SAMSSTEPMOM ~ thread partially recovered

[Antigone*]

Today, 08:52 AM
SAMSSTEPMOM
Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 7

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelleLuvr
Does dad have court ordered visitation? If so, have DAD follow it. Otherwise, dad can file for contempt. It really is that simple.
HE has tried to file contempt, nothing has ever came out of it. the ex withheld SEVERAL visits, but like i said, we filed all that in Sept and have never heard another thing about it. We've asked our lawyer whats taking so long, but she says "it takes time". I think its been long enough, the bill with our lawyer is monsterous because we had to have her file all these contempt things. She told us that we could make his ex pay half, but we've never even seen a judge. I just dont understand why this contempt stuff is taking so long. We were supposed to also get make up time for the time we missed. But its been over a year since we began this and still nothing. Just our weekends.


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#17
Today, 08:52 AM
cappadocia
Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 23

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM

why does everyone even here attack the dad??
When you remove your emotional stake in the situation and look at it from a legal standpoint, you'll see that Dad signed up for this particular path in life when he decided to reproduce. He volunteered for this route and can't decide a few years down the road that it's not for him. That's why there are laws in place to protect the livelihood of the children created by flighty folks.

Now, you have no legal obligations to his mess. The only stake you have is one you've placed there emotionally. You can leave. You can decide to find a man who is responsible and fulfills his obligations. You can focus on the needs of your own children and provide a better life for them. You're not hooked, he is. If I were you, I'd have been gone yesterday. Why hang around for a loser who can't even pay his child support? Why make a life and children with him?

And if you're sick of this now, how do you think it'll be when you finally marry the man?
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#18
Today, 08:53 AM
divona2000
Member Join Date: May 2006
Location: MI
Posts: 634

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gail in Georgia
"My finance has to work everyday to pay child support, and his ex wife refuses to work, and she lives off of the system."

Despite the OP's title, it appears she is not even the stepmom, just the bed warmer in this entire situation.

Gail
Dang, same thought at the same second.


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#19
Today, 08:55 AM
SESmama
Member Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 215

OP you are right.

You do have an emotional investment in this BUT this is not a support forum. This site is to give the best legal advice the Seniors know without having you go run to a lawyer for a simple question.

Now, you do NOT have a LEGAL investment in this fight. Try CafeMom if you want a sympathetic shoulder and someone to tell you "you're right, she's a b****".

Legally this is between mom and dad. In addition, I take offense to the broad and generalized comment that
Quote:
Why is the noncustodial parent resposible for providing all funds? Why are they REQUIRED to work?
.
This board is full of NCP refusing to work to help support their kids.

Now, if dad really wants to do anything he should 1) Go and ask for a CS review if it has been a while. Realize though that it may go up. YOU do not go and do this, DAD does.
2) If DAD is not getting the parenting time he is court ordered to have then DAD needs to file for contempt. YOU do not go file, DAD does.

Lots of people are struggling right now. Not just you and hubby.


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[Antigone*]

#20
Today, 08:55 AM
SAMSSTEPMOM
Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 7

Quote:
Originally Posted by divona2000
So how many days do you work?
Do you support your children, or leave him stuck with it all (you know, 'like mom does')?
Are you contributing to your families support, or leaving it all to your bedwarmer?
I work a full time job and We both support our children. I do not contribute a dime for his ex wife, i do however help pay for things when he is at our house, like clothes and necessities. I do not believe I should have to be held resposible for a child I didnt make.

And No we are not married yet. But will be next month, so yes, I will be the step mom.


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#21
Today, 08:56 AM
TinkerBelleLuvr
Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: With Capt'n Hook
Posts: 8,688

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
HE has tried to file contempt, nothing has ever came out of it. the ex withheld SEVERAL visits, but like i said, we filed all that in Sept and have never heard another thing about it. We've asked our lawyer whats taking so long, but she says "it takes time". I think its been long enough, the bill with our lawyer is monsterous because we had to have her file all these contempt things. She told us that we could make his ex pay half, but we've never even seen a judge. I just dont understand why this contempt stuff is taking so long. We were supposed to also get make up time for the time we missed. But its been over a year since we began this and still nothing. Just our weekends.
WE are NOT a part of this. Only dad. If he cared so much, why are YOU posting and not HIM. And don't give me the "he is working 20 hours a day to support his children and he has no ability to type" BS.
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#22
Today, 08:56 AM
divona2000
Member Join Date: May 2006
Location: MI
Posts: 634

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
...we ...We've...our lawyer...I...our lawyer ...we...us...we...we've never even seen a judge...I just dont understand why this contempt stuff is taking so long. We...make up time for the time we missed...we...our weekends.
Wow. Just wow.
Girlfriend is never gonna get it.
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***CurrentlyUndone "You're so special and important and gosh, the rest of these Very Mean People don't know what they are talking about. It is so Very Obvious!."
------------------
***IsabellaSoriano "...i'm not one for one night stands. not enough time to know if the person is capable of killing me or not. and that scares me most of all. i do not want to be the dumb one watching America's Most Wanted and realizing i slept with the guy on the FBI's top ten list."


