child custody ... question ...

[michael_s_cott]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
texas . collin county

My question is ... sorta a 2 part question. And I know that no one can give me a for sure answer since the judge has the final call, so I understand that all the replies are opinions.

I am married, and well looks like sometime in the near future we will be getting the big "D". No one is at fault per say, we just don't get along and do not agree on anything. My wife will not contest the divorce so that will be the easy part. So my question is this. Can my wife just get up and leave and take my daughter with her and move away ? When we have a fight, she threatens to pack her stuff and move back to her parents house and take our kid. She did this when we were not married and the judge made her bring our daughter back. I did not know what the laws were about this situation for married couples.

Our daughter is 2 years old, is in day car mon - friday. I know its not school, but she has been in the day care since she was 6 weeks old. ( I mention this since I know the court does not like to pull kids out of a rooted environment ).

So, can a patent just get up and take the kid out of the home and say "see you in court". When I say take the kid I mean take the kid like 600 miles away. Of course if it was across the town it would not be that big of a deal, but she wants to move back home with her mom in Houston. I didn't think the court would like that, but Im not sure .

What do you guys think ?

Ok so i know this next part of the question is purely going to be your opinion. Maybe you have seen the outcome of the same situation ...

I will be asking for joint custody with myself being the primary (physical). I now that most of the time the court wants the child to be with the mother (not sure why this is, and I do not think that its fair). I was just curious if you have seen the fathers getting primary custody?

I have a full time job that I have been at for over 3 years. I take my daughter to and from day care every day. I am the only source of income for the family.

Wife goes to school part time and refuses to get a job to help out.

Her point of view : If we got divorced then she would have to drop out of school, move back in with her mom so her mom could pay for everything and she could go to school.

My issue with that : a) I dont want my kid 6 hours away from me b) i dont want my kid around her mom, her mom has been married 6 times, 2 times since I have known her, and not to very nice guys. Her mom has a bad history of choosing bad guys. Her grandfather shot and killed one of her moms husbands because he was trying to kill her when he was drunk, ya not good.

Bottom line is we both are great parents, but I believe our daughter woul dbe better off with myself, seeing that mom has no job, and at the rate she is going has 3 more years of school left.

Any Opinions ?

 

[stealth2]

If you want to ensure that the child is kept in your area, you should file sooner rather than later - and include wording to prohibit the child being moved that far.

And yes, lots of Dads have custody. However, focusing on her not working and/or being a student isn't the tack you want to take. Since Mom doesn't work and is a p/t student (apparently), she'd naturally have more time to care for the child. SO you may want to focus more on the fact that she wants to move the child 600 miles from you.

And if you're both good parents, why not consider more of a 50/50 custodial share?

 

[sometwo]

You need to go ahead and file for divorce and joint custody with you being primary. You need to ask for temporary custody until the proceedings.

Ask that the child must live in the county and make sure it is put in the final papers that child cannot be moved out of that county.

 

[michael_s_cott]

true

I wish it was that easy to get 50/50 .. That was the first thing I brought up. But the mom says that I will only see the child the bare minimum the state will allow. She gets very angry and uses the child to get what she wants.

And yes, her being a part time student and no job, in theory she would get more time. But how will she pay for anything with no job ? Thats my point.

My main question is, if she gets pissed one day since I have to work an extra 3 hours and says "f it" and just leaves, is that legal, can she just up and take the child to Houston ? Without telling me where she is going ? Or what she is doing ?

Not that this has any bearing or anything, but she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and is a manic depressant.

 

[sometwo]

true
I wish it was that easy to get 50/50 .. That was the first thing I brought up. But the mom says that I will only see the child the bare minimum the state will allow. She gets very angry and uses the child to get what she wants.

And yes, her being a part time student and no job, in theory she would get more time. But how will she pay for anything with no job ? Thats my point.

My main question is, if she gets pissed one day since I have to work an extra 3 hours and says "f it" and just leaves, is that legal, can she just up and take the child to Houston ? Without telling me where she is going ? Or what she is doing ?

Not that this has any bearing or anything, but she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and is a manic depressant.

If you go to court and file now then you woudn't have to worry so much because if she did she can be held in contempt.

However if you wait she could yes take the child and leave then you would have to go to court and petition for her to bring the child back and that could take time to sort through all that mess.

Its better to go ahead and get the ball rolling now and save some of the hassles .

