Discipline

[GinAA]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

My son was late coming home and he missed dinner. He got an attitude with me and I told him he might as well just go to bed. He said he was going to take a shower and I told him to just go to bed.

Is this something that can get me into trouble?

He is 16 going on 40 these days and really testing the boundaries.

Thanks.

 

[CourtClerk]

Can you get in trouble for telling him to go to bed without a shower???

Maybe I'm confused.

 

[GinAA]

Can you get in trouble for telling him to go to bed without a shower???

Maybe I'm confused.

Yes, that and he didn't eat dinner.

I have had problems with him for a while and had asked his father, NCP in this case, to try and talk to him about his behavior. His father asked that I keep him informed of any issue that came up. I emailed him about the situation tonight and he replied that I had admitted to neglect and that if he got CPS involved, he could get custody. He also stated that he has had several run ins with CPS because of his step-son and he knew he would win. He also called my local police and they sent an officer to my home, banging on the windows and doors at 11:00 pm, for a wellness check.

This isn't the first time I have sent him to bed without dinner or a shower, just the first time I have notified his father.

 

[CourtClerk]

You need to grow a pair...

no one is going to breath down your neck because a 16 year old didn't take a shower for a day or went to bed without dinner. Although I think it's rather gross to send a child to bed without a shower, or a child to go to bed without taking one, it doesn't meet the standard of neglect.

And as for his attitude, take one to the throat. That ought to fix it right nice.

 

[GinAA]

You need to grow a pair...

no one is going to breath down your neck because a 16 year old didn't take a shower for a day or went to bed without dinner. Although I think it's rather gross to send a child to bed without a shower, or a child to go to bed without taking one, it doesn't meet the standard of neglect.

And as for his attitude, take one to the throat. That ought to fix it right nice.

Thanks.

His father has been a real pain since the support was modified.

It doesn't happen very often that he is sent to bed without a shower. He was just really pushing it tonight.

Thanks again and I will ignore his fathers ranting.

 

[stealth2]

How late was he? Where was he/what was he doing to make him late?

I'm not getting why his taking (or not taking) a shower before bed was such a huge deal and considered a disciplinary action.

 

[GinAA]

How late was he? Where was he/what was he doing to make him late?

I'm not getting why his taking (or not taking) a shower before bed was such a huge deal and considered a disciplinary action.

He is to be home by 3:30 pm, after school. He is failing 1 class and has a D in another. This is the restrictions HE came up with if his grades were below a C. Dinner is at 5:30 pm, he came home after 6:30 pm and dinner had been put away and the kitchen cleaned (which is his responsibility, again, something he had ask for). He knows the consequences for this. He wouldn't say where he was (he has a new GF and I suspect he was with her.) And he didn't come home when he was supposed to because, "I didn't want to." his words.

His not taking a shower wasn't a punishment, it was because he was mouthing off the whole time, upsetting his sisters and I was done with it and just told him to go to his room and go to bed.

 

[CourtClerk]

He is to be home by 3:30 pm, after school. He is failing 1 class and has a D in another. This is the restrictions HE came up with

Is this the new age punishment where the kids get to pick their punishment? You guys let the inmates run the asylum and then wonder why you end up where you are....

just a thought.

 

[GinAA]

Is this the new age punishment where the kids get to pick their punishment? You guys let the inmates run the asylum and then wonder why you end up where you are....

just a thought.

It was more like a nagotiation process. I was trying to let him decide the sevarity of the punishment himself. (this was something suggested by his therapist) I was really surprised that he came up with this. It was very close to what I was going to impose anyway. It was supposed to give him some more ownership of his discipline and causes him to be fully aware of the consequences.

The kitchen was a trade off of what chores he would be doing on a daily basis for allowance, both monitary and privleges every evening. Like computer time or gaming time... stuff like that.

It all works very well until he gets back from his dad's and has a chip on his shoulder. But that's another issue for another thread.

 

[mistoffolees]

It was more like a nagotiation process. I was trying to let him decide the sevarity of the punishment himself. (this was something suggested by his therapist) I was really surprised that he came up with this. It was very close to what I was going to impose anyway. It was supposed to give him some more ownership of his discipline and causes him to be fully aware of the consequences.

The kitchen was a trade off of what chores he would be doing on a daily basis for allowance, both monitary and privleges every evening. Like computer time or gaming time... stuff like that.

It all works very well until he gets back from his dad's and has a chip on his shoulder. But that's another issue for another thread.

That's actually getting to be more and more common - even for younger kids. The theory is that if you ask the kid in a neutral time (when they're not in trouble for something) what the punishment should be for something, they'll probably identify something that's linked in their mind with the misbehavior. That should, in theory, make the punishment more effective.

Obviously, if the child picks something completely unsatisfactory, the parent has to reject it and ask for something else.

 

[Antigone*]

At this point in time I'd start yanking all the extra stuff. The more he rebels the more I yank untill all he has is a mattress, blanket, and white t-shirts, old jeans, a towel and his toothbrush.

AND, I wouldn't give darned what the other parent ranted and raved about.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Research Garden of Eden.

Removal of electronics is pretty good too

 

[CdwJava]

Is this the new age punishment where the kids get to pick their punishment? You guys let the inmates run the asylum and then wonder why you end up where you are....

just a thought.

This is a valid - and often effective - technique. You let the children help decide on some of their own rules and responsibilities. It deflates the argument about the rule being unfair if THEY pick it. You will find that very often children will choose harsher rules for themselves than the parent(s) will.

It is an interesting phenomenon.

 

[GinAA]

Current Restrictions

1. Home by 3:30 after school. (school lets out at 2:45 pm, it's a 15 minute walk at most.) This is until his grades are above "C".
2. No IPod, No computer, No TV.

Actually that's it. He doesn't have electronics left to take away. He doesn't have a TV in his room or anything like that. I have taken his stuff out of his room in the past and he did straighten up and he has since gotten it all back and we even bought him a new door. (the old one was falling apart and it was removed and discarded during the highlight of the issues.

I will begin removing items from his room starting tonight, unless his attitude has changed from last night. I'm sure no matter what I do I will be made out to be the bad guy.

Thanks again, this site is wonderful!

 

[stmfitr636]

Nothing wrong with being the bad guy... if what you're trying to do is the right thing.

Somebody has to wear the black hat.