Modifying order. Visitation AND Child Support

[Radia]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I think I mentioned before that I had gotten my daughter back from the NCP. Shortly after, she ran away. She had gone back to her dads, and we got her back again, and while she didnt run away again, she was doing terrible in school and was skipping school often.

She went to visit her dad again this summer. She refused to return and when I went to get her, again I couldn't get near the house because of the locked gate. On the phone she told me that if I made her come home again she would run away, and maybe even kill herself.

Call me a terrible parent for "giving in" to that but her father is not a terrible parent, and she is not at risk for harm there as opposed to what she was threatening to have happen if I took him to court again.

On top of that with another child at home, her selfish choices were making the home life terrible and more than once I have had to neglect attending something her older brother was doing because I basically had to sit on her to make her do her school work and stay at home. Not to mentioned missed work and school for me with her.

I let her stay.

They were not wanting to change the custody or support orders but I want spelled out visitation with her since there is already a problem with trying to arrange Christmas or thanksgiving information. It is clearly spelled out in our papers that I have the children odd years for Thanksgiving, they are refusing to allow me to have her. So I want my rights more protected and spelled out.

I am moving to Texas to be closer to her, and I want standard visitation at least. I wont live in the same town as they do so I dont think 50/50 will work. So I am going to file to modify the order, though they have no interest in doing so.

My child support for her will be about 156 a month. I have no idea how they would calculate his for our son. He is also 13000 behind in child support right now. Is it possible to have the child support deducted from his arrears?

Is there anything I am missing in trying to protect myself and my rights to my daughter?

Are the courts likely to impute him more income since he has had 38 jobs in the past 9 years. Is the idea that he quit jobs (I believe that most were voluntary and if needed am prepared to find what info I can subpoena to prove it) and that he would have a greater earning potential if he had not been avoiding withholding relevant?

I wont be snarky and I will take what people want to say about me but please remember that I did what I felt was best for my family and it was not easy, and that choice is not what I am asking about here.

 

[mistoffolees]

The best that you can hope for is standard visitation, but he might even fight that. You will certainly get some reasonable support unless there's more involved than what you've said (which I suspect is the case-but I don't feel like going back through the posting history).

You can absolutely petition the court to subtract the CS you are to pay from his arrears. However, he may argue that it should be subtracted from his current support. Or, if your incomes are similar, he may argue that you each have one of the kids, so it's a wash - and ask for future support to be ended. Depending on how different your incomes are, that might fly.

You will have a hard time imputing higher income to him than he's making. He has demonstrated that he can't hold a job, so he's probably earning about all that he'll ever earn.

And the girl really needs some type of counseling. I suspect that she's not the only one who would benefit from it.

 

[ecmst12]

This is not an odd year...

 

[Radia]

This is not an odd year...

Sorry meant to say he has them odd years, as the current order has me as custodial parent, I have them when he doesnt. Which would be this year.

They are refusing.

Yes mistoffolees, she needs in counseling, he wont allow it even after it being ordered once already. That will be something else I push for again in court and being closer means I can take her once its reordered. I do think though that she was coached to say those things to manipulate me to allow her to stay. When she ran away before, he had actually come to Ohio to get her.

I have no problem paying support, and I am actually thinking of not having the support I am ordered deducted from his arrears because it would benefit her more that way. I want to do what is right for her, and show her that a NCP relationship can work unlike the one she had with her father. I send her care packages, sent her school clothes and supplies, set her up a bank account with a debit card so that I could deposit her allowance into it, and call her one a week or more. I even send stuff to her half brother when I send her things because I don't want him to resent that she has two sets of parents and gets things. Her father would go 6 to 8 months with no contact (still does with the boy) doesn't pay child support, lies about sending things including Christmas and birthdays and lies about visitation...

She has become a pathological liar and has lied about involvement in school sports, and lies about her grades being good when I don't even ask about them anymore as I can see them online.

I want to do everything I can right by her so any other input would be helpful.

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry meant to say he has them odd years, as the current order has me as custodial parent, I have them when he doesnt. Which would be this year.

They are refusing.

