A non-relative has custody of my niece...

[acmb05]

Ok maybe I am not understanding this part of the post. If someone could elaborate on it.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OR


We visited a juvenile court last month where a decision was supposed to be made as to the future of the niece. Only the lawyers and the judge were able to talk. No witnesses or "evidence" was allowed. The judge was in disbelief that the niece hadn't been immediately removed from the household when the father was arrested for abuse. We are too. The judge seemed to be leaning heavily towards making a judgement for us, allowing us to have custody of the niece. She wanted to take a month to review the laws on foster parenting before making a decision, to ensure that she made the right decision.

If the judge was so amazed that the child had not been removed from the home then why would she allow the child to stay there for another month while she made a decision? Also why did they not hear from the witnesses that day?

 

[stealth2]

It is NOT your place to wonder about my family's ability to take care of my niece.


Wow, more condescending attitude. Stealth, tell you what. Why don't you get out of this thread, and we can both lead better, happier lives.

Anyone else from freeadvice.com who actually wants to give some advice, and not judge me or give sarcastic answers, I'd love to hear from you.

When you post on a public board? You don't get to choose who replies. There is a lot of questionable stuff you've posted, so expect to get called on it.

 

[stealth2]

I realize this OP may have that problem, however mistoffolees comment


Makes it seem like she thinks that anyone who can't afford an attorney should not be fighting for their kids because they can't afford them. I myself found that statement rather offensive to me because I could not afford an attorney but yet I could afford to take care of my kids properly.

She was generalizing everyone that does not have those kinds of funds just laying around.

AC - if you spent more time here, you might realize what is terrible wrong about your post.

 

[acmb05]

AC - if you spent more time here, you might realize what is terrible wrong about your post.

No probably not. I don't get the fact that someone would think that just because a person can't afford an attorney that they can't or don't have the financial means to raise their child.

 

[stealth2]

And OP - I'm not male. Nor have I ever been. And yes - I have kids. So... go back to that donkey.

 

[pleasehelpmeout]

Ok maybe I am not understanding this part of the post. If someone could elaborate on it.

If the judge was so amazed that the child had not been removed from the home then why would she allow the child to stay there for another month while she made a decision? Also why did they not hear from the witnesses that day?

I'm not really sure I know the answer to either of those questions, but I'll try. The judge said that she was indeed in disbelief as to why the child had never been removed from the home. She asked why it never happened several times. At this point, we thought that we had the case in a bag - the judge seemed to think that it was as ridiculous as we did that this child was still living in that apartment. The judge wanted a month to review the laws, think about the case, and make sure she was making the right decision. It sounded reasonable to us, though we would have loved for her to make a judgment that day, since it seemed as though she was leaning towards making a judgment on our side.

I was only ever told that this was just a meeting between the judge and all the lawyers. Both sides were expecting to be able to share witnesses, evidence, etc, but when we arrived, we were told to just sit and watch. I'm not sure why this was, or why the girlfriend was later allowed to share witnesses/evidence but we were not. Seems pretty screwed up to me.

Also, I just found out that the real mother used her tax refunds to pay for the two lawyers we had for this case, up until this point. I thought they were state-provided, but it turns out they were not.

And OP - I'm not male. Nor have I ever been. And yes - I have kids. So... go back to that donkey.

My mistake. Doesn't change your holier-than-though, know-it-all, arrogant, high horse attitude. Like I said, leave the thread, it'll be better for both of us. You obviously don't have anything useful to contribute, only berating and insulting comments. You're even rude and condescending to other senior members on this site! I hope you don't act in the same childish manner in real life.

Save it for someone else. I'm done reading and replying to your responses. Hopefully this forum has a "block" feature like some of the others I've visited.
EDIT: Hooray, it does! Stealth, you've been blocked. I hope no one quotes you so I have to read yet another of your ill-conceived statements.

 

[stealth2]

No probably not. I don't get the fact that someone would think that just because a person can't afford an attorney that they can't or don't have the financial means to raise their child.

Okay - then you likely don't pay much attention. Misty's Fleas is a DUDE. NOT a gal. As long as you've been here? You should have figured that out. You =r lack of attention to detail says a lot about you.

 

[cjones]

I don't have a lot of expertise however, a lot of what I know has been learned the hard way.
We've spent over fifteen thousand dollars and two years to get custody of my step daughter. According to the mother, she would have given my husband custody willingly if they could have come to an agreement- I do not however fully agree that this would have been the case.
However, your plan to slowly change things is a very good one and far less traumatic to the child.
No matter how much you disagree with the girlfriend raising the child, for the most part, there is no immediate danger to the child it would seem. Instead of rushing out to get a lawyer and perhaps really pissing the girlfriend off where she may taking things out on the child, have patience, gain her confidence and friendship and try to work together. Meanwhile, document everything incase it does go to court. If both parties agree, a legal document can be written up by a lawyer for a very small amount of money compared to a lengthy legal battle.
And don't second guess judge's- we had basically the same situation the first time we went to court- looked and sounded as though we were going to win, then, nope not that time.
And, keep in mind that it is possible that the father could get out of prison one day and try to get the child as well.

