Mediation Report - Not Good.

[GoodDadtoBK]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My ex and I attended mediation last week and today I received the report.

In case you can't find my first thread, I am trying to prevent my ex from moving our 2.5 year old daughter 2 hours away.

Here's the mediators recommendation:

- Allow mother to move with child
- Eliminate Right of First Option of Care
- Modify transportation so that at the beginning of visit, mother shall drop off child and at the end of visit, father shall bring child to mother's residence.


That's it. So, the Mediator is recommending that my ex be allowed to move our daughter away. I will continue to only see our daughter on my days off, which are typically in the middle of the week. The Mediator states that this move will not affect my parenting time, but that is just not the case. I am sick to my stomach about this report.

Here are my concerns:

- If I have to be at work by 8:30 am, how am I expected to drive my daughter to her mother's home in the mornings after my visitation days?

- Shouldn't she be responsible for transportation since SHE is the one who is creating the distance?

- My daughter is going to start school within the year. Once that happens our current schedule is going to be impossible to maintain. I am afraid that thi is going to turn me into a "weekend Dad", and that is exactly what I am trying to avoid. Does the Judge take this kind of thing into consideration?

Mom has completely refuse me any additional time with our daughter since the court order was put into place. If she is allowed to move, it is going to be so much more difficult to be an active part of her life.

We go to court on Wednesday and I am just trying to get myself organized on how I am going to present my case to the judge. I know that they usually take the recommendation of the Mediator so I am not sure how much luck I am going to have in changing his mind.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My ex and I attended mediation last week and today I received the report.

In case you can't find my first thread, I am trying to prevent my ex from moving our 2.5 year old daughter 2 hours away.

Here's the mediators recommendation:

- Allow mother to move with child
- Eliminate Right of First Option of Care
- Modify transportation so that at the beginning of visit, mother shall drop off child and at the end of visit, father shall bring child to mother's residence.


That's it. So, the Mediator is recommending that my ex be allowed to move our daughter away. I will continue to only see our daughter on my days off, which are typically in the middle of the week. The Mediator states that this move will not affect my parenting time, but that is just not the case. I am sick to my stomach about this report.

Here are my concerns:

- If I have to be at work by 8:30 am, how am I expected to drive my daughter to her mother's home in the mornings after my visitation days?

- Shouldn't she be responsible for transportation since SHE is the one who is creating the distance?

- My daughter is going to start school within the year. Once that happens our current schedule is going to be impossible to maintain. I am afraid that thi is going to turn me into a "weekend Dad", and that is exactly what I am trying to avoid. Does the Judge take this kind of thing into consideration?

Mom has completely refuse me any additional time with our daughter since the court order was put into place. If she is allowed to move, it is going to be so much more difficult to be an active part of her life.

We go to court on Wednesday and I am just trying to get myself organized on how I am going to present my case to the judge. I know that they usually take the recommendation of the Mediator so I am not sure how much luck I am going to have in changing his mind.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Oh dear. That doesn't look good for you, no.

I really don't have any advice - other than to be calm, and calmly present your objections to whatever the mediator has recommended.

 

[CSO286]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My ex and I attended mediation last week and today I received the report.

In case you can't find my first thread, I am trying to prevent my ex from moving our 2.5 year old daughter 2 hours away.

Here's the mediators recommendation:

- Allow mother to move with child
- Eliminate Right of First Option of Care
- Modify transportation so that at the beginning of visit, mother shall drop off child and at the end of visit, father shall bring child to mother's residence.


That's it. So, the Mediator is recommending that my ex be allowed to move our daughter away. I will continue to only see our daughter on my days off, which are typically in the middle of the week. The Mediator states that this move will not affect my parenting time, but that is just not the case. I am sick to my stomach about this report.

Here are my concerns:

- If I have to be at work by 8:30 am, how am I expected to drive my daughter to her mother's home in the mornings after my visitation days?

- Shouldn't she be responsible for transportation since SHE is the one who is creating the distance?

