Admin. closed my last thread, so here's my update!

[liandrajade]

I don't know how to keep step mom away from him without making a scene and upseting the kids. I have told her before not to approach him in public anymore but then she just makes more of an effort to do it. Then if I take son and walk away before she gets to us she gets loud enough for him to hear and tells her kids that I'm just being a b**** and don't want them to see each other. Not sure which scenario causes more "damage" to my son. I've been thinking about all the drama we've been through over the years and I know the visitation center won't let that stuff go on there so I really wish dad would visit there. I guess I'll just have to let son be mad at me for a while if that's what happens and eventually hopefully he'll understand that it was his dad's decision and not really mine. This mom stuff is really hard.

OG, can mom get a refrain from order on step mom due to the way she is instigating conflict and emotional duress while the child is present? Do the actions and behaviors constitute harassment under OH law? Does OH have refrain from orders like NY does?

natali, a refrain from order is similar to a restraining/stay away order in that the respondent/person it is against cannot engage in certain behaviors and has to follow the conditions listed specifically in the order. Ohiogal will let us know if there is anything you can do legally.

 

[xxnatalixx]

I am sorry to hear that but that is on him that he decided to not show up.



ABSOLUTELY NOT! Do not dare think about going outside of your court order. You follow that order to a T.



No, unless you go back to court to get the order changed, which if it just happened recently and he chose to NOT show up. I do not think its going to happen.



Again, I am sorry dad is not doing what he should but you need to worry about keeping kiddo safe. Your case isn't one where you aren't trying facilitate visitation, dad is blatantly thumbing his nose at the court by not showing up to his ORDERED visitation. I know you want to do right by kiddo but you cant make dad stop being craptastic.



The seniors will chime in if I am out of line, but I would give her an ultimatum, stop talking to your child about things that have NOTHING to do with him. I would let her know it's not acceptable and if she keeps HARASSING your child that you will seek the necessary legal remedies available.

Thanks.. I know it was dad's choice. I just hate seeing my son upset. It's weird because when he had to go, it was kicking and screaming. He thinks maybe his dad changed. He thinks if he's really good and is really nice to them that things will be better. I told him it's not his fault but he knows that he is what dad and stepmom where always fighting about, so he feels like he was responsible. Wow, the more I type the more I remember why I don't want him going there.

 

[liandrajade]

. Wow, the more I type the more I remember why I don't want him going there.

Exactly! You are worried about your son being hurt emotionally but I would be more afraid of dad and his issues. Stick to your guns and just hug and reassure kiddo that its NOT his fault and do the best you can.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks.. I know it was dad's choice. I just hate seeing my son upset. It's weird because when he had to go, it was kicking and screaming. He thinks maybe his dad changed. He thinks if he's really good and is really nice to them that things will be better. I told him it's not his fault but he knows that he is what dad and stepmom where always fighting about, so he feels like he was responsible. Wow, the more I type the more I remember why I don't want him going there.

See? You know why things are the way they are. Stick to the court orders.

 

[Ohiogal]

OG, can mom get a refrain from order on step mom due to the way she is instigating conflict and emotional duress while the child is present? Do the actions and behaviors constitute harassment under OH law? Does OH have refrain from orders like NY does?

natali, a refrain from order is similar to a restraining/stay away order in that the respondent/person it is against cannot engage in certain behaviors and has to follow the conditions listed specifically in the order. Ohiogal will let us know if there is anything you can do legally.

Not really. Unless she can get harrassment criminally charged. Which she MIGHT be able to do.She should try filing a complaint with the local PD.

 

[milspecgirl]

step one- tell stepmom that if she does not stop mentioning visitation to your son that you will go to the police and try to get a restraining order keeping her from having any contact with him at all.

step two- tell your son that you have a court order- that a judge has said he cannot visit his dad unless it is at the center. put it back on the judge. My kids know that a court order must be followed exactly and that the judge's orders are law. That should at least keep your son from blaming you.

 

[mistoffolees]

OG, can mom get a refrain from order on step mom due to the way she is instigating conflict and emotional duress while the child is present? Do the actions and behaviors constitute harassment under OH law? Does OH have refrain from orders like NY does?

