custody and vacation

[majomom1]

Seriously? Dad wants to raise a stink about Mom moving 15 minutes farther away? It's too much trouble to drive an additional FIFTEEN MINUTES to spend time with the child? Fo realz?

Granted, my time spent driving is a little more than a lot of people's - I have to drive almost 30 minutes to get to a WalMart - 15 to get to a grocery store or gas station - so driving that far to get my kids seems totally immaterial.

If Dad is willing to drive 20 minutes to go out to dinner with friends, catch a movie, whatever, and he's not willing to drive 20 minutes every other weekend to see his kid? That's HIS problem way more than it's Mom's.

I don't think the drive is the issue. Mom is moving in with a boyfriend... I think THAT is the real issue.

 

[CJane]

I don't think the drive is the issue. Mom is moving in with a boyfriend... I think THAT is the real issue.

Of course it is. I just like taking away the stupid excuses people try to use instead of the real reasons. Which usually only happens when they know that their "real" reasons are petty and small.

 

[mistoffolees]

Of course it is. I just like taking away the stupid excuses people try to use instead of the real reasons. Which usually only happens when they know that their "real" reasons are petty and small.

Well, I'm not sure that Mom moving in with a boyfriend is petty and small.

Granted, it's something that NCP can't control (unless there's a no paramour order), but it is a significant event in the child's life and has major repercussions - both logistical and moral. CP ought to (out of courtesy, if nothing else) discuss it with NCP - and maybe give them a chance to meet. I'd certainly want to meet someone who's going to be living with my daughter.

 

[CJane]

Well, I'm not sure that Mom moving in with a boyfriend is petty and small.

Granted, it's something that NCP can't control (unless there's a no paramour order), but it is a significant event in the child's life and has major repercussions - both logistical and moral. CP ought to (out of courtesy, if nothing else) discuss it with NCP - and maybe give them a chance to meet. I'd certainly want to meet someone who's going to be living with my daughter.

Sure you'd want to.

But it's not a legal issue.

 

[mistoffolees]

Sure you'd want to.

But it's not a legal issue.

Agreed. And it's CERTAINLY not an issue for stepmom to be involved in.

It's just that I wouldn't say it's petty and small. Even if Dad can't do anything about it, it is something that he has a right to be concerned about.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, I'm not sure that Mom moving in with a boyfriend is petty and small.

Granted, it's something that NCP can't control (unless there's a no paramour order), but it is a significant event in the child's life and has major repercussions - both logistical and moral. CP ought to (out of courtesy, if nothing else) discuss it with NCP - and maybe give them a chance to meet. I'd certainly want to meet someone who's going to be living with my daughter.

Of course you would Misto...as would most parents.

However, in this scenario dad is remarried and while the child is with him, the child is living with another adult in the household. Now granted, dad got married rather than shacking up, but we don't know that dad didn't live with stepmom for a period of time prior to getting married.

The reality of things is that separated/divorced parents do usually move on and what is sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander. If mom must accept a new significant other in dad's life, then dad must also be prepared to accept a new significant other in mom's life.

Unfortunately, no matter what the gender of the parent, there are frequent instances where the other parent is simply not prepared to accept their child's parent moving on into a serious relationship...even if they are in one themselves.

 

[CJane]

However, in this scenario dad is remarried and while the child is with him, the child is living with another adult in the household. Now granted, dad got married rather than shacking up, but we don't know that dad didn't live with stepmom for a period of time prior to getting married.

And one wonders if Dad would be as OK with the new SO being as heavily involved as his wife apparently is.

Also, something to consider is that even if Mom wasn't moving in with this guy, it's entirely possible - even likely - that he is spending more time with the kids than Dad does. That's the downside of being the NCP.