paternity Action, and was granted physical custody of my son after his father discontinued any communications with me and prevented me from seeing my son. Communications with the father in order to arrange to see the child was labeled harassment.
My intent for my son to live with his father was not to prevent the child from accessing his family, and to share in the raising of the child. The benefits of that include insuring my son has access to his language and traditions from his father's side, as well as growing up around other full and mixed race children.
The father filed in court that he felt he needed a DNA test, which his family states is because he doesn't want to be responsible for the child support. I am not opposed to it. If the child isn't his, it would be a blessing in my life. There is nothing I want more than the child not to be his, because I made a serious mistake in my life and found out through domestic violence.
Now, the perpetrator of Domestic Violence is claiming that I am harassing him. I was invited by his family, both me and my son were invited to his sisters house. While there, they asked if the child could see his grandparents, well of course I'm okay with that. They asked if the child could visit with his father, and I said I don't want any problems, but I want to show that I'm willing to arrange visitation, that I'm not actively preventing my son from seeing his dad.
He came, he saw the child, and the child asked him why was he getting the DNA test aren't you my dad? So his advocate (not attorney) is claiming I am speaking about the situation with the child. Which I can't deny, if he isn't the father, the conversation needs to be developed with the child. It is unfair to make me a villain over it. I didn't ask for the DNA test, he did. But, I'm not punishing the father and saying he's bad for asking for it. It is his right.
But it is my responsibility to inform the child, that DNA tests have shown that people mother's thought were the father, sometimes aren't. And if that happens, then really, I made a mistake. That is the reality for women, we can't get prenatal DNA, but it is unfair to say that this is harassment because the child is old enough to have the conversation, and wants to know.
He doesn't get all the details, but there are overlaying social issues that I HAVE to discuss with my child as a mother. I've had to explain to him racism, I've had to deal with quantum, I've had to deal with his questions regarding why the situation is what it is, and I don't believe I've transgressed. I'm not giving him fairy tails, but I'm not shunting the blame on the dad. But the dad made his choice in denying his parentage, when he has signed Paternity Acknowledgement and has made himself the "PSYCHOLOGICAL FATHER" of the child and had alienated me as a parent. This guy had the child calling his sister mom, and said I was a stranger and the family didn't know who I was. I might add, that I am an activist, and for many years involved in high profile direct action. I chained myself to a building and SWAT team unleashed me. I've done more than that, and have quite an arrest record, but no jail time. Of course the father is stating that I am a danger to the child. The father's jail record is violence and criminal activity like burglary, which will be compared to trespassing, which is what I got for the SWAT team episode.
They of course, are now filing for a Temporary Protection Order, claiming that I am abusing the child, by bringing him there and shaming the family, and here is my problem....
The family claims they have not seen dad's protection order whose subject was the last family invitation. They claim they are not in agreement with Kerry, and one is willing to testify (the primary subject of the claim) to court that she does want to have a relationship with me, and did call the father and the grandparents for the visit. But they are insisting that I come for mother's day gathering at their house.
The TPO hearing was postponed because my attorney is unreachable due to a possible family crisis. (He too is native and lives on the reservation). My first impression is not to go, and I told that to the sister. I would go further to say, i would even not want to go, and drop off the child. The family however is insisting that all mothers in the family are invited and are insisting that I attend regardless of the TPO pending. I don't want to seem like I'm generalizing Navajo's, but I'm pretty sure many have problems with family members, and go on with their lives. Their main focus is the child, and I am the child's mother, and they respect me as such, and that is beyond reasoning in my opinion! They don't have to be like that or express this. The child desperately wants to go and misses his family tremendously. He doesn't understand what is going on, and feels sad that he would have to delete his families number from his phone, to prove that we don't want to harass them.
I understand that harassment is in the mind of the victim. Having endured drunken rages at my employment, sudden attacks of male friends by him as having "interest" in me, and I know what it is like to not want to be around someone. I personally don't want to deal with him at all, ever. The man attempted to kill me. But I had a child. I'm confused on how to negotiate any form of custody with the father if any contact is harassment, and I am confused on how to proceed with the family if contact with them is perceived as harassment by the father.
I am completely confused in how to deal with my son, who has wants and love in his little heart. He didn't do any of this.
Any advice any of you may have for me might help. If you've had experience with the tangle of DV and custody, please say something, it might inspire. If the family writes a note, or has an invitation with my name sufficient to continue a visit before the TPO hearing, and would that visit, cause me to be restrained? I feel so guilty for saying I can't come, and sad. But I live with a family now on the other side of the rez, and I can make fry bread with them. Its my son that wants his family.
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