Admin. closed my last thread, so here's my update!

[milspecgirl]

you could also file a modification to stop any 3rd party contact.

 

[mistoffolees]

you could also file a modification to stop any 3rd party contact.

Stop ANY third party contact? Not a chance.

If SM is a threat or harassing them, then it may be possible to get a restraining order against her. if she's harming the kids in any way, then keeping her away from the kids is a possibility. But OP will have to prove that she's harming the kids-which may not be easy.

Frankly, you already have supervised visitation orders in place and the occasional comment of "you have to bring the child to see us" when you run into her at football games is more of an annoyance than anything. Explain to the child that the court says you're not allowed to right now. End of story.

When it becomes clear that you're going to stick to your guns and when you stop responding to her, she'll probably give it up. if she escalates, you can deal with it then. If it were me, I'd just talk with the child and then let it go.

 

[stealth2]

I would remind Dad that arrangements are to be made between the two of you, not you and stepmom. And I'd tell sonny that the judge has said how seeing his Dad needs to work for now, and you are required to follow what he said.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Step mom problems again/still

It's been nearly 2 years since dad has had visitation with our son. Step mom has shown up at my house out of the blue several times recently. I told her the first time it happend that I did not want her to come here at all and that she needed to quit speaking to my son when she sees him in public somewhere because she keeps asking him when he's coming over and for some reason, records our conversations. Is there some way I can keep her from just showing up at my door whenever she pleases? It doesn't happen all that often really, but when it does, it really upsets my son.

 

[Antigone*]

It's been nearly 2 years since dad has had visitation with our son. Step mom has shown up at my house out of the blue several times recently. I told her the first time it happend that I did not want her to come here at all and that she needed to quit speaking to my son when she sees him in public somewhere because she keeps asking him when he's coming over and for some reason, records our conversations. Is there some way I can keep her from just showing up at my door whenever she pleases? It doesn't happen all that often really, but when it does, it really upsets my son.

So don't open the door

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Son can always tell stepmom - this is NOT a conversation that should be held with children and then leave.

 

[xxnatalixx]

So don't open the door

Sometimes it's that simple, but sometimes he is outside when she comes. This woman is nuts. She should not be allowed to just show up on my lawn and approach my son about visitation that his father doesn't even want.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Then check into posting "no trespassing" signs in the appropriate places. When and if she shows up, call the police for her trespassing.

 

[CJane]

He's nearly 12? Teach him to turn around and walk away without acknowledging her presence.

I really think you need to focus less on how to change SMom's behavior and focus more on helping kiddo to cope with it. It did WONDERS for my kids when I finally stopped trying to intervene and make other people behave in a reasonable fashion.

 

[mistoffolees]

He's nearly 12? Teach him to turn around and walk away without acknowledging her presence.

Wait a second.

Looks to me like OP is trying to control things that are not within her rights to control.

For example, OP says:
"she needed to quit speaking to my son when she sees him in public somewhere"

Sorry, but it's not reasonable to demand that SM not even talk to the kid in public. Nor is it reasonable to ask the kid to turn around and walk away without acknowledging her presence.


OP continues:
" she keeps asking him when he's coming over and for some reason, records our conversations."

I can understand that OP might be frustrated, but what in the world is wrong with SM asking the son when he's coming over? Granted, it's tacky and rude, but worth a restraining order? Not a chance. Worth teaching the kid lousy manners ("walk away without acknowledging her presence")? Not in my opinion.

OP should teach her son how to manage it gracefully. If SM asks when he's coming over, he can say "I don't know. Ask Dad".

Recording conversations? Big deal. Perfectly legal in OH:
Ohio Recording Law | Citizen Media Law Project
Just don't say anything you wouldn't want recorded. Who cares if SM has 1,000 hours of meaningless recordings?

 

[LdiJ]

Wait a second.

Looks to me like OP is trying to control things that are not within her rights to control.

For example, OP says:
"she needed to quit speaking to my son when she sees him in public somewhere"

Sorry, but it's not reasonable to demand that SM not even talk to the kid in public. Nor is it reasonable to ask the kid to turn around and walk away without acknowledging her presence.


OP continues:
" she keeps asking him when he's coming over and for some reason, records our conversations."

I can understand that OP might be frustrated, but what in the world is wrong with SM asking the son when he's coming over? Granted, it's tacky and rude, but worth a restraining order? Not a chance. Worth teaching the kid lousy manners ("walk away without acknowledging her presence")? Not in my opinion.

OP should teach her son how to manage it gracefully. If SM asks when he's coming over, he can say "I don't know. Ask Dad".

Recording conversations? Big deal. Perfectly legal in OH:
Ohio Recording Law | Citizen Media Law Project
Just don't say anything you wouldn't want recorded. Who cares if SM has 1,000 hours of meaningless recordings?

Misto, I honestly disagree. Dad has supervised visitation only ordered to take place at a supervision center.

Stepmom knows this as does dad. What stepmom is doing is completely inappropriate. Since stepmom is a legal stranger and has no rights regarding the child, mom has every right to insist that she stop communicating with the child since she cannot do so in an appropriate manner.

 

[mistoffolees]

Misto, I honestly disagree. Dad has supervised visitation only ordered to take place at a supervision center.

