Restraining Order

[novemberbride]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I wasn't really sure where to post this question, so please forgive me if I posted it in the wrong section.

I filed a restraining order against the father of my 4 year old because he has made threats to me, and has made threats about "destroying" our daughter's school and the people who work there.

The judge signed a TRO, and altered it to remove our daughter as a protected person as to not interfere with our custody/visitation order. However, he did include that my ex is to remain 150 yards away from daughter's school.

I got a call from a deputy sheriff today. He said he's made the 8th attempt to serve my ex. He said each time he has seen my ex inside the house, and has seen both his vehicles there. The deputy told me that today, when he knocked on the door, he could see my ex inside through the glass window on the door. After a few minutes the deputy said "I'm not going away (ex's name)". After he said that, a man's voice from inside the house said "I don't really effin care". The deputy told me he waited, then went back to his patrol car to call me. He said he'll continue to make attempts, but said it was very clear to him that my ex is refusing to answer the door.

My question is: When I go to my hearing, how do I prove that my ex refused to answer the door each time the deputy attempted to serve him. And, is it likely to get a permanent restraining order when someone continues to refuse service?

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I wasn't really sure where to post this question, so please forgive me if I posted it in the wrong section.

I filed a restraining order against the father of my 4 year old because he has made threats to me, and has made threats about "destroying" our daughter's school and the people who work there.

The judge signed a TRO, and altered it to remove our daughter as a protected person as to not interfere with our custody/visitation order. However, he did include that my ex is to remain 150 yards away from daughter's school.

I got a call from a deputy sheriff today. He said he's made the 8th attempt to serve my ex. He said each time he has seen my ex inside the house, and has seen both his vehicles there. The deputy told me that today, when he knocked on the door, he could see my ex inside through the glass window on the door. After a few minutes the deputy said "I'm not going away (ex's name)". After he said that, a man's voice from inside the house said "I don't really effin care". The deputy told me he waited, then went back to his patrol car to call me. He said he'll continue to make attempts, but said it was very clear to him that my ex is refusing to answer the door.

My question is: When I go to my hearing, how do I prove that my ex refused to answer the door each time the deputy attempted to serve him. And, is it likely to get a permanent restraining order when someone continues to refuse service?

Hire a guy to dress up in a brown uniform and carry a box up to the door. He can ring the door bell and say "delivery". Then, when ex answers door, he can hand him the box with the papers attached to it.

Problem solved.

ETA: He has to be served.

 

[novemberbride]

I didn't even think about that. Thanks Zinger!

 

[mistoffolees]

Hire a guy to dress up in a brown uniform and carry a box up to the door. He can ring the door bell and say "delivery". Then, when ex answers door, he can hand him the box with the papers attached to it.

Problem solved.

ETA: He has to be served.

Boring.

How about making up a giant check in the amount of $10,000,000 and a big sign saying "American Family Publishers" and then have someone show up at his door with the check and the sign and a bunch of balloons. Maybe a TV camera, as well.

 

[novemberbride]

LOL!! Now that is a helluva idea.

 

[novemberbride]

Still not served

I tried Zinger's idea (sorry misto, I had easier access to a brown uniform than a big ol' check and tv camera)

Anyways...I had my brother in law attempt to serve my ex. My ex told him to go eff himself.

The deputy who originally attempted to serve my ex tried a few more times. He even waited in an unmarked police car, and when he seen my ex walk out the front door, he approached him to serve him. My ex smirked at him and walked passed him. Got in his car, and drove off. The deputy wanted to pursue him, but thought ex would be the type to sue the whole sheriff's department for making a traffic stop without cause. He's right....my ex is suing all kinds of people. The deputy is sending my TRO back to the courts, along with a statement describing the encounters with my ex and his continued refusal to be served. I doubt the judge will consider it, but the deputy feels very strongly that my ex should be restrained from being near me.

Anyways....I'm scared of this man for many reasons. I'm worried that I won't be able to have him served with the TRO and will have to continue to file again and again.

Does anyone have any other ideas?

 

[Antigone*]

I know this sounds horrible and I might get slammed for this, but what about having him served just before he picks up kiddo for visitation?

 

[novemberbride]

I was hesitant to do that because I didn't want our daughter be there when he was served because I am afraid dad would get irate.

