Visitation Difficulties

[NC Mom in Indy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

This may seem long, but I am trying to include all info available so you won't need to ask a lot of questions to answer mine.

I have an 11 yo daughter. I am the NCP. Dad moved an hour away when our child was 1, 7 years prior to gaining custody.

The issue is the exchange point. The current order says that I or my husband (now my ex husband) will pick up my daughter from daycare prior to it closing on a certain night of the week. I or my husband will take her to school the following morning. I have visitation per the Indiana State Parenting Time Guidelines (ISPTG). Weekend (Fri/Sun) exchanges take place in the parking lot of the police station at the halfway point. (Dad has a history of DV that was taken into account for exchanges, but not for custody, because it was towards me and not our child.)

For the past 3 years we have not always followed the order exactly. Sometimes I had a night other than a Wednesday. Sometimes we were doing something, like a Birthday Party or school activity in my daughter's hometown, so I would tell her dad that I could pick her up there and save him the drive. Sometimes he did the same. For over a year now our daughter has not been in daycare/afterschool care. Her dad has been bringing her to the halfway point.

Last Spring he was upset that I filed a child support modification. (The amount I was ordered to pay was figured incorrectly) Dad was mad and said that I could not have our daughter overnight. I said that he needed to follow the CO. He relented, and no visits were missed.

Last week he decided that if I want our daughter on Wednesday nights I have to be in his town (an hour from my home) at a certain time on Wednesday to pick her up. He knows that I cannot do that, because I work full time. I make it to the other exchange point, but it is half the difference and time. Can dad just decide on a new location for exchanges on his own since he is the CP? I always have our daughter's best interests in mind, and getting home to my house at 7:00pm and having to eat dinner, do homework, and take a shower prior to 9:00pm is just not possible. I am refusing to change the exchange point. Has dad set a precedent by driving to the halfway point neraly every week since September of 2009? If I file a Motion to Clarify, or a Motion to Review our Parenting Time schedule will the judge see that dad is not willing to cooperate?

Dad thinks that since he is the CP he can do whatever he wants. Summer Parenting Time is also an issue with him. In Indiana the NCP gets to give the CP their Parenting Time Schedule for half the summer by April 1 each year. I do so, and get a reply that I need to change it. I have never gotten the Parenting Time that I have wanted in the summer. I try to get along with him for our daughter's sake. She is now upset, because he has brought her into the middle of this. He yells at her about the Parenting time. She is 11, and it should not be discussed with her. Any advice?

Thank You.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[teflon_jones]

Has dad set a precedent by driving to the halfway point neraly every week since September of 2009?

Yes, that is a precedent, but it could be meaningless in the face of a reasonable argument.

If I file a Motion to Clarify, or a Motion to Review our Parenting Time schedule will the judge see that dad is not willing to cooperate?

Nobody here can tell you what a judge is going to decide.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

This may seem long, but I am trying to include all info available so you won't need to ask a lot of questions to answer mine.

I have an 11 yo daughter. I am the NCP. Dad moved an hour away when our child was 1, 7 years prior to gaining custody.

The issue is the exchange point. The current order says that I or my husband (now my ex husband) will pick up my daughter from daycare prior to it closing on a certain night of the week. I or my husband will take her to school the following morning. I have visitation per the Indiana State Parenting Time Guidelines (ISPTG). Weekend (Fri/Sun) exchanges take place in the parking lot of the police station at the halfway point. (Dad has a history of DV that was taken into account for exchanges, but not for custody, because it was towards me and not our child.)

For the past 3 years we have not always followed the order exactly. Sometimes I had a night other than a Wednesday. Sometimes we were doing something, like a Birthday Party or school activity in my daughter's hometown, so I would tell her dad that I could pick her up there and save him the drive. Sometimes he did the same. For over a year now our daughter has not been in daycare/afterschool care. Her dad has been bringing her to the halfway point.

Last Spring he was upset that I filed a child support modification. (The amount I was ordered to pay was figured incorrectly) Dad was mad and said that I could not have our daughter overnight. I said that he needed to follow the CO. He relented, and no visits were missed.