That's nice, although I'm not sure what it has to do with the situation where stepmom runs into the child in a public place.

Stepmom knows this as does dad. What stepmom is doing is completely inappropriate. Since stepmom is a legal stranger and has no rights regarding the child, mom has every right to insist that she stop communicating with the child since she cannot do so in an appropriate manner.

That's very different than what was suggested.

I am completely in agreement that Mom should put a stop to Stepmom coming by her house. She also doesn't have to forward any communications from stepmom. She doesn't have to allow stepmom to visit with the child.

HOWEVER, I think the advice to tell the child to turn and walk away from Stepmom if they happen to run into her in a public place is just plain wrong. As is the thought that Mom can somehow prohibit stepmom from being in a public place when the child is there.

Instead of teaching the child to deal with difficult people in an appropriate way, people are suggesting teaching the child to be rude and obnoxious. I happen to think that's wrong.

 

[xxnatalixx]

That's nice, although I'm not sure what it has to do with the situation where stepmom runs into the child in a public place.



That's very different than what was suggested.

I am completely in agreement that Mom should put a stop to Stepmom coming by her house. She also doesn't have to forward any communications from stepmom. She doesn't have to allow stepmom to visit with the child.

HOWEVER, I think the advice to tell the child to turn and walk away from Stepmom if they happen to run into her in a public place is just plain wrong. As is the thought that Mom can somehow prohibit stepmom from being in a public place when the child is there.

Instead of teaching the child to deal with difficult people in an appropriate way, people are suggesting teaching the child to be rude and obnoxious. I happen to think that's wrong.

Step mom has shoved me in front of my son. She has gotten into my vehicle, turned it off and taken my keys into her vehicle and refused to give them to me. She drove toward me and my kids really fast and slammed on the brakes before right before she got to us. This is why I don't want my son to go near her in public. She does not mind cussing at me or threatning to "kick my a*@" in front of him. He gets upset to the point of throwing up and shaking. I don't allow him to be disrespectful to her still, and I am still nice to her as well. In fact one of her complaints is "why are you so nice to me but you won't let me take him?" This has been going on for sooooo long and she just keeps dreaming up new ways to try to upset me. It's just getting old and I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do about it. Her husband wants nothing to do with our son, but she just won't leave us alone. I had to change my number even so she would quit calling.

 

[CJane]

HOWEVER, I think the advice to tell the child to turn and walk away from Stepmom if they happen to run into her in a public place is just plain wrong.

Well, first of all, that's NOT what was advised. OP's post was very specifically asking what to do when StepMom comes onto her property and approaches her child.

And OP specifically stated that this and other contact by SMom makes the child very uncomfortable.

If the child is at his home, in his yard, and is being approached by someone who makes him uncomfortable, my advice is for the child to remove himself from the situation.

I would (and have) advised my children to do so at any time ANYONE is making them uncomfortable and/or invading "their" space.

Dad hasn't bothered to visit the child in 2 years. There is no reason at all for Stepmom to approach the child, and certainly no reason to do so in his yard or at his home.

 

[mistoffolees]

Step mom has shoved me in front of my son. She has gotten into my vehicle, turned it off and taken my keys into her vehicle and refused to give them to me. She drove toward me and my kids really fast and slammed on the brakes before right before she got to us. This is why I don't want my son to go near her in public. She does not mind cussing at me or threatning to "kick my a*@" in front of him. He gets upset to the point of throwing up and shaking. I don't allow him to be disrespectful to her still, and I am still nice to her as well. In fact one of her complaints is "why are you so nice to me but you won't let me take him?" This has been going on for sooooo long and she just keeps dreaming up new ways to try to upset me. It's just getting old and I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do about it. Her husband wants nothing to do with our son, but she just won't leave us alone. I had to change my number even so she would quit calling.

Funny how none of that comes up until the third page of the second thread.

As you were told, you don't have to reply to her calls. You don't have to answer the door if she comes to your house. You can even put up "no trespassing" signs.

She's antagonizing you - because it works.

Well, first of all, that's NOT what was advised. OP's post was very specifically asking what to do when StepMom comes onto her property and approaches her child.

And OP specifically stated that this and other contact by SMom makes the child very uncomfortable.

If the child is at his home, in his yard, and is being approached by someone who makes him uncomfortable, my advice is for the child to remove himself from the situation.

I would (and have) advised my children to do so at any time ANYONE is making them uncomfortable and/or invading "their" space.

Dad hasn't bothered to visit the child in 2 years. There is no reason at all for Stepmom to approach the child, and certainly no reason to do so in his yard or at his home.

I agree that SM has no place at OP's home.

HOWEVER, the part I was responding to was OP saying:
"she needed to quit speaking to my son when she sees him in public"

Then just a couple of posts later, you said "teach him to turn around and walk away without showing any signs of recognition".

It sounded like you were referring to the post where Mom wants SM to not see him in a public place.

Like it or not, she's Dad's wife. OK, he's a lousy Dad. SM is a pain in the rear. But a little bit of respect is not too much to ask. Saying 'Hi' and then telling her he's not interested in listening to her diatribes is far more mature than ignoring her and pretending she doesn't exist.