A Question About Underage Dating

[ZMedaris]

This should be a fun one.

My name is Zach, I am 17 years old. I have a girlfriend that I've been going out with for 11 months now, she is 14. Her Mom has decided that she wants to cut us off, has taken everything away from my girlfriend, and has said that the moment I turn 18 she's going to charge me for statutory rape (mind you we haven't done anything past kisses and hugs, which her mom doesn't even have proof of, I promised her we could wait till she's 18 for that bigger stuff).

Anyways. The deal is that she's going to be 15 before I'm 18, so she's less than 3 years younger than me (about 2 years and 11 months, actually). I really, really need to find a detailed explanation somewhere that I can understand that tells me what my rights are, what her rights are, how I can fight back, if I can defend myself, what we could maybe do to perhaps make it to where her Mom can't charge me / take away all of our "together" abilities. I'm also wondering if we can leverage the fact that we've been together for almost a year in some form of pre-relationship clause that would overrule anything that attempts to separate us because of how long we've been together. I know of common law marriage, perhaps there's a simple dating variant?

I need a lot of info. This is going to get ugly very fast. I know some people think it disgusting, but I treat her well, I care about her, I want her to be happy, and she feels all these things as well. We go great together, we motivate each other, we keep each other going against all odds, we're like life support for each other. We're just so similar but so different. I know it sounds cliche, but we've gotten to where we really do think we love each other, and we don't abuse it. I would do anything to keep us together, and I'm the one with internet / computer experience, and I'm a better communicator than her (she admitted it to me openly), so I need to do this.

Please, if anyone can help, it would be so great. I swear I have the best intentions for us, so please don't bias against me because of the age; age is only a number when you truly feel for someone else, right?

Thank you,
Zach

 

[TheGeekess]

Mom wants you to not see her daughter, then you don't see her daughter. Mom can slap a restraining order against you that would potentially be a flag (especially if you violate it) when you decide to go to college.

 

[ZMedaris]

But the loophole for underage dating is 3 years. Doesn't that give me some sort of power?

See, that's a bias answer. I need someone that will help, not just tell me it's hopeless. I know there's something. What we're doing isn't bad. There has to be something somewhere. I need help, not a judgement, thank you.

 

[cbg]

Maybe it's fun for you. For us it's just one in a very, very long line of "age is just a number" posts and frankly, we're damn well sick of them.

I really, really need to find a detailed explanation somewhere that I can understand that tells me what my rights are,

You have none. As long as your girlfriend is even one minute under 18, Mom is GOD and what she says goes.

what her rights are

If by "her" you mean your girlfriend, she has the right to do exactly what she is told and whatever other rights her mother chooses to give her. If by "her" you mean the mother, she has 100% of the rights concerning her underage daughter and she holds all 52 of the cards, plus jokers.

if I can defend myself

You're not going to be charged with stat rape so don't worry. But Mom CAN tell you that you can't see her daughter, and if you do anyway she can get a restraining order, and if you violate it you can go to jail.

what we could maybe do to perhaps make it to where her Mom can't charge me / take away all of our "together" abilities

Absolutely nothing. There is not ONE THING you can do that will prevent Mom from keeping you apart, legally, until her daughter's 18th birthday. You have NO rights and NO leverage. Not one iota. Got it?

I'm also wondering if we can leverage the fact that we've been together for almost a year in some form of pre-relationship clause that would overrule anything that attempts to separate us because of how long we've been together. I know of common law marriage, perhaps there's a simple dating variant?

ABSOLUTELY NOT. Don't even think it, kid. That is SO not going to happen.

Before you say anything, this is simply what the law says. It is not bias against you, it is not judging you, it is not calling you nasty names. It is simply the law. YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS IN THIS SITUATION. And all the but-what-ifs in the world is not going to change that.

 

[cyjeff]

But the loophole for underage dating is 3 years. Doesn't that give me some sort of power?

See, that's a bias answer. I need someone that will help, not just tell me it's hopeless. I know there's something. What we're doing isn't bad. There has to be something somewhere. I need help, not a judgement, thank you.

Okay, how about this?

There is not a judge in any jurisdiction that will force a parent to allow their child to date someone.

Not a single judge. Anywhere. For any reason.

There is no limit. Mom can hate your hair, your religion, your height or your color. She can hate your clothes, your parents or you for actions that weren't even your fault.

Mom can even stop her from seeing you just because you MIGHT do something Mom wouldn't want to happen.

You have no loophole. You have no say. She has no loophole. She has no say.

You lose.

Look at the bright side. I have daughters.

A soon to be 18 year old comes sniffing around my 14 year old and the least of your worries is what a judge would say.

All you could hope from me is a warning shot.

I am kidding, of course.




Wait for it.




I don't give warning shots.

you have a nice day. If you stop dating children, all of these troubles go away.

 

[mistoffolees]

But the loophole for underage dating is 3 years. Doesn't that give me some sort of power?

See, that's a bias answer. I need someone that will help, not just tell me it's hopeless. I know there's something. What we're doing isn't bad. There has to be something somewhere. I need help, not a judgement, thank you.

No one can help you if you're breaking the law.

But since you deleted the question about what state you're in, it's impossible to say what the law is.

Oh, and btw, you might be surprised at what counts as statutory rape in some states.

And, as you've been told, none of that really matters - Mom has every right to keep you away from her child. And, you know what? I'd do the same thing if some 17 year old came sniffing around my 14 year old daughter. After I loaded the shotgun with rock salt.

 

[cyjeff]

Oh, one more thing, bright eyes.

Age may be only a number but so is a prison sentence.

If mom gets a restraining order, I recommend you obey it.