Last week he decided that if I want our daughter on Wednesday nights I have to be in his town (an hour from my home) at a certain time on Wednesday to pick her up. He knows that I cannot do that, because I work full time. I make it to the other exchange point, but it is half the difference and time. Can dad just decide on a new location for exchanges on his own since he is the CP? I always have our daughter's best interests in mind, and getting home to my house at 7:00pm and having to eat dinner, do homework, and take a shower prior to 9:00pm is just not possible. I am refusing to change the exchange point. Has dad set a precedent by driving to the halfway point neraly every week since September of 2009? If I file a Motion to Clarify, or a Motion to Review our Parenting Time schedule will the judge see that dad is not willing to cooperate?

Dad thinks that since he is the CP he can do whatever he wants. Summer Parenting Time is also an issue with him. In Indiana the NCP gets to give the CP their Parenting Time Schedule for half the summer by April 1 each year. I do so, and get a reply that I need to change it. I have never gotten the Parenting Time that I have wanted in the summer. I try to get along with him for our daughter's sake. She is now upset, because he has brought her into the middle of this. He yells at her about the Parenting time. She is 11, and it should not be discussed with her. Any advice?

Thank You.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

If I understand you correctly you are supposed to meet at the exchange point for weekend exchanges, but you are supposed to provide all of the transportation for the midweek visit?

If so, either you will have to provide all of the transportation (and you will need to inform dad that you will take him to court for contempt if he does not make the child available to you when you can get there) or you need to take it back to court to get him ordered to meet you at the exchange point for the midweek visits as well.

The odds are in your favor that dad will be ordered to meet you midweek as well...at least for the Wedneday night exchange. You might have to get her to school yourself on Thursday mornings.

Honestly, its a bit unusual to have a midweek overnight when you have a distance like yours (at least in Indiana), its more common for the midweek visit to take place in the CP's community instead.

As far as summer is concerned, this time pick your weeks and stand your ground when dad tries to change them...or, as part of your motion to modify for the transportation, also motion to modify the parenting time so that its every other week in the summer, with you getting the first full week after school lets out. That erases all arguments regarding summer.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

If I understand you correctly you are supposed to meet at the exchange point for weekend exchanges, but you are supposed to provide all of the transportation for the midweek visit?

If so, either you will have to provide all of the transportation (and you will need to inform dad that you will take him to court for contempt if he does not make the child available to you when you can get there) or you need to take it back to court to get him ordered to meet you at the exchange point for the midweek visits as well.

The odds are in your favor that dad will be ordered to meet you midweek as well...at least for the Wedneday night exchange. You might have to get her to school yourself on Thursday mornings.

Honestly, its a bit unusual to have a midweek overnight when you have a distance like yours (at least in Indiana), its more common for the midweek visit to take place in the CP's community instead.

As far as summer is concerned, this time pick your weeks and stand your ground when dad tries to change them...or, as part of your motion to modify for the transportation, also motion to modify the parenting time so that its every other week in the summer, with you getting the first full week after school lets out. That erases all arguments regarding summer.

Thank you. The 3yo CO says Mom or Stepdad picks up the child at daycare. Since she is no longer in daycare, and stepdad is no longer in the picture I am going to take it back to court. The emails I received last night from dad were disjointed and made no sense. He also interfered with phone calls again last night. Perhaps this will be the first step in regaining custody of my daughter.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you. The 3yo CO says Mom or Stepdad picks up the child at daycare. Since she is no longer in daycare, and stepdad is no longer in the picture I am going to take it back to court. The emails I received last night from dad were disjointed and made no sense. He also interfered with phone calls again last night. Perhaps this will be the first step in regaining custody of my daughter.

Don't count on that unless dad continues to be difficult. A first time trip to court rarely results in much more than a slap on the wrist and some changes in the court orders to make it more difficult for him to be difficult. It generally takes several trips to court for contempt before a judge will entertain the idea of changing custody.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

I am not counting on going in and getting custody with just this. I know better, but I will pray that the judge recognizes dad's attempts to control things and interfere with my relationship with our daughter.