Getting Visitation , Do I NEED a lawyer?

[Mr.X]

How do I apply to get Visitation , Do I NEED a lawyer?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

How do I go about applying for court approved visitation? Can I apply for myself or do I need a lawyer?

My ex and I have been divorced for some time now. I am paying child support from another state but we are now both living in Virginia. I never got official court ordered visitation because I thought we could work it out, but I am now fed up she only giving my daughter when she feels like and tries to keep my daughter from me at times and when she 'feels like'. All I want is the standard visitation of every other weekend, holidays, and summer and such. Nothing extraordinary.

Do I NEED to hire a lawyer or can I just somehow go and file with the court? My lawyer told me $1200 retainer and we go from there, but since I am not really asking for anything extraordinary, I am wondering if I couldn't just go file myself. I want to file in Norfolk. Would I just show up at the court and ask how to file?

I have been searching online for information, but havent come up with much. Most people get this done at the time of divorce I guess. I am unemployed right now, but I still pay my child support. I do not have money for a lawyer. I would prefer to give that money to my child.

 

[filledeplage]

No, you do not need a lawyer to file with the court. Go down to the courthouse that has jurisdiction (the county your child lives in would hold jurisdiction) and request the appropriate forms. Also, it is always a good idea to look into your local and state laws to better acquaint yourself with the subject matter you are trying to handle yourself. Your local courthouse will usually have a law library, but you can also find Virginia codes online at: LIS > Code of Virginia.

 

[liandrajade]

Norfolk Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court

the main phone # is 757-664-7340, hit option 2.

out of curiosity, i called the clerks office, they do not have these forms available online, you have to go in person to file for visitation. and you have to do the following:

1-Bring a copy of your current court orders/divorce settlement.

2-go to:

Norfolk Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court
4th Judicial District of Virginia

800 East City Hall Avenue
Norfolk, VA 23510-2727

there is a $25.00 filing fee and new petitions are taken from 8:15am-1130am

now there is a form to request to waive the application fee, you can download that and fill out ahead of time.

Good luck and you're welcome

 

[Mr.X]

Oh, cool! Thanks a lot to both of you!

Even though I am trying to do it myself, I guess the lawyer would still be the recommended route to go? Or should I be able to do it myself easily?

I read online that I need "may want to write your own stipulation and consent order". I am not sure if the proper way to go would be to try to find a lawyer to draft up one for me, and I do everything else myself. How does that sound?

I had gotten a Separation agreement in the divorce, which stated nothing really, other than that we separated and will refer other matters to be discussed later and we had nothing to split. It was wordy and written like a legal document. I could write one if I found a template online, but I doubt I would find that. If I were able to find a sample stipulation and consent order, I might be able to write my own fashioned from it, but I am wondering if I might accidentally leave out something important.

What do you guy think I should do?

 

[LdiJ]

Oh, cool! Thanks a lot to both of you!

Even though I am trying to do it myself, I guess the lawyer would still be the recommended route to go? Or should I be able to do it myself easily?

I read online that I need "may want to write your own stipulation and consent order". I am not sure if the proper way to go would be to try to find a lawyer to draft up one for me, and I do everything else myself. How does that sound?

I had gotten a Separation agreement in the divorce, which stated nothing really, other than that we separated and will refer other matters to be discussed later and we had nothing to split. It was wordy and written like a legal document. I could write one if I found a template online, but I doubt I would find that. If I were able to find a sample stipulation and consent order, I might be able to write my own fashioned from it, but I am wondering if I might accidentally leave out something important.

What do you guy think I should do?

The stipulation and consent order would be an agreement between you and mom. It really doesn't sound like she would "agree".

 

[Zigner]

I'm gonna differ on this just a bit. The OP says his divorce & CS orders are from a different state (not VA). As such, there is a better than 50/50 chance that the divorce has language to the effect of the court in <unnamed state> retaining jurisdiction over visitation and support.

This may not be quite as simple as the OP is being led to believe...the attorney may, in fact, be helpful, even if it's just for an hour or two of consultation and review of the case file.

