bobblehead
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio
Ex husband and I divorced in 2008, I was named residential parent. We have always got along and been supportive of each other. I got remarried, he was supportive. Then, insert the girlfriend. Since she has been here, his whole demeanor changed. Everything is a fight.
My problem is actually with not only the girlfriend, but her daughter also. Her daughter is 15. Our girls are 6 & 7. Youngest has Asperger's. Let me start with the daughter.
In 2009, the daughter spanked the girls. She cussed at them calling them B*tches and C*nts. She told them a bad guy was breaking in to kill them, then made them stay downstairs while she went upstairs. She was baby sitting them, all.the.time.
Lately, she has been calling the youngest names. She has slapped her numerous times. She has made sex jokes to my oldest, who comes home repeating them.
My daughters are both in therapy. My youngest told her therapist about the slapping. She told her the kid baths her, does her homework with her and the names she calls her. She also told the therapist that the girlfriend threw a glass at my ex and she had to protect daddy. The therapist said she HAD to call CPS. Fast Forward 3 weeks, 3 cancelled appointments (by the therapy center). The new therapist (old one quit or got fired) said none of this is enough to call CPS about. She said kids will be kids.
My oldest daughter, I am not sure what all is said. I do know that she told her about Daddys paddle with 6 holes in it. She told her where it is in the house. I know this because this therapist told me after a session. She recommended that *I* call CPS.
Now lets talk about the girlfriend. She has been getting worse and worse the closer the courtdate comes. She has been talking poorly about me (I am a b*tch, she only likes me when I am fair, I am a bad mom, ect). She then, tells my oldest that her Daddy gives all his money to me and that is why he is broke. He pays $175/month/both kids. She gets worse after I speak with the ex about things.
I spoke to him March 4th about the things said in youngest childs therapy. I asked him to make this end. To please tell her she can say whatever she wants about me, to whoever she wants, just not the kids. I pointed out that I have always had his back. I have always covered for him when he was "screwed up" (his words, not mine). I have never once told the kids what he has done in the past. That I have encouraged them to go to his house, time and again, reminding them he loves them.
After this conversation, the kids came back from the visit to tell me that I wasn't the boss, Daddy and Erika didn't have to listen to me and if thats all I had, I was weak. *sigh* Then the oldest said and we arent allowed to tell you about Daddys. I agreed I was not the boss. I also do not ask about the happenings at Daddys. The kids tell what they want, when they want.
Kids start swim lessons. He brings the entourage. They stand at the side of the pool distracting the kids. After swim lessons, I was getting them dried. The girlfriend said oldest needed her hair blown dry. It was barely damp so I said "Her hair is fine." Girlfriend proceeds to take her hand and drag oldest to the bathroom (there was no hair dryer in there...). I let it go. No drama in front of kids... Then comes getting kids in car, girlfriend takes her hips (she a big woman) and pushes me out of the way to buckle youngest in. Again, I let it go.
Kids do a visit with Dad. Swim instructor calls and asks me to keep spectators to a minimum. I agree and inform Dad. Kids come home from a visit, inform me that again, girlfriend is angry. She goes back to things taht have happened on my time and rants and raves (mainly, the kids and I did a weekend (my time) in Tn and she felt I was wrong) she will take kids out of state and not tell me to see how I like it. She also tells kids she and her kid can't be at lessons anymore b/c mommy said no. She tells them they will live with her and SHE will have papers keeping me from them. This is what all I get to hear when I pick them up on Thursday.
Fast forward a week after another swim lesson. Ex and I have another chat. I ask again to not leave kids alone with either girlfriend or her kid. I ask again that she refrain from adult topics and the bashing of me in front of the kids. I also ask that he just keep her away from me and the kids events because of the tension.
Today, I was volunteering at the kids school book fair. Ex knew I was there all week. he brings girlfriend to lunch with the kids. Oldest tells me that when girlfriends around, she is to call HER mom and ignore me.
What do I do? I am about to totally lose it. I am going in circles. Ex is unhelpful, uncooperative to everything. He agrees with me when we talk, he goes home to her and then disregards everything. Kids came home last night saying the kid baby sat them again and called youngest a gay b.
We go to court April 11th. He is going for full custody. I doubt he will get it because his grounds were the "move" from Florida to Ohio (long story can explain it if it is relevant). My lawyer told me not to call CPS as the therapist suggested. I really just need to know how I am suppose to handle this. I have lurked here forever and I have taken advice given to others on how to interact/ co parent ect since we divorced in 08. It isnt helping. I know I cant make him change but there has to be a way to handle it better than I am doing. Even if it is just for my own mental state.
I will take whatever you give me. I just need help.
