CA long-distance visitation?

[GoodDadtoBK]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Can anybody tell me what is considered long-distance in terms of visitation in CA? My daughter is two and a half and mom and I share physical and legal custody. We were never married and the court order was put into place in June 2010.

I received a notice from my daughter's Mom telling me that she is moving 75 miles away. This is the first I have heard of this move. This drive can take up to two hours due to traffic (southern California traffic is miserable).

After I received this notice I went and filed to change physical custody to me due to the change in circumstance (the move). I am not sure of my chances in being awarded sole custody, but I have to do what I can to keep my daughter here. This is mom's second attempt at trying to relocate - Her first attempt to move across the country was denied in court. Mom has done anything she can to try to alienate me from our daughter's life (lied to me about dr. appts, ect) and has admitted to me on more than one occasion that she will continue to do what ever she needs to until a judge allows her to move across the country. Mom has NO family in the city where she is trying to move and she is planning on quitting a good job that she has here so she can move. As far as I know, there is no new job lined up. Mom does have a new fiance who I think may be moving here, and it may be his job that is causing this move.

If I am not allowed sole physical custody, I would like to request 50/50 so we could do week on, week off.

We have mediation scheduled for the end of this month, and a court date scheduled for the beginning of Feb. I am just trying to get all of the information together so I can be prepared when I speak with the Mediator. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[WittyUserName]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Can anybody tell me what is considered long-distance in terms of visitation in CA? My daughter is two and a half and mom and I share physical and legal custody. We were never married and the court order was put into place in June 2010.

I received a notice from my daughter's Mom telling me that she is moving 75 miles away. This is the first I have heard of this move. This drive can take up to two hours due to traffic (southern California traffic is miserable).

After I received this notice I went and filed to change physical custody to me due to the change in circumstance (the move). I am not sure of my chances in being awarded sole custody, but I have to do what I can to keep my daughter here. This is mom's second attempt at trying to relocate - Her first attempt to move across the country was denied in court. Mom has done anything she can to try to alienate me from our daughter's life (lied to me about dr. appts, ect) and has admitted to me on more than one occasion that she will continue to do what ever she needs to until a judge allows her to move across the country. Mom has NO family in the city where she is trying to move and she is planning on quitting a good job that she has here so she can move. As far as I know, there is no new job lined up. Mom does have a new fiance who I think may be moving here, and it may be his job that is causing this move.

If I am not allowed sole physical custody, I would like to request 50/50 so we could do week on, week off.

We have mediation scheduled for the end of this month, and a court date scheduled for the beginning of Feb. I am just trying to get all of the information together so I can be prepared when I speak with the Mediator. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

50/50 is going to be really miserable in a couple of years when the child starts school. How would that even work?

What kind of visitation are you offering Mom if you were to take physical custody?

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

50/50 is going to be really miserable in a couple of years when the child starts school. How would that even work?
I really don't know, that is why I filed for sole physical rather than 50/50.

What kind of visitation are you offering Mom if you were to take physical custody?

In my declaration I said that I am willing to allow a very liberal visitation and travel schedule to Mom. That is one of her biggest complaints is that she wants to be able to travel as much as she wants with our daughter and I have always been opposed to it. If that were allowed I would never see her. I am willing to allow up to 6 weeks a year of travel (it is 2 weeks right now). My goal here isn't to harm my daughter's relationship with her Mom, I just fear that this move will allow mom to make me even less relevant in my daughter's life.

 

[CSO286]

Gotta, say OP....75 miles isn't all that far...You might not win custody over it. But making sure the courts know that you are oppsed to even taht much distance might help a future cae should mom attempt a long distance move.

And to address your 50/50 request. 50/50 is REALLY REALLY REALLY hard even when both parents agree to it. IF both parents can't communicate extremely well and get along, then it's highly unlikely that the court would order a 50/50.

I'd recommend asking for a change in visitation to allow you more time and to ask that mom cover the increase in transportation costs since she is creating the distance.

How far apart are you and mom now?

