Now what

[Finished2010]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tx

My last post was in regards to a notarized letter my sons father and I signed before our PCS to Europe. In it we agreed that I would waive all support and he agreed to give up his rights to our son. I then realized the AGs office had given me inaccurate information and the case is still active. Dad wanted me to close the case with the AGs office, after coming here and "speaking" with a few people I decided that was the best thing I could do.

I called dad and told him of my decision to close the case. He said that wouldn't help his problems as he is so far behind and is going to court soon over it. He says that since he is looking at some possible jail time fro me not closing the case sooner he is interested in knowing the child who has made his life so hard. His actual words were " I have had a lot of problems over your son and child support, these issues have made things hard on my wife and kids, I think its time for me to know the child who is the reason for all the fuss" He says that his mother-in-law, (used to be a family law atty) says he stands a good chance of having me relocate back to the states so he can begin the introductory period. If I may just for one second have a little emotion over this, WTH!!!

Is there any way on Gods green earth he can do this, he signed a consent form, I have the notarized letter I have no clue what his angle is. I know he has one, I think hes just giving me a hard time because his actions are catching up to him. He went on to say that when he signed the consent he wasnt fully aware of how long we would be gone, and that him agreeing to sign over his rights was a decision he made in stress. He says that he and his wife are willing to welcome our son into there home, or should I say her parents home as they live with them. He wants me to fly down over the summer so he can get to know our son, he says he is sending me a certified letter outlining his request. He says his mother-in-law says that if I do not it will look to the courts as if I am am refusing to facilitate a relationship between father and son now that father is ready to build one. I cannot fly to the states and I cannot hire an atty. During my husbands deployment I rented a house with a roommate and she moved out on me. I struggled for 6 months, our pay on the first of 1000 covered rent of 1000 a month. Our pay on the 15th of 950 covered utilities and groceries, then it was my oldest son birthday, then thanksgiving, then Christmas. It was summer when we moved in and the electric bill was huge about 400 a month. Big house A/C ran all the time to keep it at a comfortable 75 degrees. AER denied us assistance as it was a "poor choice to rent with a roommate" I was evicted in January for being late on my rent, the real estate folks wouldn't give until income tax came in. Before that to keep things afloat i used our credit cards, mostly for Christmas. The real estate put a judgment of 10k against me, my husband and roomate and we cannot locate the roommate. It is bogus, they sent an email to several upper echelons of my husband Battalion and I got a personal visit from the commander telling me not to worry about it that its obvious they are full of it. Still with my husband having to have a security clearance we have to get it off our credit. We managed to pay off the credit cards this year with income tax and buy our sons new bedroom sets. Still paying off our bad credit in other areas, a loan I defaulted on while playing musical utilities and stuff of that sort, my point being that we are tapped. After paying car insurance which in Italy is ridiculous, monthly payments to a debt consolidation agency and living in Europe where for half a gallon of milk at the commissary is 2.44 we have nothing left. I'm sorry this isn't the place for my whoas, can he do this. I can fly back to the states space A for the summer to represent myself in court. Biggest issue and from reading here I know a child has no say but my child doesn't want to know him. He really doesn't, he is happy here and involved in the activities provided by our CYS. Could I argue that this wouldn't be in my sons best interest? What can I do?? How do I argue this in court, and will it even matter that in Oct he was willing to give up his rights in exchange for me waiving support.

 

[stealth2]

You're probably not going to have much choice but to figure out how to facilitate a relationship between your son and his Dad. Dad's allowed to change his mind, and a court is going to consider it in the boy's best interests to build a relationship with his Dad. A five year old's wishes will not be given any weight.

 

[Finished2010]

thank you stealth2, however this is in regard to my nine yr old, probably not much difference, thanks again!!

 

[stealth2]

thank you stealth2, however this is in regard to my nine yr old, probably not much difference, thanks again!!

No difference at all.

