Need help with Custody Agreement Clarification

[cherylsarah01]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

On my custody agreement, children's holiday schedule attachment, it states:

2. Vacations. The petitioner/respondent may take a vacation of up to 14 days with the child the following number of times per year (1). They must notify the other parent in writing of their vacation plans a minimum of 30 days in advance and provide the other parent with a basic itinerary that includes dates of leaving and returning, destinations, flight information and telephone numbers for emergency purposes.

The other parent has (7) days to respond if there is a problem with the schedule.

The vacation may be outside California.

I need clarification on if this means we need each others permission or if letting them know is enough?

In the past he has taken her on vacations but when I ask it is never ok with him and I end up canceling and I have not been able to take a vacation with my daughter in over 5 years.

We have 50/50 physical custody and joint legal with one week on one week off. He won't even discuss it with me it is just a flat out NO.

Thank you.

 

[cherylsarah01]

No replies

Ok, so I will go ahead and assume I need his permission to take an extended vacation.

Thank you

 

[ecmst12]

Your orders don't state permission, why would you assume you need it?

 

[cherylsarah01]

It's the has (7) days to respond if there is a problem with the schedule that throws me off. He always says it's a problem, NO.

What exactley does this mean?

Thank you for answering I appreciate it.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What would probably help is if you were to set up a deadline as to when vacation time is setup for the summer.

for example, even years:
Mom is to notify dad of weeks that WILL be taken by April 15th for summer vacation plans that start in June. You pick first, then dad get to choose his.

odd years, reverse this.

if it's to pick your dates for the Year, then give it to like one month prior.

that way, there isn't veto power per se. it would need verbage so that the picking person doesn't tromple over someones holiday.

 

[CJane]

What would probably be best, with your current order and his history, is to give him notice 30 days before the earliest possible vacation time you'd want to use, and outline several 14 day periods (include one of "your" weeks, so you're only taking one of "his") and tell him that you'll be taking one of the following, and to please let you know asap which period child's schedule best allows.

Then, if he interferes or refuses to allow you to have the child, file contempt.

Though I am a bit curious. How do exchanges take place?

 

[ava42805]

Here's my question. Is a flat out NO, with no explaination given, enough of a reason for OP not to be able to take her child on vacation? After all, this is not a dictatorship (though after reading some of OPs previous posts, it appears Dad and new wife think it may be). If Dad does not give a reason why not (or an even remotely reasonable one), could Mom be held in contempt for taking her child on vacation? After all, this is time that Mom was allotted in the custody decree and she should be able to enjoy this vacation time with her child.

As long as she is following the orders... making Dad aware per the time line that is ordered, why shouldn't she should be able to do this? Even if Dad were to take her to court over it and Mom had all the documentation necessary, showing the notice given, timeline, itinerary, etc... Would that be held against her? Seems it would be the perfect time to show how much of an ass Dad is being, in denying Mom vacation time with her daughter?

Otherwise, it seems that until Mom puts her foot down and stops letting Dad intimidate her, this crap could go on adinfinitum!

 

[cherylsarah01]

What would probably be best, with your current order and his history, is to give him notice 30 days before the earliest possible vacation time you'd want to use, and outline several 14 day periods (include one of "your" weeks, so you're only taking one of "his") and tell him that you'll be taking one of the following, and to please let you know asap which period child's schedule best allows.

Then, if he interferes or refuses to allow you to have the child, file contempt.

Though I am a bit curious. How do exchanges take place?

Our exchange during the summer is from Monday 5:00 p.m. to the following Monday at 5:00 p.m. and the parent whose time it is picks the child up usually from the other parent's home. Although it does not state it has to be from the other parent's home. It says nothing about a designated place just a designated time.

One more question I have is I would start the vacation at the begining of my parenting time and then go into his usual week and then have my usual week after? So I would actually have her for 3 weeks straight or would it start his week after?

