Kids games/practice and visitation time

[Countrygirl07]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? KS
My kids just started playing sports. Their ages are 13, 10 & 8. So far the only one that is one their dad's visitation time is our sons wrestling. Their dad refuses to let him go to any of his tournaments that are on his weekend. He has championships coming up in 2 weeks and his dad won't let him go.

We have talked and talked and tried to work this out. I've offered to trade equal time so I could take him but he demands double the time. His new wife doesn't like that the kids are in sports and is "bored" at the tournaments (they've only come to one) so he refuses all together to bring him to the tournament.

My question is, What recourse do I have to get him to allow them their sports? I really don't want to fight this for the next 9 years.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? KS
My kids just started playing sports. Their ages are 13, 10 & 8. So far the only one that is one their dad's visitation time is our sons wrestling. Their dad refuses to let him go to any of his tournaments that are on his weekend. He has championships coming up in 2 weeks and his dad won't let him go.

We have talked and talked and tried to work this out. I've offered to trade equal time so I could take him but he demands double the time. His new wife doesn't like that the kids are in sports and is "bored" at the tournaments (they've only come to one) so he refuses all together to bring him to the tournament.

My question is, What recourse do I have to get him to allow them their sports? I really don't want to fight this for the next 9 years.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

You are not supposed to schedule activities that will interfere with HIS visitation unless you both agree on it.
Perhaps you should offer some make-up visitation in order to smooth things over...

 

[Countrygirl07]

Then they don't get to play

If they can't play anything unless it isn't on his time at all then they don't get to play anything at all. He gets them Friday evenings, so when our son wants to play HS football does that mean he can't? You would think first that he would want to support them, but 2nd that he would have to on a reasonable basis.

 

[Zigner]

If they can't play anything unless it isn't on his time at all then they don't get to play anything at all. He gets them Friday evenings, so when our son wants to play HS football does that mean he can't? You would think first that he would want to support them, but 2nd that he would have to on a reasonable basis.

Your chance to pick and choose those traits was BEFORE you got pregnant by the man.

If you want to address this, it will need to be done through the court.

 

[Proserpina]

If they can't play anything unless it isn't on his time at all then they don't get to play anything at all. He gets them Friday evenings, so when our son wants to play HS football does that mean he can't? You would think first that he would want to support them, but 2nd that he would have to on a reasonable basis.

Reasonable for who?

You?

Him?

The kids?

Again, Mom - it's Dad's parenting time.

Now, things MIGHT be different if for example you had a child who had played soccer from the age of 4 and who was showing great talent at age 14 - you'd have a pretty solid reason for asking Dad to comply with the tournament/game schedule.

But you don't have that - as you said yourself, they've only recently started playing.

I have to ask though - did you even consult with Dad before you signed them up?

 

[Countrygirl07]

@Zigner: That was plain rude. I was married to him so it's not like I just went and got knocked up by some guy. I would never have expected for him to not support his kids. But paying his child support seems to not be important to him either. "Senior" member, the rules say not to type in all caps. Giving advise doesn't not mean you have to be rude.

@Proserpina: Yes actually, we did discuss it. I told him our son wanted to do this and asked him if he would be willing to get him to tournaments on his time. He agreed and our son confirmed to him that he wanted to wrestle. We haven't even asked him to bring him to every tournament that has been on his time. He brought him to one and his wife complained and now refuses to bring him to anymore. Our son actually won his first match that day and got 3rd place and a medal. He told him after that that he would not take him anymore and if he wanted medals that he would buy them. Our son still wants to and has begged his dad to take him, he would prefer that his dad see him wrestle.

 

[marshalAK]

You are not supposed to schedule activities that will interfere with HIS visitation unless you both agree on it.
Perhaps you should offer some make-up visitation in order to smooth things over...

Zig, I think she is doing that -

I've offered to trade equal time so I could take him but he demands double the time.

Makes me think that dad is less interested in what's best for the son and more interested in extracting a pound of flesh from mom.

 

[Proserpina]

@Zigner: That was plain rude. I was married to him so it's not like I just went and got knocked up by some guy. I would never have expected for him to not support his kids. But paying his child support seems to not be important to him either. "Senior" member, the rules say not to type in all caps. Giving advise doesn't not mean you have to be rude.

