Domestic Violence Charges against Exhusband

[cherylsarah01]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

This morning it has been brought to my attention by my 9 year old daughter that last week on 8/23 dad was arrested for beating up his wife. She told me how it happened and it was in front of her (9), step sister (8) and baby brother (1 1/2). She told me that there was blood all over the floor and the wall. She told me that they were so scared when step mom was on the floor bleeding from her face and her nose was split open and black eyes. She told me step sister was hysterical and yelling she was going to call the police when she was restrained from going to the phone. She told me baby brother was hysterical and crying. My daughter told me she panicked and ran to the bedroom after that.

She told me it went on into the night and they were locked in the room crying and hearing the violence. By morning stepmom went to emergency and the doctors reported it to the police. The stepmom was treated and released.

The police followed stepmom home from the hospital and arrested exhusband for assault/domestic violence. He was released from jail on bond the next day.

My daughter has mentioned different incidences in the last 6 months about violence in the home, exhusband breaking chairs and throwing them at stepmom cutting her calf open. No police were called and I had no proof. And a few other incidences as well with no proof just me documenting.

My question is where do I go from here. My daughter is afraid of her dad if I do anything. That was all I could get.

I called the police department and they say to file a protective order to keep my daughter for 30 days and then stand before the judge. The county Family Violence Service that assist with this says that since my daughter was not the one abused to not do that.

Is this enough to have a change in circumstance to modify custody agreement. My daughter is suffering with stomach problems more and more and now bad headaches. She is not her ususal self and asks me to please not make her go back there because it scares her.

I do not want to keep father and daughter apart, he needs help and so does she.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

This morning it has been brought to my attention by my 9 year old daughter that last week on 8/23 dad was arrested for beating up his wife. She told me how it happened and it was in front of her (9), step sister (8) and baby brother (1 1/2). She told me that there was blood all over the floor and the wall. She told me that they were so scared when step mom was on the floor bleeding from her face and her nose was split open and black eyes. She told me step sister was hysterical and yelling she was going to call the police when she was restrained from going to the phone. She told me baby brother was hysterical and crying. My daughter told me she panicked and ran to the bedroom after that.

She told me it went on into the night and they were locked in the room crying and hearing the violence. By morning stepmom went to emergency and the doctors reported it to the police. The stepmom was treated and released.

The police followed stepmom home from the hospital and arrested exhusband for assault/domestic violence. He was released from jail on bond the next day.

My daughter has mentioned different incidences in the last 6 months about violence in the home, exhusband breaking chairs and throwing them at stepmom cutting her calf open. No police were called and I had no proof. And a few other incidences as well with no proof just me documenting.

My question is where do I go from here. My daughter is afraid of her dad if I do anything. That was all I could get.

I called the police department and they say to file a protective order to keep my daughter for 30 days and then stand before the judge. The county Family Violence Service that assist with this says that since my daughter was not the one abused to not do that.

Is this enough to have a change in circumstance to modify custody agreement. My daughter is suffering with stomach problems more and more and now bad headaches. She is not her ususal self and asks me to please not make her go back there because it scares her.

I do not want to keep father and daughter apart, he needs help and so does she.

I would be filing an emergency motion to temporarily suspend visitation. I would get a copy of the police report to take to court. A police report cannot be "cross-examined" but it might be enough for a temporary, emergency order.

Then, I would be asking for supervised visitation until dad gets some treatment (anger management etc.) and I would be getting my daughter into counseling ASAP.

 

[ecmst12]

You SHOULD want to keep them apart, girls who grow up around abusers are more likely to BE abused when they get older.

 

[cherylsarah01]

I would be filing an emergency motion to temporarily suspend visitation. I would get a copy of the police report to take to court. A police report cannot be "cross-examined" but it might be enough for a temporary, emergency order.

Then, I would be asking for supervised visitation until dad gets some treatment (anger management etc.) and I would be getting my daughter into counseling ASAP.

I agree. I was down at the courthouse today and got the paperwork. I took the workshop on how to fill them out. They are filled out as of tonight and I will file it with the court tomorrow morning.

I have requested physical custody with him having supervised visitation and for him to complete anger management classes.

