Interrupted time-sharing required to be made up?

[Antigone*]

I don't know about the rest of you, but this one gives me the distinct impression she is angerly typing away on her computer keys about right now.....

She's at oversteppers.com ranting at the nerve of all those people who have no clue

 

[jbowman]

I cant believe she is asking this question.

Will dad be in the car with the kids? This means he is spending time with them. You said he is going. He should. And since he is, he is not missing time. But guess what, even if it WASNT his scheduled time, he should go. So what then? Is he gonna sue mom for gas money for having to go to a thing that he didnt know about?
Plus he got notice - the thing isnt until December!!! How much freaking notice does he need.
Gosh, I want to call you a name right now.

 

[AbbaDabba730]

I assume the next question will be:

The kids were here during last visitation and they had a vomiting bug, they spent approx. 1/2 the time either sleeping or in the bathroom. Obviously not quality time!

How do WE document the whole thing so WE can get makeup time?

 

[Isis1]

I assume the next question will be:

The kids were here during last visitation and they had a vomiting bug, they spent approx. 1/2 the time either sleeping or in the bathroom. Obviously not quality time!

How do WE document the whole thing so WE can get makeup time?

You owe me a new coffee and laundry service!!!!

 

[SESmama]

If the kids are scheduled to do a holiday concert of some sort you can pretty much guarantee that they are practicing so the fact he did not know they were attending this concert means he did not know they were in choir which means his time has not been interrupted by an activity.

 

[AbbaDabba730]

If the kids are scheduled to do a holiday concert of some sort you can pretty much guarantee that they are practicing so the fact he did not know they were attending this concert means he did not know they were in choir which means his time has not been interrupted by an activity.

HUH? My kid has been in concerts, not choir. And if they are attending prractice while at school (not on dad's time) how does this interfeer with dad's time?

 

[jbowman]

I assume the next question will be:

The kids were here during last visitation and they had a vomiting bug, they spent approx. 1/2 the time either sleeping or in the bathroom. Obviously not quality time!

How do WE document the whole thing so WE can get makeup time?

LIKE! We need this button.

 

[SESmama]

Choir, school choir, church choir. Semantics. The fact that they are to be in this means they have been practicing of some sort. Be it in school, church, something. It appears that dad's time has not been interrupted with any of the practices. So it is safe to assume (go ahead, yell at me) that the concert was scheduled to accomodate all of the members. The OP does not state:
1) How old the kids are
2) What type of choir/concert it is (professional/school/etc)
3) If mom set up practice if outside of school (if it is an extra activity)

 

[AbbaDabba730]

Choir, school choir, church choir. Semantics. The fact that they are to be in this means they have been practicing of some sort. Be it in school, church, something. It appears that dad's time has not been interrupted with any of the practices. So it is safe to assume (go ahead, yell at me) that the concert was scheduled to accomodate all of the members. The OP does not state:
1) How old the kids are
2) What type of choir/concert it is (professional/school/etc)
3) If mom set up practice if outside of school (if it is an extra activity)

It does not matter. The dad hasn't lost time. So what is the problem? Oh yeah, nothing.

This concert isn't happening until December, maybe mom just found that out and gave dad 2 months notice that it is on his time. Seems reasonable to me. I don't think it's some covert scheme mom cooked up, even though SM would like to think so.

 

[SESmama]

I am not saying dad has lost any time. I am advising the OP that she is way over reacting to this since the kids being in a 1 time event that was scheduled by someone outside mom's control. The kids are in this activity during the rest of the time but it isn't interrupting dad's time and the 1 time an event for the activity is scheduled step-mom flips out and starts in with "make-up time!".

What I am saying is the kids have probably been in this activity for a while, not on dad's time but mom's, and this is one time mom can't control when the activity falls so to expect mom to give make-up time because mom cannot control this one time event is a little over-reaching.

Take Tae Kwon Do. The practice is on a Thursday evening. Not dad's time. Mom takes kiddo to every practice. Belt testing lands on a Saturday that just happens to be dad's. Now mom did schedule it as such and was diligent in keeping kid's activity on her time but testing is "special" and as such if kid does not test on that day he must wait until the instructor has time to test him individually. Dad could have taken kid to the testing and 1) spent time with kid doing something kid likes, and 2) not lost ANY time and actually learned something new about kiddo.