- My daughter is going to start school within the year. Once that happens our current schedule is going to be impossible to maintain. I am afraid that thi is going to turn me into a "weekend Dad", and that is exactly what I am trying to avoid. Does the Judge take this kind of thing into consideration?

Mom has completely refuse me any additional time with our daughter since the court order was put into place. If she is allowed to move, it is going to be so much more difficult to be an active part of her life.

We go to court on Wednesday and I am just trying to get myself organized on how I am going to present my case to the judge. I know that they usually take the recommendation of the Mediator so I am not sure how much luck I am going to have in changing his mind.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Be clear, speak calmly, and state you case. Indicate that you disagree with the mediator.

Do not say things like" The mediator is taking mom's side."

Do say things like"Mom's relocation will adversely affect my ability to spend time wit hthe child by _______________." And "I request that if Mom chooses to move over two hours away, that she be responsible for the additional burden of transportation costs."

Remember, Mom should be required to prove how this move is in the best interest of the child and also be able to explain to you and the court how she intends to see that your time with the child is not compromised. Mom must also indicate how she intends to faciltate your relationship with the child.

Are you representing yourself?
Remind me how old the child is?

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

Be clear, speak calmly, and state you case. Indicate that you disagree with the mediator.

Do not say things like" The mediator is taking mom's side."

Do say things like"Mom's relocation will adversely affect my ability to spend time wit hthe child by _______________." And "I request that if Mom chooses to move over two hours away, that she be responsible for the additional burden of transportation costs."

Remember, Mom should be required to prove how this move is in the best interest of the child and also be able to explain to you and the court how she intends to see that your time with the child is not compromised. Mom must also indicate how she intends to faciltate your relationship with the child.

Are you representing yourself?
Remind me how old the child is?

That's why this is so upsetting to me. She has failed to show how this move is in our daughter's best interest. She is claiming to want to move for work, even though she already has a job here. A good job. I truly believe that she is just trying to create distance between me and my daughter because she knows I want 50/50 custody.. which will be close to impossible once she starts school. We currently share legal and physical custody, but she is the custodial parent.

Yes, this time around I am representing myself. Our daughter is 2.5. If this move happens, thoe whole visitation schedule will be disrupted. Currently, we take art classes on my days off. Those start at 9:00 am. There is no way we would be able to continue those if mom had to drive her 2 hours to get to my house on my visitation days. Right now, I pick her up at 8:30 am, right when she wakes up. If mom were responsible for bringing her to my house on my days I am sure I wouldn't see her until at least noon. I know that doesn't sound like a huge deal, but that time that we spend together is invaluable to me.

I am really trying to remain calm, but the thought of this move actually happening is really making it difficult to do so.

 

[Mom_of_Two]

Be clear, speak calmly, and state you case. Indicate that you disagree with the mediator.

Do not say things like" The mediator is taking mom's side."

Do say things like"Mom's relocation will adversely affect my ability to spend time wit hthe child by _______________." And "I request that if Mom chooses to move over two hours away, that she be responsible for the additional burden of transportation costs."

Remember, Mom should be required to prove how this move is in the best interest of the child and also be able to explain to you and the court how she intends to see that your time with the child is not compromised. Mom must also indicate how she intends to faciltate your relationship with the child.

Are you representing yourself?
Remind me how old the child is?

I have had a lot of experience in the CA court system, and I have to warn you that without a lawyer, it is very hard to get past a mediator's recommendation. The judge views them as experts in regards to what's best for the children...that is why it is mandatory to go to mediation in CA. So, if the mediator is recommending that mom should be able to move away, then it has already been proven that she has demonstrated that it is in the best interest of the child. You can still calmly object and state your position to the court, but you really need a lawyer, and if mom has one, that's a really tough battle to fight

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My ex and I attended mediation last week and today I received the report.

In case you can't find my first thread, I am trying to prevent my ex from moving our 2.5 year old daughter 2 hours away.

Here's the mediators recommendation:

- Allow mother to move with child
- Eliminate Right of First Option of Care
- Modify transportation so that at the beginning of visit, mother shall drop off child and at the end of visit, father shall bring child to mother's residence.


