Kids games/practice and visitation time

[Proserpina]

I'v noticed your postings as well sweetheart surfing this site so.. Dido. A true Pessimist, look it up. And I'm no sheep magority is unintimidating. yawn, yawn lady.

Oh wow, I almost want to save that for a signature line!

 

[stealth2]

In all the posts I have seen from both Stealth and Misto, neither of you would not stand for this. You would offer double, or even triple time... and then rip the other parent in court.

Partially correct, majo. I've been in similar situations. Everything my kids have participated in has come with the understanding that the ONLY non-negotiable was time with their Dad. If it was possible to rearrange the schedule to allow participation - regardless what it took on my part? It would be done. If not? Then they would have to miss the activity and I didn't want to hear complaints about it - spending time with their Dad was the top priority. I've given up vacation time, holiday time, given extra time - you name it - so that he'd agree to make a switch. Sometimes it's worked, sometimes it hasn't. And ya know? Sometimes their activities have taken a back seat to something else on my time, too. That's just how life works.

The one thing I haven't done is rip him - in court or to the kids - over it. For a load of reasons. Time and cost, for one. But also... it's important for kids to learn that while their desires are important, we all (generally) sometimes have to do things we don't like, want to, etc. There will be times where their stuff is going to be trumped by something else.

I know I will get slammed for this but I am very open with my kids on what is going on in this matter. I have told them what we need to do in order for him to get to go and they don't agree. They were so upset when he first bailed on everything that my 13yr old started texting him asking him to change his mind. He got nasty with her and even accused her of lying and then refused to respond to her anymore.

Yep, you will. And, IMO, rightfully so.

I am mom and if you ask my kids, a really good one. My kids have a say in their lives. No they don't do whatever they want but on subjects such as this their wishes are listened to. They are also involved because he accuses that this is what I want and not what they want. So in order to make it clear they have to tell him what they want. I can't do that for them. I don't know how old your kids are but if you are able to keep them in the dark about everything then you must be a magician.

There is a difference between keeping them in the dark and including them in the process. Especially in the process of strong-arming their other parent.

My two are nearly 17 and 19. They harbor no illusions about their father - they are very aware of how he can be. Over the years, and as they've gotten older, they have taken a more active role in the relationship they each have with him. As is appropriate. But never - not once - have they been allowed to believe that it was me and them against Dad. And when push comes to shove? As a parent, I will support their other one when needed.

And, as some of the senior members can attest - my ex is no prize, and not an easy person to deal with.

Just something to think about, OP.

 

[mistoffolees]

Mom got Dad's approval and she did offer other time.

Where did it say that she got Dad's approval? I went back through the entire thread and there's nothing to support that. In fact, it is clear that Mom scheduled something that conflicts with Dad's time OVER HIS OBJECTIONS.

It is not HER fault and it is sad that Dad is being a PIA.

No, it's not her fault that Dad is a PIA. It IS, however, her fault that she scheduled something on Dad's time. No parent has the right to unilaterally infringe on the other parent's parenting time.

The kid loses here, not mom.

The kid certainly loses - but Mom's the one who scheduled the activity without permission. AND Mom refuses to give Dad double time in order to allow the child to participate.

The message is: "My time is important and I'm not giving it up, but you should have to give up your time". That's completely unfair.

In all the posts I have seen from both Stealth and Misto, neither of you would not stand for this. You would offer double, or even triple time... and then rip the other parent in court.

"Neither of you would not stand for this"???

I've made my position clear. It is legally correct and, in my opinion, morally right.

Each parent is legally entitled to their time without interference from the other parent. Mom was wrong to schedule something on Dad's time without permission. It would be equally wrong if Dad had done that.

Mom is free to go to court to try to get an order for the child to participate, but there's no guarantee the judge will do it. The courts generally prefer not to get involved in simple parenting decisions like this - and expect each parent to have their own time without hindrance. In fact, there's an outside chance that the judge will lash out at Mom for infringing on Dad's parenting time.

If the tournament is important to the child (not to Mom), then Mom may need to make a sacrifice in order for the child to participate. I've certainly given up plenty of parenting time (and money) in order for my child to do things that she wanted to do when it was more convenient for her to be with her mother (or mother-daughter events at school, for example). If Mom is unwilling to give up a little extra of her time (not just a 1:1 swap which doesn't involve sacrifice), then I guess she doesn't care any more for the kids' activities then Dad does.

Again, Dad is a PIA. But he's allowed to exercise his parenting time without interference and Mom has no right to DEMAND that he give up some of his time.

