custody and vacation

[thetiredwife]

mistoffolees,stealth

Seriously, why do you want to keep making comments as you have been?

The post/question that my husband had asked about that you both keep insisting he did not want to hear or take advice on (the vacation one) is no longer the issue here.

You told him to let the mother select her dates and give her priority instead.

He did (and told you he was going to do, and still you kept saying otherwise)

You told him to send official, RRR of the dates, going around the mother's selected dates.

He did.

And? Did that solve the problem? I don't think I've read anything from either of you that acknowledges the current issue~ the mother wanting to move the child in with her boyfriend and really wanting my husband to sign the child over to her. It appears you are saying he is still stuck on the issue of vacation, and that is not true.

One comment said I am the new wife, now it is said I am the overstepping stepparent. Please allow me to explain, for clarification, even if you personally don't care.

The mother of the child and my husband never married, never lived together. We married, and have children together. This child was conceived when she was still married to her first husband (but separated, because she kicked him out). She has a daughter from her first marriage, the son with my husband, and a son with her 2nd husband.

Do you have any advice on the situation of the move or dropping the custody order, or would you like to comment on me and my husband some more?

 

[thetiredwife]

Have your husband pull out his court order and read the section about relocation of the children. Mom has to properly notify Dad, and Dad has the right to object to the move.

The move has to be in the best interest of the children AND should not interfere, or make it harder for Dad to utilize his time. Dad would need to object on that basis and be prepared to show both of those in court.

Mom WILL NOT get Dad's rights terminated, or stop any of his visitations unless Dad just folds and gives up. He needs to pick his battles... ie the ones that are worth fighting versus the ones that are not. A day or two for vacation time is not a battle... moving the kids is.

Your husband needs to step up to the plate and take care of this. This is his battle. He is an adult. Yes, you can help with research etc... but ultimately Dad is the one that really should be doing all of this and if he can't then, from our perspective, that says something about him.

Think about it. If the kids are truly important to him he would move heaven and earth to do that, not run away just because some posts here are not "helpful". In time I think you, and he, will see and understand ALL of the posts.

Honestly, I think the order never specified anything about relocation. There is a long paragraph about shared legal custody, making decisions, etc. but I'm pretty sure there's nothing about moving. And in the summer of 2008, she moved without giving the address or specifically when she'd be moving. My husband found out when he went for the scheduled pick-up and the place was just abandoned. Either way, I'll let him know to read through and go from there.

I know I can't do anything legally in this case. I did say I would help him with any research.

 

[mistoffolees]

mistoffolees,stealth

Seriously, why do you want to keep making comments as you have been?

The post/question that my husband had asked about that you both keep insisting he did not want to hear or take advice on (the vacation one) is no longer the issue here.

You told him to let the mother select her dates and give her priority instead.

He did (and told you he was going to do, and still you kept saying otherwise)

You told him to send official, RRR of the dates, going around the mother's selected dates.

He did.

And? Did that solve the problem? I don't think I've read anything from either of you that acknowledges the current issue~ the mother wanting to move the child in with her boyfriend and really wanting my husband to sign the child over to her. It appears you are saying he is still stuck on the issue of vacation, and that is not true.

One comment said I am the new wife, now it is said I am the overstepping stepparent. Please allow me to explain, for clarification, even if you personally don't care.

The mother of the child and my husband never married, never lived together. We married, and have children together. This child was conceived when she was still married to her first husband (but separated, because she kicked him out). She has a daughter from her first marriage, the son with my husband, and a son with her 2nd husband.

Do you have any advice on the situation of the move or dropping the custody order, or would you like to comment on me and my husband some more?

Sure - I have lots of advice. As soon as a parent of the child comes here and asks a question, I'll be happy to try to answer his questions.

You just don't get it. Most of the seniors are not interested in helping third parties. No matter how many tantrums you throw and how much you whine and play the drama llama game, that's not going to change. If Dad doesn't care enough to ask his own questions, I don't care enough to answer.

 

[thetiredwife]

Depends... I don't recall, what is the custody? Do they have joint legal? How often does Dad see the kids?

Most states require the CP to give notice to the NCP before moving. It will also depend on where she is moving and how much farther it is away from Dad. Moving in with a boyfriend is not going to be an issue, unless you can prove he is a danger to the kids. If the distance and visitation are not affected, then she could be allowed to move regardless of Dad's wishes.

