Quick Question regarding Responisive Declaration

[cherylsarah01]

I imagine the time would be difficult to enforce since there is nothing specific in your order. A logical person would assume that you should get most of the day, especially since this is your year to have your daughter....5pm doesn't seem reasonable to me, especially since the status quo has been for you to get your daughter at 9am. I think this should be brought up during your January hearing and ask for specific vacation days and times to be outline in the order.

Called the police station in ex's city. They know him from withholding holiday visitation from me before and arresting him for the DV in August. They are going to give me a police standby tomorrow morning when I go to pick daughter up.

 

[Mom_of_Two]

Called the police station in ex's city. They know him from withholding holiday visitation from me before and arresting him for the DV in August. They are going to give me a police standby tomorrow morning when I go to pick daughter up.

Awesome! I use to have to do that. It's nice when law enforcement is familiar with him and his "issues." I really wish you luck with the upcoming hearing...please keep us posted!

 

[cherylsarah01]

Awesome! I use to have to do that. It's nice when law enforcement is familiar with him and his "issues." I really wish you luck with the upcoming hearing...please keep us posted!

I got daughter for holiday visitation at 9:00 am. The police in ex's city have no problem enforcing custody order. They said the holiday visitation is for the whole day not a partial day and he had better exchange daughter or they will arrest him.

They followed behind me and waited for daughter to come out. After 5 minutes daughter came running out to my car and jumped in. Police had a chat with ex and all I could see was ex trying to explain to the 2 officers. The officers then waved me off and we went on our merry way.

Daughter is happy and we are going to do some easy bake oven today and listen to her new cds

 

[gr8rn]

Good for you! Enjoy your holiday!!

 

[cherylsarah01]

Update: Mediator's Report

Just sharing how my experience is going.

Critical Issue: Child's mother believing that her stepmother interferes and the stepmother believing that child's mother interfers. Child's mother complains about Mr. dad funneling all communication through his wife. She wants direct communication with dad. Dad sees no reason why he should not funnel all the emails through his wife. Child's stepmother, the point person, so to speak and avoiding direct communication with mom himself is aggravating their situation and compromising child's development.

The police report indicates that the domestic violence incident between dad and stepmom was sparked by an aregument between the two of them about child's mother interfering.

Child: the net result of making stepmom primary is that the parents do not have a chance to cooperate and child is caught in a war zone.

Reccommendation: Dad holds the key to changing this child's deteriorating situation and alleviating child's heartache. Dad needs to step up to the plate and coparent.

Custody: joint legal and physical custody with weekly rotation

Recommendations:
Co-parenting class for mother

Co-parenting couseling for both parents together. Stepmother to not be present in the session, in the building, near the premisses or in the car.

the parents have direct emails with each other.

Child to begin one activity. Both parents to get her to activity on their custodial week.

Parties: child to attend all parties invited to. The custodial parent to take her.

Parent behavior: Both parents to stop conveying hostility toward the other parent.

School pickups: Child's mother to make an active effort to not express animosity toward stepmother. Mother to not have words, tone, demeanor, or gestures of "ownership" of child with stepmom.

Field trips: each parent to attend field trips only on their custodial week

class parties: each parent to attend class parties only on their custodial week.

End of Report

 

[LdiJ]

Just sharing how my experience is going.

Critical Issue: Child's mother believing that her stepmother interferes and the stepmother believing that child's mother interfers. Child's mother complains about Mr. dad funneling all communication through his wife. She wants direct communication with dad. Dad sees no reason why he should not funnel all the emails through his wife. Child's stepmother, the point person, so to speak and avoiding direct communication with mom himself is aggravating their situation and compromising child's development.

The police report indicates that the domestic violence incident between dad and stepmom was sparked by an aregument between the two of them about child's mother interfering.

Child: the net result of making stepmom primary is that the parents do not have a chance to cooperate and child is caught in a war zone.

Reccommendation: Dad holds the key to changing this child's deteriorating situation and alleviating child's heartache. Dad needs to step up to the plate and coparent.