 

[SESmama]

Where did it say that she got Dad's approval? I went back through the entire thread and there's nothing to support that. In fact, it is clear that Mom scheduled something that conflicts with Dad's time OVER HIS OBJECTIONS.

Misto - see post #6 where OP mentioned she did speak to Dad, Dad agreed, and even kid advised Dad. It wasn't until after the first game that Dad became a PIA about it. It was also, it seems, possibly influenced by step-mom.


OP - do whatever it takes, if it is that important to son, to get son to the tournament. You could go back to court for this or you could get Dad to agree in writing for future wrestling. In the future be very very careful about what you schedule. I did get it in my agreement as I knew it might be an issue but I am also very very careful to not schedule stuff that would interfere with son's time with Dad.

 

[Just Blue]

I'v noticed your postings as well sweetheart surfing this site so.. Dido. A true Pessimist, look it up. And I'm no sheep magority is unintimidating. yawn, yawn lady.

Dido? Really??????????

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dido_(singer)

 

[Just Blue]

I'v noticed your postings as well sweetheart surfing this site so.. Dido. A true Pessimist, look it up. And I'm no sheep magority is unintimidating. yawn, yawn lady.

"Sweetheart". You need spell-check.

 

[majomom1]

Misto - see post #6 where OP mentioned she did speak to Dad, Dad agreed, and even kid advised Dad. It wasn't until after the first game that Dad became a PIA about it. It was also, it seems, possibly influenced by step-mom.


OP - do whatever it takes, if it is that important to son, to get son to the tournament. You could go back to court for this or you could get Dad to agree in writing for future wrestling. In the future be very very careful about what you schedule. I did get it in my agreement as I knew it might be an issue but I am also very very careful to not schedule stuff that would interfere with son's time with Dad.

Thank you SES... if Dad hadn't agreed I would completely agree with Misto.

When my ex made agreements to the kids, and then bailed... I left it up to him to explain it to the kids. Once the kids reach a certain age they are involved no matter what. They know to ask both of us for things during our time etc...

 

[JQ Citizen]

Thank you SES... if Dad hadn't agreed I would completely agree with Misto.

When my ex made agreements to the kids, and then bailed... I left it up to him to explain it to the kids. Once the kids reach a certain age they are involved no matter what. They know to ask both of us for things during our time etc...

Try not to push the situation as much as you appear to be, Dad might come around and offer to take your son, and he might not.


Please don't use the word bailed, it makes you sound 14, the word you mean to use is reneged. If you disagree try dictionary.com you'll see what I mean

 

[Proserpina]

Try not to push the situation as much as you appear to be, Dad might come around and offer to take your son, and he might not.


Please don't use the word bailed, it makes you sound 14, the word you mean to use is reneged. If you disagree try dictionary.com you'll see what I mean

Would you like me to scan in some recent court documents where the JUDGE used the word "bailed" , in the exact same context as MajoMom?

Really?

(And you realize that MajoMom isn't the OP, right?)

 

[stealth2]

I have to admit... I prefer the use of "reneged", too.

 

[JQ Citizen]

Would you like me to scan in some recent court documents where the JUDGE used the word "bailed" , in the exact same context as MajoMom?

Really?

(And you realize that MajoMom isn't the OP, right?)

I was wrong, sorry, thanks for correcting me.
I would imagine the word bailed comes up more frequently in criminal court. I don't find Judges immune from using street vernacular, but it doesn't help them bring respect and credibility to their profession.

 

[mommymushbrain]

Personal here... any time the girls wanted to sign up for an activity that would fall on part of dad's time, I sent an email notifying him of this and if he agreed to let me know via email.

So when he says yes in the email, I have written proof when he does back out.

 

[Proserpina]

Personal here... any time the girls wanted to sign up for an activity that would fall on part of dad's time, I sent an email notifying him of this and if he agreed to let me know via email.

So when he says yes in the email, I have written proof when he does back out.

...and he's allowed to change his mind if it's during his parenting time.

Unless it's court-ordered.

 

[Proserpina]

I have to admit... I prefer the use of "reneged", too.

Oh, me too! I think it was more JQ's admonishment of Majomom which irritated me

But it's all good.

I'm the epitome of zen calm.

 

[mommymushbrain]

...and he's allowed to change his mind if it's during his parenting time.

Unless it's court-ordered.

True. I know our judge didn't care for that kind of behavior when deciding custody b/c judge felt that it was an "unfair manipulation of the child" to say yes Daddy will make sure you get to the games, then to not have a real reason other than just not wanting to go and having 2 upset girls.