 

[mistoffolees]

I wish it was that easy to get 50/50 .. That was the first thing I brought up. But the mom says that I will only see the child the bare minimum the state will allow. She gets very angry and uses the child to get what she wants.

Fortunately for you, she's not the one who makes that decision. The judge will make the decision based on what's best for the child.

50/50 is getting to be more and more common, but it only works if you're geographically close enough for it to be easy and if the two of you are willing to work at it. If her above attitude doesn't change, that's going to be hard.

Don't be too sure her attitude won't change. My ex was adamant that I wasn't going to get more than every other weekend, but she eventually calmed down and 50:50 is working very well for us. I would strongly suggest that you ask for a custody evaluator or GAL.

In any event, since she's planning to move, your actions are clear. Assuming that you're sure that you want divorce, then file for divorce and ask for temporary orders that the child not be allowed to leave the state and for you to have primary physical custody. You may not get it, but I would ask for it. If the judge asks why you should get it, explain that your wife is planning to leave the state and you want to maintain a relationship with the child and that it will be less stressful on the child to remain in the same home, same day care, etc. Do NOT use your wife's finances as an excuse.

And yes, her being a part time student and no job, in theory she would get more time. But how will she pay for anything with no job ? Thats my point.

That's not your problem. Custody will first be determined based on what's best for the child. After custody is determined, the court will assign child support based on state guidelines. If she's CP, it's up to her to handle her finances. If she can do it on CS and part time income, that's her business. It only becomes your business if the child is neglected.

My main question is, if she gets pissed one day since I have to work an extra 3 hours and says "f it" and just leaves, is that legal, can she just up and take the child to Houston ? Without telling me where she is going ? Or what she is doing ?

You've already got the answer. If she leaves with the child, you head into court RIGHT AWAY and ask for an emergency hearing and order for the child to be returned to your county. Chances are pretty good that the order would be granted.

Not that this has any bearing or anything, but she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and is a manic depressant.

It COULD matter. First, can you prove it? Second, are the illnesses under control? Third, has she ever been considered to be a danger to herself or others?

In general, using mental illness in a custody battle is difficult, but a GAL or custody evaluator will help. In fact, it was the custody evaluator who explained to my ex that with her mental illness, she's have a hard time getting primary physical. I'm not so sure that's true, but it got her to the table to agree to 50/50.

 

[stealth2]

And yes, her being a part time student and no job, in theory she would get more time. But how will she pay for anything with no job ? Thats my point.

She would be getting child support, and may get a job at that point. Seriously - her finances are not going to make a huge difference. Being poor is not a crime.

My main question is, if she gets pissed one day since I have to work an extra 3 hours and says "f it" and just leaves, is that legal, can she just up and take the child to Houston ? Without telling me where she is going ? Or what she is doing ?

Yes, it is legal. You would need to file to have them returned. So either wait for her to do that, or act preemptively. Your choice.

Not that this has any bearing or anything, but she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and is a manic depressant.

No, it has no bearing unless you can prove she is a danger to the child. Since you say she's as good a parent as you are, I doubt you'll be able to do that. So don't even go there.

In your shoes? I'd consult a local attorney.

 

[gr8rn]

Not that this has any bearing or anything, but she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and is a manic depressant.

No this has no bearing on anything. And if you wish to bring it up, please refrain from calling her a "manic depressant" in court. You sound like an idiot. Unless her name is Prozac, and you are making a really bad joke...

 

[Radia]

File now! Pray you get Judge Roach Jr.

My sister had him for a similar case where she up and moved to a town 500 miles away and her ex filed against her. He restricted her to Collin and Denton Counties, as well as the county that she had moved to with the stipulation that if she stayed in the distant county, she was relinquishing custody to the father.

He is very pro keeping a family close... and very into what is best for the child (was in the court during about 40 other cases over the three weeks her trial was going on).

Word of advice though, never never never say "my child" in that court room... Only "our child".

As much as my sister was upset that she lost, the father didnt actually win either (he was asking for full custody) the judge really did what was best for my nephew. They ended up with 2/5 schedule and he pays her child support.

 

[CJane]

So, does Mom's diagnosis keep you from leaving the child alone with her NOW? No? Then why would you assume it would keep her from getting primary custody?

It sounds like she's currently the child's primary caregiver. She's likely to remain so.