custody and vacation

[Antigone*]

This wife feeds on drama and likes to whine. I know it is early, but someone please pour me a glass of wine

 

[majomom1]

So, using this logic, I guess it is fair to say that you and several other members here are coming across as rude, since my husband and I have read many similar comments from others seeking advice. Not a misperception, right?

Even in the sticky I read, it says to not post in all CAPS, it is considered rude and shouting. So I don't know why you felt the need to do so. How is that behavior helpful to questions asked? The vacation dates have been chosen now- signed, sealed, delivered.....is the problem solved. Nope. Now the mother also wants to move the child out of state and for my husband to "sign the child over" to her. Nope, not a thing to "complain" about....in your perception, apparently all is well and fine in this situation

Must everything be explained?

Writing the entire post in CAPS is not acceptable, using SOME CAPS, or bold to stress a point, or issue, is fine.

We have all been in this position at one time or another, from both sides and we are all different types of people. Take the time to read the responses. The ones you don't like... skip them. But if you truly read the posts, you will see the same answer in most.

Mom cannot just disregard a court order, or move the kids. If you pay attention and read with an open mind, this board will tell you what LEGAL steps to take. It's not an over night resolution, but it will work and it will also put a stop to the other parent playing games.

Playing fair and playing right do prevail, sometimes it just takes time and patience.

 

[thetiredwife]

Really, you can't ask if I care before you comment? :roll eyes:

Hint: I don't. You are not a party to the matter as explained in the sticky if you'd bother to read it. Most seniors here don't waste time answering questions for third parties. End of discussion.

No, I do not have any authority to go to the courts on my husband's behalf. I'm well aware of this, and don't act like I do. My point is that you didn't answer the question as to how posting all in CAPS and comments such as above is helpful. My husband came to the website thinking that he might get some advice about what to do in his custody case. He did receive some straightforward input, but also some comments that are not helpful to the answer of what to do. Another fact- your "advice" still didn't prevent the fact that the mother of the child has now said that she hopes to make the summer vacation that my husband requested "obsolete" by persuading him to "sign the child over".

I already said I read the sticky. I don't see anything saying third parties cannot post at all. It says not to post from my husband's point of view, not to refer to the mother as "Biomom" or "BM", not to say that "we" would be signing over custody.....none of which, if you will actually notice, I have done. But since this seems more like a forum where if members want to let opinions fly, do I not have the right to respond? Do I not have freedom of speech?

 

[thetiredwife]

This wife feeds on drama and likes to whine. I know it is early, but someone please pour me a glass of wine

How is this statement helpful to the situation? If you think I feed on drama, your opinion. You don't know me personally, so that's wrong....but it's your opinion. But my husband didn't post so that you could make opinions on him and I....he was seeking advice.

So can ya be a sport and pass some of that wine this way?

 

[thetiredwife]

Mom cannot just disregard a court order, or move the kids. If you pay attention and read with an open mind, this board will tell you what LEGAL steps to take. It's not an over night resolution, but it will work and it will also put a stop to the other parent playing games.

Playing fair and playing right do prevail, sometimes it just takes time and patience.

Now this post, I can honestly say, is advice on this situation.

She said she is going to the court anyway to get them to grant the move. My husband is worried that none of his concerns matter if the court approves.

 

[novemberbride]

Appearently you didn't read any of my comments to your husband with an open mind. I did tell him I didn't agree with what mom was doing, and I tried to give him the best advice I could based on two things a) I have the worlds most difficult, unreasonable and often irrational ex. b) I came to this site with my worries about what ex was doing, and got advice that helped me, even the advice that was what some would say is rude, snarky or whatever. I graciously took it because it was free, and it was tremendously helpful.

Now, this is the very thing I wanted your husband to realize. When you create an issue about something that isn't that much of an issue, it become impossible to work through the BIG issues when they come up. Now, there is a big issue...Mom wanting to move the kids to NJ.

Like majomom said, mom can't up an move. If she files to have the children moved to NJ, dad can fight it, and he should.

