jurisdiction question

[mistoffolees]

well, that was an interesting exchange of posts! Update is I will give up my 8 days if dad agrees to allow summer school for our son.

But the question of jurisdication is still on my mind. The children and I have lived out here in IL for 6 years. The father moved from SF to San Diego in 2009. It just seems odd that if either one of us wants to make any changes we need to file in SF.

In spite of what saladspinner ( ) says, jurisdiction remains in CA as long as Dad continues to live there. You could file in your current state to try to get jurisdiction changed, but California would have to willingly give up jurisdiction - which just isn't likely to happen. So you have to file in the county where the original order was.

Now, if the two of you agree to transfer jurisdiction, that's another matter. You might be able to get him to agree to transfer it to SD, but I doubt if he'd agree to transfer it to your state.

For example, I want to modify our current stipulation and order about summer camps and about giving my extended family ROFR (don't know if that's possible) since they all live within a mile of the father.

Any ideas about that?

Your extended family is not likely to ROFR in a court order.

If the two of you agree to it, though, it can happen without a court order.

This is exactly the kind of situation where you want to have a good co-parenting relationship with ex. If the two of you have an even reasonably decent working relationship, then Dad would almost certainly agree to letting your family watch your son when he's not around. After all - it saves him sitting expenses. But if you get off to an antagonistic relationship and fight over every little thing, that's not as likely to happen.

Thanks for your reply. the educational summer camp that is recommended for our son is designed to help him prepare for a very large high school (over 4,000 students). The HS has 3 miles of hallways, 16 gyms and two pools. My son gets overwhelmed very easily so that is why his support teacher is recommending this (he has an IEP for ADD and exective funtioning delays).

I would SERIOUSLY consider looking for a different school - even if you have to pay tuition to a different district - or look at a private school.

Private schools don't always have to be expensive. Many offer tons of scholarships. In some states (mine included, but I don't know about yours), the School district pays tuition for special needs kids to go to private schools. Seriously, look into other options than sending your kid into a school with 4,000 students. You could be setting him up for failure. Heck, even if you have to move into another district, it might be better than having your kid flunk of of school and think he's a failure.

 

[challenges]

Your extended family is not likely to ROFR in a court order.

If the two of you agree to it, though, it can happen without a court order.

This is exactly the kind of situation where you want to have a good co-parenting relationship with ex. If the two of you have an even reasonably decent working relationship, then Dad would almost certainly agree to letting your family watch your son when he's not around. After all - it saves him sitting expenses. But if you get off to an antagonistic relationship and fight over every little thing, that's not as likely to happen.


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Thanks Mistoffolees,

Unfortunately we have a bad co-parenting relationship. It's sort of parallel parenting. I will add this info even though it's not legally relevant but this is a post-affair breakup. I found out my ex had been having an affair and we broke up because of that. He later married the woman. She has taken it upon herself to fight what she perceives as his battles (she was very angry he has to pay child support). I have tried to improve our co-parenting but it remains extremely hostile - he curses and screams at me on the phone so I try to keep all communication by email. It's really sad because our son really needs us both on the same page right now.

The good thing is he is a good Dad when the kids are with him. He just hates me (because he has to pay child support)!

 

[Silverplum]

He just hates me (because he has to pay child support)!

Probably not the reason -- or, at least, not the only reason. He's your X, after all.

 

[challenges]

Probably not the reason -- or, at least, not the only reason. He's your X, after all.

you got me there!

 

[Silverplum]

you got me there!