Get used to never ever seeing the little girl again.

Say bye bye.

 

[cbg]

But the loophole for underage dating is 3 years. Doesn't that give me some sort of power?

See, that's a bias answer. I need someone that will help, not just tell me it's hopeless. I know there's something. What we're doing isn't bad. There has to be something somewhere. I need help, not a judgement, thank you.

No. It does not give you any kind of power. There IS no "loophole for underage dating". You are not understanding the law properly. In all 50 states, as long as the minor is underaged (and your gf is underaged until she is 18) the parents have complete control of what their minor child can do and who she can see. Any "gap" is simply the age at which the law will not throw you in jail if you have sexual contact (not limited to intercourse); it is NOT the age at which the minor can disregard what her parents tell her.

Whether you are doing anything "wrong" or not, the fact remains that there is NOTHING in the law - NOTHING - that gives you the right to disregard her parents' rules. That is NOT bias. That is fact.

 

[ZMedaris]

I can see this so-called "legal advice" forum is just a bunch of high-horse jackasses that will use any excuse they can to call me a "kid" or "stupid".

You old fools need to understand that just because you don't get it doesn't mean I'm wrong for being a kid. Age IS just a number. I've proven that many times with my family and people I know, telling me what I can and cannot do based on my age and my schooling. I probably make more than half of you do in a month. I'm smarter than you probably think, and you'll call me immature for claiming that. I'm not going to give up, and you can bite me if you think so.

I've beaten people like this before, I will do it again. I know there's a way, because there always has been a way.

Please have a nice, bitter day for your most-likely single, divorced or widowed and bitter selves.

Bye.

 

[ZMedaris]

As for the "17 year old sniffing around my daughter" comments: haha, classic. Even though, if you thought about it, I'd be better suited since I can provide for her, and I've been guiding her when she gets off track about school and doing bad things.

Please learn a little more about the way life works for kids these days before you take a judgement, you old fools.

 

[cbg]

It's not your age or status that matters here.

It is that of your girlfriend. But do come back and tell us how many years you get for violating Mom's restraining order because you KNOW there is a way for you to get what you want regardless of what the law says.

 

[ZMedaris]

Then I'll do that.
You don't always need a law to win.
Please exit that singular mindset. But thank you for attempting to help me (and failing). Good job, you're on the fast track to being a good lawyer.

 

[cbg]

Ah, the sense of entitlement of youth...

 

[CdwJava]

This should be a fun one.

I suppose that depends on your definition of "fun."

My name is Zach, I am 17 years old. I have a girlfriend that I've been going out with for 11 months now, she is 14.

Soooo ... you started "going out" when she was 13? I'm squirming already.

Her Mom has decided that she wants to cut us off, has taken everything away from my girlfriend, and has said that the moment I turn 18 she's going to charge me for statutory rape (mind you we haven't done anything past kisses and hugs, which her mom doesn't even have proof of, I promised her we could wait till she's 18 for that bigger stuff).

For the "bigger stuff." Uh huh ... that means, by inference, that you have already engaged in some of the other stuff. By that I assume you mean groping, fondling, perhaps oral pleasure, etc.? Depending on what state you are in, any or all of that could be criminal!

You DO understand that mom has the first and last say in who her daughter sees, right? And if you encourage her daughter to disobey her or in any way aid her in her disobedience you can almost certainly be charged with a crime, right?

I really, really need to find a detailed explanation somewhere that I can understand that tells me what my rights are, what her rights are, how I can fight back, if I can defend myself, what we could maybe do to perhaps make it to where her Mom can't charge me / take away all of our "together" abilities.

As I - and others - have stated, MOM is in control of her daughter. You continue to see her or encourage her daughter to disobey at your own legal risk. You have NO RIGHT to see her, and she has NO RIGHT to see you. None. Zip. Nada.

As for which laws (if any) might have been broken, we can't say because you forgot to answer that all important question built in to your first post concerning what state you are in. Laws with regards to juveniles vary by state, so we can't give you any advice on the laws until we have that info.

I'm also wondering if we can leverage the fact that we've been together for almost a year in some form of pre-relationship clause that would overrule anything that attempts to separate us because of how long we've been together. I know of common law marriage, perhaps there's a simple dating variant?

Nope. None of this benefits you in any way.

Please, if anyone can help, it would be so great. I swear I have the best intentions for us, so please don't bias against me because of the age; age is only a number when you truly feel for someone else, right?

Age is many things. In the law it can make the difference between an action being a crime or not. It can make a huge difference with regards to maturity, the ability for two people to relate, communications, compatibility, etc. It may seem inconsequential to the two of you because you are somehow drawn to one another (mostly a function of biology and, perhaps, the fact that you being older and possibly more articulate have managed to impress the young girl), but the reality is that age DOES mean something. As the years go by, that three years will be less important, but right now three years puts you each at vastly different levels of knowledge, life experience, maturity, and commonality.

Bottom line: If you do not listen to her mom, you run the risk of juvie and, later, jail.

But the loophole for underage dating is 3 years. Doesn't that give me some sort of power?

No ... that might be a "loophole" for consensual intercourse, but that doesn't mean you can encourage the girl or aid her in disobeying her parents. And, depending on your state, that three year rule might mean the difference between a felony and a misdemeanor and not legal or not legal (my state is one of those where it would be a crime either way, just the level of the offense would be less if the difference was under three years).

You don't always need a law to win.

If you are dealing with legal issues it certainly helps!

 

[ZMedaris]

Ah, the sense of knowing everything of age...
Pretty great, isn't it?
Maybe this is why so many marriages don't work out: you're all too numb in the head to get it.