Dad sends his mom to pick up our daughter when it's his visitation time. So, this last time that I went to pick up our daughter from his house, my brother in law followed me in a sepeate vehicle. Dad's wife quickly answered the door, and ushered daughter out, then quickly shut the door. My brother in law waited a minute or two, then knocked on the door. He heard my ex yell "go eff yourself" from inside.

 

[novemberbride]

valid service question

So, I went to court on Tuesday. Judge reissued the restraining order and told me my ex has to be served. The Judge said he read my complaint and was deeply disturbed by my ex's threats and behavior. He had the clerk give me the reissuance form so I could fill it out right there, and the judge signed it.

My father in law is willing to serve my ex, but he is under the impression that my ex doesn't have to take possetion of the paper work in order for it to be effective service. He said he can just walk up to my ex, say his name and say you've been served and drop the papers infront of him. However, the sheriff who I spoke to outside of court said my ex would just have to be touched with the paperwork in order for it to be valid service. Knowing my ex, he'd sue someone for assault if they "touched" him with some papers.

I'm getting really nervous about him. He's been making statements to me that he's been following me and watching me. What scares me is he told me he seen me picking up a perscription at my local pharmacy. He says that he's gathering evidence to prove a change in circumstance for our custody case. I'm not worried about what he thinks he has as evidence because I have nothing to hide, but I certainly don't want to be followed or watched by him. Especially based on the threats he's made to me, and knowing he carries a loaded gun with him.

So, would he have to take the papers in his hands in order for it to be effective service? I just want to be sure I have him served properly.

And, thanks everyone for the advice. I appreciate it

 

[mistoffolees]

So, I went to court on Tuesday. Judge reissued the restraining order and told me my ex has to be served. The Judge said he read my complaint and was deeply disturbed by my ex's threats and behavior. He had the clerk give me the reissuance form so I could fill it out right there, and the judge signed it.

My father in law is willing to serve my ex, but he is under the impression that my ex doesn't have to take possetion of the paper work in order for it to be effective service. He said he can just walk up to my ex, say his name and say you've been served and drop the papers infront of him. However, the sheriff who I spoke to outside of court said my ex would just have to be touched with the paperwork in order for it to be valid service. Knowing my ex, he'd sue someone for assault if they "touched" him with some papers.

I'm getting really nervous about him. He's been making statements to me that he's been following me and watching me. What scares me is he told me he seen me picking up a perscription at my local pharmacy. He says that he's gathering evidence to prove a change in circumstance for our custody case. I'm not worried about what he thinks he has as evidence because I have nothing to hide, but I certainly don't want to be followed or watched by him. Especially based on the threats he's made to me, and knowing he carries a loaded gun with him.

So, would he have to take the papers in his hands in order for it to be effective service? I just want to be sure I have him served properly.

And, thanks everyone for the advice. I appreciate it

Sounds like time to hire a professional to serve him. It may have to be when he picks up the child. She's not likely to be traumatized by it - she probably won't even know what's going on.

 

[st-kitts]

Have you ever thought about talking with a domestic violence advocate regarding your fear of your ex and developing a safety plan? I think you might get quite a bit of useful assistance from someone that sees this type of behavior on a regular basis. The restraining order could be a good step, but your ex sounds like he believes he is above the rules. You may be disappointed to see how creative he can be at getting around the TPO with behaviors that are hard for police to trace but that send clear messages to you. And TPOs are absolutely not bullet proof.

So, please be careful even after you get it.

 

[novemberbride]

Thats the plan, distract her so she doesn't realize anything is going on. We are having an unusual snow storm tonight, so tomorrow I can distract her with "oh, look at all THAT snow over there!". I just hope he decides to come up and pick her up for once, instead of sending his mom.


@ st-kitts-I talked with my local crisis center. They said I would be better off with a civil harassment RO because there is no current physical violence, even though there is a history of it. My ex really doesn't obey anything and isn't they type to respect authority. I just want some sort of back-up just in case.

 

[novemberbride]

Thanks

Thank you all for the help. Once again, ya'll were right

I took a chance that my ex would be there this morning to pick up our daughter, instead of his mom and he was. My ex was served this morning right before he picked up our daughter. Our daughter was too interested in zipping up her jacket that she didn't even notice what was going on.

I can breathe a little sigh of relief now.

 

[SESmama]

*does a little happy dance*

 

[novemberbride]

My happy dance was short lived
Less than 4 hours after being served, he violates the restraining order by calling me making threats.