F
frostyisis
Guest
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? We live in Alaska, my stepdaughter lives in Florida with her mother.
My husband and I married 3 years ago. We are both active duty in the military and make a good amount of money each year. We had our first child together just over a year ago.
When we first got married I knew that he had a daughter from a previous relationship (not marriage) and that he sent money each month. Back then it was only about 400-450 a month. Once we got married it went up to 500 and in the past year we have been sending 550 a month (5,500 dollars this past year) to my 9 year old stepdaughter. We stopped sending the money for the two months out of the year that she comes to stay with us over the summer.
Some background:
My husband is 29 years old I am 21. They broke up right after their baby was born nearly 10 years ago, ever since he has sent money whenever he could and provided for her as best he could. This arrangement has worked overall as the mother and my husband have both agreed they do not want to go to court for custody/support battle. Every time we have decided to send more each month it was our decision not hers (she hasn't been too demanding). Though there have been occasions where she asks for extra. We have had the pleasure of hosting my stepdaughter for 2 month long visits over the past 2 summers. I have documented and know how much "extra" it costs to have another child live with us and pay for her daycare and fun activities and clothes etc. By not sending the $550 for each of those 2 months we had more than enough to take care of her. During the school year she lives with her mother in Miami FL. My stepdaughter's mother is married and unemployed with another 2 year old daughter, a husband and a mother in law all under the same roof. Her husband does work, though I'm not sure what he does.
Ok, well recently we had planned on spending between 200-300 on my stepdaughter's Christmas. Unfortunately she has been misbehaving and lying and was told she was not getting Christmas. So we allocated the money elsewhere, going off of the mother's wishes. However, just a week ago she called asking for "extra" money for a holiday outfit. Normally I wouldn't mind so much sending the extra money, except it IS the holiday season and we were told that she was NOT getting any gifts. I let the mother know that we couldn't afford to send "extra" right then and that she might have to wait till January to buy a new wardrobe for her daughter (as she is growing out of things and needs more than just one outfit). She went on to argue that she never ever asks for extra money and that we should oblige her. My husband was inclined to agree, saying if we are going to be donating to charities anyways, we may as well send some extra to his daughter's mother. In response I said, the money we send each month should cover 50-75% of her food, toiletries, lodging, entertainment, and clothing. We asked the mother how the $550 has been spent and how it has proven to not be enough for the little extra things (like the occasional brand new outfit). She replied that she doesn't track it that way. Pretty much that it gets thrown in a pot like the rest of the household income and spent willy-nilly. So if there was the off month where my stepdaughter didn't need all of the money for 50-75% of her living needs, instead of being set aside it could be spent on her baby sister, or grandma or step dad, who knows?
I want to be sure that we are sending enough money, but how can we know if its not enough if she doesn't even know where its going? She has agreed to do a budget over the next couple months and to try to keep track of it so we can really see if we need to readjust the money.
The stats are as such:
My husband makes $3k-ish a month
We provide her dental for $15 a month on a military plan
We provide her medical for $0 a month on a military plan
My stepdaughter mother makes $0 a month
There is no childcare cost at this time for my stepdaughter
Also consider:
We have our own child that needs full time child care
We are both active duty in the military
Also for those of you who think it is odd that I am the one asking this question instead of my husband the explanation is simple: I manage OUR money, it has always been OUR money since before we were even married. He has always had issues with money (debt, etc) and has always trusted me to take care of all of our bills, investing, debt, savings, etc. Therefore, when it comes to child support, though he is the father and the fiscal responsibility is on him, we are a unit and the managing of ALL of our money (including the nearly $6k a year we spend on his daughter) falls on me.
My husband and I married 3 years ago. We are both active duty in the military and make a good amount of money each year. We had our first child together just over a year ago.
When we first got married I knew that he had a daughter from a previous relationship (not marriage) and that he sent money each month. Back then it was only about 400-450 a month. Once we got married it went up to 500 and in the past year we have been sending 550 a month (5,500 dollars this past year) to my 9 year old stepdaughter. We stopped sending the money for the two months out of the year that she comes to stay with us over the summer.
Some background:
My husband is 29 years old I am 21. They broke up right after their baby was born nearly 10 years ago, ever since he has sent money whenever he could and provided for her as best he could. This arrangement has worked overall as the mother and my husband have both agreed they do not want to go to court for custody/support battle. Every time we have decided to send more each month it was our decision not hers (she hasn't been too demanding). Though there have been occasions where she asks for extra. We have had the pleasure of hosting my stepdaughter for 2 month long visits over the past 2 summers. I have documented and know how much "extra" it costs to have another child live with us and pay for her daycare and fun activities and clothes etc. By not sending the $550 for each of those 2 months we had more than enough to take care of her. During the school year she lives with her mother in Miami FL. My stepdaughter's mother is married and unemployed with another 2 year old daughter, a husband and a mother in law all under the same roof. Her husband does work, though I'm not sure what he does.
Ok, well recently we had planned on spending between 200-300 on my stepdaughter's Christmas. Unfortunately she has been misbehaving and lying and was told she was not getting Christmas. So we allocated the money elsewhere, going off of the mother's wishes. However, just a week ago she called asking for "extra" money for a holiday outfit. Normally I wouldn't mind so much sending the extra money, except it IS the holiday season and we were told that she was NOT getting any gifts. I let the mother know that we couldn't afford to send "extra" right then and that she might have to wait till January to buy a new wardrobe for her daughter (as she is growing out of things and needs more than just one outfit). She went on to argue that she never ever asks for extra money and that we should oblige her. My husband was inclined to agree, saying if we are going to be donating to charities anyways, we may as well send some extra to his daughter's mother. In response I said, the money we send each month should cover 50-75% of her food, toiletries, lodging, entertainment, and clothing. We asked the mother how the $550 has been spent and how it has proven to not be enough for the little extra things (like the occasional brand new outfit). She replied that she doesn't track it that way. Pretty much that it gets thrown in a pot like the rest of the household income and spent willy-nilly. So if there was the off month where my stepdaughter didn't need all of the money for 50-75% of her living needs, instead of being set aside it could be spent on her baby sister, or grandma or step dad, who knows?
I want to be sure that we are sending enough money, but how can we know if its not enough if she doesn't even know where its going? She has agreed to do a budget over the next couple months and to try to keep track of it so we can really see if we need to readjust the money.
The stats are as such:
My husband makes $3k-ish a month
We provide her dental for $15 a month on a military plan
We provide her medical for $0 a month on a military plan
My stepdaughter mother makes $0 a month
There is no childcare cost at this time for my stepdaughter
Also consider:
We have our own child that needs full time child care
We are both active duty in the military
Also for those of you who think it is odd that I am the one asking this question instead of my husband the explanation is simple: I manage OUR money, it has always been OUR money since before we were even married. He has always had issues with money (debt, etc) and has always trusted me to take care of all of our bills, investing, debt, savings, etc. Therefore, when it comes to child support, though he is the father and the fiscal responsibility is on him, we are a unit and the managing of ALL of our money (including the nearly $6k a year we spend on his daughter) falls on me.