 

[Mr.X]

I'm gonna differ on this just a bit. The OP says his divorce & CS orders are from a different state (not VA). As such, there is a better than 50/50 chance that the divorce has language to the effect of the court in <unnamed state> retaining jurisdiction over visitation and support.

This may not be quite as simple as the OP is being led to believe...the attorney may, in fact, be helpful, even if it's just for an hour or two of consultation and review of the case file.

No, the divorce was in VA, but the child support is in a different state. I called the Norfolk Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court, and the lady say that I do not need a lawyer for this. She says that I would need to come in and file the document with the $25 fee, then serve her a summons, with a court date and the judge will decide my visitation.

Should I try to have something prepared about what visitation I am requesting? Is there a sample order anywhere that I can look on what is reasonable to request for so I can have something in writing prepared?

I have read that I can request that she does not move more than a certain distance away from me which would impact my ability to visit my daughter. How much would be a reasonable number? She currently lives about 20 miles from me. Would about 30 miles be a reasonable number to request? or would 50 miles be a more realistic number?

I have also been battling with my ex to have my daughter visit my home country in the Caribbean, however she is being unreasonably difficult about this. I have been reading online about grandparents visitation and was wondering if I could bring this up an request that my daughter be permitted to visit her grandparents. My father (daughter's grandfather) has never met her and my ex does not answer the phone when my mother (daughter grandmother) calls trying to speak to her. She always pretends that her phone is not working. Would I be able to request something or does the grandparents have to request on their own? This would be a problem for them to request on their own since they do not live here, and can not just "come for court" here.

 

[liandrajade]

Should I try to have something prepared about what visitation I am requesting? Is there a sample order anywhere that I can look on what is reasonable to request for so I can have something in writing prepared?

Not necessarily, you know what you want just ask for it, unless there is something to the effect of reasonable visitation statutes, it all depends on where you and mom live in relation to each other, kiddo's activities etc.

I have read that I can request that she does not move more than a certain distance away from me which would impact my ability to visit my daughter. How much would be a reasonable number? She currently lives about 20 miles from me. Would about 30 miles be a reasonable number to request? or would 50 miles be a more realistic number?

Once again, all depends on if there is a reasonable reason to believe mom would try to move out of the area on purpose etc.

I have also been battling with my ex to have my daughter visit my home country in the Caribbean, however she is being unreasonably difficult about this. I have been reading online about grandparents visitation and was wondering if I could bring this up an request that my daughter be permitted to visit her grandparents. My father (daughter's grandfather) has never met her and my ex does not answer the phone when my mother (daughter grandmother) calls trying to speak to her. She always pretends that her phone is not working. Would I be able to request something or does the grandparents have to request on their own? This would be a problem for them to request on their own since they do not live here, and can not just "come for court" here.

OMG NOOOOOO!!!!! DO NOT BRING THE GRANDPARENTS INTO THIS PLEASE! Leave this between you and mom as it should be. NEVER EVER allow a third party into the middle of your parenting! If you want to take kiddo on vacation on your time thats your business and none of hers, much like what she does on her time is none of yours.

Where are we talking? Puerto Rico, Haiti where exactly? Puerto Rico you do not need a passport since it is a commonwealth of the U.S, anywhere else has to be checked on traveling requirements to and from the US.

 

[Mr.X]

Not necessarily, you know what you want just ask for it, unless there is something to the effect of reasonable visitation statutes, it all depends on where you and mom live in relation to each other, kiddo's activities etc.

Once again, all depends on if there is a reasonable reason to believe mom would try to move out of the area on purpose etc.

Well, I have been living for over 4 years without knowing my rights as a father and what I am entitled to. I have been living with her pushing me around, not even knowing which school my daughter is attending, because she only 'allows' my to visit when my daughter asks for it or when she is not having one of her "episodes' where she hates and despises me from our breakup. I woke up one day and realized I could not deal with her mood swings and my calm nature would not remain calm all the days of my life if I stayed with her. She has been arrested before for "abusing me" early in the relationship. I never believed in fighting with her, but she would always try to fight me. She has demons in her head and I have no idea when she is normal and when she is not. I finally realized that I had a lot of rights as a father and I can get court ordered visitation and I do not have to put up with her crap and her treatment just to try to get lucky to see my daughter. I have no idea whats normal and whats not. I have been reading online to find what is "normal visitation schedule" or even in relation to Virgina so I can know what I should ask for.

