Admin. closed my last thread, so here's my update!

[CJane]

HOWEVER, the part I was responding to was OP saying:
"she needed to quit speaking to my son when she sees him in public"

Then just a couple of posts later, you said "teach him to turn around and walk away without showing any signs of recognition".

A couple of posts, yes. But the time line between those couple of posts is 7 months. OP's posts about SMom's behavior in public were from August. Today, she was talking about SMom coming into her yard and approaching kiddo.

Like it or not, she's Dad's wife. OK, he's a lousy Dad. SM is a pain in the rear. But a little bit of respect is not too much to ask. Saying 'Hi' and then telling her he's not interested in listening to her diatribes is far more mature than ignoring her and pretending she doesn't exist.

We can agree to disagree. She's Dad's wife. Dad hasn't seen kiddo in nearly 2 years - by his choice. SMom has absolutely no place in kiddo's life and certainly no right to approach him at his home.

I do not advise my children to indulge in the craziness of others. And that includes engaging them in conversation. Someone makes you uncomfortable? Turn and walk away. Go into the yard and close the gate, go into the house and close the door. Walk to a neighbor's house. But remove yourself.

*shrug* You call it obnoxious, I call it refusing to engage.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Funny how none of that comes up until the third page of the second thread.

As you were told, you don't have to reply to her calls. You don't have to answer the door if she comes to your house. You can even put up "no trespassing" signs.

She's antagonizing you - because it works.



I agree that SM has no place at OP's home.

HOWEVER, the part I was responding to was OP saying:
"she needed to quit speaking to my son when she sees him in public"

Then just a couple of posts later, you said "teach him to turn around and walk away without showing any signs of recognition".

It sounded like you were referring to the post where Mom wants SM to not see him in a public place.

Like it or not, she's Dad's wife. OK, he's a lousy Dad. SM is a pain in the rear. But a little bit of respect is not too much to ask. Saying 'Hi' and then telling her he's not interested in listening to her diatribes is far more mature than ignoring her and pretending she doesn't exist.

Yeah, maybe between the throwing up and the shaking my 10 yr old can tell her that. Wow....

 

[mistoffolees]

Yeah, maybe between the throwing up and the shaking my 10 yr old can tell her that. Wow....

Funny how you keep making things worse when you don't get the advice you want.

Your earlier post said:
"The other day when son called his cousin, step mom was there and told him to go to there house the next day at 6. So son tells me they have plans for a visit"

Sure sounds like the son is willing to talk to SM without throwing up and shaking.

Aside from the fact that the story gets worse every time you open your mouth, it really appears that YOU are to blame for much of the problem. SM runs into the kid in public - and you refuse to let the child talk with her (even early on - before you started all the 'throwing up and shaking' crap). You are constantly putting stepmom down.

You are playing classical passive-aggressive games. You should simply set boundaries and refuse to let SM cross them. SM has no place in your home. SM should not be talking with the children behind your back. And so on. But you seem to have gone well beyond that. Even in your earlier post when it was clear that the child had no problem dealing with the stepmom, you refused to even let him say 'hi' if they ran into each other in public. You were looking for a court order that SM was not allowed to even see the child in public (which would mean she couldn't attend a school basketball game, talent show, etc). Instead of enforcing reasonable boundaries, you're escalating into a war.

You stated:
"We run into them quite a bit because the kids go to the same school and play sports so we see stepmom at the games."
It's not like SM is stalking your kid. She goes to a basketball game to watch HER kid and your son is there. What is the harm in you and your son being civil to her (albeit with strict boundaries)?

Stepparents don't have any legal rights - but that doesn't give you the right to be a b**** and treat her like crap, either. Reading through this entire thread, you've both behaved like jerks. If SM was here, I'd tell her that, too.

 

[LdiJ]

Funny how you keep making things worse when you don't get the advice you want.

Your earlier post said:
"The other day when son called his cousin, step mom was there and told him to go to there house the next day at 6. So son tells me they have plans for a visit"

Sure sounds like the son is willing to talk to SM without throwing up and shaking.