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

Gotta, say OP....75 miles isn't all that far...You might not win custody over it. But making sure the courts know that you are oppsed to even taht much distance might help a future cae should mom attempt a long distance move.

And to address your 50/50 request. 50/50 is REALLY REALLY REALLY hard even when both parents agree to it. IF both parents can't communicate extremely well and get along, then it's highly unlikely that the court would order a 50/50.

I'd recommend asking for a change in visitation to allow you more time and to ask that mom cover the increase in transportation costs since she is creating the distance.

How far apart are you and mom now?

I know that it's not that far but it will definitely interfere with our current visitation schedule. As it is right now, I have our daughter on my days off. That is two to three days a week, and the days change monthly. I will definitely request that Mom provide the transportation if this move is granted. I know she is setting this up to come back to court in a year or so and ask to move across country again. I am just doing anything I can to stop it.

Right now we live 10 minutes apart. I am able to attend doctor and dental appointments (when I am told about them) and I also have her when her Mom works at night (7-7 shift).

 

[MichaCA]

Have you talked to a local attorney? Ask him about the local judges tendencies around this issue.

In general, CA is not that skiddish about putting out a 50/50 order...if the dad fights for it and is available for it. They don't care if the parents get along or not.

A famous (I forget the name - Burgess and Burgess?) trial happened in a CA custody case around a move that was 40 miles away? It was/is a big deal.

My ex told the judge, when daughter was 10 months, that I had threatened to moveaway. It was completely untrue, however the judge ordered me to stay in our county to retain primary custody.

I would try to get mom to stay in the county. Have it written in the order. Its a crapshoot, I know.

**Really consider how a schedule would merge into school years. IF mom moves, the child will need a primary home. deltabravo has lots of visitation plan options.

If you focus on the merits of her moving away - the precedence is she is the primary parent, and apparantely your child is young. Courts will want stability for the child. However, you can argue that unless mom transports child to you EVERY WEEK, then your weekly involvement with child will be forever changed. Point out the importance of dads being involved in the childs life, not just EOW but helping with homework, going to sports games, being there. CA does care about those things.

Bottom line, I would insist that you do not lose time with daughter, you don't see how it could work for mom to be transporting all the time, and you don't want to be a disneyland dad.

My suggestion for mediation is go in with some brainstormed schedules for different scenerios you can all look at, to show which one's would work long distance, and which one's wouldn't. Be clear about the kind of dad you want to be, the kind of dad you've been, and where you are willing to comprimise.

 

[WittyUserName]

In my declaration I said that I am willing to allow a very liberal visitation and travel schedule to Mom. That is one of her biggest complaints is that she wants to be able to travel as much as she wants with our daughter and I have always been opposed to it. If that were allowed I would never see her. I am willing to allow up to 6 weeks a year of travel (it is 2 weeks right now). My goal here isn't to harm my daughter's relationship with her Mom, I just fear that this move will allow mom to make me even less relevant in my daughter's life.

I agree with Micha; could you also perhaps expand on the bolded?
Are you talking about 6 weeks/year for Mom total or 6 weeks vacation/travel time in addition to a regular schedule?

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

Have you talked to a local attorney? Ask him about the local judges tendencies around this issue.

In general, CA is not that skiddish about putting out a 50/50 order...if the dad fights for it and is available for it. They don't care if the parents get along or not.

A famous (I forget the name - Burgess and Burgess?) trial happened in a CA custody case around a move that was 40 miles away? It was/is a big deal.

My ex told the judge, when daughter was 10 months, that I had threatened to moveaway. It was completely untrue, however the judge ordered me to stay in our county to retain primary custody.

I would try to get mom to stay in the county. Have it written in the order. Its a crapshoot, I know.

**Really consider how a schedule would merge into school years. IF mom moves, the child will need a primary home. deltabravo has lots of visitation plan options.

