CT Divorce - Left Destitute and need Advice

[greydove]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

My husband who I’ve been married to since Oct. 2000, left our home voluntarily on Aug. 4, 2010. We own a condominium in CT that I live in with my 17yr old son from a previous marriage. My husband gave me a small check August 7th & 14th. He then told me he was not going to give me anymore money because he needed to save for a car.

We have nothing in savings or checking. All I get is a weekly child support check from my x-husband. My husband has left me destitute. We closed a business in 2008 and I haven’t been able to find any work since then. As a result of leaving me with no money I have had to apply for State food assistance, and assistance in paying my electric bill. The mortgage, homeowners insurance, condo fees have not been paid. I just received a notice from the mortgage company that if they don’t get paid by the end of this month, they will start foreclosure proceedings. We also have SBA loans attached to the house, which we still owe.

I own my home since 1992; my husband was only put on the mortgage in 2003. When he left he told me he wanted his name off the house as soon as possible, and that he wants to be divorced asap.

I filed for Divorce at Stamford Superior Court on Sept. 8th and he just got served Sept. 20th. Included in my filing was a motion for orders before judgment for Alimony. (I don’t know what happens after this, I assume I will have to appear in front of a judge with my husband?)

All of this is just so overwhelming for me, and I believe it would be in my best interest if I had legal representation, but I cannot afford a lawyer, and do not have any idea where to begin my search for attorneys that are willing to do pro bono work. Does anyone have any advice for me?

 

[CourtClerk]

You're going to find very few attorneys that are going to be willing to do pro bono work. Those that do have their fill of clients already and those that don't.. want to get paid because they need to feed their families as well.

Contact Legal Aid and see if they can assist you. However, are you saying that in 2 years, you have visited every Wal Mart, Mc Donalds, fast food restaurant and retail store in the county and NO ONE is hiring ANYONE? Even on a part time basis?

 

[nextwife]

Your STBX is not responsible for putting a roof over your son's head, or food in his stomach and clothes on his back. YOU and his dad are both responsible for that. At least until he ages out of CS. I agree, you needed to be far more proactive since the business closed in 08. If you and he have nothing in savings at all, how much marital debt have you and STBX both accumulated? What sort of income does STBX have? It sounds as though there isn't much there and you need to do something now. Did you not have any savings, retirement, IRAs or 401Ks BEFORE this marriage?

If you are already being referred for foreclosure, payments stopped before he was gone.

 

[davew128]

Your STBX is not responsible for putting a roof over your son's head, or food in his stomach and clothes on his back. YOU and his dad are both responsible for that. At least until he ages out of CS.

Your post doesn't make it clear but you realize the STBX is not the son's father?

 

[nextwife]

Your post doesn't make it clear but you realize the STBX is not the son's father?

Yes, of course. That's why I'm pointing out that her husband's absence has nothing to do with MOM'S ongoing responsibility to provide for her son. Mom had that responsibility BEFORE her husband left.

 

[greydove]

Your STBX is not responsible for putting a roof over your son's head, or food in his stomach and clothes on his back. YOU and his dad are both responsible for that. At least until he ages out of CS. I agree, you needed to be far more proactive since the business closed in 08. If you and he have nothing in savings at all, how much marital debt have you and STBX both accumulated? What sort of income does STBX have? It sounds as though there isn't much there and you need to do something now. Did you not have any savings, retirement, IRAs or 401Ks BEFORE this marriage?

If you are already being referred for foreclosure, payments stopped before he was gone.

I am well aware that my STBX is not responsible for my son. It has been extremely difficult looking for work since the business closed. I have no savings and I had about $7K in my IRA before marriage, but that was used to pay living expenses when we closed our business (this is what we used to live on until husband was able to find job. There is no 401K or anything else (completely tapped out). Just filed Chapt. 7 Bankruptcy this year for business credit card debt. All credit card debt got discharged.

I understand re: pro bono and I will deal with this legal matter on my own as best as I can. However, What I like to know is my STBX obligated to pay the mortgage/condo common charges even though he left the home? His name in on the mortgage and deed. Someone told me he doesn't have to pay for the mortgage since he left the home, and no judge will ask him to continue paying. (Don't know if this is correct).

He works and makes approx. $47K/year. I filed to ask the judge for motion for orders before judgement for alimony, but from what I understand, the judge might not even grant this to me.

 

[greydove]

You're going to find very few attorneys that are going to be willing to do pro bono work. Those that do have their fill of clients already and those that don't.. want to get paid because they need to feed their families as well.

Contact Legal Aid and see if they can assist you. However, are you saying that in 2 years, you have visited every Wal Mart, Mc Donalds, fast food restaurant and retail store in the county and NO ONE is hiring ANYONE? Even on a part time basis?

Understand regarding pro bono...I'll deal with this on my own. 2 years have applied to many stores and many, many other job postings Worked xmas holidays in stores only to be let go after holiday work. In case you are not aware, there are many, many people out of work and applying for jobs. These places receive many applications a day. No I am not lazy.

 

[Mass_Shyster]

2 years have applied to many stores and many, many other job postings Worked xmas holidays in stores only to be let go after holiday work. In case you are not aware, there are many, many people out of work and applying for jobs. These places receive many applications a day. No I am not lazy.