I believe that when he assaults and abuses stepmom that it's also a form of abuse to the child changing who she is for the worse. I have also requested the protective order temporarily suspending visitation until the court date.

I have requested information regarding counceling.

Thank you for your response.

 

[cherylsarah01]

You SHOULD want to keep them apart, girls who grow up around abusers are more likely to BE abused when they get older.

Yes you are correct.

 

[cherylsarah01]

Update

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

This morning it has been brought to my attention by my 9 year old daughter that last week on 8/23 dad was arrested for beating up his wife. She told me how it happened and it was in front of her (9), step sister (8) and baby brother (1 1/2). She told me that there was blood all over the floor and the wall. She told me that they were so scared when step mom was on the floor bleeding from her face and her nose was split open and black eyes. She told me step sister was hysterical and yelling she was going to call the police when she was restrained from going to the phone. She told me baby brother was hysterical and crying. My daughter told me she panicked and ran to the bedroom after that.

She told me it went on into the night and they were locked in the room crying and hearing the violence. By morning stepmom went to emergency and the doctors reported it to the police. The stepmom was treated and released.

The police followed stepmom home from the hospital and arrested exhusband for assault/domestic violence. He was released from jail on bond the next day.

My daughter has mentioned different incidences in the last 6 months about violence in the home, exhusband breaking chairs and throwing them at stepmom cutting her calf open. No police were called and I had no proof. And a few other incidences as well with no proof just me documenting.

My question is where do I go from here. My daughter is afraid of her dad if I do anything. That was all I could get.

I called the police department and they say to file a protective order to keep my daughter for 30 days and then stand before the judge. The county Family Violence Service that assist with this says that since my daughter was not the one abused to not do that.

Is this enough to have a change in circumstance to modify custody agreement. My daughter is suffering with stomach problems more and more and now bad headaches. She is not her ususal self and asks me to please not make her go back there because it scares her.

I do not want to keep father and daughter apart, he needs help and so does she.

Judge granted an ex parte for 9-28-2010. Any advice for me would be much appreciated.

Thank you,

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I would request counseling for your daughter.

How close is she to stepmom's kids? Are there any children who are half siblings? If so, would you consider a playdate for the children?

 

[MichaCA]

I am wondering if you should also have called cps about this. For your children and the step siblings. There are very mixed reactions with cps. I have had negative experiences with them in the past and know others who have too...largely they don't do much.

I also filed for emergency custody and it was granted. Mediation is next Friday and I am fretting a bit. I know I need to write up a declaration for the mediator. I am simply submitting whatever information I have about the physical abuse as I understand it, and as was documented by two doctors. CPS was called in. I had a meeting with the caseworker yesterday. I was VERY suprised to hear (she has NOT met with the dad yet) that she felt after talking with me, and talking to my daughter, that she is strongly leaning towards recommending to the mediator very reduced visitation for daughter. Thats all she said.

However, I am still going to request anger management classes too...but I am also going to request counseling for the dad. I know thats iffy, but hey, when you hurt your kids I think I have the right to ask for it, and he does need it. So I am going to ask for supervised visitation until the anger management is done and its verified he is having weekly counseling.

I doubt that is helpful...but our thinking is along the same lines. I do think in your case its appropriate to call CPS and make the report - its up to them if an investigation is done. That type of violence around kids is serious. I do hope that if we talk to the right person, someone out there is willing to take steps to protect these kids from these environments.

 

[mistoffolees]

Judge granted an ex parte for 9-28-2010. Any advice for me would be much appreciated.

Thank you,

Just tell the story as factually as you can. Present the police report along with whatever information your daughter gave you.

Technically, repeating what your daughter told you is hearsay, but some judges will want to hear the story.

Ask the court to order the father to have ONLY supervised visitation and to pay for counseling for your daughter. I would also ask for a protection order to prevent him from seeing the daughter anywhere but during his supervised visits.

It's unfortunate that his other kids won't have anyone watching out for them, but there's absolutely nothing you can do for them, except call CPS (which I would have done for your daughter, as well). The judge may ask why you didn't call CPS and your response would probably be that by the time you found out about it, the child was back in your safekeeping, so you felt that asking for an ex parte was more important.