 

[Finished2010]

Ok well would it be possible to arrange a set day and time out of every week for phone calls from dad? I understand completely that the wishes of a nine year old have no weight. That being said my son is ANGRY. My son came along with me the day we signed the letter, I only took him because he asked than begged to go, his reason was to see if dad looked like him. I took him, I figured what harm could it do, at least he would have seen him once. Dad didn't acknowledge our son at all, no hello, nada!! My son asked me later why he didnt say anything, I said he probably didn't know what to say. My point is that maybe if they talked first and got to know each other my son would be more open to a visit, after all this is supposed to be about what is best for the child. I am in agreement that knowing the real father is tremendously important, however dad is just popping out of the wood work with no thought as to how this may effect the child he has ignored all these years. my son is 9 years old and doing very well, he has adjusted wonderfully to life here in Europe after having to leave all our family and his friends. His grades are excellent and he is active in sports, I do not want to upset his routine. Honestly dad has no interest he is being an ass. I know I may get some heat for that comment but it is true, despite the fact that he is daddy.
He is mad because his plan to get out of support has backfired on him. He thinks it my fault for ever opening a CS case. Surely I am not expected to stick my kid on a plane to people he doesn't know and I cant go with him, I have another son who I must be here for. I have a life, I am a child care provider out of our home, a job I just landed to help get out of debt. Can we set up visits via the webcam? Would that work considering I live outside the U.S??

 

[CourtClerk]

Ok well would it be possible to arrange a set day and time out of every week for phone calls from dad? I understand completely that the wishes of a nine year old have no weight. That being said my son is ANGRY. My son came along with me the day we signed the letter, I only took him because he asked than begged to go, his reason was to see if dad looked like him. I took him, I figured what harm could it do, at least he would have seen him once. Dad didn't acknowledge our son at all, no hello, nada!! My son asked me later why he didnt say anything, I said he probably didn't know what to say.

And so why didn't YOU make the introductioin and spark a conversation??????????????????

 

[Finished2010]

Courtclerk, I pulled dad aside and asked him why he hadn't spoke to his son, he replied " I have nothing to say". We were having a hard time finding a notary that wasn't closed for lunch, We had a flat on the way there and I didn't have a 4 way so we lost a good hour and a half. On our way to the next place, I asked my son if he wanted to talk to his dad, he said no, i just wanted to see if he looks like me. That was all that was said at that time, dads wife stood outside beside my car while dad and I went into the office of the notary, we signed, on the way out I asked dad again, he said no, have a safe trip and we left. On the way home my son asked me why his dad didn't say anything to him, i said he probably didn't know what to say. I didn't think it was important to mention before but my son smiled, and said oh well I have you and my dad that didn't have to be. My son never missed anything not knowing his dad, he has a whole slew of family that have surrounded him with love and attention, I told him of his dad at a young age, and showed him pictures several times, he never had any questions. I know in my bones dad is just being spiteful. When he told me I had to sign away support in order to get the consent I said and you would have to give up rights he laughed and said that's fine. He hasn't decided to be a dad he has decided to disrupt as much of my life as he can for my being the cause of his being in trouble. He has decided to use a child to get back at me. Could I persuade a judge to allow for the next few months at least set days and times for dads visitation? my son has his own computer and could have one on ones with dad, they could call each other, and during this time dad will not commit to the days and times proving he is full of **** and if he does commit than good for my son and good for dad but until then I dont believe in this change of heart, it is all in the mans voice when we spoke, you messed with my life now im going to mess with yours.

 

[CJane]

You said you have a notarized letter stating that Dad is willing to sign over his rights.

By itself, that doesn't really mean anything. Was this done as part of a formal process to have his rights terminated? Perhaps as part of a planned adoption proceeding?

I'm going to assume this man is legally established as the father because there's a child support order in place.

Has there EVER been a visitation order in place?

I think it's pretty unlikely that Dad could force you to return to the US at this point. However, if he wants a relationship with his child and his rights have not been formally terminated, he's very likely to be allowed by the courts to develop one -- provided, of course, that he pursues this via court action.

All of that said... were you ever on state aid (specifically medicaid or TANF) for the child?