Aside from the fact that the story gets worse every time you open your mouth, it really appears that YOU are to blame for much of the problem. SM runs into the kid in public - and you refuse to let the child talk with her (even early on - before you started all the 'throwing up and shaking' crap). You are constantly putting stepmom down.

You are playing classical passive-aggressive games. You should simply set boundaries and refuse to let SM cross them. SM has no place in your home. SM should not be talking with the children behind your back. And so on. But you seem to have gone well beyond that. Even in your earlier post when it was clear that the child had no problem dealing with the stepmom, you refused to even let him say 'hi' if they ran into each other in public. You were looking for a court order that SM was not allowed to even see the child in public (which would mean she couldn't attend a school basketball game, talent show, etc). Instead of enforcing reasonable boundaries, you're escalating into a war.

You stated:
"We run into them quite a bit because the kids go to the same school and play sports so we see stepmom at the games."
It's not like SM is stalking your kid. She goes to a basketball game to watch HER kid and your son is there. What is the harm in you and your son being civil to her (albeit with strict boundaries)?

Stepparents don't have any legal rights - but that doesn't give you the right to be a b**** and treat her like crap, either. Reading through this entire thread, you've both behaved like jerks. If SM was here, I'd tell her that, too.

Misto I honestly and sincerely disagree with you on this one.

 

[stealth2]

NOW I remember all the drama. Personally, if it were my child who fell to crying, shaking and vomiting when a specific person spoke to him, I would have him in counseling before the next teardrop fell. Having an uninvolved third party to talk to and help him recognize his fears - as well as to develop tools for coping with and conquering them - would be a much more productive course of action than wringing hands and gnashing teeth over stepmom.

JMO.

 

[WittyUserName]

NOW I remember all the drama. Personally, if it were my child who fell to crying, shaking and vomiting when a specific person spoke to him, I would have him in counseling before the next teardrop fell. Having an uninvolved third party to talk to and help him recognize his fears - as well as to develop tools for coping with and conquering them - would be a much more productive course of action than wringing hands and gnashing teeth over stepmom.

JMO.

Totally agree. While I acknowledge that his situation isn't easy, if this kid has that few coping skills he needs therapy like yesterday.

 

[LdiJ]

Totally agree. While I acknowledge that his situation isn't easy, if this kid has that few coping skills he needs therapy like yesterday.

I just reviewed her posting history and this poor child has witnessed some really rough stuff...which is why dad's visitation went back to supervised. I agree that counseling is important but the OP has already stated that the child has been in counseling for quite a while.

 

[stealth2]

I agree that counseling is important but the OP has already stated that the child has been in counseling for quite a while.

Then maybe she needs to look at a different therapist. Because whatever this one is doing is obviously not helping.

 

[xxnatalixx]

My son has PTSD, so maybe he doesn't react the same way as other children. He has been through hell in his little short life, and he has been in counseling for 6 yrs. already. Anyway, I'm not saying that he even starts out throwing up and shaking...but when he sees her coming after me or driving towards us or whatever she is doing on that paticular day, then yes, it tends to upset him, as it would any child.

 

[mistoffolees]

My son has PTSD, so maybe he doesn't react the same way as other children. He has been through hell in his little short life, and he has been in counseling for 6 yrs. already. Anyway, I'm not saying that he even starts out throwing up and shaking...but when he sees her coming after me or driving towards us or whatever she is doing on that paticular day, then yes, it tends to upset him, as it would any child.

Sorry, that's not what you said earlier. Your early posts were that he could actually have a real conversation with SM. It was only after you got some advice that you didn't like that you started with the 'throwing up' stuff.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Funny how you keep making things worse when you don't get the advice you want.

Your earlier post said:
"The other day when son called his cousin, step mom was there and told him to go to there house the next day at 6. So son tells me they have plans for a visit"

Sure sounds like the son is willing to talk to SM without throwing up and shaking.

Aside from the fact that the story gets worse every time you open your mouth, it really appears that YOU are to blame for much of the problem. SM runs into the kid in public - and you refuse to let the child talk with her (even early on - before you started all the 'throwing up and shaking' crap). You are constantly putting stepmom down.