Just a question, not to be snarky, but did Mom get to check you out before Dad was allowed to have the kids around you? I get what you are saying really, but one parent does not get to micro manage the other parent.

They have shared legal. The current visitation is set for the first and third weekends of every month, Friday 6pm to Sunday 6 pm...plus holidays on an outlined rotating schedule and now the 2 weeks of non-consecutive summer vacation.

He looked and there is no mention at all of moving/relocation. It outlines the legal custody to mutually agree, make decisions and inform on matters such as school, medical, religious etc.

Currently, the mother and child live about a 5 minute drive away. She said that the move will be about 20 minutes away.

He has never met and wasn't aware of her having a current boyfriend before this, so there is no way to know how he would be with the child.

I'm not clear what you mean about checking me out. She knew me before she met my husband. We were friends, or so I thought and she said. After their child was born, I was the childcare provider, as she was getting paternity test on another man. After that man was proven not the father, she did nothing through the courts for about another year, then filed support and named my husband as the putative father.

 

[thetiredwife]

Sure - I have lots of advice. As soon as a parent of the child comes here and asks a question, I'll be happy to try to answer his questions.

You just don't get it. Most of the seniors are not interested in helping third parties. No matter how many tantrums you throw and how much you whine and play the drama llama game, that's not going to change. If Dad doesn't care enough to ask his own questions, I don't care enough to answer.

You've already made your opinions clear, repeatedly. You can think and say as much as you want to that I'm throwing tantrums and whining....it is your opinion. The fact is, you do not know me or my husband, you are even more of an outside party to the situation...and yet you still keep commenting. Fact is, the parent did come here and asked questions and you were not happy to answer, you 'shouted' and made (and keep making) incorrect and opinionated comments that do not help anything. He does not care to hear more of that, he just wants to know what to do. To say or imply that he doesn't care about the situation and his child with her is not true, and yet another opinion.

On that same hand, I also don't care to read any more of your personal opinions about either of us. I won't say or act like I know what your personal parent and marriage situation is, but I sure hope that (for all involved) it is more peaceful than this one.

Have a nice life!

 

[majomom1]

You've already made your opinions clear, repeatedly. You can think and say as much as you want to that I'm throwing tantrums and whining....it is your opinion. The fact is, you do not know me or my husband, you are even more of an outside party to the situation...and yet you still keep commenting. Fact is, the parent did come here and asked questions and you were not happy to answer, you 'shouted' and made (and keep making) incorrect and opinionated comments that do not help anything. He does not care to hear more of that, he just wants to know what to do. To say or imply that he doesn't care about the situation and his child with her is not true, and yet another opinion.

On that same hand, I also don't care to read any more of your personal opinions about either of us. I won't say or act like I know what your personal parent and marriage situation is, but I sure hope that (for all involved) it is more peaceful than this one.

Have a nice life!

You really need to stop. This is an Internet forum and you don't get to choose who answers your post, or how they answer.

Quite frankly... Stealth and Misto are two of the best Seniors here for helping your husband. Your husband (and you) need to grow a little thicker skin. The vacation issue was just a point in showing that maybe Dad is being unreasonable, and he wanted to argue over what WE consider to be a minor issue.

These are all legal issues. If it is not important enough for Dad to ask his own questions then that is a problem. You cannot let every remark tick you off. We don't know you and you don't know us... but we have all been in both your shoes dealing with vacations, moving and step parents.

I don't let my significant other try to research and solve my issues. I do it because they are my kids and it is that important to me. I have tried to move you in the right direction, but I guess you would rather just argue with the other posters.

 

[mistoffolees]

On that same hand, I also don't care to read any more of your personal opinions about either of us.

Pick up your refund at the door.

 

[stealth2]

Sure - I have lots of advice. As soon as a parent of the child comes here and asks a question, I'll be happy to try to answer his questions.

Ditto this.

 

[cyjeff]

Time for a visit from Unca Jeffy....

All of these hurt feelings and "I am going to take my ball and go home" crap.

Bring dad back on or go away.

We typically don't talk to legal strangers to a situation.

If Dad doesn't want our advice, fine. We won't provide him advise by proxy.

Further, if he thinks we are bad, he better bring a nice sweet bbq sauce to court... because judges have even less patience than we do.