That's it. So, the Mediator is recommending that my ex be allowed to move our daughter away. I will continue to only see our daughter on my days off, which are typically in the middle of the week. The Mediator states that this move will not affect my parenting time, but that is just not the case. I am sick to my stomach about this report.

Here are my concerns:

- If I have to be at work by 8:30 am, how am I expected to drive my daughter to her mother's home in the mornings after my visitation days?

- Shouldn't she be responsible for transportation since SHE is the one who is creating the distance?

- My daughter is going to start school within the year. Once that happens our current schedule is going to be impossible to maintain. I am afraid that thi is going to turn me into a "weekend Dad", and that is exactly what I am trying to avoid. Does the Judge take this kind of thing into consideration?

Mom has completely refuse me any additional time with our daughter since the court order was put into place. If she is allowed to move, it is going to be so much more difficult to be an active part of her life.

We go to court on Wednesday and I am just trying to get myself organized on how I am going to present my case to the judge. I know that they usually take the recommendation of the Mediator so I am not sure how much luck I am going to have in changing his mind.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Dad, here is some info to ponder. When a court professional, mediator, judge, GAL etc., has to make a recommendation like this, they have to based it on the child's best interest.

So, they have to view it as "what would be the least detrimental to the child". Apparently this mediator has determined that it would be more harmful for your child to be potentially separated from mom...particularly in a case where your parenting time honestly CAN be maintained.

Sure, exchanging the child in the mornings is no longer going to be reasonable, so you ask for a shift in the schedule so that the exchanges take place in the evening. If you would normally get her on a Tuesday morning, for example, instead you would get her on Monday night. If you would normally return her Thursday morning, you will now return her Wednesday night. You get the same amount of time, you simply shift it to a time that is more practical for exchanges.

 

[CJane]

One thing I think you should understand, and perhaps should have understood before getting this far (I just read through your other threads), is that when deciding a relocation case, the choice that the judge is faced with is this:

Is the non-relocating parent suitable, willing and able to take over as primary custodian AND will the child benefit in the long term by creating so much upheaval now?

The mediator apparently does not believe that 75 miles is that big of a deal, doesn't believe that your time with the child will need to change (though, as Ldi said, I'd try to get exchanges moved to evenings), and does not believe that changing primary custody to you is going to be less harmful to the child than being uprooted from her primary custodian.

CAN you fight this in court? Maybe. SHOULD you? Only you know that.

In your other two threads, you had an attorney. What happened with that?

 

[torimac]

I have had a lot of experience in the CA court system, and I have to warn you that without a lawyer, it is very hard to get past a mediator's recommendation. (

It is difficult. When I first went to court, we had mediation that day due to the fact that my ex was from out of state. Initially, the mediator was advising joint legal and physical, with supervised visitation. We were allowed to question and comment in court. After some carefully thought-out words, I was able to change the mediator's mind. I ended up with full legal and physical. I was also in California.

I would still recommend a lawyer, if at all possible. I finally was able to borrow money and get a lawyer, which helped in the long run. The odds are against you without a lawyer.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I would make sure that there are allowances ready for when the child starts school.

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

I would make sure that there are allowances ready for when the child starts school.

What kind of allowances do you recommend, TinkerBelleLuvr?

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

One thing I think you should understand, and perhaps should have understood before getting this far (I just read through your other threads), is that when deciding a relocation case, the choice that the judge is faced with is this:

Is the non-relocating parent suitable, willing and able to take over as primary custodian AND will the child benefit in the long term by creating so much upheaval now?

The mediator apparently does not believe that 75 miles is that big of a deal, doesn't believe that your time with the child will need to change (though, as Ldi said, I'd try to get exchanges moved to evenings), and does not believe that changing primary custody to you is going to be less harmful to the child than being uprooted from her primary custodian.

CAN you fight this in court? Maybe. SHOULD you? Only you know that.

In your other two threads, you had an attorney. What happened with that?