Ex husband and I divorced in 2008, I was named residential parent. We have always got along and been supportive of each other. I got remarried, he was supportive. Then, insert the girlfriend. Since she has been here, his whole demeanor changed. Everything is a fight.
My problem is actually with not only the girlfriend, but her daughter also. Her daughter is 15. Our girls are 6 & 7. Youngest has Asperger's. Let me start with the daughter.
In 2009, the daughter spanked the girls. She cussed at them calling them B*tches and C*nts. She told them a bad guy was breaking in to kill them, then made them stay downstairs while she went upstairs. She was baby sitting them, all.the.time.
Lately, she has been calling the youngest names. She has slapped her numerous times. She has made sex jokes to my oldest, who comes home repeating them.
My daughters are both in therapy. My youngest told her therapist about the slapping. She told her the kid baths her, does her homework with her and the names she calls her. She also told the therapist that the girlfriend threw a glass at my ex and she had to protect daddy. The therapist said she HAD to call CPS. Fast Forward 3 weeks, 3 cancelled appointments (by the therapy center). The new therapist (old one quit or got fired) said none of this is enough to call CPS about. She said kids will be kids.
My oldest daughter, I am not sure what all is said. I do know that she told her about Daddys paddle with 6 holes in it. She told her where it is in the house. I know this because this therapist told me after a session. She recommended that *I* call CPS.
Now lets talk about the girlfriend. She has been getting worse and worse the closer the courtdate comes. She has been talking poorly about me (I am a b*tch, she only likes me when I am fair, I am a bad mom, ect). She then, tells my oldest that her Daddy gives all his money to me and that is why he is broke. He pays $175/month/both kids. She gets worse after I speak with the ex about things.
I spoke to him March 4th about the things said in youngest childs therapy. I asked him to make this end. To please tell her she can say whatever she wants about me, to whoever she wants, just not the kids. I pointed out that I have always had his back. I have always covered for him when he was "screwed up" (his words, not mine). I have never once told the kids what he has done in the past. That I have encouraged them to go to his house, time and again, reminding them he loves them.
After this conversation, the kids came back from the visit to tell me that I wasn't the boss, Daddy and Erika didn't have to listen to me and if thats all I had, I was weak. *sigh* Then the oldest said and we arent allowed to tell you about Daddys. I agreed I was not the boss. I also do not ask about the happenings at Daddys. The kids tell what they want, when they want.
Kids start swim lessons. He brings the entourage. They stand at the side of the pool distracting the kids. After swim lessons, I was getting them dried. The girlfriend said oldest needed her hair blown dry. It was barely damp so I said "Her hair is fine." Girlfriend proceeds to take her hand and drag oldest to the bathroom (there was no hair dryer in there...). I let it go. No drama in front of kids... Then comes getting kids in car, girlfriend takes her hips (she a big woman) and pushes me out of the way to buckle youngest in. Again, I let it go.
Kids do a visit with Dad. Swim instructor calls and asks me to keep spectators to a minimum. I agree and inform Dad. Kids come home from a visit, inform me that again, girlfriend is angry. She goes back to things taht have happened on my time and rants and raves (mainly, the kids and I did a weekend (my time) in Tn and she felt I was wrong) she will take kids out of state and not tell me to see how I like it. She also tells kids she and her kid can't be at lessons anymore b/c mommy said no. She tells them they will live with her and SHE will have papers keeping me from them. This is what all I get to hear when I pick them up on Thursday.
Fast forward a week after another swim lesson. Ex and I have another chat. I ask again to not leave kids alone with either girlfriend or her kid. I ask again that she refrain from adult topics and the bashing of me in front of the kids. I also ask that he just keep her away from me and the kids events because of the tension.
Today, I was volunteering at the kids school book fair. Ex knew I was there all week. he brings girlfriend to lunch with the kids. Oldest tells me that when girlfriends around, she is to call HER mom and ignore me.
What do I do? I am about to totally lose it. I am going in circles. Ex is unhelpful, uncooperative to everything. He agrees with me when we talk, he goes home to her and then disregards everything. Kids came home last night saying the kid baby sat them again and called youngest a gay b.
We go to court April 11th. He is going for full custody. I doubt he will get it because his grounds were the "move" from Florida to Ohio (long story can explain it if it is relevant). My lawyer told me not to call CPS as the therapist suggested. I really just need to know how I am suppose to handle this. I have lurked here forever and I have taken advice given to others on how to interact/ co parent ect since we divorced in 08. It isnt helping. I know I cant make him change but there has to be a way to handle it better than I am doing. Even if it is just for my own mental state.
I will take whatever you give me. I just need help.