@Proserpina: Yes actually, we did discuss it. I told him our son wanted to do this and asked him if he would be willing to get him to tournaments on his time. He agreed and our son confirmed to him that he wanted to wrestle. We haven't even asked him to bring him to every tournament that has been on his time. He brought him to one and his wife complained and now refuses to bring him to anymore. Our son actually won his first match that day and got 3rd place and a medal. He told him after that that he would not take him anymore and if he wanted medals that he would buy them. Our son still wants to and has begged his dad to take him, he would prefer that his dad see him wrestle.

All you can do really is take it to court if Dad doesn't agree.

Though I think you have a battle on your hands - it's not as if kiddo has a long-standing history of wrestling.

As unfair as it might seem to kiddo, you've gotta ask yourself is this really the hill you want to die on.

Sometimes kids don't get to do what they want to do.

 

[Zigner]

@Zigner: That was plain rude. I was married to him so it's not like I just went and got knocked up by some guy. I would never have expected for him to not support his kids. But paying his child support seems to not be important to him either. "Senior" member, the rules say not to type in all caps. Giving advise doesn't not mean you have to be rude.

You are welcome for the accurate legal advise. One is glad to be of service.

 

[Countrygirl07]

Zig, I think she is doing that -



Makes me think that dad is less interested in what's best for the son and more interested in extracting a pound of flesh from mom.

Thank you, yes I have tried working with him.

@Proserpina:
I figure we should get it worked out now so it's settled for the rest of their school career. Trust me, I don't want to fight if I don't have to.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you, yes I have tried working with him.

@Proserpina:
I figure we should get it worked out now so it's settled for the rest of their school career. Trust me, I don't want to fight if I don't have to.

Just be aware that Dad's parenting time will always (generally) trump the kids' sporting activities - unless again one of the kids actually shows exceptional talent in the activity.

 

[RJ2011]

I recently went through all the visitation stuff with the courts.
When ever I have my son, she can not schedule anything for him to do while I have him on my time unless we agree to do a make up visit.
If I choose not to let him go while he is on my time then he can not go cause it is my visitation time, I am not like that and do take him myself when he has his soccer games so I don't have to miss my visits and he doesn't miss out on his games.

It's all how the court orders it and 99% of the time it will be up to him since it is ordered visits how ever often and they wont really make exceptions unless both parents agree to it.

 

[stealth2]

If it were *my* kid who had championships coming up and the only way he could go was if I gave Dad double time? I'd give Dad double time and take the kid. And then deal with hammering out a more long-term solution after. But that's just me. <shrug>

 

[SESmama]

On the flip side I did get it ordered that Dad is required to either take our son to extra curicular activities or allow me to take him. However, I have been reasonable and the only thing that interferes (max 3 times a year) is Cub Scouts.

 

[mistoffolees]

Makes me think that dad is less interested in what's best for the son and more interested in extracting a pound of flesh from mom.

That may be. Unfortunately for Mom, Dad is allowed to be a PIA. While he should be more concerned about the kids than about getting back at Mom, it IS his time and he has the right to that time. Mom should not be scheduling things on Dad's time without permission.

Actually, I suspect that there's more involved than that, anyway. Something tells me that Mom may have created some of the problem - the comments about stepmom suggests that Mom has had an issue with her previously - Dad may be using that as an excuse to get back at Mom for interfering in his marriage. I could be wrong, but that's what my sixth sense is telling me based on Mom's post.

If it were *my* kid who had championships coming up and the only way he could go was if I gave Dad double time? I'd give Dad double time and take the kid. And then deal with hammering out a more long-term solution after. But that's just me. <shrug>

That was my thought. Even if the championships take a whole weekend, that means Mom gives up one of her weekends (gives up to but gets the Championship weekend) so the kid can play in the championship. I'd do it in a heartbeat.

On the flip side I did get it ordered that Dad is required to either take our son to extra curicular activities or allow me to take him. However, I have been reasonable and the only thing that interferes (max 3 times a year) is Cub Scouts.

Yes, a court can order that, but it's not in effect now. Mom is free to go to court to try to get the schedule changed, but that's going to take a lot of time and possibly a lot of money. More importantly, your case where there are only 3 possible conflicts per year is different than what OP is suggesting - that she can arbitrarily start scheduling things whenever she wants and Dad should comply.