Son's Mother Moving 10 hours away

[upstate240sx]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

My son is currently 13 months old, his mother is moving 10 hours away from new york to maine.

Currently the following exist
-We have a shared custody order, sharing both physical custody and residential custody, with the stipulation that the child is not to be removed from the county we live in (monroe county , NY) without written consent or written permission.


-prior to the establishment of the court order, she sent the child to maine without my knowledge while i was at work, with her aunt and uncle whilst she remained in new york. i had to go to maine to get him, with the help of the maine st police, and there was another instance where she sent him to maine, (alone again with her parents) and she disobeyed an order to return the child to new york, eventually i went to maine to get him


-the child lives with me, he has since his birth, we tried living with her parents , it didnt work her and her mother didnt get along (she was also kicked out the house as a teen, and sent from maine to new york) but all in all the child has always lived with me or me and his mother. currently she is preparing to go back to maine again, for good, the child will remain with me.

-my sons mother is diagnosed bi polar, she is currently refusing to take her medication (lithium) she has been mental health arrested before.

-my sons mother does not have a job, and has not ever been able to hold a job for more then a few months at best

-i currently work full time, and provide everything for my son, childcare, food, housing, clothing everything!

basically im looking for advise, im happy with the current order as i can be with my son, however i am opposed to him leaving the state at all, i dont mind if the mother moved out and remained in the county, but 600miles away is another story. from what she tells me she is planning on filing a petition to modify the order. what should i do

 

[mistoffolees]

You file a petition to block the child from leaving the county. And with her history of previous attempts, you have a good chance of getting an order. I hope you kept records of your previous trip to Maine.

 

[ecmst12]

You can't control where mom lives, she can move to maine if she likes. You simply file for a long distance parenting schedule and ask that mom cover all transportation costs for visitation.

 

[mistoffolees]

You can't control where mom lives, she can move to maine if she likes. You simply file for a long distance parenting schedule and ask that mom cover all transportation costs for visitation.

You're correct that OP can't control where Mom lives, but there's a very good chance that he can get a court order preventing the child from moving. The current court order says "-We have a shared custody order, sharing both physical custody and residential custody, with the stipulation that the child is not to be removed from the county we live in (monroe county , NY) without written consent or written permission."

Mom needs a pretty good reason to overcome the status quo.

 

[LdiJ]

You're correct that OP can't control where Mom lives, but there's a very good chance that he can get a court order preventing the child from moving. The current court order says "-We have a shared custody order, sharing both physical custody and residential custody, with the stipulation that the child is not to be removed from the county we live in (monroe county , NY) without written consent or written permission."

Mom needs a pretty good reason to overcome the status quo.

Maybe I am misinterpreting the OP, but I think that he already knows that the child is going to be remaining with him in NY. I don't think that's the issue. I think that dad doesn't want the child to visit mom in Maine at all. I understand why he doesn't want that, but I am not sure that he can accomplish that.

 

[ecmst12]

Yeah the post says mom is moving, child is staying with him. Mom WILL get to bring the child to her home to visit, but she will have to pay for it since she is creating the distance.

Besides, with the history of issues between her and her parents, there is a chance that she will be moving back before she's there long enough to have many visits.

How old is the child?

 

[mistoffolees]

Maybe I am misinterpreting the OP, but I think that he already knows that the child is going to be remaining with him in NY. I don't think that's the issue. I think that dad doesn't want the child to visit mom in Maine at all. I understand why he doesn't want that, but I am not sure that he can accomplish that.

Yes, if that's the case, he's going to have a hard time forbidding Mom from seeing the child in Maine.

With a history of Mom trying to run with the child twice, there's a slim, outside chance that he could get an order, but OTOH, he has already demonstrated that he was able to get the child back both times without too much difficulty, so I'm not so sure.

 

[BL]

from what she tells me she is planning on filing a petition to modify the order. what should i do

Bring up the last two instances and proofs of the child being sent to Maine and your retrievals .

Ask the court to incorporate orders to prevent the keeping of the child in Maine .

Mom most likely will have to pay for visitations ( ask for it ) if she's allowed visitations outside NY .

Obviously the current schedule will not work.

How old is the child ?

BTW ,you'll need an attorney if she files a modification petition .

The current order now reads No removal of the child from the county ( no less the State ), without written permission . It's clear as it stands for now.