 

[cherylsarah01]

Here's my question. Is a flat out NO, with no explaination given, enough of a reason for OP not to be able to take her child on vacation? After all, this is not a dictatorship (though after reading some of OPs previous posts, it appears Dad and new wife think it may be). If Dad does not give a reason why not (or an even remotely reasonable one), could Mom be held in contempt for taking her child on vacation? After all, this is time that Mom was allotted in the custody decree and she should be able to enjoy this vacation time with her child.

As long as she is following the orders... making Dad aware per the time line that is ordered, why shouldn't she should be able to do this? Even if Dad were to take her to court over it and Mom had all the documentation necessary, showing the notice given, timeline, itinerary, etc... Would that be held against her? Seems it would be the perfect time to show how much of an ass Dad is being, in denying Mom vacation time with her daughter?

Otherwise, it seems that until Mom puts her foot down and stops letting Dad intimidate her, this crap could go on adinfinitum![/QUOTE]

You are right he does intimidate me because everything is a battle with him/stepmom and I get so worn down. They are ruthless and verbally go for my throat any chance they can get.

I too would like to hear the other's comments on your question because I have never thought of it that way but now I would like to know.

 

[cherylsarah01]

I also just want to say thank you to all because this forum has helped me so much whether it be my own threads or reading and researching other's threads. I really really mean this from the bottom of my heart you don't even know.

Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

Our exchange during the summer is from Monday 5:00 p.m. to the following Monday at 5:00 p.m. and the parent whose time it is picks the child up usually from the other parent's home. Although it does not state it has to be from the other parent's home. It says nothing about a designated place just a designated time.

One more question I have is I would start the vacation at the begining of my parenting time and then go into his usual week and then have my usual week after? So I would actually have her for 3 weeks straight or would it start his week after?

Yes, it would mean that you would get three weeks in a row. It would also mean that he would get three weeks in a row when he chooses to take his vacation.

 

[Ohiogal]

It's the has (7) days to respond if there is a problem with the schedule that throws me off. He always says it's a problem, NO.

What exactley does this mean?

Thank you for answering I appreciate it.

What is the problem? If he has nothing scheduled and the child doesn't have school he doesn't get to say no.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Have an idea:

Why not go for a modification of the court order so that it automatically creates two two-week parenting time's for EACH parent. Then, after the four weeks are done, then it reverts back to the every other week. It's a planned time for BOTH parents and no "permission" is needed.

Other option is to give dad THREE options on the "two week" scheduling. If he says NO to all three, file for contempt.

I'm still with the odd year, one parent selects first and the even year, the other parent gets to select first. No "permission" needed.

A modification of this nature isn't a "change in custody", but can go in as a clarification of the court order to prevent this problem. You can state what has been happening for the past five years as the reason for the change.

 

[ava42805]

So how would this work? Pick out 2 sets of dates for vacation. Tell him to pick which one would work around any proposed vacation that he may have planned. However, make it perfectly clear that out of the two choices, you and your daughter WILL be going on vacation.


How could any judge possibly hold that against you? You are following the order. You are giving him notice. Hell, you're even letting him pick the date (which is none of my business, but that even irks me a little!)


If he takes you to court over this, it will show HIS inability to coparent. How absolutey unreasonable he is being over this and everything else and might actually benefit you in the long run. As far as covering some of these loop holes that force his permission for you to simply utilize the already court ordered time you have been granted with your daughter.


If he says NO to all the choices you give him, make it clear that you are still going on vacation with your daughter.... then GO! (and have fun, too!)

 

[cherylsarah01]

What is the problem? If he has nothing scheduled and the child doesn't have school he doesn't get to say no.

The problem is he always says no it's his time. He will never ever tell me if there is something scheduled because it's none of my business he says. He thinks he does get to say no. He won't even provide me with the basic itinerary, dates of leaving or returning when she goes because he says it's none of my business and that is his family business. He is difficult and does not co-parent and has not in about 2 years. He has his wife do his dirty work for him.

This is why I needed clarification. For years I had no idea but now I am learning.0