If you focus on the merits of her moving away - the precedence is she is the primary parent, and apparantely your child is young. Courts will want stability for the child. However, you can argue that unless mom transports child to you EVERY WEEK, then your weekly involvement with child will be forever changed. Point out the importance of dads being involved in the childs life, not just EOW but helping with homework, going to sports games, being there. CA does care about those things.

Bottom line, I would insist that you do not lose time with daughter, you don't see how it could work for mom to be transporting all the time, and you don't want to be a disneyland dad.

My suggestion for mediation is go in with some brainstormed schedules for different scenerios you can all look at, to show which one's would work long distance, and which one's wouldn't. Be clear about the kind of dad you want to be, the kind of dad you've been, and where you are willing to comprimise.

Thanks so much for the advice, Mica.

My attorney used to sit in for Judges in the family court so he is very well know and has lots of knowledge in this area. He basically told me that the chances are 50/50, and I know that.

I did not bash mom in any way in my declaration, rather I focused on the fact that I do not want to lose time with my daughter. Her schedule with me has been the same since she was born, so I am hoping a Judge will want to keep the same routine for her.

Oh, and as far as remaining in the county... Mom picked the city that was furthest away in the same county. Literally, the next city over is the next county. I know this is pre-meditated but of course that isn't something you can prove.

Thanks again for your help

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

I agree with Micha; could you also perhaps expand on the bolded?
Are you talking about 6 weeks/year for Mom total or 6 weeks vacation/travel time in addition to a regular schedule?

I am talking about 6 weeks / year of vacation time in addition to her regular schedule. This is quite generous in my opinion and it allows Mom 4 more weeks to travel with our daughter than she has now.

 

[CSO286]

Thanks so much for the advice, Mica.

My attorney used to sit in for Judges in the family court so he is very well know and has lots of knowledge in this area. He basically told me that the chances are 50/50, and I know that.

I did not bash mom in any way in my declaration, rather I focused on the fact that I do not want to lose time with my daughter. Her schedule with me has been the same since she was born, so I am hoping a Judge will want to keep the same routine for her.

Oh, and as far as remaining in the county... Mom picked the city that was furthest away in the same county. Literally, the next city over is the next county. I know this is pre-meditated but of course that isn't something you can prove.

Thanks again for your help

I'd say you're kind of even money on this situation. It couldsee it going either way.
Dad, if this is for sure what you want, stick to all positives, as well as how to facilitate the relationship with mom should custody change. be fair and generous.....

Good luck

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

I have one more question.. for now.

If the Judge does not agree to change physical custody, will we work out a new visitation schedule that day, or will I have to file another motion after that hearing?

 

[Mom_of_Two]

I have one more question.. for now.

If the Judge does not agree to change physical custody, will we work out a new visitation schedule that day, or will I have to file another motion after that hearing?

The mediator will have a proposed schedule outlined and the judge will make adjustments to that the day of your hearing.

 

[MichaCA]

My experience only regarding mediation;

I make sure my declaration is very clear what I want and why...in a timely manner so mediator can have it read before we walk in the room.

Be as absolutely constructive as you can IN mediation. Sometimes I view mediators as having more power than the judge...simply because they WILL write a recommendation based on the interview, and pass it on to the judge...and judges tend to adopt them. You can always fight it out in court if you don't like the mediators recommendation, but I just put my best energy into the mediation interview.

Be proactive, offer solutions, be sincere, all that stuff will help.

 

[Mom_of_Two]

My experience only regarding mediation;

I make sure my declaration is very clear what I want and why...in a timely manner so mediator can have it read before we walk in the room.

Be as absolutely constructive as you can IN mediation. Sometimes I view mediators as having more power than the judge...simply because they WILL write a recommendation based on the interview, and pass it on to the judge...and judges tend to adopt them. You can always fight it out in court if you don't like the mediators recommendation, but I just put my best energy into the mediation interview.

Be proactive, offer solutions, be sincere, all that stuff will help.

This has also been my exact experience with mediation. In the cases that I have seen (plus my own), mediation was the most pivotal part of end result, and the judge never deviated far from the mediator's recommendation.