OG gave the answer that you probably can't unless it's a criminal harassment charge.

I'll add that you might want to look at state laws and the divorce decree. Mine specifically states that neither party can denigrate the other nor do anything that interferes with child/parent relationship. While you can't do anything about the SM, you MIGHT be able to do something about the father allowing it to occur.

 

[xxnatalixx]

step one- tell stepmom that if she does not stop mentioning visitation to your son that you will go to the police and try to get a restraining order keeping her from having any contact with him at all.

step two- tell your son that you have a court order- that a judge has said he cannot visit his dad unless it is at the center. put it back on the judge. My kids know that a court order must be followed exactly and that the judge's orders are law. That should at least keep your son from blaming you.

Ok, sent step mom a message to please stop saying that to him because it upsets him and I am not going to take him up there anyway. If she does it again, then I will take a copy of the email to the police department and see if I can file a complaint.

I don't know why I didn't think to tell son it was the judges order. I guess I'm just use to keeping quiet about the whole court thing.

 

[liandrajade]

Ok, sent step mom a message to please stop saying that to him because it upsets him and I am not going to take him up there anyway. If she does it again, then I will take a copy of the email to the police department and see if I can file a complaint.

I don't know why I didn't think to tell son it was the judges order. I guess I'm just use to keeping quiet about the whole court thing.

Trick is to keep a calm, level head. Do not play into the nonsense and I KNOW how hard it is to hold your tongue. Believe I have been tested a thousand times.

Keep any correspondence with step mom, short, simple and to the point and politely remind her the current legal status of everything.

Most important thing is to reassure kiddo and keep him calm and happy as much as possible. Not easy but I am sure you will do just fine.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Trick is to keep a calm, level head. Do not play into the nonsense and I KNOW how hard it is to hold your tongue. Believe I have been tested a thousand times.

Keep any correspondence with step mom, short, simple and to the point and politely remind her the current legal status of everything.

Most important thing is to reassure kiddo and keep him calm and happy as much as possible. Not easy but I am sure you will do just fine.

It use to be really hard to bite my tongue and not go back at her with my own childish jabs. I've seen where that got me though and how it hurt my son. I have no desire to start that again.

 

[xxnatalixx]

wow

So, I sent step mom the message to please stop telling my son to have me drop him off there and told her I was going to stick to the judges orders so if dad wanted to see him then DAD needed to get a hold of the visitation center and set up visits. Her response was...Hey, can I take son to a cookout tomorrow at my friends? I`ll pick him up around noon and drop him off afterwards. I am seriously questioning her mental status at this point. I`m really nervous about the fact that our kids will go to the same school this year and she will have easier access to him. I got a copy of the custody order for the school and I`m going to make sure the principle, secretary, and teacher all know what it says.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Now she just sent me another message that said what would be wrong with him going because it`s a cookout and a lot of people would be there so it is supervised. Then she asked what supervised visits are suppose to tell ME anyway. This woman is nuts. What can I do to keep her away from my son. I`m afraid she is going to be approaching him at school.

 

[milspecgirl]

I would take all these emails to the police and show that you have tried to get this woman to quit contacting you regarding your child and that she is now harrassing you. Ask for some sort of order of no contact.

send one last email that you will no longer have any contact with her, that you are demanding she stop contacting you, you are contacting the authorities, and that she is not to contact your son in any way.

then, do not reply to anything she sends- just save them to show the police.

 

[xxnatalixx]

I would take all these emails to the police and show that you have tried to get this woman to quit contacting you regarding your child and that she is now harrassing you. Ask for some sort of order of no contact.

send one last email that you will no longer have any contact with her, that you are demanding she stop contacting you, you are contacting the authorities, and that she is not to contact your son in any way.

then, do not reply to anything she sends- just save them to show the police.

I will do that. She just sent me another message going on about how they don`t understand why I am nice to them but when they ask to take son I say no. She assures me that if they were to fight again she would bring him home right away like last time. She wants me to tell her how the supervised visits would benifit me and says I am just not ready to let go of my son and he is almost 10 so I just need to bite my lip and let go.

 

[milspecgirl]

once you have sent her the email to stop contacting you- do not answer any more emails, just print them out