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#23
Today, 08:56 AM
Antigone*of*Greece
Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In honor of JetX ~ Somnambulist University
Posts: 12,395

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
HE has tried to file contempt, nothing has ever came out of it. the ex withheld SEVERAL visits, but like i said, we filed all that in Sept and have never heard another thing about it. We've asked our lawyer whats taking so long, but she says "it takes time". I think its been long enough, the bill with our lawyer is monsterous because we had to have her file all these contempt things. She told us that we could make his ex pay half, but we've never even seen a judge. I just dont understand why this contempt stuff is taking so long. We were supposed to also get make up time for the time we missed. But its been over a year since we began this and still nothing. Just our weekends.
There is no we, I, us, we've, or our in this legal matter.

This step is a train wreck and she is really going to end up helping mom and hurting her own man if she keeps up ~ just watch...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyWanderer
Writinginallcapsisconsideredshoutingandmakesithardtoreadcapitalsandsmalllettersalongwithpunct uationa ndspacesbetweenwordsisthewaytogetabetterchanceofaresponse
1goodguy ~ Paternity has not been proven, but without a doubt, father was only person who was there when pregnancy occurred.


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#24
Today, 08:57 AM
TinkerBelleLuvr
Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: With Capt'n Hook
Posts: 8,688

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
I work a full time job and We both support our children. I do not contribute a dime for his ex wife, i do however help pay for things when he is at our house, like clothes and necessities. I do not believe I should have to be held resposible for a child I didnt make.

And No we are not married yet. But will be next month, so yes, I will be the step mom.
Being a stepmom gives you no legal rights.
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#25
Today, 08:58 AM
divona2000
Member Join Date: May 2006
Location: MI
Posts: 634

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
...No we are not married yet. But will be next month, so yes, I will be the step mom.
Maybe so.
But keep this crap up, and you may be a step-mom with a court order keeping her away from said step-child.
__________________
-------------------
***CurrentlyUndone "You're so special and important and gosh, the rest of these Very Mean People don't know what they are talking about. It is so Very Obvious!."
------------------
***IsabellaSoriano "...i'm not one for one night stands. not enough time to know if the person is capable of killing me or not. and that scares me most of all. i do not want to be the dumb one watching America's Most Wanted and realizing i slept with the guy on the FBI's top ten list."


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#26
Today, 09:00 AM
Antigone*of*Greece
Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In honor of JetX ~ Somnambulist University
Posts: 12,395

All this WE "stuff" and she's not even married to the man

Is it too early for the bar and grill to serve me a really stiff drink
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyWanderer
Writinginallcapsisconsideredshoutingandmakesithardtoreadcapitalsandsmalllettersalongwithpunct uationa ndspacesbetweenwordsisthewaytogetabetterchanceofaresponse
1goodguy ~ Paternity has not been proven, but without a doubt, father was only person who was there when pregnancy occurred.


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#27
Today, 09:00 AM
SAMSSTEPMOM
Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 7

Quote:
Originally Posted by SESmama
OP you are right.

You do have an emotional investment in this BUT this is not a support forum. This site is to give the best legal advice the Seniors know without having you go run to a lawyer for a simple question.

Now, you do NOT have a LEGAL investment in this fight. Try CafeMom if you want a sympathetic shoulder and someone to tell you "you're right, she's a b****".

Legally this is between mom and dad. In addition, I take offense to the broad and generalized comment that .
This board is full of NCP refusing to work to help support their kids.

Now, if dad really wants to do anything he should 1) Go and ask for a CS review if it has been a while. Realize though that it may go up. YOU do not go and do this, DAD does.
2) If DAD is not getting the parenting time he is court ordered to have then DAD needs to file for contempt. YOU do not go file, DAD does.

Lots of people are struggling right now. Not just you and hubby.
I understand that there are TONS of people stuggling with far worse things, I was asking questions, and in turn was given a very rude batch of comments. I also know that I have no legal standings, but I do have to stand by and watch as our lives get turned upside down every day. Dad has filed everything he knows how, and has tried very hard to make this work. He has NEVER been late for a single support payment in the past, just so happens that after his accident, his disablility was a very low amount, and he has a home to pay for too.

I also understand that his child is very important and doesnt deserve any of this, I just do not understand why its HIS resposibility to pay for everything. his ex does not work and now has another child, she is not getting support from the other father. so Dads cs is going for her, his son and her new baby. its just a sticky situation, and I was only asking questions fi there was anythign that can be done about her not working?

Thank you for your input.


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[Antigone*]

#28
Today, 09:03 AM
TinkerBelleLuvr
Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: With Capt'n Hook
Posts: 8,688

Is she no TANF? No one can live on ONLY support. There are other things in place, such as food stamps, WIC, TANF, etc.
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#29
Today, 09:04 AM
SAMSSTEPMOM
Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 7

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelleLuvr
Is she no TANF? No one can live on ONLY support. There are other things in place, such as food stamps, WIC, TANF, etc.
oh no she gets all of em, housing, tanf, food stamps. all of it.