And, if I remember correctly, your husband mentioned times when Mom refused visitations with the kids in the past. I sincerely hope he has all of those times documented.

 

[thetiredwife]

The point is - your input is moot. No one cares. Not us. Not his ex. Not the court. You're meaningless in this situation.

Your hubby... if he was willing to take time and really listen to what is behind what was posted? Might gain some insight. Because some of us have dealt with the same situations. I know I have. And I could share how I've handled it. But he doesn't want to hear it. Doesn't want to hear that some things really are NOT worth getting worked up about. He'd rather whine and then hide behind his wifey. Good thing he married someone with balls. Well... someone willing to carry his around.

What my husband doesn't want to hear is comments about his balls, that he's hiding, whining, making a Mt. Everest of "nothing"....so on. These kinds of comments are not helping with the custody issues at hand. Plain and simple. He decided that this was not the place to help him, and instead has an awful lot of negative judgements and comments. His decision. So how, pray tell, am I carrying his balls around by addressing comments made about us? If someone makes the comment that I am a "new wife that is nothing special", it's my decision to address the comment and correct a false statement.

Also, while I may be nothing to you people....signing over all custody to the child's mother means that our children will miss the half-brother they have known for years. God forbid any of you can hold the snarky comments and shouting and think instead of the kids involved in this. I know enough of the courts to know that things are supposed to be about the children's best interest, not to take sides. What seems to be coming across on this site is opinions, opinions and more opinions.

Bottom line, he has been told to expect papers from the child's mom about signing the child over, and whatever he does from there (note: him, not me) will be on advice from a true legal representative, not just opinions about if I am his "second wife" and if he and I like drama.

 

[thetiredwife]

Appearently you didn't read any of my comments to your husband with an open mind. I did tell him I didn't agree with what mom was doing, and I tried to give him the best advice I could based on two things a) I have the worlds most difficult, unreasonable and often irrational ex. b) I came to this site with my worries about what ex was doing, and got advice that helped me, even the advice that was what some would say is rude, snarky or whatever. I graciously took it because it was free, and it was tremendously helpful.

Now, this is the very thing I wanted your husband to realize. When you create an issue about something that isn't that much of an issue, it become impossible to work through the BIG issues when they come up. Now, there is a big issue...Mom wanting to move the kids to NJ.

Like majomom said, mom can't up an move. If she files to have the children moved to NJ, dad can fight it, and he should.

And, if I remember correctly, your husband mentioned times when Mom refused visitations with the kids in the past. I sincerely hope he has all of those times documented.

If I can ask (not sure at this point), how would he go about legally opposing the move? What if the mother has already gone to the court? He doesn't know right now, but if she did, and they already granted it, what could he do?

He did submit previous refused visitations when he went to the hearing this past December. It was written in that contempt is in abeyance and if the mother does not comply with current order, she can then be found in contempt.

I do apologize if my post to you came off rude at all. It has been very stressful. It is hard on my husband when the child won't call him Dad and has not wanted to come for visits (or has just been taken away by his mom).

I wish you well when it comes to your ex.

 

[novemberbride]

If I can ask (not sure at this point), how would he go about legally opposing the move? What if the mother has already gone to the court? He doesn't know right now, but if she did, and they already granted it, what could he do?

He did submit previous refused visitations when he went to the hearing this past December. It was written in that contempt is in abeyance and if the mother does not comply with current order, she can then be found in contempt.

I do apologize if my post to you came off rude at all. It has been very stressful. It is hard on my husband when the child won't call him Dad and has not wanted to come for visits (or has just been taken away by his mom).

I wish you well when it comes to your ex.

He'll fight it when mom files with the court to move. He'll respond and explain why the move is not in the best interest in the child.

 

[3junebugs]

What my husband doesn't want to hear is comments about his balls, that he's hiding, whining, making a Mt. Everest of "nothing"....so on. These kinds of comments are not helping with the custody issues at hand. Plain and simple. He decided that this was not the place to help him, and instead has an awful lot of negative judgements and comments. His decision. So how, pray tell, am I carrying his balls around by addressing comments made about us? If someone makes the comment that I am a "new wife that is nothing special", it's my decision to address the comment and correct a false statement.