 

[pleasehelpmeout]

I don't have a lot of expertise however, a lot of what I know has been learned the hard way.
We've spent over fifteen thousand dollars and two years to get custody of my step daughter. According to the mother, she would have given my husband custody willingly if they could have come to an agreement- I do not however fully agree that this would have been the case.
However, your plan to slowly change things is a very good one and far less traumatic to the child.
No matter how much you disagree with the girlfriend raising the child, for the most part, there is no immediate danger to the child it would seem. Instead of rushing out to get a lawyer and perhaps really pissing the girlfriend off where she may taking things out on the child, have patience, gain her confidence and friendship and try to work together. Meanwhile, document everything incase it does go to court. If both parties agree, a legal document can be written up by a lawyer for a very small amount of money compared to a lengthy legal battle.
And don't second guess judge's- we had basically the same situation the first time we went to court- looked and sounded as though we were going to win, then, nope not that time.
And, keep in mind that it is possible that the father could get out of prison one day and try to get the child as well.

Thanks, that is sound advice. It may be time to put the past behind us and try to befriend the girlfriend as much as we can. We're not on bad terms with her, but there are certainly emotions running high on both sides.

We have been documenting everything possible ever since the father was taken out of her life, but will certainly continue to do so in the future.

 

[TheGeekess]

Save it for someone else. I'm done reading and replying to your responses. Hopefully this forum has a "block" feature like some of the others I've visited.
EDIT: Hooray, it does! Stealth, you've been blocked. I hope no one quotes you so I have to read yet another of your ill-conceived statements.

Okay - then you likely don't pay much attention. Misty's Fleas is a DUDE. NOT a gal. As long as you've been here? You should have figured that out. You =r lack of attention to detail says a lot about you.

I'm going to quote Stealth so you'll see it, now I'm putting YOU on ignore. And I invite the others to join me.

 

[Ray82]

They may also find an attorney who will give them a payment plan. What people have to realize is that there are huge numbers of people out there who want free legal services because "they can't afford an attorney". Attorneys have the same right to get paid as anyone else. Even those who donate some of their time for pro bono work probably have 100 requests for every hour they can give up.



That's one of the things that really bugs me - and it happens all the time. People want to fight to get their kids when they obviously don't have any way to take care of them properly. KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE.

I also get frustrated with the unending "I can't afford a lawyer" claims. For many of them, they can afford a couple of packs of cigarettes a day or cable TV or lots of other luxuries, but the attorneys should be flocking to them to offer free services.



In fairness, most of those cases are probably ones where no fit relative has stepped forward. It IS a little unusual for relatives who want the child to be passed over in lieu of strangers. Makes me wonder what part of the story we're not hearing.

Funny... one of the things that bugs me is people who think kids are expensive. They aren't that expensive.

You have a college education and a car... the rest is change that most people can afford.

Now... hiring a 5k retainer lawyer to get a child that really deserves to be with it's family is ridiculous.

 

[mistoffolees]

Now... hiring a 5k retainer lawyer to get a child that really deserves to be with it's family is ridiculous.

My daughter costs me at least 5 times that - and that's not even including what it costs to put a roof over her head.

Sorry, but if the child is that important to them, and the entire extended family is on board, they should be able to come up with the money for an attorney. Have a bake sale or garage sale or get a second job or something.

 

[pleasehelpmeout]

Now... hiring a 5k retainer lawyer to get a child that really deserves to be with it's family is ridiculous.

Glad someone finally agrees with me!

My daughter costs me at least 5 times that - and that's not even including what it costs to put a roof over her head.

Sorry, but if the child is that important to them, and the entire extended family is on board, they should be able to come up with the money for an attorney. Have a bake sale or garage sale or get a second job or something.

Bake sales and garage sales... well it'd take about 50 of them to get a $5k retainer. Second jobs? I already have one...

If it comes down to that, I'm sure we'll somehow find the money, but I'd rather not jump to finding and spending $5k as a first option. I'd like to see what other options we might have at this point. That's why I am here - I am looking for some free advice. I'd like to see what we can do with spending no or little money, since spending less money and keeping less debt on hand is always a good thing.

 

[Ray82]

Glad someone finally agrees with me!


Bake sales and garage sales... well it'd take about 50 of them to get a $5k retainer. Second jobs? I already have one...

If it comes down to that, I'm sure we'll somehow find the money, but I'd rather not jump to finding and spending $5k as a first option. I'd like to see what other options we might have at this point. That's why I am here - I am looking for some free advice. I'd like to see what we can do with spending no or little money, since spending less money and keeping less debt on hand is always a good thing.

Don't take my say as something important. They are the legal experts... and really I just got rubbed the wrong way about that one point. I still agree with the legal advice they gave you.

 

[CJane]

The niece in question is her eldest, and is 5 years old (I believe). The 5 year old has cerebral palsy, though it only affects her ability to walk at this point (she walks with a bit of a limp).

The court asked if any of her relatives would take her, and my sister in law (not the one in rehab) offered, since she already had been taking care of the sister of the niece. On the day that the transfer was supposed to be made, the niece was taken by the ex-girlfriend on a trip to the coast. After that, we were never able to take custody of her.

The judge seemed to be leaning heavily towards making a judgement for us, allowing us to have custody of the niece.

As if our family couldn't be trained! Not to mention, the only deficiency is physical, and it's not a big one at that.

So, you're not sure how old the child is, you don't know the extent of her "deficiency", and I'm gonna take a leap and say that you likely have no real relationship with her. And you wonder why the judge chose to leave her in the only "home" she knows?

And who is the "we" that you repeatedly mention? It's you're wife's sister who volunteered to take custody if the judge made a decision to remove the child, yes?

We are in disbelief that she is in foster care with a person whose home has been a place of sexual abuse,

But the foster parent is not the abuser -- he's in prison. So one would presume the child is safe.

who has no blood relation to the child,

But is the child SAFE?

and is away from her sister when they could be reunited and live together.

Have they EVER lived together?