The only way you'll get a job in one of these stores is if you apply when they have an opening. They don't bother calling the people who applied last week because they have a stack of applications from people who applied today.

When you're applying for a job that requires specific skills, be sure to mention those skills exactly as described in the ad when you write your cover letter. The piles get pretty big, and they often have someone sorting them into A, B, and C piles. If you have the exact skills, but use the work "FAST" instead of "QUICK", and the person sorting them doesn't know that fast and quick are the same thing, you get dumped into the B or C pile.

 

[nextwife]

What sort of business were you working in before? If you have specific industry knowledge, perhaps you can look for a job in some other aspect of that industry.

 

[mistoffolees]

I understand re: pro bono and I will deal with this legal matter on my own as best as I can. However, What I like to know is my STBX obligated to pay the mortgage/condo common charges even though he left the home? His name in on the mortgage and deed. Someone told me he doesn't have to pay for the mortgage since he left the home, and no judge will ask him to continue paying. (Don't know if this is correct).

He works and makes approx. $47K/year. I filed to ask the judge for motion for orders before judgement for alimony, but from what I understand, the judge might not even grant this to me.

There are 2 different obligations:

1. Legal indebtedness. If he signed the mortgage, he is legally obligated to pay it to the bank - whether he's living in the house or not.

2. Marital obligations. It is true that Family Court will typically expect the person who retains the use of the house to pay the expenses associated with that.

You probably need to file for divorce and request temporary support while the divorce is pending (you MAY be eligible for longer term alimony, as well, but probably a couple of years, at best).

You really need to look hard at several things:

1. First and foremost, see if you can find the money for an attorney. If that is absolutely not possible, then you absolutely MUST be spending time learning the rules and procedures. Your first post indicates that your filing was a 'Hail Mary' pass and you don't have any idea what you're doing. LEARN THE PROCEDURES AND UNDERSTAND THEM.

2. You really are going to need to find a job. I know first hand that it's not easy, but if you've been looking for 2 years without success, your expectations are not realistic. You're either looking too narrowly or limiting your options in some way. If you were making enough to pay your own mortgage from 1992 to 2003, you're capable of a decent income. You need to be applying for every job in sight - and even jobs outside your immediate area. Use the sites like careerbuilder.com or monster.com. You may have to relocate.

3. The condo is going to have to be sold if you don't have a job soon. You're not able to afford to keep it, so it's got to go. Even if you do get alimony, with your stbx earning $47 K per year, it won't be enough to support you AND keep up mortgage payments. Even if you do get a job, your husband's demand that his name be taken off the mortgage is reasonable - and likely to be granted. Unless you can establish work history SOON, you're not likely to be able to refinance in your name.

You can't just sell the condo, but you can agree with your stbx to put it on the market and get the court's approval to do that.

 

[mistoffolees]

What sort of business were you working in before? If you have specific industry knowledge, perhaps you can look for a job in some other aspect of that industry.

That's a start, but it's far too limiting. OP needs to look at transferrable skills. it is unlikely that exactly the job she had before is going to open up in the same industry. She has to focus on the skills she has learned and how they can be used in different industries, as well.

There are jobs out there. Certainly, almost anyone should be able to find work during a 2 year period if they're flexible and present themselves well. It may require a cut in pay or other unfavorable working conditions. It may even require looking outside of the immediate area, but there ARE jobs.

 

[greydove]

There are 2 different obligations:

1. Legal indebtedness. If he signed the mortgage, he is legally obligated to pay it to the bank - whether he's living in the house or not.

2. Marital obligations. It is true that Family Court will typically expect the person who retains the use of the house to pay the expenses associated with that.

You probably need to file for divorce and request temporary support while the divorce is pending (you MAY be eligible for longer term alimony, as well, but probably a couple of years, at best).

You really need to look hard at several things:

1. First and foremost, see if you can find the money for an attorney. If that is absolutely not possible, then you absolutely MUST be spending time learning the rules and procedures. Your first post indicates that your filing was a 'Hail Mary' pass and you don't have any idea what you're doing. LEARN THE PROCEDURES AND UNDERSTAND THEM.

2. You really are going to need to find a job. I know first hand that it's not easy, but if you've been looking for 2 years without success, your expectations are not realistic. You're either looking too narrowly or limiting your options in some way. If you were making enough to pay your own mortgage from 1992 to 2003, you're capable of a decent income. You need to be applying for every job in sight - and even jobs outside your immediate area. Use the sites like careerbuilder.com or monster.com. You may have to relocate.

3. The condo is going to have to be sold if you don't have a job soon. You're not able to afford to keep it, so it's got to go. Even if you do get alimony, with your stbx earning $47 K per year, it won't be enough to support you AND keep up mortgage payments. Even if you do get a job, your husband's demand that his name be taken off the mortgage is reasonable - and likely to be granted. Unless you can establish work history SOON, you're not likely to be able to refinance in your name.

You can't just sell the condo, but you can agree with your stbx to put it on the market and get the court's approval to do that.

Thank you very much for your advice it is greatly appreciated.