If you were NOT, it's possible you could contact the OAG and discuss forgiving the arrears. If you WERE, you should STILL contact the OAG and ask about at least forgiving the arrears that are not owed to the states. ESPECIALLY if that was part of the "deal" allowing you to move overseas.

Now... it sounds like things in Italy are really rough, and your husband may lose his clearance due to financial problems (which it REALLY doesn't sound as if you're (collective) taking responsibility for... there's a WHOLE LOT of blaming going on). Are you CERTAIN it's in your son's best interests to remain in a foreign country where he may not be adequately provided for? SHOULD you move back to the US and wait for your husband to complete his tour and join you back HERE?

 

[Finished2010]

Yes there is a notarized letter and in it it says that dad is willing to sign away his rights and to allow my husband to adopt our son as he feels it is in the best interest of our child. Paternity has been established with a DNA test prior to the CS case being opened.

As for a formal procees no, but he is aware of my husbands wishes to adopt.

There has been a visitation order since I opened the CS case, he was given even years and I was given odd, holidays were to be determined by the year and he had weekend visitation, he never even tried to visit.

I was on medicaid but the balance owed to the state was paid of in 2007 with dads income tax. I got a nasty call about that one, lol

Dad says its to late for me to ask the arrears to be forgiven he apparently is going to court over that this month, he asked me to once we found out the notarized letter had accomplished nothing, I asked for a couple days to think about it and he said if I didnt he would enforece visitation, after posting here and getting some great advice I decided to close my case with the Ag, by then dad had decided that wasnt good enough. As for the "deal" it was his deal, I had no choice but to do as he asked I only asked for him to "sign away" his rights so he didnt have rights to a child he didnt care to support. My husband and I had asked him before if he would consent to an adoption and he had said yes. We were only waiting until we were more financially "stable".

Financially things are tight but my son is provided for without fail. He has all the basic needs and is involved in sports, CYS is not expensive. My point with that was to explain why I cant fly to the states on my own dime and cannot afford any attorney. Our checking account remains in the positive but I am not ashamed to admit that our savings account current balance is only 120 dollars, 20 here and 20 there when we have it to put in the account. We have taken responsibility for our debt, we are enrolled in a DMP and pay monthly to the things against our credit. My husbands SC in fine as long as we show we are making an effort to pay off the creditors, the Army has been very helpful recently even helping us to have some of the balances lowered. I wasnt intending to place blame on anyone for our situation, only to explain how it got this way. Thanks for all the advice, if dad wants to push this visitation thing would it be possiable to do the introductory period with regular scheduled phone calls and the use of web cams, my son has his own computer in his room and could talk to his dad in private if need be.

I am only worried as I know dad is doing this as a way to "get back " at me. But if he does get to know his son, that may change, like I said my son is awesome!! And in that event my son will benefit from having an amazing step dad and now a loving involved father, sadly I do not think thats going to happen, dad is just being a jerk. Thanks for all the help, you guys are kind to take time to do this.

 

[Finished2010]

Just a update

Dad went to court for his failing to pay the support. Dad apparently put his foot in his mouth (his wife says) by saying that if he was paying support the kids going to spend the summer with him. Apparently the judge asked why if he wanted to be such an involved parent did he sign consent and the crazed loon according to his wife said because she (me) waived the support. Wife says that the judge smiled and said that since you thought you were getting out of support you didn't care that the child was moving to another country? Dad according to wife gave a very weak reply and is now in jail for contempt!! I consulted JAG and one of the guys has a friend of a friend a family law atty, (lovin the military right now) I spoke with him last night, he says if dad wants to enforce visitation that he will help us out with no money down and will work a very agreeable payment plan!! He says that dad HAS abandoned his child and if he wants to play hardball than game on!! I am very relieved that this is over, I don't see dad doing anything now that his card has been called. I was worried that I would be forced to go back to the states and stay there so dad could "build a relationship" with our son. I guess it goes to show that one cannot ignore for 9 years their child than use a order of visitation to "punish" mom for him failing to pay the support. Thanks to all of you who gave your advice!!