Does that make it a little more clear?

 

[mistoffolees]

You owe me a new coffee and laundry service!!!!

Just don't get the coffee from McDonald's...

We know he is not obligated to take the kids, since this event is scheduled during his timesharing and he did not give consent for them to participate. However, taking them to the event so they can participate is best for the kids, since they already expect to participate (thanks to their mother involving the kids in this event without ever notifying the children's father).

But my question is not whether he has to take them. The question is, since she committed the children to an event without his knowledge, and the event interrupts his timesharing by several hours and incurs travel expenses, is she required to schedule make-up time for the interference with his timesharing?

This is insane. Dad gets to spend the time with the kids and gets to see them perform. Any sane, rational father would be happy with that.

 

[gr8rn]

Specifically, however, the mediation agreement states that she is not to commit the children to activities that interfere with his timesharing, period. It also states that any missed timesharing must be made up. So my question is just trying to clarify if, per the wording of the agreement, the interrupted timesharing should be scheduled for make-up time.

Does this sound like a complete contradiction? She is not to commit the children to activities that interfere with his timesharing, PERIOD.

It also states that any missed timesharing must be made up.

Perhaps having Dad sign on and giving the exact wording of the court orders (or mediation agreement) would be helpful.

Either way, Dad would be a fool to make this an issue. Doesn't he want to see the kids perform? Maybe, Dad is not making it an issue,but stepmom is??

 

[TheGeekess]

It does not matter. The dad hasn't lost time. So what is the problem? Oh yeah, nothing.

This concert isn't happening until December, maybe mom just found that out and gave dad 2 months notice that it is on his time. Seems reasonable to me. I don't think it's some covert scheme mom cooked up, even though SM would like to think so.

OP is not married to Dad, therefore not even StepMom.

 

[stealth2]

So, OP... WHO is the one with the problem here? Is DAD the one wondering if he gets make-up time for the fictitious time loss, or is it you who has a bug up it? (I can guess.)

I commend Dad for agreeing to take his kids to this concert so that they can perform pieces that they have likely been practicing for a period of time. That's what a GOOD parent does. Even if the concert had NOT been on his time, as a good parent - he WOULD make a point of being there to support his kids.

What a lousy parent does is use such activities/events to stick it to the other parent of their children. This is not an activity that occupies regular amounts of his time - which is what I expect the order was intended to prevent.

What a truly lousy STEPparent/SO does is use such activities/events to drive a wedge between a parent and his/her children - which is what you are trying to do by trying to create a "situation" between your husband/bf and his ex. That's something you should be deeply ashamed of.

Your husband/bf's kids are lucky that they have a Mom who (apparently - although I am sure you will now dig up a ton of examples to the contrary) goes out of her way not to interfere with Dad's time with their children. They are also lucky to have a Dad who supports their activities.

Being a parent includes sometimes giving up the time you'd like to spend with your kids allowing them to do stuff with friends, with a group, on their own, and often being little more than a chauffeur. I cannot tell you how many hundreds (if not thousands) of hours I have spent driving one kid or another or both to rehearsals, practices, games, concerts, performances, competitions, auditions, interviews, tours, tests, classes... you name it. We make the most of the time we have together - it would never occur to me to limit their interests or abilities by refusing to do so or demanding some sort of make-up time. (Though I'm not sure who I'd demand it from!)

What will Dad (aka you) do when the kids are older and they have to take the PSATs (for example, and only given on one date, with very limited exceptions) on HIS time? Will he demand make-up time from Mom? Or will he be pleased that he gets to be the one to make sure they have a good dinner the night before, a good night's sleep, a good breakfast... have all their pencils, registration info, etc.?

Being a parent requires much more than just "fun" time for Mom/Dad. It tends to require a lot more work than that. And if you're not willing to allow Dad to do that work - and reap the pleasure from it? You should walk away now.

 

[haiku]

How lame.

You mean if you knew about this concert, you and dad would not be going to see your little cherubs sing?

We live FIVE hours from my husbands kids, and i have driven to more special concerts, awards, graduations and the like. Its what you do!

Whining about an hours ride? Seriously pathetic. If i was your husbands ex, you would likely make me want to tear my hair out on a regular basis.

Really, there are so many more important things to be worried about when it comes to co-parenting, if this is it, I envy you!