After spending more than $20k on attorney fees I just couldn't afford it anymore. My biggest concern is what is going to happen once she starts school. I'm just not sure if the Judge is going to take that into consideration right now.

 

[MichaCA]

The reality is you really don't know what the judge will order. Yes, there is a strong probability he will use the recommendation. However, I have seen changes to a recommendation made in the courtroom, and have experienced an entire mediation report being thrown out cause the judge didn't like it. Its not very comforting...it comes down to what kind of mediator you get and what kind of judge you get - as they change all the time in CA.

Having said that - just do your best in court. Have index cards, cliff notes, something...you know it will go really fast. Express the highlights of your objection. Express concern when school starts. Express how evening transfers would be better. Request mom should provide or at least pay for all transportation. IF it would work with both parents schedules, ask that the receiving parent pick up. In the end, pick the issues most important to you and focus on them...starting with you object to the move, because you are a very involved dad.

Thats all you can do. I wish you luck.

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

The reality is you really don't know what the judge will order. Yes, there is a strong probability he will use the recommendation. However, I have seen changes to a recommendation made in the courtroom, and have experienced an entire mediation report being thrown out cause the judge didn't like it. Its not very comforting...it comes down to what kind of mediator you get and what kind of judge you get - as they change all the time in CA.

Having said that - just do your best in court. Have index cards, cliff notes, something...you know it will go really fast. Express the highlights of your objection. Express concern when school starts. Express how evening transfers would be better. Request mom should provide or at least pay for all transportation. IF it would work with both parents schedules, ask that the receiving parent pick up. In the end, pick the issues most important to you and focus on them...starting with you object to the move, because you are a very involved dad.

Thats all you can do. I wish you luck.

Thank you for your advice, Micah.

I am planning on going in there prepared to explain to the judge why I believe this move is not in my (our) daughter's best interest. The fact is that mom has no job offers and no family in the city where she is trying to relocate to. I truly believe that the sole intent of this move is to create distance between myself and our daughter before she begins school. Hopefully the judge will see that as well. I believe that asking for a 50/50 schedule (4-3-3-4) is more than fair.

Thanks again for all of your help.

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

Update

I went to court yesterday and just wanted to give you an update:

The Judge listened to each of our sides and was very patient with both of us. She then told my ex and I that she wanted us to go into a private conference room and try to come up with a schedule that will allow me to have extra time with our daughter so that her move doesn't impact my visitation with her.

After two hours of going back and forth, we could not come to an agreement. Basically, mom was refusing to allow me any extra days with our daughter, and refused to give me every other weekend. Her reason for denying me this extra time was that I have to work on some weekends so our daughter would be home with my wife, or with other family members of mine. I also have a 14 year old daughter who I get every other weekend, which was why I was asking for those days.

We went back to the court room and the judge made this decision:

- FROR is eliminated from the court order (Judge explained to mom that it's not a bad thing that our daughter spends time with my family if I am at work. She told her that she encourages parents to have their parenting time in real life situations, not only while they are off)

- Prior to going to court yesterday, I only had our daughter on my days off, which came out to 7 or 8 days a month. NOW, I have her from Tuesday morning at 8:30 am until Thursday evening at 6:00 pm. I also have her every other weekend. This adds up to about 14 to 15 days a month. Mom was not very happy about this.

- Judge told me that I may put our daughter in a daycare or pre-school if I wanted to.

- Judge told mom that she may move to the city that she petitioned to relocate to, but that she was putting it on the record that the court strongly discourages the move. She told mom that once our daughter is school-age, her relocating is going to cause a lot of problems.

- Judge also told mom that if and when she decides to move, she will be responsible for ALL transportation (pick-up and drop-off)

SO.... I must say I am very happy with how it went. I was devistated when I saw the mediator's recommendation to allow mom to move. The Judge said she could tell how involved I am with our daughter's life and that she did not want to allow anything that would change that.

I think I will start her in a half-day pre-school on the days she is with me. I hope to get her established enough here so when she is ready for school, the Judge will decide she should start it here.

Thank you all for your help!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

That sounds really encouraging. Mom might not move after all.