Indiana Visitation: Distance a factor?

[runnerdad]

My divorce was finalized in Indiana. At the time we lived about five miles apart, since then I have moved and am now 30 miles away. For the last 1.5 years, I have been doing both the pick and drop off, driving the whole distance. A couple of weeks ago I asked my ex if she would meet me half way. She responded with the section of the Indiana Parenting Time Guidline about 'distance being a major factor'. My question is this: What distance is considered 'major'? Our divorce states we would follow the Indiana Guidlines if we can't come to an agreement. Currently I have visitation every Tuesday, every other weekend and every other Thursday preceeding my off weekend.

Any advice would be helpful.

Sincerely,
Runnerdad

 

[mistoffolees]

My divorce was finalized in Indiana. At the time we lived about five miles apart, since then I have moved and am now 30 miles away. For the last 1.5 years, I have been doing both the pick and drop off, driving the whole distance. A couple of weeks ago I asked my ex if she would meet me half way. She responded with the section of the Indiana Parenting Time Guidline about 'distance being a major factor'. My question is this: What distance is considered 'major'? Our divorce states we would follow the Indiana Guidlines if we can't come to an agreement. Currently I have visitation every Tuesday, every other weekend and every other Thursday preceeding my off weekend.

It means that distance is a major factor. Unfortunately, that's not what you're really asking.

You chose to move 30 miles away, so in fairness (and the law in most cases), you should be providing the transportation. If there's a court order that says something different, that would take precedence.

There's a bigger issue that you're going to have to face. While visitation on Tuesday and Thursday might be OK now, when the child is in school, it's not likely to work well.

Transportation costs for a 30 mile drive are not that big a deal. Going to court to fight over it is foolish since it's likely to cost you as much as you save. More importantly, if the two of you can't even reach an agreement on such a trivial issue, acting together to raise a child is going to be a problem.

 

[LdiJ]

My divorce was finalized in Indiana. At the time we lived about five miles apart, since then I have moved and am now 30 miles away. For the last 1.5 years, I have been doing both the pick and drop off, driving the whole distance. A couple of weeks ago I asked my ex if she would meet me half way. She responded with the section of the Indiana Parenting Time Guidline about 'distance being a major factor'. My question is this: What distance is considered 'major'? Our divorce states we would follow the Indiana Guidlines if we can't come to an agreement. Currently I have visitation every Tuesday, every other weekend and every other Thursday preceeding my off weekend.

Any advice would be helpful.

Sincerely,
Runnerdad

Distance being a factor really doesn't apply in your case. However, what does apply is the fact that you are the one who moved and created the distance. Why should mom have to suffer the cost and inconvenience for that?

Generally the parent who created the distance is ordered to cover all the costs associated with transportation for visitation.

 

[runnerdad]

Distance being a factor really doesn't apply in your case. However, what does apply is the fact that you are the one who moved and created the distance. Why should mom have to suffer the cost and inconvenience for that?

Generally the parent who created the distance is ordered to cover all the costs associated with transportation for visitation.

Thank you both for your reply. I accept the fact that I moved and created the distance. All that I asked of my ex was to drive halway...15 miles.

She also brought up the school thing. I was aware of that during this past school year and about 40% of the time, I would take the kids to their local library so they could get their homework done. The other time, the wouldn't have homework or it was minimal. Both kids (12 and 9) are 'A' students with an occasional 'B'

If I had moved 7 miles away....could she still apply the 'distance is a major factor' argument? With her argument, that additional 2 miles created distance and I would therefore be required to provide all of the transportation?

Again, I'm not asking her to drive the whole way because I did create the distance.

This is the first topic that my ex and I have not seen eye to eye on.

 

[runnerdad]

Transportation costs for a 30 mile drive are not that big a deal. Going to court to fight over it is foolish since it's likely to cost you as much as you save. More importantly, if the two of you can't even reach an agreement on such a trivial issue, acting together to raise a child is going to be a problem.

And this is what I'm struggling with.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you both for your reply. I accept the fact that I moved and created the distance. All that I asked of my ex was to drive halway...15 miles.

She also brought up the school thing. I was aware of that during this past school year and about 40% of the time, I would take the kids to their local library so they could get their homework done. The other time, the wouldn't have homework or it was minimal. Both kids (12 and 9) are 'A' students with an occasional 'B'

If I had moved 7 miles away....could she still apply the 'distance is a major factor' argument? With her argument, I created distance and would therefore be required to provide all of the transportation?