She is always treating that she is about to move to some different state (usually following some guy she is dating). She has tricked me for so many times that she has moved away, and I would go for moths not seeing my daughter because I thought that they moved. This is one of the big reasons why I am filing as well, so she cant randomly get up and move away and take my daughter from me. Her head goes crazy at times and she has random 'ideas' on random days.

OMG NOOOOOO!!!!! DO NOT BRING THE GRANDPARENTS INTO THIS PLEASE! Leave this between you and mom as it should be. NEVER EVER allow a third party into the middle of your parenting! If you want to take kiddo on vacation on your time thats your business and none of hers, much like what she does on her time is none of yours.

I have begged her so much to have my daughter spend time with my parents. I made plans for this summer, but then she said no, she cant, or else my daughter would loose her palce at daycare (she uses these things to 'trick' me all the time'. Next thing I know, my daughter is gone to spend 1 month with her mother's family, and I have no say to when she can visit mine.
I read about Virginia being a pro-grandparent state, and the judge can order grandparent visitation as long as both parents do not object to it.

 

[liandrajade]

Ok, well then since she is showing a pattern of not facilitating visitation and a relationship with you and your daughter then you need request the following in your petition:

A no move or radius clause that neither parent can move 50 miles from each other without court approval AND without showing evidence it is in the best interest of the child for such a move to occur.

Request standard visitation of every other weekend, a certain amount in the summer, school vacations etc. Have ALL terms of the visitation spelled out, meaning it has to say who gets what holidays, what amount of time in the summer etc. Having everything in writing will be your best friend if mom continues to pull her antics.

You didn't answer my question as to where you wanted to take her to visit your parents. Mom could be afraid you would try to keep your daughter away from her if she leaves the US.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, I have been living for over 4 years without knowing my rights as a father and what I am entitled to. I have been living with her pushing me around, not even knowing which school my daughter is attending, because she only 'allows' my to visit when my daughter asks for it or when she is not having one of her "episodes' where she hates and despises me from our breakup. I woke up one day and realized I could not deal with her mood swings and my calm nature would not remain calm all the days of my life if I stayed with her. She has been arrested before for "abusing me" early in the relationship. I never believed in fighting with her, but she would always try to fight me. She has demons in her head and I have no idea when she is normal and when she is not. I finally realized that I had a lot of rights as a father and I can get court ordered visitation and I do not have to put up with her crap and her treatment just to try to get lucky to see my daughter. I have no idea whats normal and whats not. I have been reading online to find what is "normal visitation schedule" or even in relation to Virgina so I can know what I should ask for.

She is always treating that she is about to move to some different state (usually following some guy she is dating). She has tricked me for so many times that she has moved away, and I would go for moths not seeing my daughter because I thought that they moved. This is one of the big reasons why I am filing as well, so she cant randomly get up and move away and take my daughter from me. Her head goes crazy at times and she has random 'ideas' on random days.




I have begged her so much to have my daughter spend time with my parents. I made plans for this summer, but then she said no, she cant, or else my daughter would loose her palce at daycare (she uses these things to 'trick' me all the time'. Next thing I know, my daughter is gone to spend 1 month with her mother's family, and I have no say to when she can visit mine.
I read about Virginia being a pro-grandparent state, and the judge can order grandparent visitation as long as both parents do not object to it.

VA is absolutely NOT a pro-grandparent state. Your parents would really not have any standing for a grandparent visitation suit because they will be able to visit with the child on your parenting time. Judges do not give grandparents separate orders when their own child is available to facilitate visitation. Your parents would also have to file in VA and appear in court in VA.

If your home country is a signatory of the Hague Convention then a judge may order mom to cooperate with the child traveling there during your parenting time. If your home country is not a signatory to the Hague Convention, then it may be more problematic. One thing that the judge will generally ask is why your parents haven't traveled here to see the child?