You are playing classical passive-aggressive games. You should simply set boundaries and refuse to let SM cross them. SM has no place in your home. SM should not be talking with the children behind your back. And so on. But you seem to have gone well beyond that. Even in your earlier post when it was clear that the child had no problem dealing with the stepmom, you refused to even let him say 'hi' if they ran into each other in public. You were looking for a court order that SM was not allowed to even see the child in public (which would mean she couldn't attend a school basketball game, talent show, etc). Instead of enforcing reasonable boundaries, you're escalating into a war.

You stated:
"We run into them quite a bit because the kids go to the same school and play sports so we see stepmom at the games."
It's not like SM is stalking your kid. She goes to a basketball game to watch HER kid and your son is there. What is the harm in you and your son being civil to her (albeit with strict boundaries)?

Stepparents don't have any legal rights - but that doesn't give you the right to be a b**** and treat her like crap, either. Reading through this entire thread, you've both behaved like jerks. If SM was here, I'd tell her that, too.

Sorry, that's not what you said earlier. Your early posts were that he could actually have a real conversation with SM. It was only after you got some advice that you didn't like that you started with the 'throwing up' stuff.

I see what you're saying, but like I said, it's not like he just starts shaking and puking when he sees her. He is always nervous about it though.
As far as recieving advice that I "didn't like", you just keep saying I am being mean to step mom or whatever and I go out of my way to be nice to her. I'll admitt, the first couple years of the 7 yr custody battle, I was just as immature and nasty as she was. I'm ashamed of the way I behaved then. I appologized to her for the way I behaved and at on point in time we even got along. I have tried to be firm with her though on where I stand with visitaion and she claims to be his mother too and really does not get the fact that he is not her child. She continues to say innapropriate things to and in front of my son. She continues to tell him that she is his mom too, and that I am just being a b*t*h for not letting him go there, so yeah, I would prefer she doesn't talk to him at all. I don't yell at her...I don't call her names...I say what I have to say as simply and nicely as I possibly can and she just keeps calling..emailing...showing up at my door..etc. I'm frustrated. Who wouldn't be?

ETA: As I said before, one of her complaints is that she doesn't get why I am so nice to her but I still won't let her take him.

 

[LdiJ]

I see what you're saying, but like I said, it's not like he just starts shaking and puking when he sees her. He is always nervous about it though.
As far as recieving advice that I "didn't like", you just keep saying I am being mean to step mom or whatever and I go out of my way to be nice to her. I'll admitt, the first couple years of the 7 yr custody battle, I was just as immature and nasty as she was. I'm ashamed of the way I behaved then. I appologized to her for the way I behaved and at on point in time we even got along. I have tried to be firm with her though on where I stand with visitaion and she claims to be his mother too and really does not get the fact that he is not her child. She continues to say innapropriate things to and in front of my son. She continues to tell him that she is his mom too, and that I am just being a b*t*h for not letting him go there, so yeah, I would prefer she doesn't talk to him at all. I don't yell at her...I don't call her names...I say what I have to say as simply and nicely as I possibly can and she just keeps calling..emailing...showing up at my door..etc. I'm frustrated. Who wouldn't be?

ETA: As I said before, one of her complaints is that she doesn't get why I am so nice to her but I still won't let her take him.

She sounds like a real idiot who doesn't understand reality.

Maybe you should move just far enough away that your children won't be attending school with her children and you won't be as likely to run into her.

 

[xxnatalixx]

She sounds like a real idiot who doesn't understand reality.

Maybe you should move just far enough away that your children won't be attending school with her children and you won't be as likely to run into her.

I moved just outside city limits so that is not longer a problem. I question weather I am just making too big a deal out of this, but it's just been going on for sooo long. I ignore emails and phone calls and letters, so I think that is why she started just showing up out of no where, just to show me she can. I think maybe I just need to invest in a cheap security camera or something because the police say it's just my word against hers. She even left scratches on my arm once from where she tried to take my son out of my arms so she could take him to an appointment that she made for him 2 hours away, but they said I couldn't prove that she put them there. (that was 3 yrs ago) It just scares me sometimes that she just can't let this go.