Again, I'm not asking her to drive the whole way because I did create the distance.

This is the first topic that my ex and I have not seen eye to eye on.

If you had only moved a mile or two further away, or even 10 miles further away you could probably still follow the standard guideline that the receiving parent picks up the child.

However, 30 miles us quite a bit different. Asking her to meet you halfway is the exact same amount of driving as her having to pick up at your house...because its two trips instead of one. So, basically she would have to 120 to 180 miles of driving a week, to accommodate you. I surely wouldn't be happy to have to do that.

You made a choice to live that far away from your children. It is only just and fair that you deal with the inconveniences of that. If mom had been the one who moved and created the distance, then it would be her responsibility.

 

[runnerdad]

If you had only moved a mile or two further away, or even 10 miles further away you could probably still follow the standard guideline that the receiving parent picks up the child.

However, 30 miles us quite a bit different. Asking her to meet you halfway is the exact same amount of driving as her having to pick up at your house...because its two trips instead of one. So, basically she would have to 120 to 180 miles of driving a week, to accommodate you. I surely wouldn't be happy to have to do that.

You made a choice to live that far away from your children. It is only just and fair that you deal with the inconveniences of that. If mom had been the one who moved and created the distance, then it would be her responsibility.

I work in the same town that she lives in so I'm not asking her to meet halfway for my pickup. I'm only asking her to drive 10 miles in the evening during 'her pickup'.

 

[LdiJ]

I work in the same town that she lives in so I'm not asking her to meet halfway for my pickup. I'm only asking her to drive 10 miles in the evening during 'her pickup'.

Then obviously you don't "need" to live 30 miles away from your children. That doesn't change my mind.

 

[runnerdad]

Then obviously you don't "need" to live 30 miles away from your children. That doesn't change my mind.

I guess I'm not understanding the argument then. If I lived 10 miles away, we would still be following the guidlines. Correct? Why does it matter that I live an additional 20 miles when all I'm asking her to drive is that 10 miles.

I never said that I 'needed' to live 30 miles away, but that is my currently living situation. I'm wanting the ground work so when I do live 10-15 miles away.

 

[mistoffolees]

I guess I'm not understanding the argument then. If I lived 10 miles away, we would still be following the guidlines. Correct? Why does it matter that I live an additional 20 miles when all I'm asking her to drive is that 10 miles.

I never said that I 'needed' to live 30 miles away, but that is my currently living situation. I'm wanting the ground work so when I do live 10-15 miles away.

Look, you're getting a consistent answer. It's your problem, created by you moving.

There is no clear line that I'm aware of that says that 17.2 miles becomes a problem. But most people are telling you that a few miles isn't a big deal but 30 miles is. Accept that.

Ultimately, you have a choice to make. Your ex can't be forced to drive the child to you - or even halfway (frankly, I consider that to be the worst possible solution because both people are inconvenienced). So you can choose either not to see the child, do all the driving yourself, move back closer to the other parent, or reach some kind of agreement where you agree to both help in the interest of facilitating visitation. YOU are going to have to choose one of those, because going to court isn't likely to be successful and even if you do win, the cost (both in terms of time and money and emotional upheaval) won't be worth it.

You used to live 1 mile away. You moved 30 miles away. You're talking about moving 10-15 miles away. You're not doing anyone any favors by bouncing around all the time. Pick a location and live there. If you value convenience, choose a home near your ex. If you value something else more, consider the commuting cost in your equation - just like anyone else would. It's that simple.

 

[LdiJ]

I guess I'm not understanding the argument then. If I lived 10 miles away, we would still be following the guidlines. Correct? Why does it matter that I live an additional 20 miles when all I'm asking her to drive is that 10 miles.

I never said that I 'needed' to live 30 miles away, but that is my currently living situation. I'm wanting the ground work so when I do live 10-15 miles away.

When you do live 10-15 miles away you can address the issue then. Right now, you live 30 miles away.

Bottom line dad, since you work in mom's community you could easily live within the 5 miles you lived from your children previously. Then you would be guaranteed to only have to provide 1/2 of the transportation.

My ex and I are great friends. We always did things to help each other out. Yet, when he decided to move to Noblesville, from Indianapolis, and created a similar distance, he never asked me to contribute to the transportation, and never would have dreamed of doing so...because it was his choice.