 

[Mr.X]

You didn't answer my question as to where you wanted to take her to visit your parents. Mom could be afraid you would try to keep your daughter away from her if she leaves the US.

Sorry, somehow I did not see that question when I replied. It is Jamiaca. She had agree to get her passport a few years ago to have her visit, so travel documents are fine. My parents are school principal and superintendent for a division in the government, so 'upstanding citizen' is not a concern. My parents can not travel due to the cost associated. I have 2 signings in college and in a third world country, the income is very very low, so sacrifices have to be made. As I said before, I did not have "regular visitation". With my ex, my daughter is very much 'not striving for her full potential'. My family is very educationally oriented and my ex is just the opposite. She leaves me to be the one to try to teach my daughter, but I do not get enough time with her to really make an impact. My mother is REALLY good at teaching. My daughter did not learn to talk until my mother came to visit for 2 weeks when my daughter was 2+. Right now, my daughter 'median' in the class, but from my knowledge of my family's academic purists, I know she could be far ahead of where she is now. My daughter is now 4+ and I try really hard to teach her to read, but I do not have her enough to make a big enough impact in her life. I explain to my ex about parental kidnapping and that it would be a really big deal and her fears are unfounded. I try to do my best, but it is hard to reason with someone who has little reasoning abilities and who does not think things through.

Bottom line, I really want her to get to spend some time with my parents, meet all her other family and realize how many people she have who love her in my home country.

If your home country is a signatory of the Hague Convention then a judge may order mom to cooperate with the child traveling there during your parenting time. If your home country is not a signatory to the Hague Convention, then it may be more problematic. One thing that the judge will generally ask is why your parents haven't traveled here to see the child?

I searched up about Hague Convention and I guess my home country is not a part of it.

EDIT: Sorry for my ranting.

 

[Mr.X]

Should I try to file for "joint legal custody with one parent being primary physical custodian" different for when I file for visitation or is that a part of the visitation court appearance as well?

 

[my life is mine]

VA normally appoints primary physical custody with joint legal custody, which means one parents gets every other weekend, one night during the week for after school to bedtime parenting time, summers can vary all over the place, from 2-8 weeks of visitation, to every other week.


Grandparent vsitation in VA is usually based on a parent that is not in the picture for some reason or another, such as a death of one parent or incarceration.

You can ask that child have a passport and that you would be allowed to take child to another country for visits. Normally that entails, flight information, phone numbers and addresses of people you would be staying with.

Norfolk is pretty simple, cut and dry to appear in court. You just stay to the facts that can be proven and all 5 of their Judges will be reasonable.

Having done pro se within that court system for over 10 years, I found them to work with pro se people quite well.

 

[Mr.X]

VA normally appoints primary physical custody with joint legal custody

Would this be decided at the time of my filing for visitation or is this just assumed to always be the default case even though nothing is in writing?

Grandparent vsitation in VA is usually based on a parent that is not in the picture for some reason or another, such as a death of one parent or incarceration.

You can ask that child have a passport and that you would be allowed to take child to another country for visits. Normally that entails, flight information, phone numbers and addresses of people you would be staying with.

Thanks for this suggestion. Would I ask this at the time of my court appearance stating that I would supply the flight/stay information at the time the international travel plans be arranged?

Norfolk is pretty simple, cut and dry to appear in court. You just stay to the facts that can be proven and all 5 of their Judges will be reasonable.

Having done pro se within that court system for over 10 years, I found them to work with pro se people quite well.

I have been hearing that Norfolk courts are really good at handling cases.
What facts (which can be proven) will I need to be able to state? What should my case file consist of? What should I present to the judge? (I have no experience with what I need to be presenting, so bear with me.) Should I prepare by writing a statement about what I am asking for? Should I go court with pictures? What should I bring as "proofs"? I have a blog which I use to share with my family about my time spent with my daughter with pictures and significant activities that we do and such. I do it because all my family members always want update on what we do, and its hard telling everyone the same story over and over again, so I just write in the blog and tell them when to read.