Custody: joint legal and physical custody with weekly rotation

Recommendations:
Co-parenting class for mother

Co-parenting couseling for both parents together. Stepmother to not be present in the session, in the building, near the premisses or in the car.

the parents have direct emails with each other.

Child to begin one activity. Both parents to get her to activity on their custodial week.

Parties: child to attend all parties invited to. The custodial parent to take her.

Parent behavior: Both parents to stop conveying hostility toward the other parent.

School pickups: Child's mother to make an active effort to not express animosity toward stepmother. Mother to not have words, tone, demeanor, or gestures of "ownership" of child with stepmom.

Field trips: each parent to attend field trips only on their custodial week

class parties: each parent to attend class parties only on their custodial week.

End of Report

I am confused by this. The mediator flat out states that dad isn't coparenting, but he orders coparenting classes for mom but not for dad?

However, I did like the part about coparenting counseling and that stepmother was not to be in the counseling, in the building, near the premisses or in the car...LOL.

I just wish that the mediator had been wise enough to order that stepmom couldn't participate in the child's schooling. I think stepmom is way over stepping doing that at all.

 

[MichaCA]

I am pretty blown away by how much power the mediator gave step-mom. I would be upset about being told how to act towards your daughter.

You can speak up in court. The recommendation does hold weight but you don't have to just lay down and accept it, if you are truly opposed to parts of the recommendation. Speak your case, you could change the judges mind on some things.

Outside of that...discuss these issues with the coparent counselor. She should be getting called when you and ex go into mediation. If she agrees with you, she can voice her opinions to the mediator. (next time)

Attorneys are not allowed in mediation.

I know from experience, there are some wacko mediators out there. Most of them are decent, but some truly shouldn't have their job. And as another poster suggested, you can always look into a complaint to his supervisor. They finally set up a process here about 5 years ago where people CAN complain about bad recommendations.

 

[cherylsarah01]

I am confused by this. The mediator flat out states that dad isn't coparenting, but he orders coparenting classes for mom but not for dad?

However, I did like the part about coparenting counseling and that stepmother was not to be in the counseling, in the building, near the premisses or in the car...LOL.

I just wish that the mediator had been wise enough to order that stepmom couldn't participate in the child's schooling. I think stepmom is way over stepping doing that at all.

My history goes back a bit but Dad refused co-parenting counseling first mediator/judge ordered. He instead attended coparenting class. Mediator wants me to take the same class. I'm ok with this.

I would like the Class Pickup one removed though. I believe that it is too wide open for stepmom to interpret or perceive me as having anything towards her or that she can dictate how I greet my daughter. She already perceives me as glaring at her, which I honestly do not. I have too much pride in myself for that and always mind my own business. She already perceives my hug, arm around, or hand holding as ownership. I propose that I be able to greet my daughter in peace. Does anyone think I have a chance at getting this removed?

 

[LdiJ]

My history goes back a bit but Dad refused co-parenting counseling first mediator/judge ordered. He instead attended coparenting class. Mediator wants me to take the same class. I'm ok with this.

I would like the Class Pickup one removed though. I believe that it is too wide open for stepmom to interpret or perceive me as having anything towards her or that she can dictate how I greet my daughter. She already perceives me as glaring at her, which I honestly do not. I have too much pride in myself for that and always mind my own business. She already perceives my hug, arm around, or hand holding as ownership. I propose that I be able to greet my daughter in peace. Does anyone think I have a chance at getting this removed?

Yes, I think that you DO have a decent chance of getting that removed. Particularly if you explain to the judge exactly how the mediator defined "ownership" to you. You could also ask that the stepmother not volunteer at school on the days that you would pick up the child, so that stepmother does not have to witness you being affectionate with your child.

 

[cherylsarah01]

Update, Went to Court

Yesterday was my court date and thought I would share the experience. Basically everything stayed the same and the judge followed the mediator's report.

She asked us what we would like to have removed or tweeked.