Also, while I may be nothing to you people....signing over all custody to the child's mother means that our children will miss the half-brother they have known for years. God forbid any of you can hold the snarky comments and shouting and think instead of the kids involved in this. I know enough of the courts to know that things are supposed to be about the children's best interest, not to take sides. What seems to be coming across on this site is opinions, opinions and more opinions.

Bottom line, he has been told to expect papers from the child's mom about signing the child over, and whatever he does from there (note: him, not me) will be on advice from a true legal representative, not just opinions about if I am his "second wife" and if he and I like drama.

You're wasting your time. You seem intelligent enough - extract the legal advice out to the posts and KIM (keep it moving) All you are doing now is adding fuel to the fire to get burned.

 

[majomom1]

If I can ask (not sure at this point), how would he go about legally opposing the move? What if the mother has already gone to the court? He doesn't know right now, but if she did, and they already granted it, what could he do?

He did submit previous refused visitations when he went to the hearing this past December. It was written in that contempt is in abeyance and if the mother does not comply with current order, she can then be found in contempt.

I do apologize if my post to you came off rude at all. It has been very stressful. It is hard on my husband when the child won't call him Dad and has not wanted to come for visits (or has just been taken away by his mom).

I wish you well when it comes to your ex.

Have your husband pull out his court order and read the section about relocation of the children. Mom has to properly notify Dad, and Dad has the right to object to the move.

The move has to be in the best interest of the children AND should not interfere, or make it harder for Dad to utilize his time. Dad would need to object on that basis and be prepared to show both of those in court.

Mom WILL NOT get Dad's rights terminated, or stop any of his visitations unless Dad just folds and gives up. He needs to pick his battles... ie the ones that are worth fighting versus the ones that are not. A day or two for vacation time is not a battle... moving the kids is.

Your husband needs to step up to the plate and take care of this. This is his battle. He is an adult. Yes, you can help with research etc... but ultimately Dad is the one that really should be doing all of this and if he can't then, from our perspective, that says something about him.

Think about it. If the kids are truly important to him he would move heaven and earth to do that, not run away just because some posts here are not "helpful". In time I think you, and he, will see and understand ALL of the posts.

 

[stealth2]

What my husband doesn't want to hear is comments about his balls, that he's hiding, whining, making a Mt. Everest of "nothing"....so on.

Tough patooties. Because that IS what he's doing. He doesn't want to hear what people are telling him - so he can go pay a lawyer.

 

[mistoffolees]

What my husband doesn't want to hear is comments about his balls, that he's hiding, whining, making a Mt. Everest of "nothing"....so on.

He doesn't have to. If he doesn't care enough about his kids to ask his own questions, he's free to turn everything over to an overstepping stepparent who is not involved.

Oh, wait. He did that already.

 

[thetiredwife]

He'll fight it when mom files with the court to move. He'll respond and explain why the move is not in the best interest in the child.

If I can further ask, is it at all possible for the mom to get the court to grant the move, and then for them to notify my husband after the fact? The way she put it was that she can and will get them to allow it even though he doesn't think it in the child's best interest.

 

[majomom1]

If I can further ask, is it at all possible for the mom to get the court to grant the move, and then for them to notify my husband after the fact? The way she put it was that she can and will get them to allow it even though he doesn't think it in the child's best interest.

Depends... I don't recall, what is the custody? Do they have joint legal? How often does Dad see the kids?

Most states require the CP to give notice to the NCP before moving. It will also depend on where she is moving and how much farther it is away from Dad. Moving in with a boyfriend is not going to be an issue, unless you can prove he is a danger to the kids. If the distance and visitation are not affected, then she could be allowed to move regardless of Dad's wishes.

Just a question, not to be snarky, but did Mom get to check you out before Dad was allowed to have the kids around you? I get what you are saying really, but one parent does not get to micro manage the other parent.