 

[upstate240sx]

-child is 13 months old,
-currently the child is with me in new york
-our current order prevents him from leaving the county with out both parties written consent
- i have reciepts from both trips to maine, the second time she was ordered to return him , but was unable to , and i picked up the slack for her (we had supposedly gotten back together)
-she wants to goto maine, to stay with her parents, so she can get a job
-she wants the following, 3 months in maine and 3 months in new york, she wants us both to meet in nyc at an airport (we both would have to fly down and back, hard enough for her as she has no job or money, she is actually in new york right now , waiting on a ticket from her family back to maine, she has been here for a few weeks now.
-when she is in maine , she goes out and parties every night , leaving him with her family, who sometimes cant find her the next morning

 

[ecmst12]

That will NEVER happen with a child that young. In fact, because he's too young to fly unaccompanied, you have a MUCH better shot at having visitation ONLY in the child's community for a few years. 3 months? If he didn't see either parent for that long he'd totally forget who they were! Mom should be trying to come visit at least 1 weekend per month, and have frequent phone or webcam visits so he remembers her. Of course you can't force her to do this if she doesn't want to, but her plan is absurd and won't even be considered.

Start googling for long distance parenting plans for young children.

And I really think she isn't going to last that long living with her parents.

 

[mistoffolees]

-child is 13 months old,
-currently the child is with me in new york
-our current order prevents him from leaving the county with out both parties written consent
- i have reciepts from both trips to maine, the second time she was ordered to return him , but was unable to , and i picked up the slack for her (we had supposedly gotten back together)
-she wants to goto maine, to stay with her parents, so she can get a job
-she wants the following, 3 months in maine and 3 months in new york, she wants us both to meet in nyc at an airport (we both would have to fly down and back, hard enough for her as she has no job or money, she is actually in new york right now , waiting on a ticket from her family back to maine, she has been here for a few weeks now.
-when she is in maine , she goes out and parties every night , leaving him with her family, who sometimes cant find her the next morning

3 months on and off is ridiculous.

You have the advantage here. Go to court with and propose the standard long distance parenting plan. Ask for orders that she pay all transportation expenses since she is the one traveling. Ask for her to pay child support. And so on.

 

[BL]

-child is 13 months old,
-currently the child is with me in new York
-our current order prevents him from leaving the county with out both parties written consent
- i have receipts from both trips to Maine, the second time she was ordered to return him , but was unable to , and i picked up the slack for her (we had supposedly gotten back together)
-she wants to goto Maine, to stay with her parents, so she can get a job
-she wants the following, 3 months in Maine and 3 months in new York, she wants us both to meet in nyc at an airport (we both would have to fly down and back, hard enough for her as she has no job or money, she is actually in new York right now , waiting on a ticket from her family back to Maine, she has been here for a few weeks now.
-when she is in Maine , she goes out and parties every night , leaving him with her family, who sometimes cant find her the next morning

Pure Bologna .,. Hopefully you'll pull Judge Joan Kohout

She is female ,but pulls no punches.

That's what ya get for trying to do the right thing with family .

I'm living proof. Here now in M. County .

It doesn't end till ya die ya know ?

 

[upstate240sx]

first off let me thank you all for your advice

secondly, im curious if we will get the same judge again, we both agreed during the first custody hearing, to referee attorney julie gordon. has anyone had experience with her?

 

[BL]

first off let me thank you all for your advice

secondly, im curious if we will get the same judge again, we both agreed during the first custody hearing, to referee attorney julie gordon. has anyone had experience with her?

No . I have not . As a general rule the same Judge will preside unless there's an appellate ruling back to the lower court , or there is a sit in Judge .

I think you'll fair well . The old biased Jude is gone ,even though he claimed he was for the children...

 

[upstate240sx]

glad to hear your guys advice,

i just want to be able to be with my son, i was ok with our current order, but i dont want him leaving to goto maine, where she neglects him and he returns with a strange rash over his body splinters in his feet and cuts on his legs. when he is brought up there its like a fad to them, there is alot of excitement when hes there for a week or so, and then she dumps him off to her parents, while she goes out an parties. as i mentioned earlier , he is staying with me right now, she is in town and wants to have him this weekend, but im not comfortable with her having him with her uncle (as they arranged the first time to take him to maine while i was at work, without my knowledge) i explained this to her, but it falls on deaf ears, i told her should could come over and play with him and i would take them to the museum , lunch , etc but she doesnt wanna budge. i went down to court this morning and filed for a modification (i do have a lawyer as well) for full custody. should i have waited for her to file in maine? and let her have to explain why the current order is not good.