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#30
Today, 09:06 AM
Artemis_ofthe_Hunt
Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Smallville MN
Posts: 1,587

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
oh no she gets all of em, housing, tanf, food stamps. all of it.
In THAT case... I and several million OTHERS are helping support that child. NOT just your bed buddy.
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[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

I heart you, Anti!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Yup - you done good. And I am well aware of my bad grammar.

 

[CSO286]

Hey, guys, here's the start...and my reply......


To samsstepmom

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ND


Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ND

My finance has to work everyday to pay child support, and his ex wife refuses to work, and she lives off of the system. We have a "hearing" today for an order to show cause for my fiance not paying child support for 3 months due to an injury that had him living off of disability for 3 months.

If she is qualifying for publica assistance, then she IS providing for their (mutual) children.


Quote:

Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
Are we expected to go homeless so that his exwife gets his money? She doesnt even use it for the child in the first place! So we have a court hearing so that he doesnt lose his DL and get arrested, so she can get her nails done? and use her blackberry?

No, but your fiance is expected to add to his obligations (additional children increasing other debts if he is unalbe to provide for the ones he currently has.
If the children have a roof over their heads and food in their tummies, then mom is providing for the children. Dad is not permitted to demand an accounting of the support. And by your own admission, Dad has not been paying his support for at least the last three months.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
I am so frustrated that he has to pay out a LARGE sum of money and he is the ONLY one that financialy supports what she calls "her family"! Why is that right? Why is that ok?

If he is paying such a LARGE sum of money, then why is mom qualifying for public assistance? Their income guidelines are pretty darn small (Meaning even a min wage job can pretty much throw you over income for some PA programs.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
So since she works soooo hard to make sure he never eats breakfast, gets to school late, bathes everyother day and is failing at school. My fiance is such a jerk you know, works more than 40 hours a week, provides a safe environment and still ends up buying most of his son's winter wardrobe.

How old is this child? My ten year old just started in the last year, taking showers every morning.

What is dad doing to be involved in the child's education?

It's great that Dad is making sure his son's needs are being met.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SAMSSTEPMOM
So to wrap it up here,

Why is the noncustodial parent resposible for providing all funds? Why are they REQUIRED to work? Is there anything that can be done about her refusing to work?

THank you for listening to me rant, I have been dealing with this for 5 yrs now with not a single thing has gone right for us. THANK YOU!

Simply put, ND uses Dad's income to compute the support obligation. It doesn't use an income shares model. ND assumes that mom is also providing for the children (And public assistance is one way to provide.)

 

[SESmama]

I guess our answers to her

THank you for listening to me rant, I have been dealing with this for 5 yrs now with not a single thing has gone right for us. THANK YOU!

were not exactly what she was looking for nor expecting.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

In all fairness, we should have sent her to that stepparent support group that we found. Oh, wait ... she's not a stepparent yet cuz she's not married to him.

 

[Antigone*]

In all fairness, we should have sent her to that stepparent support group that we found. Oh, wait ... she's not a stepparent yet cuz she's not married to him.

If I do remember correctly I did refer to to stepparentranting.com prior to her confessing she was just a bed buddie.

 

[antrc170]

For the OP - your fiance has two options. One, he can petition that the court for a change in custody. (ND 14-09-06.6) or file for a modification in child support (ND 19-9-8.4).

(To whomever wrote that my initial response was wrong, and add that I didn't know what I was talking about - you are the one who needs to read the law and pay attention. ND clearly allows for a change in custody when it can be presented the child is in physical or emotional danger. The OP stated that the child was failing school, unfed, unbathed...if these can be proven then there is a case for a change in custody. Also ND allows for a review of child support at the most, every three years, when one parent petitions for the review. It can happen more often should the petitioner have a valid reason, although it is up to the reviewing agency. Now, if you have law that supports your arguement go for it, otherwise pay attention and learn something.)

 

[Antigone*]

For the OP - your fiance has two options. One, he can petition that the court for a change in custody. (ND 14-09-06.6) or file for a modification in child support (ND 19-9-8.4).

(To whomever wrote that my initial response was wrong, and add that I didn't know what I was talking about - you are the one who needs to read the law and pay attention. ND clearly allows for a change in custody when it can be presented the child is in physical or emotional danger. The OP stated that the child was failing school, unfed, unbathed...if these can be proven then there is a case for a change in custody. Also ND allows for a review of child support at the most, every three years, when one parent petitions for the review. It can happen more often should the petitioner have a valid reason, although it is up to the reviewing agency. Now, if you have law that supports your arguement go for it, otherwise pay attention and learn something.)

You said SHE could petition ~ that is absodanglutely wrong. You need to pay attention, okay

btw... Taking the word of a bedwarmer when it comes to the other parent's parenting style is also a not really a good practice.

 

[antrc170]

You said SHE could petition ~ that is absodanglutely wrong. You need to pay attention, okay QUOTE]

In both posts I started out stating the the "fiance" had two choices. If I later inadvertently wrote "she" instead of "he", then a simple correction of the misspelling would suffice. At no time did I ever state, or imply, that the OP had any standing in court. To discount correct information is irresponsible.