I would rarely recommend this, but in your case, I wouldn't let her go back with him between now and the hearing. if he raises a stink, I might consider going along, but only if he agrees to visit in a supervised environment of YOUR choosing. If he doesn't agree with that, take your chances with not letting him see her until after the hearing.

 

[birdbrain53]

HI

I'm in California and agree with the other seniors FWIW.

Don't call CPS. If your children were being hit, I would say to take them to emergency and let the doctor who is a mandated reporter call CPS. You do NOT want the Ex to say you are trying to cut him out of the children's life by calling CPS on him and filing "false" charges against him.

But since it was step-mom who was being hit, just go to court on your ex-parte date (you DID check the box for no notice to Dad because it could cause violence towards you or the children, right?) and tell the judge factually about the incident with police report in hand.

 

[rbw5147]

I remember reading Cheryl's posting hx. Stepmom has been a HUGE pain her rear end, in regards to Cheryl's daughter. Probably the worst I've ever read on here (except maybe Step-mom of 3!) Got her baptized at her church without permission, signs the daughter's school stuff as "Mom." Tries to leave Mom out of daughter's school activities during Dad's time. Spied on her while she was dropping daughter off and picking her up from school. A horrible over stepping step mom! I don't condone physical violence EVER, but must say that there is a little irony here. Maybe this will be a quicker way of getting Dad and Step into court so Cheryl can address ALL the issues...

 

[cherylsarah01]

I would request counseling for your daughter.

How close is she to stepmom's kids? Are there any children who are half siblings? If so, would you consider a playdate for the children?

Hi, so sorry it took a few days to answer questions.

From what my dauhter tells me she is uncomfortable around stepsiblings most of the time with a hot and cold relationship. Yes there is a half brother. I would consider a playdate for the kids.

I will request counseling for her.

 

[cherylsarah01]

HI

I'm in California and agree with the other seniors FWIW.

Don't call CPS. If your children were being hit, I would say to take them to emergency and let the doctor who is a mandated reporter call CPS. You do NOT want the Ex to say you are trying to cut him out of the children's life by calling CPS on him and filing "false" charges against him.

But since it was step-mom who was being hit, just go to court on your ex-parte date (you DID check the box for no notice to Dad because it could cause violence towards you or the children, right?) and tell the judge factually about the incident with police report in hand.

Hi I called the Alameda County Domestic Violence Dept. because they assist people with free legal advice and paperwork. They instructed me to not get a restraining order because it was not against the child. They told me the best way to go was the ex parte. If a judge asks me why I did it that way I will just tell him exactly what I was instructed to do and by what dept. I don't know if I am going the right way in all of this but I hope that I am. I also put a call into the other children's father to inform him of what happened while his kids were in the home. I know him we went to high school together and were neighbors for seven years.

I did check the box of why there is no notice because of my daughter afraid of reprecussions of what he might say or do.

 

[cherylsarah01]

I remember reading Cheryl's posting hx. Stepmom has been a HUGE pain her rear end, in regards to Cheryl's daughter. Probably the worst I've ever read on here (except maybe Step-mom of 3!) Got her baptized at her church without permission, signs the daughter's school stuff as "Mom." Tries to leave Mom out of daughter's school activities during Dad's time. Spied on her while she was dropping daughter off and picking her up from school. A horrible over stepping step mom! I don't condone physical violence EVER, but must say that there is a little irony here. Maybe this will be a quicker way of getting Dad and Step into court so Cheryl can address ALL the issues...

Yes in no way shape or form is violence ever condoned by me. Stepmom is still spieing on me with pickups mainly and still making herself very present on purpose around me. I was able to get a good look at her black eyes and head wound that had to be glued closed. I first saw it 7 days after it happened and it was still pretty bad.

In my motion along with the domestic violence I have listed everything to be addressed.

 

[cherylsarah01]

Rec'd stamped paperwork from the Courts......

I have the paperwork from the courts and now it is scheduled to be served to him on Friday.

My daughter is safe with me. I have taken my daughter up to the Mountains for a mini vacation and so she could see her grandmother and she had a great time swimming and shopping and it brought a smile back to her face.