Ex sayed he would like the coparenting therapy removed because he had completed a coparenting class with his wife. The judge asked him "why would you complete it with your wife and not with your child's mother?" He said he did not understand the coparenting therapy order. The judge said she will not remove it but will tweek it. She ordered that we either take coparenting therapy seperately but with the same therapist or we take a coparenting class together.

I told her that I would like physical custody because of the domestic violence and the affects it can have on our daughter. The judge said at this time I believe it to in the child's best interest to remain how it has been. She did say that I have now layed the foundation and if Mr. Ex messes up again then he will be in jeapardy of losing his custody.

I then asked for the school pick ups to be removed. She listened to me make my speach about how I have pride in myself and our daughter and do not want any conflict with anyone and to be able to pick up our daughter on my custodial weeks in peace and greet her with affection like I have always done and see so many other parents do. She listened and then completley moved on to the next thing with no comment.

Judge asked if I want to file for child support. She said that she thought child support is in the best interest of the child. I said ok.

Judge asked me to make the changes she made to coparenting therapy/classes and to bring it to the court clerk so ex can sign and it be filed.

I walked out of courtroom to complete the request and ex followed me out and started yelling at me that he is not going to do any therapy or classes and that I can shove the child support up my you know what. I told him if he had any concerns to take it up with the judge. He continued yelling at me and court clerk walked out and told him to stop and either go sit back in his chair and wait or to remove himself from the courthouse.

So that's how it all went. Daughter has been in counseling for a few months now and is getting back to her normal self again.

Thank you everyone for all the help and hopefully I won't need to be back here for anything but have a feeling that I will.

 

[VyRoses]

Yesterday was my court date and thought I would share the experience. Basically everything stayed the same and the judge followed the mediator's report.


I walked out of courtroom to complete the request and ex followed me out and started yelling at me that he is not going to do any therapy or classes and that I can shove the child support up my you know what. I told him if he had any concerns to take it up with the judge. He continued yelling at me and court clerk walked out and told him to stop and either go sit back in his chair and wait or to remove himself from the courthouse.

.

...And of course He did, surprise, surprise.

 

[VyRoses]

I then asked for the school pick ups to be removed. She listened to me make my speach about how I have pride in myself and our daughter and do not want any conflict with anyone and to be able to pick up our daughter on my custodial weeks in peace and greet her with affection like I have always done and see so many other parents do. She listened and then completley moved on to the next thing with no comment.

.

Of course She did... No matter where one lives the 'law' is always the same....

..If there is no "Tangible" evidince of what is brought up in a court room, it doesn't mean a thing. Family 'law' is always talking about what is 'best for the Child', I'd like to know how they can determine that if they.. (probably by rule) over look the intangible like Love'... Usually the parent who has the strongest Care & concern for the Childs well being, has a much harder time in court. ...There is something very wrong with that.

 

[Silverplum]

...And of course He did, surprise, surprise.

Someone who is new and looking for legal info is certainly in no position to provide legal advice and/or commentary on other peoples' posts.

 

[Silverplum]

Of course She did... No matter where one lives the 'law' is always the same.

Instant evidence that you are not in a position to give valid legal information. Your statement above is simply untrue.

If there is no "Tangible" evidince of what is brought up in a court room, it doesn't mean a thing. Family 'law' is always talking about what is 'best for the Child', I'd like to know how they can determine that if they.. (probably by rule) over look the intangible like Love'... Usually the parent who has the strongest Care & concern for the Childs well being, has a much harder time in court. ...There is something very wrong with that.

You're in no position to comment.

 

[VyRoses]

The majority of advice given here is out of oppinion still. Weather the subject is on 'law' is irrelevant as to who has a right to leave a comment. As long as I have experience on the subject is all that matters in this forum. Is every one in here leaving comments a Lawer? No. Every case is different, your oppinions are still personal judgment.

Your are giving a say on something you have experience with and personally observed, hopefully. You have a belief upon the 'Subject', about what to expect. As do I.