Yes mistoffolees, she needs in counseling, he wont allow it even after it being ordered once already. That will be something else I push for again in court and being closer means I can take her once its reordered. I do think though that she was coached to say those things to manipulate me to allow her to stay. When she ran away before, he had actually come to Ohio to get her.

I have no problem paying support, and I am actually thinking of not having the support I am ordered deducted from his arrears because it would benefit her more that way. I want to do what is right for her, and show her that a NCP relationship can work unlike the one she had with her father. I send her care packages, sent her school clothes and supplies, set her up a bank account with a debit card so that I could deposit her allowance into it, and call her one a week or more. I even send stuff to her half brother when I send her things because I don't want him to resent that she has two sets of parents and gets things. Her father would go 6 to 8 months with no contact (still does with the boy) doesn't pay child support, lies about sending things including Christmas and birthdays and lies about visitation...

She has become a pathological liar and has lied about involvement in school sports, and lies about her grades being good when I don't even ask about them anymore as I can see them online.

I want to do everything I can right by her so any other input would be helpful.

Is he the father of both of your children? If so, the way that child support works is that the bulk of the child support kind of cancels each other out, and the higher income parent generally ends up paying a fairly nominal amount of child support.

I do think that if you are ordered to pay any child support, that you should ask that it be deducted from the arrearages that he owes you. You can provide for your daughter in other ways if you want to do so.

 

[Radia]

Yes Ldij, He is the father of both children and he is the higher income parent.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes Ldij, He is the father of both children and he is the higher income parent.

Then, in the end, he is the one who is going to be paying child support, not you. However it won't be a large amount.

 

[Radia]

Am I being fair?

Drawing up papers these are the things I am asking for. (Without all the legal mumbo jumbo)

1st 3rd and 5th weekends with weekends being determined by first Friday of the month.

With weekend visitation starting at 6 pm on the day the child is released from school including long weekends, with the child being returned at 6 pm the day before school starts back.

Even Thanksgivings, odd Christmas' and every Spring break. He says he wants Christmas Split every year and every other spring break.

Alternating every 2 weeks in the summer.

all transportation split, I pick up at his home at the beginning of visitation and he picks her up at the end of visitation. He wants me responsible for all transportation.

Tutoring and counseling for the DD. He says this is unfair.

He and his wife are saying I am asking for too much...

Am I?

 

[TheGeekess]

Looks like you're asking for pretty much standard.

 

[PQN]

What visitation does dad get with the other child?

 

[CJane]

Sounds to me like you're being more than fair.

I truly detest split Christmases (the actual holiday) but DO think you should split the break from school so that you alternate 1/2 of the BREAK every year. So, in even (or odd) years, you'd have "the first half of Winter Break from the time school lets out until 8 pm on December 27" and Dad would have "the second half of Winter Break, from 8 pm December 27 until school resumes".

 

[Radia]

What visitation does dad get with the other child?

He doesn't exercise visitation with the boy. He has the same set up except that summers are different in that he gets 41 days during the summer and we split Christmas break as CJane is suggesting. I would like to see that change as well at least during the summer so that the kids can spend time together.

Since the divorce in 2001 he has never exercised a weekend visitation even when we lived in the same town. He has taken occasional summers and holidays.

The boy is almost 17 though and wouldnt really want to see him even if he tried. I have tried to get him to call his dad and repeatedly tried to tell the dad that he is the adult and he needs to be the one calling the boy, he will do it once or twice then stop again. I wish they would patch things up but I dont know how to do it if dad wont try to force visitation (which he says he wont). He blames his dad for all the stuff with his sister and wants nothing to do with either of them (dad and sister).

I hate split Christmas' as well, but doing it this way allows either party to go out of town for Christmas to visit family.

As it stands this year I did not get DD for Thanksgiving or my part of Christmas because they were seeing family and out of town and flat out refused to let me see her. I am hoping a custody change and an order will give me what they are selfishly keeping to themselves.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

With the arrears as such for dad, I can very much see the courts reducing the support to go against the arrearages. I have seen it done in the past. Worse case is that they garnish it and turn around and have it sent back to you.