 

[mistoffolees]

Time for a visit from Unca Jeffy....

I think I had it wrong - it's 'Unca Jeffy'? I thought it was 'Unka Jeffy'. My bad.

 

[cyjeff]

I think I had it wrong - it's 'Unca Jeffy'? I thought it was 'Unka Jeffy'. My bad.

No worries...

This thread has just gone on long enough.

 

[stealth2]

The post/question that my husband had asked about that you both keep insisting he did not want to hear or take advice on (the vacation one) is no longer the issue here.

You told him to let the mother select her dates and give her priority instead.

He did (and told you he was going to do, and still you kept saying otherwise)

You told him to send official, RRR of the dates, going around the mother's selected dates.

He did.

And? Did that solve the problem? I don't think I've read anything from either of you that acknowledges the current issue~ the mother wanting to move the child in with her boyfriend and really wanting my husband to sign the child over to her. It appears you are saying he is still stuck on the issue of vacation, and that is not true.

Actually, HE started this thread discussing the vacation issue. YOU are the one who brought other issues into it. And since YOU are not a party to HIS legal situation, we chose not to address your questions.

Understand now?

 

[CJane]

Seriously? Dad wants to raise a stink about Mom moving 15 minutes farther away? It's too much trouble to drive an additional FIFTEEN MINUTES to spend time with the child? Fo realz?

Granted, my time spent driving is a little more than a lot of people's - I have to drive almost 30 minutes to get to a WalMart - 15 to get to a grocery store or gas station - so driving that far to get my kids seems totally immaterial.

If Dad is willing to drive 20 minutes to go out to dinner with friends, catch a movie, whatever, and he's not willing to drive 20 minutes every other weekend to see his kid? That's HIS problem way more than it's Mom's.

 

[novemberbride]

They have shared legal. The current visitation is set for the first and third weekends of every month, Friday 6pm to Sunday 6 pm...plus holidays on an outlined rotating schedule and now the 2 weeks of non-consecutive summer vacation.

He looked and there is no mention at all of moving/relocation. It outlines the legal custody to mutually agree, make decisions and inform on matters such as school, medical, religious etc.

Currently, the mother and child live about a 5 minute drive away. She said that the move will be about 20 minutes away.

He has never met and wasn't aware of her having a current boyfriend before this, so there is no way to know how he would be with the child.

I'm not clear what you mean about checking me out. She knew me before she met my husband. We were friends, or so I thought and she said. After their child was born, I was the childcare provider, as she was getting paternity test on another man. After that man was proven not the father, she did nothing through the courts for about another year, then filed support and named my husband as the putative father.

20 minutes away!? You made it seem like the move was a lot more than 20 minutes. Seriously, I drive a little over an hour to go pick up my daughter from her dads 4 times a month. I've never once complained about the drive, because, well, it's no friggin big deal to me.

Frankly, your husband is coming across as a big whiney cry baby. First it was about vacation, now it's about an extra 15 minutes....

And, one more thing to you and your husband. If you don't like the opinions on this forum, then I suggest you both stay away from judges, or from other people for that matter. Seriously, in court there is one opinion that matters, and would you or your husband dare tell a judge "please keep your opinion out of this?"

Oh wait, you wouldn't be telling the judge anything because you don't have a legal standing in your husbands custody situation at all.

 

[CreativeBlock]

I could be wrong, but I am sensing extreme control issues on both sides of the fence (from NCPs ~ while I realize the NCP's wife is not technically an NCP, I'm including her in this opinion ~ and CP).

Using children as pawns in a battle for "power" is not new. But despite it's commonality, it's still dreadfully sad.

OP, rather than you and your husband seeing every action of the CP as a war cry, try instead to think of the CHILD first. Childhood lasts (especially nowadays) only so long. Let this child have a good one. Please.

If child will have a better life (despite the hassle to Dad in driving back and forth) in a new home/town, think of THAT. If child will have good memories from the hotly debated vacation, think of THAT.

What part of parenthood being all about the CHILD is so confusing? It may suck for Dad to have to rearrange his schedule or have to drive an extra haul of 20 minutes, but in the end if it enhances the CHILD'S life, it's one of those annoyances parents must endure.

And please, if you wish to continue the power plays for the child, please do not waste taxpayer dollars in doing so.